MamaKath
07-05-2005, 10:21 PM
My gosh so much has been going on I am not quite sure where to begin. I haven’t been around in a long while. I guess not since the retreat or slightly before. First my friend who planned to sit so I could meet up with a few of you had a sick kid and then wouldn't you know... My 3 year old and I got a stomach bug, we both ended up in bed. We missed out on the whole thing! :-(
During that period (and slightly before) my marriage came into some very tough times. I don’t think things have ever been quite that bad before, and hopefully never will be again. Just a culmination of all kinds of things. Dh wasn’t coping well and then was just not so nice at home. We were fighting all the time, and started trying to decide if we should separate. At some point I had to make a decision to stay together, and throw myself into my marriage. Part of it has been burnout on his part between the drive to work and the overtime. We decided that we needed to find a different house and cut his commute. He also started to try to trade out his overtime so he would have some chance to recoup. A lot more was going on, but I won’t get into the gory details. I will say that I chose to watch out for my best interest and that of my children and took a very proactive stance in this all. He also made some decisions including also recommitting himself to us. Not a fun few months on that front!!!
We put the house up for sale on 5/30 and had it contracted by the following Saturday. It put us into a huge rush to find someplace else. Luckily we had narrowed our search to 2 basic areas. We found a few houses, but lost out on the first 3 we bid on. We then found a cute, little ranch (may I stress LITTLE) and they accepted the bid. Yay!!! We have to be out of this house July 15th which is very quickly approaching. Our other house is being closed on August 15th. It needs some work (bathroom gutted, and most of the other stuff is painting and new appliances, and more of course, lol). Nothing undoable, but needing to be done. We do plan to move in and do it while there which will be interesting.
The move and the cut in dh’s overtime created another problem. Income. Unfortunately our income has been inflated from the overtime. Some overtime is unavoidable in the field, but so is some burnout. In this area of the country (DC) it is near impossible to survive on one salary even if it is decent. So my life is about to change drastically as I am dusting off my teaching cert and searching for a job. I just had a second interview at a parochial school in the area we will be moving to. I am sad as I have loved being home with my kiddos. I am also having to give up my dream/our family plan of homeschooling. I know that for now though this is a must. The job is at a school that I would love to see dd in, and has a nursery for ds as well as childcare for the time he wouldn’t be in school. One of the jobs (they have a couple openings) I interviewed for was as the teacher for the class my dd would be in. On one level not ideal, but also kind of ironic. My two biggest concerns where not being able to teach my dd and where my ds would be (I wanted to have him in the same school /setting as dd if I could) which are both things that would be worked out with this job. I just wish the job I have now- mom/wife/homemaker- paid better ya know? And that this area were not so darn expensive, so it wouldn’t even be an issue.
The move is going to be pretty funky! For the 4 weeks of limbo, 1 is our annual family vacation to a lake in the Adirondack Mountains. It is giving something for all of us to look forward to as a time of rest and relaxation. The other 3 will be crazy, but we have decided that being together as a family during it as much as possible is so important for all of us. We are looking forward to staying in some hotels and just having fun. I figure part of it will be spent near where we live now, but we may go to a different state/county for part just to experience some different surroundings. Dh has to work for most of it, but it will give the kids and me some bonding time that is much needed.
As for the kids, they are holding up pretty well given the circumstances. With some of the problems going on between me and dh, they really had a lot more of a clue than we wanted them to. Although we talked behind closed doors, they heard bits and pieces as well as saw our reactions to each other in small things. They actually started saying that they thought we should move to different houses. DD was able to be pretty vocal which is never great to hear but important for her well being, and ds started acting out by disassociating from dh as much as possible. They do see that things are getting better, that we have made each other and them a HUGE priority and that there is a new commitment to our life together. They are in a real emtional struggle with the move. It is hard to watch all your precious things- clothes, toys, books, furniture, etc.- be packed and put into storage at any age. They have seen our new house on the outside, but not inside. We have talked a lot about the house, the new rooms, the yard, the neighborhood. We have also tried to start thinking about how they want their rooms decorating and look forward having fun with that. They are not thrilled that t his is all happening but the do see that dh and I are doing this for a reason. They are both very resistant to the change in the thoughts of school/education and me working. The best thing I am able to provide them with right now is lots of love and a strong person who is dealing with this okay.
I guess if you got this far in my update you have gleaned that things have not been okay, but we are okay. I really miss you guys and the support that I have received on these boards. It is hard not to think of everyone as I have been packing up my precious baby gear and in many cases parting with it. It is such a hard thing when so much of my life feels so unstable and like reality is taking away many of my dreams.
