Our will/trusts are signed, guardian letters written and insurance exams scheduled...

[kijip]

So now I can stop having the heebee geebies, right? I have been sick to my stomach all week while we got estate type things squared away.

Now we are getting push back from relatives about who we picked as personal guardian for Toby(tough cookies but still annoying).

We bought the Kiplingers software, went nuts becuase it was such a PITA and then went and bought the Quicken/Nolo WillMaker software and it was super easy. I highly reccommend it. While still a good idea to have an attorney review everything (we are), if cost of an attorney is preventing you from taking care of these basic documents the software was about $50 and the guide is easy to understand. Our situation is pretty straight forward and simple (all assets to spouse, then all to Toby and naming a guardian for Toby)- if we had a lot of assets or wanted to designate many specific gifts we would have certainly used an attorney from start to finish. As it was my attorney told me to save the money.

We also did health care directives, medical power of attorney, durable power of attorney for finances if we are incapacitated (just in case!) and wrote final arrangement wishes. The software made the whole process quick. And hopefully the heebee geebies will subside.

Has anyone else had family become upset when they found out the guardianship terms?

[amp]

It's good to hear that you were pleased w/ the software. We cannot afford, nor do we know any attorneys, so we just haven't done anything. We do have some willmaker software around here somewhere, and it's nice to know that at least we can get some stuff on paper to at least make our wishes known, even if it isn't bulletproof in court.

Good for you for taking care of all those details. Yes, you should relax now!

[houseof3boys]

I just wanted to say congrats for getting it done!

I so need to get on this and do it for us too.

[HannaAddict]

I'm glad you had an attorney willing to review your will, etc. but I just wouldn't count on that for others on the board. Even reviewing docs can trigger the attorney/client relationship and unless you are close friends or family, most attorneys won't "rent" their malpratice insurance and just let someone pay a little to review docs.

And a few general thoughts too . . . for those not doing their will because of expense, a basic will and/or estate plan can really be affordable and will give you piece of mind. It really does matter if it holds up in court too, since it could mean the difference between your surviving spouse getting everything or sharing with an estranged adult parent or the deceased's siblings, even if you think no one would contest it. When money or guardianship issues are on the line, people often act differently than we think they will. You can't necessarily count on people to be benevolent and always do the right thing. People can justify things to themselves in amazing ways!

And I let people know that they don't need to advise everyone about what they want for guardianship if it will cause problems with their relationships. They need to tell the proposed guardian of course! But sometimes it is better not to have a big discussion with other family members about it. It is really a case by case thing. In our case, we haven't told my in-laws what we want but have told the proposed guardians (friends) and back-up (my younger brother). It wouldn't be worth the hassle of dealing with in-laws who have boundary issues on their best day.

Good for you in getting it done though. I totally understand the weird feeling while you are in the process though. I wouldn't leave on a trip until we had our new wills signed and witnessed, husband thought I was nuts. But I was just having that weird feeling that I needed it all done and documented. Now you can relax!

ETA: For the price of a nice stroller (not a Graco, but not as much as a Bugaboo:)) you can have a really good will that will be legal and allow your personal representative (executor) to act on YOUR wishes, versus having to be the referee and try to do what they think you want, based on what you might have written down or told them. Also, if you don't have a valid will, there are expenses involved in getting appointed by a court to be the personal rep. of an estate and it won't necessarily be the person you would want. It could even be a CREDITOR or an ex-spouse, etc. Anybody can have themselves appointed. I know of an ex-spouse case and it wasn't pretty (they had children together) and she had a new spouse. For guardianship, the stakes are even higher. I just was thinking about how the expense is really worth it for something to protect your child, your spouse, your family - while looking at my strollers sitting in the foyer.

Kimberly
DS 3/18/04

[nov04]

We finally got ours (will, living will, POA, assorted other stuff) all squared away when dd was a few weeks old. I'd tried to get it done while on mbr, but put it off figuring i had more time (shopping online for my nursery was much more fun).

I finally set up appt for lawyer to come to my hospital room when I was admitted for pih 8 days before dd was born. Had the cancel that appt because contrax started (all docs would have been null and void as I was in pain).

Don't put it off if at all possible!!!!!

eta: my mother was quite hurt (she hid it well) that we picked my ils to take Liv if we passed. I don't agree w/ the parenting style of my parents, my ils' style is way more in line w/ mine.

[MarisaSF]

Congrats!
We're not telling anyone who we picked. We don't want to deal. If/when they find out we'll both be dead.

For the record: We recently traveled without Jazzy and we hand wrote a final document. It's hidden in our room. We know it's not totally legal, but we hope our families will respect our written word. Anyway, tell our families about the hidden note if we leave this world before getting the real will worked out! (Okay, I'll go load the software now!)

[kijip]

One reason we have told people in advance the guardian is to make it less likely that they will be angry and surprized and rush to contest it in the wake of losing their children (which no parent should ever have to do!). I am not suggesting this for everyone- it just works for my family dynamic. My parents, for all their faults or perhaps high among their faults are highly impressionable. They are already warming to the plan. Anger now beats anger later in court. Just a quirk with them.

However- I agree about getting a will done and making sure it is valid. The full price is not really that much. Less than $400 for simple situations. We had the simplest of wills however and our attorney was trying to save us money...I think she figures we will use her services more once we have real estate/complications. She is not a friend, we pay her (used her for family law stuff with my little brother). It takes very little to have a valid will in WA state - we have jumped through all the hoops.