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Vajrastorm
06-29-2005, 12:42 AM
Other Things that Tom Cruise Knows More About Than You
by psh

While I find Tom Cruise's deep and profound knowledge of psychiatry to be very impressive - after all, he's read "the history" - here some other things he knows more about than you, according to transcripts of other interviews he's given:

* Particle Physics - Regis and Kathie Lee, 5/13/95

"According to the popular theory - don't interrupt me, Regis - according to the popular theory of Guage and Higgs bosons, for Z bosons the average charged multiplicity formula is {Ncharged} = 21.07 +/- 0.11. Now, I've read the history of physics--I have read the histories, looked at the data and you're being glib, Regis. Glib, glib, glib! Z bosons are not elementary physics particles, but in fact are the proportionate mass-carrying particles for when a thetan leaves the body upon clearing. Believe me, I've seen it a thousand times."

* Rocket Science - Late Night with Conan O'Brien, 8/1/00

"Listen, Conan. You shouldn't be sitting here, leading America on, by saying that the space shuttle is lifted from the ground by the burning of liquid oxygen from the booster tanks. That's just not true. NASA "scientists" [makes diacritical marks] have known since 1947 that the only way to get propulsion of such magnitude is to defy the artificial gravity created by Xenu that keeps us tethered to Earth--they've known this since 1947, and they keep telling you otherwise. I know for a fact that if you can perform a high-enough level audit, you can fly. I fly all the time. The first time I flew my heterosexual girlfriend Penelope Cruz crapped her pants."

* Heart Surgery - The Late Show with David Letterman, 1/28/04

"Dave, Dave, Dave! I can't believe that you believe in the "science" of heart surgery! There is no such thing as "blockage of arteries" or "cardiac events"! Here's the real truth - you don't have a heart. No one does. That thumping in your chest is a genetic memory of when all the hydrogen bombs went off, causing the deaths of millions of souls, which then fly around the Earth and then take up residence in your chest. You don't believe me but I've taken the X-rays, done the work, read the reports. No one has a heart, only trapped thetans kicking your rib cage. Don't be so naive."

* Race and America - Kickin' It with Byron Allen, next week's show

"Byron, I can prove to you that you don't have to be black. Being black is a state of being caused by Black Thetans, which create negativity and melotonin in the skin--you can audit blackness right out of your body forever. Really. I know this because I used to be black, but once I achieved OT level 06-01 - sub-2, I became white, just like that. Notice there are no black Scientologists, Byron. It's not a coincedence. Now, I'm here to lead my black brothers to the promised land of whiteness, because I know black people want to be white - they should want to be white - they need to be white. L. Ron was white. Now, just hold these two soda cans for a minute....."

From http://suckful.net/333

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psophia17
06-29-2005, 12:47 AM
I am totally doing the Beavis and Butthead laugh right how - too funny :P

g-mama
06-29-2005, 12:49 AM
Hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh.


Kristen
Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
and a third one coming in december '05!

RwnMayfair
06-29-2005, 12:57 AM
Oh, well, Tom clearly started to sound crazy a lot earlier than I thought he did. ;) I gotta say though, this one is my personal favorite out of those, just because of what it brings to mind:
"Listen, Conan. You shouldn't be sitting here, leading America on, by saying that the space shuttle is lifted from the ground by the burning of liquid oxygen from the booster tanks. That's just not true. NASA "scientists" have known since 1947 that the only way to get propulsion of such magnitude is to defy the artificial gravity created by Xenu that keeps us tethered to Earth--they've known this since 1947, and they keep telling you otherwise. I know for a fact that if you can perform a high-enough level audit, you can fly. I fly all the time. The first time I flew my heterosexual girlfriend Penelope Cruz crapped her pants."

Ah yes. His heterosexual girlfriend. He felt a need to point that one out? And the whole NASA scientists and Xenu bit just makes me think of the part in "Sneakers" where Dan Aykroyd's character comments that the landing on the moon was really all just done on a soundstage in California. Of course, all of these quotes remind me of pretty much any of the conspiracy theories Dan Aykroyd's character comes up with in that movie. ;) "Sneakers" was definitely a good movie, and it has the added bonus of not having Tom Cruise in it!

I think we need to take up a "happy cat pill" collection for Tom. ;)

-Melissa

Taran, November 20, 2003

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif - Eighteen months!
http://lilypie.com/baby2/031120/0/5/0/-5/.png
http://lilypie.com/days/050821/4/0/0/-5/.png

bostonsmama
06-29-2005, 01:09 AM
I was just wondering if you posted that as a joke or not. I wrote the CBS studios to ask for a copy of Jan 28, 2004's transcript so I could check that out for myself. Dh and I are huge Dave Letterman fans and I cannot imagine Dave taking that crap from TC without nearly punching his lights out.

