Way OT: Putting Registry Info in Wedding Invitation

[mclianne]

Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to offend anyone who may have included the info in their invitations. I don't intend to make any judgements on peoples manners...


My brother is getting married soon to a lovely woman from South Africa. She wasn't sure on some of the customs/ettiquette regarding weddings here in the US. They weren't going to register as they have both lived on their own for many years. I encouraged them to if they were comfortable with it as it would help others choose a gift we know they would enjoy. They did. My sister-in-law, from China, told them they "had" to put where they were registered in the wedding invitation. From what I have known, you don't put that info in the invitation. If people want to know where you are registered, they will ask. My brother looked it up on wedding sites on the WWW and they agreed. So, they didn't include that info.

Now the wedding coordinator asked my future SIL why they didn't put it in there. when she replied that it wasn't "good manners" to include it the coordinator laughed and said that was old school thinking and it was 2005.

What do you think? Is it no longer considered in "poor taste" to include where you are registered in the wedding invitation?

[murpheyblue]

IMO putting registry info on a wedding invite is a faux pas. Always has been, always will be.

Just my opinion.

[jbowman]

I did a quick search on Google and found this site:

http://www.wedding.orders.com/TipsTrends.cfm?Category=DosAndDonts

About three questions down, there is an answer to your question. This is the most diplomatic way I can think of to respond to your post ;).

[DebbieJ]

I think it should definitely NOT go in the wedding invites! Shower invites, yes. Wedding invites, NO NO NO!

If anyone wants to know where they are registered, they can ask.

A wedding is a celebration, a big party, not an occassion to accrue gifts.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/10029.gif

[tiapam]

I would agree with others that it should not be included in the wedding invite. Personally, I can usually find where people are registered on my own anyway. I just look them up online at all the usual stores.

-Pam

Charlotte born October 2004

[wagner36]

I think it is incredibly poor taste. I know that it is becoming more appropriate for a non-family member shower host (i.e. not your mom or sister) to put registry info in for showers, but that still creeps me out a little too.

That being said, I must add the disclaimer that I am anti-registry and anti-shower, probably to the point of a fault.

This does not apply to anyone here, I'm sure, but I am so sick of seeing young (probably doesn't only apply to young people, but that's been my experience) couples and parents have a complete sense of entitlement about registry gifts. Seriously, if I hear one more of my friends or relatives complain that something "wasn't on her registry" I might scream.

An acquaintance and I were due at the same time, I've pretty much de-friended her after she was rude at her baby shower. She complained for months afterwards that she didn't get stuff on her registry at the baby shower, when she got some beautiful heirloom quality gifts -like hand-knit sweaters, hats, silver baby cups, handmade quilts. I was livid. I did give her stuff on her registry, since she talked about it for a gzillion years ahead of time, and she even made a loud comment when she opened my gift "Oh, here's something off my registry." The thought of it makes me so angry.

Also, what's up with registering for pages and pages of stuff at 4 places when you are having a small (50 person) wedding. My cousin did this, and was shocked when she didn't get everything. Argh.

Okay, sorry for the rant. This is my biggest pet peeve.

[aliceinwonderland]

I agree, and for these reasons we did not register for our wedding at all.

For the baby, it was a different story and everyone begged me to register, and my SIl was due around the same time, and I was sick of hearing about her registry, and well, we did it ;)

[kensjen]

I'm glad she did not put it in the invite. I just think that is....inappropriate. I can't think of a good word to use. I still cringe even if it is in a shower invite.

[C99]

ITA w/ Alison here!

[C99]

I was always taught that it was uncouth for your mom/sister to throw you a shower. But I agree w/ much of the rest of your post!

[Katia]

I agree, it's in poor taste.

Like others, I'm not exactly pro-registry in general. For weddings I almost always buy a gift from the registry, because it's more convenient for me and because I do want to give something the bride/groom actually want. I am very put off by any sort of pressure to do so, though, whether it's on the invitation or through verbal comments. And by registries full of outrageously expensive items, blech!

So...convenience for guests, great...entitlement to receive only certain gifts, no way!

