with all the katrina relief am i being selfish?

[bcky2]

my dh works for a wonderful man that loaded up two box trucks yesterday with skids of water, food, baby food, and other needed items for the survivors of katrina. my dh called me yesterday and wanted to be one of the drivers to take it down there(we are in the chicago area). i told him no way. there are so many angry, desperate people down there that i worry about all the shootings going on and once they would find out that he has supplies and food i fear that he would be in danger. heck i am sure that i would be desperate if i was in that situation so please dont think that i have any ill feelings towards anyone there and what they do. i couldnt imagine what i would to feed my children. i know that they wont let him into the area but still i am worried. not only that but because of the gas issues he would be driving with gas cans full of gas. what if he is in an accident? his truck could explode. we have 2 little boys, how could i ever tell them that daddy isnt comming home! there would be nowhere for him to stay as i am positive that there is not one hotel room anywhere near that area. he would have to sleep in his truck. and now here is my super selfish part, we are in the middle of selling our house and buying a new one, i really need him here for all the contract signing and such. he thinks that i was wrong for telling him that i didnt want him to go and that he wanted to go and help. i understand that but i feel like he helped by staying at work last night for about 4 hours off the clock loading supplies and making sure that the trucks were in great running order. i just felt that it is too risky and that it was better for him to let some other men go. am i wrong? am i being selfish when the people down there need so much and i am worried about contarcts and such with moving? ugh i feel so horrible today about the whole thing. would you have let you dh go?

[starrynight]

Different perspective, I have to let mine go all the time to deal with stuff I don't agree with and to put his life on the line so for this I would say no. Because I have to give up so much time with him, I have to deal with him doing it all the time on orders, so if I have a choice you bet I'm going to protect his butt.

In general I might have said yes but been worried sick. I know he wants his unit to go down there and help but they aren't.

[ribbit1019]

Oh Bec!! I wouldn't have let my DH go either. He is your husband, you have a lot going on, he would be putting his life on the line because of the craziness going on right now. I could see it being an issue if no one else wanted to go, but obviously there were other volunteers!
I think that given the circumstances that it would be a bad idea for him to go at this point and time. You could always tell him that he can go down there at another point to help rebuild the city, by then you will be moved and hopefully things will have calmed down. They are going to need so much more help over the next months to rebuild everything.
You had every right to tell him you didn't want him to go. It just isn't safe there right now.
Now were it my stubbirn DH he would have gone anyway, but fortunately the thought hasn't crossed his mind yet. Let's hope it stays that way.
Hugs!

Christy
Maddy born 06/09/04
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png
Little Peanut due 03/02/06
http://bd.lilypie.com/K8fum4/.png

[zuzu]

I'm sending you a PM. Let me know if you don't get it.

Melissa, mom to Sarah (5/03)

[boys2enough]

Becky, please don't feel guilty at all. I think everyone in your shoes would have reacted the same way. I would. Your dh is a wonderful wonderful man. You are blessed to have each other. :)

Cheers, Lin
Mom to 2 wild boys
D 3/98
G 11/02

http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/kao/otn/pnoodles.gif

[bcky2]

i emailed you back :)

[elliput]

Your DH is an admirable man for wanting to go down and help, but considering all that is going in your lives right now I agree that he is better off staying home and helping from afar.

I would have told my DH that I didn't want him to go, but would have ultimately left the decision up to him. I would hope that he could understand my reasoning and agree with it.

[bostonsmama]

Oh, Becky, the PPs offered such great support, but I wanted to tell you to not feel bad about the way you feel. In a crisis like this, where so many people are willing, wanting and more able to help (i.e, no kids or job restrictions), I try not to worry about "selfishly" wanting my DH to stay behind. As it stands, I haven't seen my DH since Wednesday night, and no word from him since last night. This was supposed to be a 4-day weekend full of fun with our family out on the water: boating, wine tasting, spending time with relatives from out of town, and b/c of distaster relief efforts, DH is gone. And he'll at least be on duty the whole weekend, so no travel, no wine, and no husband. I'm so proud that he's contributing to the cause, but in my heart of hearts I'm still pretty bummed about our lost family time. I guess you could call that selfish...but it's really just a normal human response (as is yours).

Hugs, and know that the sentiment is appreciated, whether he organizes the effort from home, or drives the truck himself.

Larissa
who is still trying to give birth so she can have more to say

[bcky2]

big (((hugs))) to you, i am so sorry to hear that you have not had word from your dh, i hope that he can contact you soon. that stinks about your weekend, it sounds like you had a wonderful time planned. i hope that you still get to get out with family and enjoy yourself a little. thank you for letting me know that it is ok to feel the way i do, even if dh thinks that i am being selfish. hopefully your dh will return to you soon :)

[R2sweetboys]

Kind of a late response, but I do not think you are being selfish. You have a family to take care of and it would add a huge burden to be w/out your DH and to be worried sick all the time. Things are just too out of control down there right now. Maybe once the NG and other authorities are able to maintain more order, your DH could volunteer if he feels strongly. This will be a loooong process and there will be plenty to do down the line when you know it's safer to be there.
My DH volunteered to help right after 9-11. He works for IBM and they were looking for people to be in the main NYPD headquarters to make sure the 9-1-1 system didn't go down,etc. (it was very close to the WTC) This was only two days after 9-11 so no one really knew for sure that the terrorism was over. Our first son was just over a year at the time and it was so hard to let DH go. I was very scared but supported him(I think I was crazy!:) ) and to this day he is proud of the fact that he was able to "do something" in the midst of chaos. They are looking for volunteers again right now and I told him a firm "NO" for now. Maybe later but not right now. I don't feel selfish.


~Leslie

SAHM to...
Ryan 8/14/00
Matthew 2/14/03

[Sarah1]

I think we all wish we could do more, but I know I'm not willing to put my family's livelihood at risk. I don't think you're being selfish--just protective of yourself, your DH and your boys, as you should be.

[cmdunn1972]

I hope you don't mind if I give my take.

It's really hard to watch all the desparation on the news and resist the temptation to want to help. I was pretty much in tears watching all this on the news, but I have a husband and family to take care of first. Really, the responsibility to my DH and baby is the only thing keeping me here, but I think it's the responsible (though heart-wrenching and difficult) decision.