Some thoughts on this whole "lurker" business

[Marisa6826]

First, there is NO reason that ANYBODY should feel unwelcome here. Part of the beauty of this community is that there are so many different voices, experiences and philosophies here. It's not about how many posts you have, how often you reply or how often you check in.

Please let's stop this nonsense. There is no 'us' versus 'them'. WE are all one. We are all women (with a couple exceptions ;) ) and for the most part are all Mommies - or about to be.

If you want to post, do so. If you don't, I hope you glean some information. That is the sole purpose of this Board. Anything else is gravy.

Now, let's all play nice!

-m

[Mommy_Again]

well said. I think if we posted a poll asking: "Do you mind if people lurk on this board?" the overwhelming majority of responses would be "NO."

Somewhere along the way we got sidetracked to an issue that really isn't an issue. I think this all started with the issue of "trolls" (I think that's what they're called- creating false profiles, posting false info) - and I think everyone would agree trolls would not be welcome on ANY message board.

But somewhere in the mix the discussion veered towards lurkers (which I think is a horrible term to begin with). Sure, there might be a handful of people here who are bothered by people who "take more than they give" information-wise, but I for one, could care less!

I can't speak for everyone on this board, but this is just my take on this entire situation.

[mudder17]

>well said. I think if we posted a poll asking: "Do you mind
>if people lurk on this board?" the overwhelming majority of
>responses would be "NO."

ITA! And yes, I think it's the trolls that's causing the biggest issue. As I said in the other thread, I didn't realize the term lurker had a negative connotation until I read all the responses. Anyway, lurker or not, reading a lot or reading a little, posting a lot or posting a little, all should be welcome here as I've learned so much from everyone.

Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif for Leah

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif , 16 months & counting


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/catcatcvi20040222_4_Kaya+is.png

[ellies mom]

Thanks Marisa for starting this thread. There were few things that I want to say. I agree that all should feel welcome here. That is what I like about this board. I have gotten so many good ideas and well, a few too many obsessions (so much for saving money ;) )

In my mind it is pretty clear that there is a difference between someone who "lurks" for twisted and perverted reasons and someone who is searching for information about parenting and shopping for our babies. There is also a difference between someone who has a low post count because they started a membership just to cause trouble and someone who doesn't have a lot of opportunities to post or simply doesn't feel they have anything to contribute (not true by the way).

At anyrate, everybody here got here by lurking, and everyone here got a high post count by having a low one. For those of you with hurt feelings, in my mind because you were able to take part in the converstion, you ARE part of this community. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.

Yes, I know some of us are rather opinionated about our parenting choices. I would still hope that you can find support and information on this board. If I have contributed to making you feel uncomfortable, please accept my apologies.

[Lovingliv]

THank-you Marisa,,,,this is a great thread. I am not a "lurker" in my eyes. I am a new mom...I post when I can, and when I feel I can add something of value. My post number is low because I just found this board thanks to DSIL. Like PP said you have to have a low post number to get to a high post number.

[mimieliza]

Thank you!

I lurk because I'm not a mom yet. I desperately wish I were, but it's just not happening yet. So in the mean time, I'm looking and learning, and hoping that all this information will come in handy in the future. I could post more, but I don't really have much to add at this point. Someday I will, and I'm sure I'll post like crazy then. But for now, I appreciate the opportunity to learn from seasoned parents' opinions and experiences.

[hez]

Very well said. Thank you for saying what was in my heart, too.

[Jenmv]

Well said Marisa.

I've always admired your common sense approach and ability to put things in perspective.

[Marisa6826]

Ah Girlie. If you only knew me IRL, you might have a different opinion. ;) :P

-m

[Phoebe]

Glad you posted this Marisa. The other thread was getting too long ;)

I didn't think there was anything wrong with just reading and getting good parenting and consumer tips. I'm glad lots of others agree. Posting is very time consuming. Time that I should be spending sleeping, doing housework, etc,.... The more kids you have, the less time for the extraneous.

I also wanted to throw in my 2 cents on the where this debacle started. It was the reality layette and diaper happenings, no? I can't speak for the butts forum - never been there, but RL is my original hang out for the bbb. There's a different level of intimacy there with the members because of the photos. So it made the whole "hey, who's watching us?" issue more sensitive. It was just kind of a unique situation.