Katia
DS 2003

[almostamom]

I, too, am in total agreement with Ali.

~Linda~
DS 11/04

[wagner36]

I agree, but I swear I've seen it so much lately - it's like a double whammy with the registry info on there!

[jamsmu]

Personally, not to offend anyone, but I think its tacky.

[murpheyblue]

The perceived "need" to put registry info on a wedding invite is so much less today than it theoretically was in past. Virtually every major registry is online and most and linked through weddingchannel.com. That wedding coordinator needs to get a clue. Makes me cringe to think how many brides she's steering wrong.

[kristine_elen]

Still bad manners in my book.

[JMS]

I agree that it definitely should not be on the wedding invitation. It's like saying, "oh please come to our wedding, but don't forget to get me the gift I want."

At least in my opinion, most people are familiar with and/or use weddingchannel.com. When I receive a wedding invite, I immediately search the groom's/bride's name on weddingchannel and 9 times out of 10, they are listed and often include links to their registry.

[saschalicks]

I was always a believer that it was poor taste on ANY invitation that includes all kinds of showers. It can be an insert on another card or with a map or directions, but not on the invitation. I realize I'm considered archaic, but it's how I feel. No offense to to others.

[mamicka]

I don't think the registry info should ever appear in writing inside the invitation envelope - not on an extra insert, nothing. This goes for weddings, showers, whatever. If people can't find the registry on theor own, they can ask whoever sent the invites or the person(s) being 'showered'.

I'm glad they didn't follow the coordinator's advice. IMO 'old school' is almost always better, at least where manners are concerned. .

Allison

[mclianne]

Thank you ladies! Now I don't feel bad about steering them away from including the info in the invite. I also aways thought it was tacky. I don't necessarily think that just because lots of people do something, it isn't in poor taste anymore!

I know that lots of people don't like registries, but I do. I know that my taste and theirs may differ wildly, and I like to know that I am getting them something they will use/enjoy. They may be in their 30 & 40's respectively, but they have both been low paid school teachers and do need some things. Especially to help make their townhouse feel more like "their home" and not just my brother's bachelor pad she moved in to... LOL

[MarisaSF]

I wouldn't put it on an invitation, but I do appreciate when couples direct me to a website somewhere (either weddingchannel.com or their own) that has info about them, their wedding, and often includes where they're registered. Since it *is* 2005, as the coordinator pointed out, most people know you can access common registries on the internet.

[C99]

>I was always a believer that it was poor taste on ANY
>invitation that includes all kinds of showers. It can be an
>insert on another card or with a map or directions, but not on
>the invitation.

That's almost worse! If it comes in the invitation, it's part of the invitation -- whether it's printed or an extra insert.

[HannaAddict]

The wedding planner is wrong, plain and simple. It is tacky and a not considered proper. I would be offended if I receive an invitation with registry info on it. I can't imagine a wedding planner suggesting it. Wow.

Kimberly
DS 3/18/04

[HannaAddict]

Your are totally right. A registry is fine, I like seeing what people want and try to pick something from it. But the registry info in any form (insert, or whatever) in any invite is just not done in polite circles. I'm glad they are asking you for advice, I just hope their wedding planner doesn't steer them wrong in any other ways.

Kimberly
DS 3/18/04

[TahliasMom]

i think it's tacky and well kind of forward. The wedding channel www.weddingchannel.com has a place where you can create your own registry and info about the wedding. they also have a save the date email thing you can sent you to your friends with the link to your wedding website and all the info, including the registry. few of my girlfriends have done this.

[MarisaSF]

Some other thoughts:

1. It struck me that your SIL from China pushed the registry. Our Chinese friends all give money at wedding and I thought that was part of the culture.

2. I never get bridal shower gifts from the registry. I just think of the shower as "for the bride" (who is generally my friend) and the idea of getting a friend a crockpot or a ladle or whatever seems weird. It's not (just) a feminist thing. I'd just rather give a gift for the couple to the couple in the mail or at the wedding. I get nighties for showers.

