Sending 18 month old to school

[kristenk]

I know that this is my decision to make (along with DH, of course), but I'd love some input.

I found out that there's a Montessori school near me that offers a toddler program. It's for ages 18 months to 3 years and is 2, 3, or 4 days a week from 8:30am to 11:30am. I'm trying to decide whether to send DD to this school or not. If I send her, it would be for 2 consecutive days. DD and I took a tour and she got to run around the toddler area and seemed to have a great time. She went over to the director three times to be picked up, so it seems like she's sort of comfortable with the place (at least while I'm there with her).

Part of me thinks that she's only 18 months, there will be plenty of time for "school" later and I really want to make sure that I don't push her so that she'll hate school later. The other part thinks that 6 hours per week to take care of myself and the house (but mostly myself) would be absolutely heavenly.

I realized that when I had decided that I wouldn't send her to school, but started wondering about Mother's Day Out programs that I really need to figure out what to do. I think I'd much rather send her to this school than a MDO program. Also, I'm almost positive that this is the school that she will attend for preschool and if she doesn't start this year, she most likely will next year.

Any feedback on what you'd do in my situation? (I was sort of hoping that I'd get clarity just by typing everything out - it didn't work!:( )

[JMS]

Hi Kristen,

I just went through the same decision making process. You don't happen to live in or around Wayne, PA do you??? I really feel that my DD is ready for some sort of organized learning/playing enviroment without me. She is very social with other children and seems to feel confident in almost all situations as long as she gets a cue from me that everything is okay. I looked into many preschools in my area and the Montessori was the only one that had a 18 month old program. Unlike your Montessori, it is 3 days a week from 8:30 to 11:30 for 18 month olds. I wish there was a two day option.

I ultimately decided to wait another year for a few reasons. DD often goes down for her nap (it really depends on what time she woke up that morning) sometime between 10:30 and 11. I was a little weary of messing with her natural sleep schedule 3 days of the week. She has just become a pretty good sleeper and with another baby on the way, I didn't want to do anything to ruin a good thing. Another factor that made me decide to push back "school" one more year was my fear that 9 hours a week was a lot at such a young age and I didn't want her to start her school life in any sort of a negative way. In other words, I didn't want her first experience to be overwhelming and therefore cloud her judgment of how great school can be. I hope that makes sense. The final reason why I decided to put school off was the price. Our Montessori is more than 4 times the price of the most reputable local preschools. I didn't want to make that kind of financial obligation if there was a chance it wouldn't work out for whatever reason. Especially considering how expensive the kindergarten is that I want to send her to. I feel like all things considered, I'd rather save the money for that.

Part of me thinks DD is probably ready but the other part of me knows there is no possible harm in putting school off another year. Also, like you, the time to myself would be heavenly. :) :) Then I start thinking about how much I would miss her, how she's only going to be this small for so long, and how before long she'll be sharing much of her time with me with another child.

After all my debating back and forth, there was also a good chance that DD wouldn't have been able to go because the waiting list was fairly long and I started the registration process late. I did ask the director whether starting second term was an option. She said that occassionally a child drops out or moves and they would call me if a spot became available. I don't know if that is something you might be interested in looking into. Does the 2 days in a row bother you?? My program was M W F, I believe.

I know you are probably looking for responses from people who have been there, done that, but I thought I'd give you my two cents anyway. Since we are going to be fairly home-bound this winter, I've signed up for a Gymboree class, an art class and a music class for the fall; so even though I'm not really getting a break, DD will be getting plenty of socialization.

Sorry if this wasn't very helpful and also for the many typo's and poor grammer.. I'm very tired tonight. Good luck and let us know what you decide and if you send her, how it goes.

[kristenk]

Jacquelyn -

Thank you so much for your detailed and thoughtful response. No, I don't like in PA, although my sister does! We live in the DFW area. I think that starting later in the year might be an option. The school is very small and the director seemed very flexible and willing to work with me in whatever way. The school is open M-T, so I would have a choice of what days to send DD. The director said that it seems easier on the kids to go consecutive days. I think she said that it's easier for the kids to adjust and get used to the school schedule if they go however many days in a row.

