JolieFleur
06-30-2005, 04:46 PM
Hi folks! I'm looking for your success stories here. I'd love to know if you have been able to turn a difficult SIL relationship into a great one. How much effort did you invest? Was it worth it? There isn't much to complain about in my life right now. DH is awesome and I have great relationships with most of his family but there is one SIL that I continually butt heads with! This is not my DH's sister but the wife of his fraternal twin brother and the feud really starts way at the beginning when we were both dating our respective DH's at the same time although my SIL and her DH did start dating about one month prior to my DH and me. Then we got engaged first and its been downhill ever since. My SIL and I are definitely on speaking terms and for what its worth I think she is having difficulty with my DH's whole family not just me. That's not to say that I am entirely free of blame in this whole thing but just to give perspective. I think that she is a good person and I respect the way that she parents. There are no big family fights or outbursts. Rather, she just declines most of our family get togethers. DH said that his twin is sad that he has to stay away from family so often. DH's family is really tight and the siblings are all really good friends. I have 3 sisters and the 4 of us are best friends. I guess I long for that kind of closeness with my SIL's too. While the problem is not just me (I know this from DH) there are things that I've done--some completely unintentionally and others that I kind of know I need to work on. Its hard because my SIL and I have tons in common. We're the same age, we look similar to the point that DH grandpa mixes us up, we were both cheerleaders, did really well in good colleges, both had good corporate jobs before we became moms and now are sons are only 5 months apart. We're also both oldest children of largish families. I think the biggest problem is that we're both kind of used to being the queen bee (maybe the whole oldest child syndrome?) and now we're married to twins! Its weird because part of me hates the competition and part of me wants to win! I think that "wanting to win" part of me is driving away my SIL. In my heart I know that truly the only way to win is to turn her into a friend but then I get small sometimes. Anyone ever have this sitch? Any words of wisdom? Sorry so long,
Jen
Jen