"I hate you" and other not so polite comments... WWYD?

[linsei]

I just started teaching 1 & 2 year olds at church. There is also a lady that has taught for years helping me until I feel comfortable with the class.

There is a boy that is over 2 and while he was fighting with me over a box of colored pencils (picture tug of war), he said "I hate you". I was shocked, thought maybe I was hearing things; but I ignored the comment because I didn't want to draw attention to his behavior. The other teacher heard it and responded "Did he just say what I think he just said?", so I know that is what this boy said.

Several minutes later, we heard him say sh--. I ignored the comment and the other teacher acknowedged the comment in the same way she did before (grrr...).

When the boy's mom came to get him after class, she asked us if he was good. The boy had also thrown the colored pencils, btw. I started to respond, but the other teacher told her "yes, he was good". WTH?!? Good for a drunken sailor, maybe - not for a little boy at church.

I was going to tell the mom what had happened, but the other teacher responded for me. My thinking is that I would want to know if my ds was behaving this way. This was not a one time occurance, this boy misbehaves frequently.

Linda



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[brittone2]

I don't know exactly what I'd do since it isn't your child. I guess if he said "I hate you" to me, I'd say something like, "I know you really want the pencils but you can't have them now because xyz. Telling me you hate me isn't going to change my mind." Can you give him an alternative means to get his frustration out, especially since he's so young? I've seen ideas like having them do an "angry dance" for you or something like that. Obviously in a group setting it is tricky to do such a thing, and being on the spot makes it tough too.

If this behavior is a regular thing, my guess is something deeper is going on and I'd want to give him a means to get it out, kwim?

I'd definitely talk it over w/ his mom but if it is a regular thing, she's probably not going to intervene any differently than she has in the past, so you should probably come up with some strategy for dealing w/ the behavior in class on your own.

I just read two awesome books...one is "How to Talk so your Kids will Listen and Listen so that your kids will Talk" (or something close to that!) and an earlier book by them called "Liberated Parents LIberated Children" or something like that. They have some awesome ideas on figuring out what is going on BEHIND the behavior, which is really the key IMHO. Especially for a frequent offender like this kiddo...something else is going on that needs to be addressed most likely.

I love the website www.gentlechristianmothers.com Their gentle discipline board rocks (and I'm not a religious gal at all) and I'll bet they'd have some great suggestions for you.

[pritchettzoo]

I would definitely want to know my kid was acting like that! Could you approach it by saying (quietly so as not to embarrass her in front of others) that "He got upset and said 'I hate you' and later an expletive. Is there any way in particular you would like me to handle this in the future? I don't want to step on parenting toes, but I would like to respond to his feelings of frustration."

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[brittone2]

as always, Anna gave great advice :) I take back what I said...do what she said :P

[C99]

Well, I don't think a 2-y/o understands the diff b/w church and other places, but I agree w/ Anna about how best to approach the issue w/ the parent.

[linsei]

Thanks ladies! I really wanted to talk to the mom, but because the other teacher jumped right in, I didn't have a chance. Besides, the other teacher made me feel like I shouldn't say anything to the mom, which was against my better judgement.

Linda



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