I've already signed us up for a music class on Friday and I'm looking into other classes, too. We will almost definitely be signing up for Gymboree this year! I might just try to find a good babysitter who can come to the house once a week for a couple of hours. Our current babysitter is going away to school, and the idea of finding another one is somewhat daunting! I really think that's what we'll end up doing...

[ykc]

Why does it always have to be so hard to make these kinds of decisions?!

I don't have a lot of useful advice, but just wanted to say that "school" for this age group is usually not very school-like and doesn't bear a lot of resemblance to elementary school or even kindergarten. So I wouldn't worry too much about this experience making her hate school later on. Most Montessori programs emphasize learning through "work" (as in, skills needed for daily living), and kids at this age love to help around the house and do things that big people do--she might love it and never even think twice about it not being "play."

My Montessori experience is with older pre-schoolers (which was great for my DD), but my SIL says that her son has really enjoyed his Montessori program. I think he started at age 2, three days a week. My own kids have always gone to daycare, which we've always called school, and this has not turned them off of school--yet. DD can't wait to start KG next month.

As for the 6 hours of personal heaven...I'm really biased, because I work outside the home, and couldn't imagine not having that time away.

Good luck with your decision. I'm sure it will work out either way--it's just so stressful committing!

[houseof3boys]

Send her!!! Ryan started Montessori when he was 20 months old, but there were several kids younger than he was.
He absolutely loves going there at 26 months now and has really done well in school. We went and "visited" 3 times also before I felt comfortable that he would like it. Of course there was a bit of a transition as any place would be, but after that he *loved* it.

I preferred the Montessori to the MDO programs because it was much more serene. I am not a calm and quiet person so the fact that Ryan could be a different environment than I provide was a bonus for me. The MDO programs were all play and crazy fun (which is great too) for the kids. Montessori at that age is generally not pushy learning. They do a lot of teaching them to put things back in their place just by them doing it. The Montessori method is a wonderful non-pushy way in general so don't be concerned about her hating school at all.

I don't think you will regret sending her at all!

[lizajane]

schuyler went to MDO at 17 months. he LOVED it. i signed him up that young because i knew i wanted to be pregnant with #2. i was-dylan! so it worked out really well. i thought about skipping school altogether this year, but he asks me several times per week if he is going to school in the mornings. so i know he likes it and misses it this summer. turns out, i need to do a little work in order to take care of my family. so schuyler and dylan will both go for 2 mornings/week this year. i feel terribly guilty about sending dylan at 7 months, but i think i will enjoy the time for my business and myself after he gets there.

[SunnyShep]

Hi Kristen,(my name as well!)

Just wondering what, if you have decided to do in this situation. My son is 18 months old and I believe I've decided to enroll him in the Montessori school at the top of our street, in Jan. (He'll be almost 20 months, at that time). We've visited there twice and the first time he went right in and made himself at home. The second time, he was more apprehensive and clung to me, but this is because he had tried almost a month at Kindercare in October and never really seemed to like it or get used to it. I think his last visit to the Montessori school scared him, thinking that he would experience the same.

Like you, I'm pretty positive that this is where I want him to go to pre-school, probably through Kindergarten. I have researched a lot and believe in the Montessori method, in general, and specifically, for my son.

One thing that I wonder about though, is that this particular school is 5 days a week! 8:45 - 11/45. I don't know if this is too much or just perfect, ya know, since he'll be getting a good routine of 3 hours of learing time and socialization in mon-fri?

BTW - I grew up in Dallas and then went to college in Austin and, from what I've learned, there are great Montessori options in both cities. I'm currently in El Paso (husband at Fort Bliss), and consider us fortunate that one of the few programs here, is just up our street!

Regards,
Kristen

[lmintzer]

Hi Kristen. I skimmed the responses so far, and it looks like they mostly point toward sending her. I guess I'll be the one dissenting vote: I wouldn't send an 18 month-old to school. I'm personally not in favor of school for pre-verbal children. I like them to have the ability to report on what's happening there (even though children are not the greatest reporters even at age 3). When Jack was 3, I knew that he'd tell me (in some way) if something wasn't right or didn't feel comfortable or safe at school. At 2 or younger, most kids can't do this.

Of course, I know there are times when it makes sense for people to choose out-of-home childcare and/or school before age 3. I'm not critical of this at all--for some, it's the only thing that makes sense financially, and for others, there are other good reasons for the child to be in a group setting. But if it is purely an optional thing, I would just stick with mommy and me classes until the child is a little older.