[s7714]

I think it is a little tacky to include the info. in the actual invitations, but I certainly wouldn't think less of someone just because of that. What I do find annoying is when I get an invitation and there are several registry cards enclosed (one for Macy's, one for Target, one for Bed, Bath & Beyond...).

Jennifer
Mommy to
Annalia 3/03
Sophia 6/05

[nov04]

Hope i don't offend anyone....

I think this is one of those thing that's changing gradually, just like a few years ago it was very gauche to host a shower for a family member, now its common (where I'm from at least).

I personally will NEVER put registry info in any type of invite (or include it as an insert). I've even taken invites back to the store because they contained a space for said info. By including registry info in an invite, you're expecting that person to buy a gift and parties are not for that imo.

[HannaAddict]

I totally agree with your pet peeve(s). I too didn't want to register for wedding or baby but friends kept insisting and mine were very short.) I totally hear you about the huge registry with small, or in my BIL/SIL case, they eloped! But they even registered for a flat screen tv! Yikes. And people complaining about gifts not on their registry, I hear you.

Kimberly
DS 3/18/04

[bostonsmama]

That's kind of what we did. DH and I had created a website about ourselves and our wedding for out of town guests and relatives we hadn't had a chance to explain "our story" to, so it had our engagement photo, where we lived, contact info, travel info (like the hotel where I reserved a block of rooms), the schedule for the wedding weekend, and, of course, weblinks to our wedding and/or bridal shower registries in small print at the bottom. We inlcuded a little 1-inch square card underneath the RSVP card engraved with "For more information about the wedding, contact us at XXX, or visit the following website: www.xx .com"

Larissa
who is still trying to give birth so she can have more to say

[marcywench]

Still in poor taste, IMHO.

We were planning a spring wedding, so we included "save the date" magnets that we made ourselves with out computer in our holiday cards. It had our names, date and a URL for the wedding website my husband put together.

On that website, we had hotel info, maps, etc. Buried in there was a page that included our registry info. I felt uncomfortable having it there...still felt like I was requesting gifts. Our friends and family liked the whole website thing. I suppose I'd have used weddingchannel.com if he wasn't the web genius.

[redhookmom]

I would not put in on an invitation I was sending out. Afterall, I am inviting people to a ceromony and a party not a gift giving event.

If someone invited me to a weeding and decided to include registry information I would not be offended. I would not feel obligated to buy a gift on the list but I most likely would. :-)

[hellosmiletoday]

My parents are hispanic and in their family custom it is okay for your own relative or mother to throw a bridal/baby shower. Although since DH's family is American as are most of my friends, we tried to abide by the custom. My mom was kind of sad that she wasn't able to do my baby shower.

I didnt want any registry cards included in any invitations (briday or baby)...b/c people will always ask anyway if they want to purchase off the registry, yet it also encourages people to be creative. The best gifts often are not off the registry!!!

[Emmas Mom]

I'll be the lone person to disagree here. If you're inviting me to your wedding or shower please, please, please just tell me where you're registered. Don't make me ask. It annoys me to death to have to call around trying to find out. I appreciate it & honestly I cannot think of the last invitation we've gotten that didn't include that information. I mean, otherwise I think you end up with all this random stuff that you just have to try & figure out where to return. I don't know that I've ever seen it printed on the actual invitation itself but definitely in an insert. And personally I think I do come from polite society. I think it's just a sign of the times & the "rules" on etiquette need to be way update. Just my two cents, not that it's worth anything. :P

[HannaAddict]

I don't think it is hard to find out where people are registered at all. I just run the bride and/or groom through the usual suspects locally (Macy's, Pottery Barn, Williams Sonoma, etc. or Babiesrus, Target, etc.) and presto - there is the registry. I haven't had to call around or ask others at all.

While many "rules" of etiquette have been updated, I don't think telling people to buy you a present and what to buy is one of them, in my opinion. Luckily, it is uncommon among my acquaintances to ever include registry info. in their invites. I just wish the emphasis was on the celebration and not the merchandising of these celebrations. It is the stores themselves driving this almighty "registry madness" of inserts, and links to registries. Just my opinion.

Kimberly
DS 3/18/04