Mom's getting (re)married in Israel

[lmintzer]

Wow--pretty neat, huh? My mom and her fiance have decided to get married in Israel in the winter. They are inviting all of the kids (her two and his two). Although I'd love to go (I've never been to Israel, and dh has always regretted not having gone pre-kids), there's just no way. A 2 hour drive to NY (or a 2 hr plane trip to Chicago) is a huge deal for my kiddos. I can't see us doing this in a million years.

My mom asked if I was hurt/upset. I said that I wasn't. She asked if I thought she should wait a few years (so we can all join her). I told her that was ridiculous--she shouldn't put her life on hold because of us. And I can't see us being able to do a trip like this in a few years either. Certainly not until Joshua is at least 5 or 6.

What would you have done/said? I really don't think there are too many choices.

[aliceinwonderland]

Yea, I think you did the right thing in telling her to go ahead...But what a bummer you can't go...

[psophia17]

I'm with Eri on this one - you will be there in spirit :)

Congrats to your Mom and family!

[Calmegja2]

You did the right thing! And your heart will be there!

[Jeanne]

Lisa,
I think you did the right thing - a wonderful loving generous daughter thing. I'm sure you would love to go but in realizing that it would just be too hard on you, you did right by your mother. Good for you!

[lmintzer]

Aww, thanks guys. You are so nice. I don't feel I did anything particularly generous. I just can't really go (I'm not willing to leave my kiddos for that long), and how could I possibly ask her to wait. I think she plans to have a party in Chicago in Feb/March, and that we can definitely go to.

[bostonsmama]

It's so funny that you mention your mom getting remarried in Israel, because my dad just got engaged to a (messianic) Jewish woman and they are talking of going to live in Israel after they marry next year. My dad did his "pilgrammage" a couple of years ago, and she lived there for 4 years previously, so neither of them are new to the area, but it's so chaotic now with the Gaza Strip handover thing going on that I think they're pretty gutsy to do it. I, personally, am terrified of them living in a place that is full of so much hatred towards Jews and Christians. I would be so afraid of a suicide bomber boarding a bus or walking into a cafe and blowing everyone up while they're there. I'm surprised that's not a factor in your thinking you wouldn't want to take children over there. Then again, maybe you know more about it than I do. Apparently my dad says I'm spewing nonsense about the safety issue, but it still scares me to death.

You have much more courage than I do to not speak up about them being so far away for such a special time. I think it's honorable of you to not be a "dream-killer" by asking her to hold the wedding stateside or later from now. I have not been the best daughter, I'm sure, but voicing my protests about them being in a foreign country.

I admire your sacrificing wanting to see your mom on her special day for her happiness.


Larissa
who is still trying to give birth so she can have more to say

[JulieL]

You have much more courage than I do to not speak up about them being so far away for such a special time. I think it's honorable of you to not be a "dream-killer" by asking her to hold the wedding stateside or later from now. I have not been the best daughter, I'm sure, but voicing my protests about them being in a foreign country.
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ITA - you are being supportive, and I'm sure they will here this from so many people that it will get old to them quick. So neat they are getting married in Israel. I would want to go if it were me, but in the end would have to decline to. I think your being a good daughter responding this way!

[Piglet]

Actually, we just went to Israel for a month in April-May and it was wonderful. I know that there is danger in the area, but it doesn't feel that way when you live there. We went on the bus daily, went to cafes and shops all the time and never felt like we were doing something "dangerous". Do you feel like you are doing something dangerous every time you get into a car? There are far more car fatalities per capita than there are bomb fatalities. I think a great deal of the discomfort comes from the media. When you watch the news you hear of the latest attacks and it is scary, but very few other countries or areas of the world make the news around here. You do not hear about very car accident and murder in Canada when you live in the US. Also, Israel is a small country, but it is still large to the people that live there. When you are in Tel Aviv and something happens in Jerusalem, it obviously hits close to home, but on the other hand, it is like living in New York and hearing of something happening in Boston. It is close, but far away at the same time. I guess to me, Israel is a magical place. I loved being there and even think of living there one day. Every country has something going for it and against it.

[bostonsmama]

Marina,

Thank you for your thoughts on Israel. Everything you said sounds so right, and it's nothing I haven't heard before (re: media attention makes it sound worse/more violent than it is). I just know my dad, and he just attracts trouble. He's the kind of person who during the Gulf War would go into local towns in Saudi Arabia or Iraq and pick an argument with the locals just because he has such anger towards fundamentalist Islam. His fiancee's former husband was killed by Hamas terrorists over there. I cannot believe that with her being jewish that she wouldn't be superstitious enough to believe that it could happen again. Anyways...I don't want to highjack this thread, so I'll shut up.

I would love to go to Israel one day...and the fact that multiple people I know want to live and be married there must say something about its beauty and attraction. I hope everyone who goes there is safe...including Lisa's mom.


Larissa
who is still trying to give birth so she can have more to say