I hope to some day become more active again here, but for now will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers and try to update occasionally. I hope you are all well, loving your babies, enjoying your pregnancies, and just feeling blessed in the moment you are in right now!
(((((((((Hugs to you all))))))))),
During that period (and slightly before) my marriage came into some very tough times. I don’t think things have ever been quite that bad before, and hopefully never will be again. Just a culmination of all kinds of things. Dh wasn’t coping well and then was just not so nice at home. We were fighting all the time, and started trying to decide if we should separate. At some point I had to make a decision to stay together, and throw myself into my marriage. Part of it has been burnout on his part between the drive to work and the overtime. We decided that we needed to find a different house and cut his commute. He also started to try to trade out his overtime so he would have some chance to recoup. A lot more was going on, but I won’t get into the gory details. I will say that I chose to watch out for my best interest and that of my children and took a very proactive stance in this all. He also made some decisions including also recommitting himself to us. Not a fun few months on that front!!!
We put the house up for sale on 5/30 and had it contracted by the following Saturday. It put us into a huge rush to find someplace else. Luckily we had narrowed our search to 2 basic areas. We found a few houses, but lost out on the first 3 we bid on. We then found a cute, little ranch (may I stress LITTLE) and they accepted the bid. Yay!!! We have to be out of this house July 15th which is very quickly approaching. Our other house is being closed on August 15th. It needs some work (bathroom gutted, and most of the other stuff is painting and new appliances, and more of course, lol). Nothing undoable, but needing to be done. We do plan to move in and do it while there which will be interesting.
The move and the cut in dh’s overtime created another problem. Income. Unfortunately our income has been inflated from the overtime. Some overtime is unavoidable in the field, but so is some burnout. In this area of the country (DC) it is near impossible to survive on one salary even if it is decent. So my life is about to change drastically as I am dusting off my teaching cert and searching for a job. I just had a second interview at a parochial school in the area we will be moving to. I am sad as I have loved being home with my kiddos. I am also having to give up my dream/our family plan of homeschooling. I know that for now though this is a must. The job is at a school that I would love to see dd in, and has a nursery for ds as well as childcare for the time he wouldn’t be in school. One of the jobs (they have a couple openings) I interviewed for was as the teacher for the class my dd would be in. On one level not ideal, but also kind of ironic. My two biggest concerns where not being able to teach my dd and where my ds would be (I wanted to have him in the same school /setting as dd if I could) which are both things that would be worked out with this job. I just wish the job I have now- mom/wife/homemaker- paid better ya know? And that this area were not so darn expensive, so it wouldn’t even be an issue.
The move is going to be pretty funky! For the 4 weeks of limbo, 1 is our annual family vacation to a lake in the Adirondack Mountains. It is giving something for all of us to look forward to as a time of rest and relaxation. The other 3 will be crazy, but we have decided that being together as a family during it as much as possible is so important for all of us. We are looking forward to staying in some hotels and just having fun. I figure part of it will be spent near where we live now, but we may go to a different state/county for part just to experience some different surroundings. Dh has to work for most of it, but it will give the kids and me some bonding time that is much needed.
As for the kids, they are holding up pretty well given the circumstances. With some of the problems going on between me and dh, they really had a lot more of a clue than we wanted them to. Although we talked behind closed doors, they heard bits and pieces as well as saw our reactions to each other in small things. They actually started saying that they thought we should move to different houses. DD was able to be pretty vocal which is never great to hear but important for her well being, and ds started acting out by disassociating from dh as much as possible. They do see that things are getting better, that we have made each other and them a HUGE priority and that there is a new commitment to our life together. They are in a real emtional struggle with the move. It is hard to watch all your precious things- clothes, toys, books, furniture, etc.- be packed and put into storage at any age. They have seen our new house on the outside, but not inside. We have talked a lot about the house, the new rooms, the yard, the neighborhood. We have also tried to start thinking about how they want their rooms decorating and look forward having fun with that. They are not thrilled that t his is all happening but the do see that dh and I are doing this for a reason. They are both very resistant to the change in the thoughts of school/education and me working. The best thing I am able to provide them with right now is lots of love and a strong person who is dealing with this okay.
I guess if you got this far in my update you have gleaned that things have not been okay, but we are okay. I really miss you guys and the support that I have received on these boards. It is hard not to think of everyone as I have been packing up my precious baby gear and in many cases parting with it. It is such a hard thing when so much of my life feels so unstable and like reality is taking away many of my dreams.
I hope to some day become more active again here, but for now will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers and try to update occasionally. I hope you are all well, loving your babies, enjoying your pregnancies, and just feeling blessed in the moment you are in right now!
(((((((((Hugs to you all))))))))),