Timing of baptism

[kakohler]

I've been lurking here for a awhile now, and this is my first post. Please let me get your opinion.

My baby is due on Nov 6, and I am trying to convince my siblings (2 of my brothers and my sister) to come to Chicago for Thanksgiving so I can have the baby's baptism then. Most of them have never been to Chicago.

I certainly don't intend to have everyone stay at my house - that would be insane! My Mom is coming before the baby is due and staying with me until my Dad arrives, a few days before the holiday, at which point they will stay at a hotel. My plan is to have my siblings stay at the same hotel, and have them feel free to roam the greater Chicago area during the day and have everyone over for dinner at night. My mom and I have already discussed the logistics - have Thanksgiving catered and do very simple casual meals the rest of the time, with her doing all the cooking. Breakfast and lunch would be on their own.

My sister is convinced that this would be overly tiring for me and everyone should give me more time before coming en masse. I think if they were only here for a few hours each evening (if that - they may decide to stay in the city) I would be fine. Please give me the benefit of your experience - is 3 weeks after birth way to early for major company?

Kathryn, with a baby boy!

[C99]

YES!

At 3-weeks PP w/ my first, my house was a wreck, I still couldn't get it together to cook (in fact, the only time I ate for the first couple of months was when I went out to lunch), I was tired and incoherent much of the time, and the only reason I had clean laundry is b/c my mom had done it all before she left the previous week. Even w/ my second, by 7 p.m., I was incapable of holding a conversation until very recently (she'll be 2 mos tomorrow). By the end of the day, I was just too tired, even w/ napping when my son napped.

[SummerBaby]

Hi Kathryn!

Congratulations!

IMO, Thanksgiving would be way too early. First, you never know if you'll have your baby on time- if you go past your due date the baby could be as young as a week old. Assuming your baby is on time, and you have an easy delivery and recovery, many babies (mine included) go through a fussy period starting around 3 weeks. I know it would have been way too much for me at that point. I would wait until the baby is at least 6 weeks old. You'll be settled into somewhat of a routine and will be able to enjoy yourself much more.

ETA- I know people have probably told you this, but really, you have no idea how sleep deprived and tired you will be with a newborn! Heck, I still haven't recovered and my daughter is 11 months old! :)

What about having the baptism around Christmas or New Year's?

Val
Mom to Madeline
7/28/04

[tbriese]

kathryn,

i agree with pp. sometime near Christmas might be better. i was feeling more myself by ~ 4wks postpartum after a routine vaginal delivery.

[JLiebCamm]

I did *alot* in the first few weeks after my DS was born and ended up being emotionally drained and physically exhausted (he was born 5 days before Christmas). I felt great just sitting around the house, but as soon as I did things that required a lot of energy it was tough. I think it would depend a lot on what your expectations for yourself during that time are. If you would be trying to get the house clean and cooking, I wouldn't recommend it. If you let your mom do the work while you chill and enjoy your baby, it may be OK. Just be sure to set down the ground rules early and stick to the plan!

[ColorBlue]

Yikes! I think that is way too early to have people visiting. Its absolutely exhausting to have a new baby in ways that you cannot imagine. Really if at three weeks out you are brushing your teeth every day you are doing great! Also you might go late, I think I read the average women gives birth eight days past their due date. So that is cutting it really close to Thanksgiving. Another thing to think about is breastfeeding. Its sometimes tough to get breastfeeding started and two weeks or even three weeks out is definitely still in the learning stages. I know I was terribly distracted by visitors during the early weeks and should have been working on that more.

Sorry to be a downer on your plans but your sister is right! Besides if you wait a few weeks closer to Christmas your baby will be much more interesting to visit with, they really wake up after a few weeks.

Tracy

Grace...my big three and a half year old girl.
Ellie and Maddie...my little eight month old girls.

[lisams]

I personally would enjoy the baptism more if it were at a later time. You'll have a new baby, a big holiday and a baptism - that's a lot going on! Of course DD was born mid Nov. and she didn't have hers until March!

Lisa

[Lovingliv]

When colorblue gave me the same advice she is giving you, I thought "Well she had twins...ofcourse it was challenging." She also told me "Rae, for the first month you are literally sitting in bed with your shirt off feeding your baby. There is no time for anything else." From my point of view she was only wrong about one part of that statement. I am now TWO months pp and I am lying in bed with my shirt off feeding my baby (as I type)!!!!
Life as you know it changes. You can't imagine how tired you will be until you go through it.
Surely have your mom come to help you, but I wouldn't plan on entertaining. And thank God you are not having twins!

[dr mom]

3 weeks postpartum IS way too early!

Before baby arrives, moms-to-be entertain all these fantasies (based on sentimental Johnson & Johnson TV commercials shot through a soft-filter lens) that you will spend your days serenely rocking a sleeping newborn, and while baby sleeps you will have plenty of free time to do all those other things you've been putting off - organizing photographs, say, or cleaning your closet.

