Share this comment with friend or not, WWYD?

[KBecks]

I'm debating whether I would share this observation with my friend regarding her daughter. Alek and I spent last weekend at their house.

My friend's DD has down syndrome and is 4 years old. I told her NO two or three times when she was getting too pushy with me and/or Alek, and my friend was doing other things.

My friend noted that when her DD is told no, she blows her nose in defiance, which she did. DD had a bit of a cold and is often congested. My friend doesn't use the word NO that much, but doesn't have a problem with it.

My theory is that her DD might be confusing the words "NO" and "nose". I observed her blowing her nose twice after hearing the word "NO".

Would you share this observation? I ask because my friend is sensitive to her child's developmental delays, and I know that we parent differently.

She has made comments to me about how she would treat Alek differently, give more solids via the bottle and let him CIO. She also said that my comforting Alek for 1.5 hours made her feel like a bad mommy for letting her daughter CIO as a baby. I know I didn't like hearing those comments. Although in light of her comments, and observing Alek's behavior, I realized that he is becoming progressively clingy to me, and am making some changes within my comfort zone. Even though I made changes, I don't think I appreciated the comments though. We just have diffeent parenting styles.

Would you mention or keep it to yourself? Obviously, as the child's mommy, she knows her much better than I do.

Thanks!
Karen

[amp]

It doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. It's likely she's making that association. My DS, when I ask him to say please, will sometimes say "Please Car" (police car). I know that eventually he will sort it out and I even tell him sometimes (not everytime) that Please and Police car are two different things. You can mention it in passing, as if you've just discovered it, or you could even say to the girl, "No, not nose silly" or something relatively harmless, or you can let it go and assume that the mom isn't concerned about it anyway.

[Wife_and_mommy]

Hmmm. I've had something similar happen where I got a different impression from a behavior than a parent. Honestly, I wouldn't comment on it. Her mom will figure it out soon enough. No sense in creating animosity for something so trivial. If it's still happening months from now then maybe you could say something but I wouldn't bother right now.


Elizabeth

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Our second morsel due early February 2006!

[Sarah1]

I wouldn't say anything. I would respect her sensitivity--it cannot be easy having a special needs child. I know your intent is to help, but I just wouldn't go there.

[calebsmama03]

I wouldn't bring it up out of the blue but if I were there again and the situation arose I might "play dumb" and bring it up in context ("Do you think she could be confusing "No" with "nose" since they sound so similar?"). I don't think that is threatening in the least and have, in fact, brought things up that way with client's parent in the past when I know they are particularly sensitive. If it's something she's considered before she will simply tell you so. No harm done IMHO.
Lynne
Mommy to C 3/03
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And Miss Purple, 5/05

[jec2]

I think that the two issues (parenting style vs. mis-understanding a word) are different. I don't think that the her Dd's mis-understanding of "no" and "nose" is anything other than common development (and I suppose common developmental delays for children with Downs). For example, Finn will call doggies "foo foos" rather than "woof woofs," which is what we refer to them as. I don't think your friend would be offended that you mention it perhaps just perplexed. However, I also don't see the purpose in your commenting on it except if you were sharing Alex's own mispronounciations for amusement. I imagine that your friend is aware of her dD's confusions.

[Raidra]

I think it's relatively common for kids to confuse words that sound alike. I recently starting saying "Squeeze!" to Colwyn when he hugs me because I love when he gives me an extra squeeze. The first time I did it, he pulled away from me and said & signed Cheese. I told him in a light voice that no, I said squeeze, not cheese. Now he thinks it's a joke, but he got the idea when I explained it to him.

Anyway, I don't think it would be a problem at all mentioning it to her. In my playgroup, we've all commented on similar things, although it's usually in response to the mom bringing it up. Like if Colwyn was doing something goofy, I'd say, "I have no idea why he's doing that" and someone might give me their impression. I've never had a problem receiving feedback like that, and I don't think anyone else in my playgroup has either.

If you want to cushion it, you might make something up about Alek (or a neice or nephew who might have more language) doing something similar, and say you had a flash of insight that maybe her daughter is doing the same thing with no and nose. That way she wouldn't have the chance to take it as a comment on her daughter's development, since your kiddo did the same thing. Does that make sense?

[HannaAddict]

I wouldn't mention it. I can't see what purpose it would serve to point out, since her daughter has developmental delays that she is sensitive to and it is a small thing. I'm not sure mentioning it would change the little girl's behavior. If the mom was punishing her for being "defiant" by blowing her nose, then I probably would mention it. If that isn't too confusing! I'm sorry she commented on your parenting too.

Kimberly
DS 3/18/04

[toomanystrollers]

>I wouldn't say anything. I would respect her sensitivity--it
>cannot be easy having a special needs child. I know your
>intent is to help, but I just wouldn't go there.


Ditto!