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View Full Version : Sharing your home with hurricane victims -- why/why not?



jasmine_bay
09-03-2005, 02:58 PM
I am so saddened by the devastation and loss of life in New Orleans. DH and I have already donated to the Red Cross and will give blood next week. We want to do more though, especially since we're in Dallas and relatively close to NO. We're considering opening up our home. We have three spare bedrooms and could house an entire family on our second floor. Having Emily makes me more cautious though about having strangers in my home. So DH and I are going back and forth on this. He suggested that he can go to Reunion Arena, volunteer there, and find a family in need of housing. This way, he'll have the chance to meet the family beforehand, rather than use a matching service. Any thoughts on this? Would you open up your home, why or why not?

NEVE three BUGS and a BEE
09-03-2005, 04:40 PM
I think about this non stop personally...in our home it would be hard right now with all the kiddos and pets BUT I do keep thinking that I should open up the little home we just bought here as a weekend [lace. It is very small and I would have little to worry about and there are "small" jobs in the little town everywhere.

My friend has a condo on the beach near there and she is thinking the same thing.

We both spoke about it at length this morning...
She said she is going to wait for a local church or local news crew to grasp a family(ies) in need and possibly do it that way.

We really wonder legally though what it would involve...
but yes offering that place up has consumed much of our convesation and thoughts this week.

icunurse
09-03-2005, 05:21 PM
DH and I have discussed it briefly (as since we aren't near the area affected, we probably aren't high on the list where people want to go). We agreed that we would want the people "checked out" before allowing anyone into our home, to make sure that not only is it a safe situation for us, but that the resources the people would need would be readily available to restart their lives. I think we'd be fine with a college student coming here for a semester or two until their school could open again, though....
Traci
~Connor's Mom 02/2004~
Agency paperwork completed - waiting for #2!

kristenk
09-03-2005, 07:15 PM
I brought up the subject of letting someone use our spare bedroom to DH and he said, "not with Ellie in the house," and I was relieved to hear it. I wish that we felt comfortable opening up our home to someone in need of a place to stay, but having total strangers stay in our home is waaay outside my comfort zone. If, for some reason, we had an apartment or rental property or something, I would definitely open that up to a family, but I just feel too vulnerable to open up my own home. I feel a little guilty about it (especially since we live in the DFW area and there are evacuees here) but nothing could compare to how guilty I would feel if I talked DH into it and something ended up happening to DD. We're donating money to a national group and clothes to the local victims and whatever else we can.

aliceinwonderland
09-03-2005, 07:21 PM
We put our name and address on the list. We do not have a spare room, but in the unlikely event that we get matched, would move DS into our room and have them use the nursery, which has a futon in it too.

We did not give it much thought, seemed like a no-brainer. We gave money too, but there's not much of that to give, so...


But I'm thinking now if my school ends up getting some Tulane students, that might be a better situation.

starrynight
09-03-2005, 07:53 PM
We can't but I would if I could. With Alex and Eliza's SID it's just not a good idea, both can't handle change well or chaos of any kind and we also aren't allowed to have visitors here for more than 2 weeks or we can lose our house so really impossible for us.

If I was going to do it I would take collage student for a semester or two. I couldn't afford to do it for more than that time frame.

hez
09-03-2005, 08:38 PM
Pretty much ditto here. We feel a lot the same way about preferring to know *something* about the folks who might sleep under our roof. It's not an automatic yes or no for us.

stella
09-03-2005, 09:59 PM
I have offered our garage apartment through my alma mater university's website. I am not comfortable allowing strangers in my actual home as I have a responsibility to my children to keep them safe.

The need is going to be so overwhelming - the first image of those needing housing that comes to my mind is those evacuated POST-hurricane. In actuality, at least 600,000 from NO are without housing, probably that many from the MS gulf coast. Those who left ahead of time and rode out the storm in safety away from the coast now have NOTHING to go back to, so the need is extreme!

Our city in West Texas is on the list to receive refugees and I will almost certainly volunteer there with donations, arranging job interviews, helping with applications for assistance.