Then the baby arrives, and it turns out newborns are about a thousand times more work than you expect. Seriously. I spent most of the first month at home with my shirt off, nursing - day and night. I never slept more than three hours at a time, and I happened to have a baby who wouldn't sleep unless he was in my arms, so I couldn't get anything else done. The only visitors we had were my closest friends (people I knew and loved so well that it didn't matter to them if I answered the door dressed only in pajama bottoms and a nursing bra) and if even my dearest friends stayed longer than 20 minutes I was exhausted and hinting for them to leave. We kept the diaper pail in the living room because DS pooped at least 15 times a day, and I was too exhausted to walk all the way down the hall to the nursery to throw diapers away.

Do yourself a favor, and plan for more time than you think you could possibly need to adjust to life with a newborn. You won't want all those people coming over to visit when your house is trashed, you'll be too tired to clean, and all you'll want to do anyway is 1) sleep and 2) gaze in wonder at the tiny little miracle that is your new baby. :)

[Jen841]

Here I am, the opposite of everyone else! If this is when you can get everyone together and that is important to you do it! Everyone will chip in and help in the right way. You are getting this from a woman who was a week late, gave birth to a child in Chicago, and when Jude was 2 weeks old EXACTLY went to Buffalo NY for my only brother's wedding. Jude was loved and welcomed by everyone. He did not attend the wedding or reception (I feared he would cry), but all of the in betweens he was there. I would not have traded it for anything in this world! Another blessing is, he met his Great-Grandfather, who died unexpectedly 2 weeks later.

Life is short, go for it! Plan things out, have everything organized so other people can do the errands etc. I would be good to have 2 central meeting spots, one being some where other than your home. If you need private time people should respect that.

One thing to note, check with your church to see if they will do it then. I can't imagine someone turning you away for wanting to do a family baptism, but make sure it is an option before you put anything in pen.

I firmly believe in baptisms ASAP. I have been close to some situations that make me believe in this even more. If your family can be there and welcome this joy into the family cherish it! The great thing with family is you can let them be on their own and you don't need to entertain 24/7. They can help you if needed, and give you space at the same time. You may be a bit emotional, and gosh at that time I would love to be surrounded by family. It will be a Thanksgiving no one will every forget.

Jude was baptized in Chicago, I miss that city!!!! I have asked DH is we can take #2 there to be baptized, but he told me I need to go to our local church here : (

Happy planning!

[mamaharsh]

We had Nate's baptism and a HUGE party on the day Nate turned one month old. By the end of the day, I was exhausted, but I enjoyed seeing everyone and I didn't have to do a bit of prep work or clean up thanks to the huge number of family members.

I think if you have someone like your mom who can organize it, it's definitely doable.

This one is due a bit later and we may very well be doing baptism at Thanksgiving as well.

[kakohler]

Thanks for the replies, wise women! I may decide to put off the baptism until Christmas, for which we will be traveling to Virginia to my parent's house. That should be an experience! My doc won't let me go overdue because of my age(41), so the baby will be traveling at 7 weeks. I really wanted family around for the christening and I can count on at least 2 brothers and 1 SIL there at Christmas. I will be asking SIL to be one of the godparents. I'm asking 3 other friends to be godparents as well - the only downside is they live here with me in the Chicago burbs and would not be able to make the actual ceremony if I have it around Christmas.

I truly won't be ablr to make a decision to see if any family other than parents wants to come for Thanksgiving.

Kathryn, with baby boy

[kensjen]

I would wait. You really don't know when you will have your baby, it could be a week or two after your due date. And you never really know what type of delivery you will have to have. If you end up needing a c-section, your recovery will be much harder and you will need more time to rest. These things you can't really know ahead of time, so I would not want to plan a big event so soon after a birth. And it really is hard the first few weeks. If you are nursing, you will be doing it non-stop. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of time to establish a good nursing relationship. You'll be seriously lacking in the sleep department. Most likely, you won't be up to having guests.

Even with help, you will feel sort of the need to be a hostess and this will stress you out. You really don't need anything else to think about other than your baby in the beginning. I would wait until closer to Christmas, or early next year. JMO!

[stefani]

Hi Kathryn,

DS was baptised at 6 weeks old, and in some ways I wish we had waited. I was still recovering from the birth, and very very sleep deprived. My MIL helped us out a lot, and my aunt and parents took turns helping out, so it was great that way, but I was just too tired still, my brain was in a fog. I was also nursing, 40 minutes every 2 hours the first 3 weeks and then every 3 hours on average afterwards. That leaves very little time to sleep.

Anyway, if you do it then, plan that you will just "supervise" from the couch / bed, and everyone is doing EVERYTHING for you (including bringing you water, food, etc.)

Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy and the birth, your DS is due on my sister's birthday.

HTH!