Were any of your children unplanned?

[american_mama]

I was just reading the thread about how to decide how many children you want, and a number of people mentioned getting pregnant accidentally with a second or subsequent child. I also remember one of those birth story shows about a couple, BOTH obstetricians, whose second child was unplanned. That kind of cracked me up.

Just wanted to know people's thought about having a child unplanned, especially for a second or subsequent child. You'd think that as parents of one, we'd all know how much work kiddos are and how much better it is to plan them, but I think the stories show that we don't do this.

Just to share my personal story, which might surprise some people who know me, my first daughter was completely unplanned. I'd been told my whole life that I'd have trouble getting pregnant and had no clue I was pregnant. DH and I had been dating for a few years, but we weren't married, we weren't engaged, I was doing pretty well in my career, DH was progressing (slowly) towards finishing his PhD, and we were very happy in our somewhat sedate, but very single lives.

Then the positive pregnancy test.

We got engaged, planned a wedding, got married, finished a PhD, got a job, quit a job, moved halfway across the country, and had a baby, all in eight months. Dealing with all of that was a supreme accomplishment for me and a deep bond between DH and I. Now, several years later, we think that the timing was just perfect.

I will say that DD2 was extremely planned. But (TMI), the way things are going now (when they are going at all) leads me to say #3 could arrive here by accident.

Obviously, I know HOW these surprises happen, but just wondering what other people's thoughts are on why we let them.

[s7714]

LOL, laziness? Or could we use the excuse that we're just so busy with the first, that when we get a spare moment to...well you know...we just don't take as many precautions as we used to? ;)

DD #2 was a complete surprise for me. I had been planning on 3 years apart, but things didn't work out that way. Funny how with DD #1 I was playing the monthly watch and wait game to see if AF came along, but with DD #2, when I missed AF one month it didn't even cross my mind to give it a second thought. (And didn't even think about the PG thing until I'd a upset stomach for a couple weeks straight--then let's just say I had one of those sudden realization/holy crap momments and ran out to get a PG test within the hour.)

Jennifer
Mommy to
Annalia 3/03
Sophia 6/05

[aliceinwonderland]

No. Though everyone assumes so. Very carefully planned, actually.

[JBaxter]

DS #2 BIG suprise. I only wanted one ( hahaha) I was sure we were safe but after I realized I was way late I realized what and when it had happened. Connor's b-day is 10-30 his fathers b-day is 1-25 :) oops! It worked out prefect Ds1 and Ds2 are 35 months apart I couldnt have planned it any better.

[AngelaS]

A was planned. G was planned but took 9 months of trying to get.

Then I started charting because we thought we were done, but not done enough to be permanent and since I wasn't Fertile Myrtle apparently....

Then one weekend my thermometer died and DH looked REALLY good to me.

And now we have M too. :D

[ribbit1019]

None of our pregnancies have been planned.
I attribute this to nothing but laziness. ;)

Christy
Maddy - weaned at 13 months

http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png
Grow Baby Grow!
http://lilypie.com/days/060301/4/0/0/-5/.png

[MegND95]

Only the first of our three was planned. Our second came along just 15 months after our dd was born. He was conceived while I was bf dd. We knew we wanted our kids close together, but we were shocked when that test came up positive. We weren't using bc at the time, so in retrospect, I don't know why we were so amazed that I was pg again.

We still don't know how our third came to be, lol. I was charting, and we were using condoms, so according to all my calculations, my dh has super sperm that last forever, and/or I totally misread all fertility signs. Before I even knew I was pg with him, I told dh I was almost certain I did not want any more children. Sometimes, life just intervenes, and our third baby is the sweetest, most loveable little guy.

I have since gotten an IUD, a form of bc that I feel very comfortable using, given our ease of getting pg.

[american_mama]

I realize I didn't answer my own question as to why. I've never used a daily method of birth control like the pill or an IUD, so specific action must be taken to avoid getting pregnant. And I guess the motivation to use condoms or a diaphragm is lowered for me because I'm willing to have children with DH. Even before we were married, I guess I was comfortable enough with the idea of having a child with this man and at that point in my life.

I'm also an indecisive person, which makes it easy for me to let fate have a significant hand in my life course. It's a bit of a cop out, but it works for me.

I assume that none of the above will be true once we've decided our family is complete. I am on the fence about a third child, but can't imagine having four or more, so my motivation to prevent that will be quite strong.

Eri, we too had a narrow window to get pregnant with DD2. She just made the cutoff, but because her birth was so close to our return to the US, I wonder if some people think she was unplanned.

[McQ]

>Then one weekend my thermometer died and DH looked REALLY good
>to me.
>
>And now we have M too. :D

LMAO Angela!