One thing that may be lost in all of this (maybe not, but didn't see any posts addressing it), is that most of us probably only frequent a couple of forums. I know I do. There are just too many, and most don't apply to me since my youngest is 2 years old. And if someone were pregnant with their first, they would most likely be interested in all forums, but not post because they were a novice. So is there anybody (besides a mod) who reads and posts in all forums, and would then "know" all members?

Mary
DD 4/01
DS 6/03

[Marisa6826]

Well, even before I was Mod, I'd kind of hop around just to see what's going on. There are a couple that I hardly ever look into, but for the most part, I recognise the vast majority of names.

Scary, huh? ;)

-m

[missym]

I just wanted to bump this up because it had gotten lost on the 3rd page...

I hope those who lurk will gain some good information from the board, and participate when they feel able. I know I would have been interested in this site years before I had kids, because as an aunt I was always trying to find unique toys and clothes for my nieces and nephews. Even now, I lurk more than I post simply because others have already said what I would have, or I may have nothing to add to a discussion but still find it interesting.

Please let's concentrate on making this community a welcoming place, while still being mindful of our own and our kiddos' privacy.

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03... and #2 due Sept 05!

[TonFirst]

Word.

[cmdunn1972]

Hi, Marisa! :)

As a newbie here (but not new to forums in general), I figured I'd put in my $.02 worth. :)

I've been posting (and reading) quite a bit here, and despite the 'lurking' concerns, have never been made to feel unwelcome. Part of it is because I understand that people have very real concerns about privacy (and by extension, stalking) on a public board. I have the same concerns, which is why I try to refrain from giving out too much identifying information about myself.

Trolls are a problem on every board. That's why there are moderators.

The other reason is that the tone of the people here seems to be one of the friendliest and helpful that I have encountered, and I've been on lots of forums. :)

When I first started browsing here I found a pretty nice place with other parents who I could share ideas with, give some tips that others may not have thought of, and vent a little. That's why I continue to stick around.

I will say that sometimes I will read a subject line that sounds interesting, but is not specific about the pot's content. Then, I'll often view the post, but if the subject isn't something that I can really contribute to then I won't. Sorry if that makes the views unusually high compared to the post count for that thread, but I'd rather not spend my time posting cr@p.

Also, I tend to like to follow threads where I have posted before. I'll view the same thread again if I notice a new post so that I can see what other ideas people have shared. I might post again or I might not (again depending on if I have another contribution). This probably makes the views once again go artificially high compared to the post count.

Then there are the times when I'm planning on posting, but my DS syarts to need his Mommy again, so my plans are postponed for later... :) You all have been there, right? ;)

Anyway, just $.02 from a newbie. Thanks for letting me share! :)

(I typed the whole thing with 1 hand, can you believe it?) ;) :P

(Edited for grammar and clarification.)

[buttergirl12]

Marisa, thanks for posting this. I've been feeling a little put off by this whole lurker thing. I'm sure most people here would consider me a lurker and don't recognize me. I realize it's kind of weird that I know so much about the frequent posters from what they are posting while they don't know me at all. But I'm very busy and I'd rather not post if I have nothing to contribute. Anyway, I always felt this board was very welcoming and I got a lot of valuable information from it.

Manja
WAHM to Joshua 10/2003

http://lilypie.com/baby2/031011/0/5/3/-5/.png[/img] (http://lilypie.com)

18 month checkup - 32lbs - 36in

[aliceinwonderland]

I know you! :)

I sent you an email too.

e.

[cmdunn1972]

*Bump*ing to the top of the list. :)

[simplyamama]

I'm a long-time "lurker", and I suppose I don't post much because I feel a bit shy. I've learned a lot, though, from these boards over the years. I hope to start contributing a bit more now that I've "de-lurked".

A little about me:

My name is Kristina...I'm a 30yo SAHM expecting baby #4 on August 31. DH and I have been married 10yrs, and have a 9yo DD, a 6yo DS, and a 3yo DS. DH is an airline pilot (Southwest), and is away a lot. Last year, we relocated from AZ to MD. We *love* it, but are still adjusting a bit. :) I really miss Rubio's fish tacos, good shopping, and Trader Joe's. However, last night watching the children catch fireflies...I realized how much I love the quieter pace in our rather 'Mayberry-ish' town. Thank goodness for the internet & UPS, though! :D

[ellies mom]

Welcome aboard. We are glad to have you.

[cmdunn1972]

Welcome! Glad you decided to post. :)

Also, congrats on baby #4! :D At this point you must be looking forward to being able to see your shoes again. ;)