Claire

mainepotato
09-03-2005, 10:14 PM
I'd be happy to foster an orphaned child or possibly an elderly woman, but otherwise, probably not. It would be a risk, and I have to put my children first.

egfmba
09-04-2005, 01:12 AM
A woman I work with was discussing this with me the just yesterday. Her big issue is the time. This isn't just for a weekend. It's for a long-term period. And if something happens and you don't get along with them, how do you kick them out? They have nowhere else to go? Or what if they lack the ability to get past the trauma somehow? How do you keep your own life on track in a situation like that? There are so many issues that accompany this type of decision; I really admire those who consider it carefully as compared to those who just outright say no without thinking about it.

It's not possible for us to house another family. We have enough issues trying to keep our heads above water, especially with DS's recent PDDNOS diagnosis. We may have to pay for a private school to get him proper treatment, and as it is, we're living on credit/loans because I've been in school and out of work for 5 years (couldn't find a job with an MBA; trying for a JD). Sure, the letters behind the name are nice, but until they actually result in a paying job, we're in no position to host another family. Which really pisses me off, because I'd really like to be able to reach out to others and make a hopeless situation a little better. At least I have a house to go with my mortgage; these people still have the mortgage, but nothing else. It brings me to tears every time I think about the devastation.

So basically, all I can do is feel guilty (she says ruefully).

bcky2
09-04-2005, 08:26 AM
my mom thought about it as she lives alone and would have some room. then she really got to thinking about it and decided that it may not be a good idea for her. first of all she lives alone and she would have no idea who the person or people are and if her safety would be an issue. that wasnt the thought that made up her mind though, it was the thought that alot of these people may have post tramatic stress syndrom and she may not be able to help/take care of someone if that occurs.

lizajane
09-04-2005, 12:12 PM
my DH was very enthusiastic about it. which baffled me, honestly, because i think we are always stressed over the chaos. of course, our chaos is NOTHING compared to those affected by the storm. but as many have said, we need to put our children first. and if we are already stressed from having two little kids, what happens when a whole family moves into our (finished) basement? what if they are completely different from us and do/say things that we find inappropriate for our children? i feel HORRIBLE for saying this, but what if they take this tragedy as an opportunity to freeload? or worse, what if they steal from us after feeling resentful that we have so much and they have nothing?

i think if our church brings up some familes that are interested in our community, i would be interested. but i just can't imagine how we would cope with a family affecting our children's upbringing when we work so hard to do what we think is best for them.

feeling very guilty and selfish in raleigh (even though we gave money and are helping an individual-sonia's cousin- who lost everything...)

trumansmom
09-04-2005, 09:59 PM
Liza- I think you were reading my mind today! This is exactly the thought process I went through. DH and I talked about offering our finished basement as well, which currently serves as a guest room and family room. However, I'm feeling really hesitant now. I went so far as to fill out the form online, but didn't hit send!

I'm going to think about this some more, see what our church does, and then decide.

Please, if anyone can help persuade me and push me to making the offer, I would appreicate it. I am making financial contributions, but we really can't afford to give much. I feel like I need to do more and am feeling rotten about it.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04
Independent Consultant, Do-Re-Me & You!

jasmine_bay
09-05-2005, 01:34 PM
Thank you all for posting. You brought up very valid concerns that DH and I had not considered like legal ramifications and emotional needs. After much discussion though, we decided that in spite of these unknowns, the need to help outweighs our uncertainties. So last night we signed up on various websites to share our home. We've also contacted a few churches here who are working to place families.

On another BB, a poster said that there have been very few match-ups. She said that when she went to Reunion Arena there were many people offering free homes, apartments, etc., but very few takers. A volunteer brought her to a mom with two kids who wanted to get out of the shelter, but when the poster made the offer, the mom refused. The poster then offered to give two black men a ride to the bus station. They didn't refuse nor accept, but when a black woman made the same offer to the men, they accepted. This sparked a whole discussion about race relations (poster was white, person who refused was black), but it made me think maybe there won't be anyone who wants to stay with my family.

DH and I are willing to help any family in need, but on the sites to which I posted, I wrote that my preference was for a Vietnamese family for the practical reasons that I speak Vietnamese and have plenty of Vietnamese food in the house. I can see why fear of the unknown would keep people from accepting housing offers, but never considered that race would be a hindering factor.