Allison
~ mama to Declan and Meghan

[lilycat88]

I think "unexpected" would be a better word for us. We had been not actively preventing a pregnancy starting in February. I knew we would likely have issues getting pregnant and we met with a fertility specialist in May just to sort of get our arms around issues. He said that if we didn't get pregnant on our own in 3 more months that he would recommend starting clomid and doing some testing on DH to make sure there weren't male factor issues as well. Turns out there were issues with his guys as well so we went with clomid and and hand an IUI in September. No pregnancy then and I somewhat unexpectedly started a new job only a week after the IUI so we decided to put a hold on any further IUIs or IVF attempts or any baby stuff until after the new year. We got pregnant the next cycle. So, unplanned? Technically, yes.

Jamelin
Mom to Susanna born 6/29/2004

[sidmand]

Not exactly unplanned because I knew what I was doing--I just didn't think it would work!

We'd been in the process of adopting for about two years. We actually had not tried to get pregnant for a variety of reasons.

When our third adoption looked like it was most likely going to fall through I started wondering/thinking about at least attempting to get pregnant.

No one had ever said it wasn't possible, but like I said, there were reasons I just didn't think it would happen.

I told DH that getting pregnant was a possibility, but I don't think he was paying attention!

There was only a small window of opportunity for us as well b/c I planned to go back on birth control after just a month due to doctor's information.

Lo and behold, I was already pregnant! I'm strong believer in fate as well (never thought of it as my indecisiveness, but maybe that's why!) and I just felt that the adoptions (domestic anyway) were going to keep falling through because that was not how we were meant to have our first DC.

And look what we have now.

Debbie

Mom to Sawyer!
http://lilypie.com/baby1/060607/0/3/1/-5/.png (http://lilypie.com)

[saschalicks]

Pure Stupidity! I had lost my job and got a new job. The new jobs insurance was not kicking in for 90 days. For the interim, DH & I got one of those month-to-month plans where prescription drugs aren't covered. I thought there's no way we can afford BC so we'll wing it with counting and condoms. Well, never used a condom b/c I was sure there was no way I could get pregnant that soon. Guess what? Here I am. Yes, it was an accident, but I was just dumb. I mean who'd of thought that I'd get pregnant somewhere between 1 and 3 weeks after getting off BC. DUH! I NEVER intended to have children this close together. As a matter of fact I'm still not as happy as I was when pregnant with DS. It's a lot of work kids 18 months apart and DH is currently looking for work. But, everything happens for a reason and my stupidity is only b/c some cosmic energy believes I can handle it all. I blame myself, but DH constantly reminds me that he could have not listened and protected us anyway.

I should say DS was totally planned and it didn't take long for us to get pregnant, but we were stupid plenty of times while waiting out the 3 months after going off BC and never got pregnant. Shows you what I know.

[pamela mom of 3]

Our last child, we still have no idea how that happened{well you KWIM }( } we always joke the stork made a wrong turn LOL :P honestly tho we were under alot of stress with an estate we were dealing with and i guess it threw my cycles off totally. But i admit looking back because their was no BC ever involved their was always a risk that my ability to know when is not the right/safe time could fail?

[momathome]

Liza was our surprise baby. I was 20 years-old, on bcp's, and needed an antibiotic for a uti. Didn't bother to read the fine print about antibiotics potentially weakening bcp's and next thing I knew - surprise! Dh and I got married when I was 4 months pregnant (he was 24 at the time and midway through a PhD). I always wanted kids so while it was a shock, things became calm and happy pretty quick. Kasey and Julia were very much planned and I am hoping there will be no more little surprises around here! :)

[RwnMayfair]

Taran was very much planned. This second one, not so much. We knew we wanted more, just the original plan had been for them to be farther apart. It always makes me think of the one Friends episode where Rachel tells Ross she's pregnant and he freaks out, demanding to know why the condom packages don't list the chance of failure in larger print. ::grin:: Not that my husband freaked out, he was actually really excited (I was more freaked than him), but I think it just comes to mind because we fell into that failure rate percentage.

So I guess this second one was unplanned in terms of timing, but not in terms of eventual want. :)

-Melissa

Taran, November 20, 2003

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif - Eighteen months!
http://lilypie.com/baby2/031120/0/5/0/-5/.png
http://lilypie.com/days/050821/4/0/0/-5/.png

[starrynight]

2 out of 3 were bc failures! 1 was NFP and it's not a good idea to do this when you aren't getting any sleep, I mentally miscalculated a "safe" day so not exactally a true "failure" the 2nd failure was condoms, it didn't break and we were on a "safe" day so no idea how we got #3 but we did!

Middle kid was totally planned. I actually found the surprises worked out better after the initial "holy crud" shock wears off. It just happens and you hurry up and accept it, there is no planning, no waiting, no testing and not as much worry.

[HIU8]

I have been reading about everyone's planned vs. unplanned and the one thing that kept going through my mind was how happy everyone seemed because, planned or unplanned, children are a blessing.