I'm not familiar with MDO programs, so I can't speak to those in relation to the toddler program you are talking about. I can certainly understand you needing some time to yourself. I am currently not back to work after a move but have a babysitter 2 afternoons/week for a few hours so I can get something done. Of course, things happen at home with sitters too, but I feel pretty good about this one. She is a family friend of someone dh works with. Of course.

Good luck with your decision. It sounds like your dd would handle the program well if you choose to do it, but I thought I'd add my opinion to the mix anyway.

[kristenk]

I was a bit confused when I came into the lounge and there was a post that I thought looked interesting at the top and then saw that it was posted by kristenk. Hmmmmmm....Isn't that my user name on the BBB?! Oh, yeah! LOL

Anyway, I thought that I'd update the post and thank everyone for their responses and let everyone know what I decided to do.

The Montessori school I was debating about has a policy about drop-off and pick-up. The parent pulls the car up, a teacher (not necessarily the child's own teacher) takes the child from the car and takes the child to some benches outside the main doors of the building. I was really unsure about the policy, but thought that it would be fine after DD got to know all of the teachers. I was really surprised, though, when the director said that they start this policy on day 1 and there's really no flexibility. I asked if it would be possible to park the car and take my daughter up to the door and drop her off. The director told me that wasn't an option. At that point, I decided the Montessori school I was looking at just wouldn't work for me. Also, I decided that DD most likely will NOT be going to that school next year. I can understand the policy in general, but it seems pretty tough for an 18mo who has never been dropped off *anywhere* to be taken from her car by someone that she really doesn't know at all! (This might be irrational, but I was wondering if she'd get completely freaked out by the car and wonder if someone was going to take her away every time we came to a stop.) It still annoys me when I think about it.

I discovered that having different outings planned helps me tremendously! We try to make it to the library for storytime once a week and our music class is one morning a week. I signed us up for Gymboree and two weeks later our particular location declared bankruptcy and closed! I try to do lots of playdates b/c DD enjoys them and I love being able to talk to another adult. I also found a new babysitter for DD! She came over yesterday and DD really liked her. The only problem is that she goes to school at night and is looking for a full-time day job, so she might not be available for too long. The good news is that she'll be able to babysit and let DH and me have a date night every once in a while on the weekend!

I *am* planning on sending DD to school 2 mornings a week next school year. She'll be 2.5 and is already talking up a storm. I think she'll really enjoy it and I think I'll be comfortable sending her by that time!

[stella]

My children were both in MDO 3 days a week by this age and they loved it.

I think that even by 18 months they enjoy learning/playing with new things and watching, if not playing with, other children.

I'm a big believer in 2 mornings a week to, you know, take a shower or exercise, or God forbid, read a magazine.

I think she'd love it and you would as well.

Claire

[SummerBaby]

Just curious- is there a theory behind not allowing the parent to take the child into the building? That sounds very odd to me and I can't imagine an 18 month old going along with that. My DD would be terrified if a stranger tried to take her out of her car seat and away from me! I don't think you were being irrational at all for not enrolling her there based on that policy. I think 2.5 is a much more reasonable age for that sort of policy. At least they have more of an understanding about where they are going and what they will be doing and that you will be back to get them.

Val
Mom to Madeline
7/28/04

[Judegirl]

Wanted to chime in and agree with Lisa - except that I'd balk at sending even a very verbal 18-month old.

I don't have a slew of arguments for you; it's just my own comfort level...I wouldn't trust her little mind just yet to even the best of caregivers. (But then, I'd have a hard time trusting it to anyone else at any age!)

Good luck!

Jude

[jenmcadams]

I actually considered a Montessori for my DD as well and the pick-up thing was part of their policy too (along with not allowing parents in the classroom for the first 2-3 months of the year and requiring all students attend 5 days/week). All Montessori's differ, but several I've investigate were more on the rigid side of things.

[kristenk]

I don't know if there's a specific theory behind it or not. The director said that they want to "normalize" things in the classroom as soon as possible and that having parents around the classroom (presumably during drop-off time) would interfere with that process. She did say that they welcome parents in the classroom whenever, just not for the first month (?) or so of the school year.