Anyways...while the stuff listed above sounds right in line with the lunacy promoted by the church of Scientology and Whacky-man Tom Cruise, i'm not sure I can imagine all of that being true. If it is...man, I feel so deceived all those years I drooled over him(TC).

L

himom
06-29-2005, 04:49 AM
I'm pretty sure it's a parody. It's sad that he's been acting like such a fruitcake lately that it's difficult to tell the difference between what he actually says and crazy stuff made up by comedians!!

And since we're on the subject of mocking TC, check out this video clip of Dane Cook on the the Jimmy Kimmel show.

http://www.collegehumor.com/?movie_id=159750

I about peed in my pants when he went backstage and tried to haul "Katie" out of the bathroom stall. And my favorite quote is, "Look. She's exceptional. She's exceptional, she's exquisite, she's every word in my vernacular."

LOL! I must write to Tom Cruise and thank him for many laughs he has provided over the past few weeks.

Sarah1
06-29-2005, 07:43 AM
>I was just wondering if you posted that as a joke or not. I
>wrote the CBS studios to ask for a copy of Jan 28, 2004's
>transcript so I could check that out for myself. Dh and I are
>huge Dave Letterman fans and I cannot imagine Dave taking that
>crap from TC without nearly punching his lights out.
>
I was wondering the same thing--TC could not have actually said all that--I know I would have remembered!

g-mama
06-29-2005, 07:50 AM
I assumed this was a joke. It has to a joke! Right?


Kristen
Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
and a third one coming in december '05!

Vajrastorm
06-29-2005, 09:12 AM
I'm sorry, I thought it was so ridiculous that it never occurred to me to point it out as a joke.

Yes, it is a parody. :)

Calmegja2
06-29-2005, 09:31 AM
That's hysterical. It reads like something out of the Onion. LOL!

Try this on for gossip size:

http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/001038.html

*********

Tom Cruise and Rob Thomas caught in bed

Permalink | Tuesday - June 28, 2005

If there's one thing I know, it's that random gossip from total strangers based on absolutely no facts is true about 100% of the time. That said, here's an email that reader Rob decided to forward in.

So, I work with this girl who has a family friend that works in PR in Hollywood, and she always has fun little scoops about celeb stuff. Well, if this is true, this is just ridiculous! So, the whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing - apparently, it is, like we all thought anyway, a ridiculous PR thing. Tom Cruise was supposedly caught in bed with Rob Thomas (the lead singer of Matchbox 20) by Rob Thomas's wife, Marisol. Rob Thomas is also a Scientologist. Obviously, nobody wanted this to get out, and Marisol was going nuts threatening to expose them. I think that she might be getting paid off, but to preempt any rumors about Tom, the Scientology people as well as Tom's PR people basically recruited Katie Holmes to play this part of Tom's super-excited girlfriend, and they are just paying her a b*ttload of money. I guess they also woo'd her with promises of what this would do for her career, since she's at best a B-lister. But I guess now Marisol is so annoyed at all of the press Tom and Katie's relationship is getting, she's threatening to go public, spill the beans, and file for divorce.

Sure, why not.


**********

bostonsmama
06-29-2005, 10:38 AM
Check out this part later down the page:

"Just to recap, Tom Cruise feels that spending 140 an hour to talk to a licensed psychiatrist who spent 6 years to get a doctrine in a universally recognized science is a sham, but spending 500 an hour to talk with an easily tricked dupe who got their training from another easily tricked dupe is the path to salvation. I’m not sure how happy I am with the idea of the person in charge of my mental health going home to their studio apartment and warming Chef Boyardee still in the can on a hot plate for dinner. Of course, Scientology does have the endorsement of Kirstie Alley, who said, “It’s not hocus pocus … if you can erase engrams, then you get better.� Cause I’ll be honest, if there’s a secret to mental and physical health, Kisrtie Alley seems to know it."

My favorite part?
"Cause I’ll be honest, if there’s a secret to mental and physical health, Kisrtie Alley seems to know it."

barbarhow
06-29-2005, 10:50 AM
It is as ridiculous as so much of what he is spouting-hard to know if he really said it or not. Had me wondering.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

Calmegja2
06-29-2005, 10:54 AM
LOL!!!!