DS #1 was totally planned. DH and I knew we needed to see a fertility specialist (DH has some male fertility issues). I was actually on bc, not for bc but at the recommedation of my obgyn (AF would last 9-12 days) to help regulate myself. Anyway, I went off bc in September 03. I had an IUI in February that didn't work. The one in March did (no clomid or anything). Meanwhile, I have not gone back on bc and don't intend to for the time being (AF regulated itself after DS was born). Fertility doc told us there was pretty much no chance of getting pregnant the good old fashioned way (sometimes though I do think about how terrific that would be, although never having to worry about using bc can really be freeing). So, we are in the process of planning for DC #2. We would like DChildren to be no less than 20 months apart, which means starting with IUI's again in November 05. Now we just have to figure out how to pay for 2 children in daycare or whether we can make it financially if I quite my job (a whole other set of worries).

Heather
DS Jacob "Coby" 11/27/04

[kath68]

Odd as it sounds, I have no idea how to answer this. Yes, there was no bc involved (had been off bcp's for a year for health reasons, and condoms... let's say we're not fans).

I did chart, but we were not actively trying to prevent or conceive. I was having really irregular cycles, and to tell the truth, I didn't think I could conceive. DH was out of work, and the timing wasn't great, either.

And it wasn't like we were gettin' it on that much at the time, anyway. As pp stated, DH, must have some kind of super sperm. By my charting, there was no way I could have gotten knocked up. But (obviously) I did.

But we knew the risks, and so while DC was not unplanned, he wasn't planned, either. And we are so grateful for him and what he has added to our lives -- words cannot express. That said, I have no plans for another. If I ever post here saying I am pregnant, you will know that one is *totally* unplanned!

[jubilee]

I wasn't actually trying to conceive either of my boys, but both were so dreamed about, and so planned in every other way. It just wasn't like I was planning on them at *that* moment.... however, I've found the timing was absolutely perfect! :)

[jbowman]

Ellie was very planned--she was actually due finals week (I'm a prof), so the timing was perfect.

#2 has been a bit of a surprise, a shock really--in a very good way! We were going to wait a couple of months before (actively) TTC b/c I didn't want to be pregnant during a study trip to Italy in May (I love my Campari ;)) and I was recovering from a minor surgery.

The timing, though, is perfect--#2 is due at the beginning of the spring semester, so I will take a leave of absence!

[jec2]

Jennifer, I haven't yet had the chance to congratulate you on your new baby! Hope you all are doing well. I love the name sophia!

ETA: I'll answer the question too. DS was an unexpected surprise :) We weren't actively preventing pregnancy but we weren't TTC either. We had a crazy day of wine tasting and voila, finn was on his way.

[TahliasMom]

Well not sure how to answer this either. After being on BCP for 7 years I stopped in Jan 03. We started trying in March 03 but it was difficult because my cycle was erratic. After few months of nothing we sort of gave up. August rolled around, I was slammed at work, had the flu for two weeks, followed by laryngitis and pink eye. Plus I had horrible migraines so i was pumped full of imitrex. We went to Lake Tahoe for labor weekend, a quiet getaway after a stressful month. Did some drinking, played in the smokey casinos and came home that Monday of labor day weekend. I felt weird, i noticed my boobs were kind of fuller but i attributed it to AF. Then i counted the days and realized it was 36! The longest I ever gone between AF is 34. So i ran out at 9pm at night to local rite aid, got one of those clear blue easy digital things. I did the honors in the cup and DD pop it in. Took it out and told me "pregnant." I was floored! DH was thrilled. Guess DD liked all those meds I took most of August!!! :)

ETA: i went on the mini pill when DD was 6 weeks but stopped few months later. I hated the way it made me feel. so i been sort of charting to prevent but not really so maybe we'll have a surprise in the near future...:}

[urbanmama]

Deleted

[C99]

Maybe it's subconscious? My kids were kind of in the middle -- we weren't really TTCing for either, but I had started to chart in anticipation of TTC for Rose.(My husband would say that not trying/not preventing counts as planned.)

My best friend's second baby was unplanned. Well, actually, her first was, too. She got pregnant w/in 2 weeks after her wedding (first child) and then after she weaned her first at 6 mos. I think she and her husband are just the world's most fertile/virile people on the planet.

[Lovingliv]

Interesting topic,,,,just thinking about this one. I am 11 weeks PP and ready to "get back in the saddle" but I do not plan on going on BCP again. I have to admit it will be really exciting to see what we can get away with,,,,,
I am EBF and plan to as long as I can. Liv was planned,,,,but I was still surprised. Does that make any sense?

So your question...Why we let these things happen? I think it's the thrill of it!

[kijip]

Toby was a pill baby. So unplanned. We were already married but it was a SHOCK and we are both young (23 and 24 when Toby was born). We actually strongly considered abortion, even some much as scheduled abortion. But we could not do it. We choose to cancel the abortion and go ahead and have Toby.

But like you, looking bad the timing was nothing short of perfect. It forced us to rethink when we would build a family and in that we realized that for our goals in life, earlier was better given that we had doable $ resources and a stable marriage.

[Melanie]

>Obviously, I know HOW these surprises happen, but just
>wondering what other people's thoughts are on why we let
>them.


I think, because deep-down, you want another one! =)

We were blessed in that we never had to 'try' to get pregnant. We'd just stop actively trying not to and immediately get PG. We both knew what could happen & wanted to, and were shocked it did so quickly!