When I asked about walking DD up to the door of the building where all of the other children would be, she mentioned that they were already making an exception by allowing me to take DD out of her carseat and then handing her to the teacher. <<insert eye-rolling smiley here>> I'm still incredulous that they didn't have slightly different policies for younger children and, especially, the first few weeks of the school year.

[lmintzer]

Kristen,
You were right to trust your instincts. That policy is just unacceptable for kids so young. In fact, any preschool without an "open door" policy would alarm me. What are they trying to hide? I can understand that some parents can make the transitions harder by staying too long, but teachers could work with any who do that on an individual basis.

My older son's camp had a carpool dropoff system where the counselors came to the car and took them out of their seats. However, parents could bring them to the "bunks" (classrooms) if they preferred, and when my son had a hard time with other counselors (not his own) coming to get him, his counselors made an effort to get him every day. They kept this up until he was comfortable enough to go with someone he didn't know as well. This literally took 7 weeks (of an 8 week camp session), but they were accomodating and didn't make a big deal out of it. And my son is 4. That kind of a situation can be stressful for kids of any age. Who wants a stranger coming up to you when you're strapped in and vulnerable unstrap you and take you away?

Frankly, although I can see where the director is going with her thinking, I don't like it and think you did the right thing to reconsider!

[muskiesusan]

Nick started Montessori this year and although they certainly prefer the teacher to get the child out of the car, if they are at all resistant, the parents are encouraged to bring the child into the classroom and stay as long as necessary. They handled it pretty similiar to what Lisa described above, very casually and made an effort to talk to him personally when we first arrived at school (they also made a home visit prior to school starting to ease the transition). One morning his teacher spent 20 minutes talking to him in my car when she noticed he didn't want to come to school. Now, Nick practically jumps from the car when we are waiting to unload and is very pokey about pickup!

I would not feel comfortable about a school without an open door policy (ours has an observation room and parents can drop in at anytime). We love our Montessori school and would love it if they had a two day program for Alex, 19 months. They are very good at following the child's lead and encouraging the children in a gentle manner. Some days I feel like it is a better environment for my kids than what I can provide at home!!!

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

[lmwbasye]

Kristen,

Sorry to barge in on your post here, but wanted to say that my DH is also at Fort Bliss. I wondered if you wouldn't mind telling me which Montessori your kiddo is in. We currently have DS at a Kindercare (not sure if the same one as you) and we LOVE it, but are really really interested in MOntessori. Not an option just yet since DS is only 13 months, but was wondering how the school is.

Thanks,

Laura :)

[jamsmu]

I think you made a great choice... IMO, tht's a terrible way for the kids to start school.

[LaurelC]

My DD is 18 months old and has been going to MDO at our church for the past 3 months. She goes two mornings per week for three hours.

I can honestly say that I am SO GLAD that we decided to do it. I did feel a bit guilty at first. She would scream and cry when I first dropped her off, but not for long. After the first couple of weeks she would run into the classroom, and wave at me saying "bye bye Mama!" Madeline loves her teachers and loves playing with the other children. I think it is good for her to get some interaction with other people without me around.

Three hours really isn't that much time - but I have been able to do things like go to the doctor, get my car inspected, get a pedicure, and a haircut. I also will usually go to the gym for an hour.

The best part is I feel like my Mommy-batteries are recharged when I pick her up. I will take her home (she usually sings and laughs on the short car ride home) and give her lunch, then she takes a nap. When she gets up from her nap, we will play for hours and I look forward to it all day!

[alexsmommy]

I am shocked at the Montessori school's rigidity. DS started "playschool" this year for 2.5 hours 2x week. It took a month for him to handle the transition with me doing it. There is no way I would subject him to a strange person taking him from his carseat and then leaving him to watch me drive away. Tara and I had discussed carpooling - and I just now feel like Alex is close to ready to try it - and this is with "Charwie's Daddy" who he knows and likes - although several kids in their classroom have been carpooling from day one with people they know and seem fine. I feel as though that school is not honoring individual children's needs - a huge red flag for me. Now that Alex is comfortable with his teachers and wants to go to school everyday, I would love it if they came out and got the kids - but I would have never signed him up if there was a policy like the one you described. I need to know that I have done everything I can to make my child feel safe and secure in a new situation.
Alaina
Alex 2-4-03