Sarah (Saartje) and Ashley: hope you guys are okay!

[knaidel]

I know that within the past few weeks Sarah (Saartje) and Ashley (can't think of her user name) posted that they were going through some difficulties. Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about both of you (and I'm sure others have been, too.)
Hope everything is on a road to being okay.

[Mommy_Again]

Rachel, you are very sweet to think of us. I am doing better. I wrote that post at a very emotionally charged time- and although DH's drinking and verbal abuse is unacceptable, I do think our marriage can be saved, and more importantly, I want to save it. When things are good, they are really good- and I think we can find a way to phase out the bad parts (right now it is a 50/50 split). I found a new therapist that I really like to help me sort through everything.

At first I was thinking I was going to research 30-day treatment facilities and tell him he had to go in, or DS and I were moving out. But knowing his personality, that will push his back up against the wall and make him lash out even more.

So my new approach will be (still have to discuss with therapist): it is unreasonable for me to ask him to quit drinking completely (he thinks I am trying to dictate how he lives his life), but I cannot go on the way things are. I am willing to make whatever changes in myself that will improve the marriage, but I need him to start seeing a therapist to work through stress/anger management issues that are causing him to abuse alcohol so severely and lash out so viciously.

Basically, I have to appeal to his macho ego and play mind games, so he doesn't think that I am controlling his behavior or demanding he give up everything. Maybe I'm being naive, but I've been reading a lot about the psychological aspects of alcoholism, and I think in his case, a lot of his behavior is fueled by environmental issues (job stress), as well as things growing up that he hasnt dealt with. So I think I owe it to our marriage to try to get him help without taking a drastic step that could ultimately backfire. I'll talk it over with my therapist for a few more weeks and then have a "big talk" with DH. If he is not open to changing and helping himself, then I'll have to figure out plan B.

Thanks again for everyone's support, it really meant a lot. I hope I am doing the right thing- I don't think it will be a quick fix but I'll keep you posted.

[mudder17]

You and your DS will remain in my prayers. I will look for your updates.


Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif for Leah

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif , 19 months, hoping for 2 years


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/catcatcvi20040222_4_Kaya+is.png

[HannaAddict]

Ashley,

Just please be careful for your and your son's sake. Good luck.

Kimberly

[bluej]

Ashley, thank you for an update. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[Saartje]

Thanks for asking, Rachel.

Since I didn't specify what was wrong before (and still without going into many details right now): DH and I were having serious problems. For a while there, it really didn't look like we would be able to work things out. Thankfully, that's changed now. We're both confident now that it will all be ok in the end, though we still have a lot to work through. We'll be working through it all together.

So, yes. Everything is on a road to being okay, long though the road may be.

[mudder17]

Thanks for checking in Sarah--I still owe you an e-mail! You are both in my thoughts.

Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif for Leah

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif , 19 months, hoping for 2 years


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/catcatcvi20040222_4_Kaya+is.png