I think that we have spoiled our 3 month old! Help!

[kimbe]

So all the books I have read say that you can't spoil 'em this early. Well, I think that DH and I beg to differ. We don't know what to do!

When DD is not eating, sleeping or playing, she wants to be held. She wants to be held facing out and we have to be STANDING....if not she will SCREAM. The problems are that she is NOT a light child (95% in weight,) I just can't hold her all the time and we are tired! (We don't mind holding her a little and would be willing to to SIT and hold her once in awhile. We're negotiable! :) )

Don't get me wrong, she plays on the floor a lot and eats fine and sleeps enough and we LOVE holding her, but it really seems like she knows what she wants and will cry until she gets it.

We thought that she was crying because she was tired...well, sometimes she does her screaming/I want to be held thing right after she wakes up. Then we thought, maybe she is teething, but we don't think that teething pain goes away when you stand up!

We have THOUGHT about letting her CIO, but we can't get past the thought. I can't imagine letting her cry. Is there anything else that we can do??? My arms hurt!

TIA!

[jd11365]

My DD would not let me put her down for 4 months! Fortunately by the 4th month, out came the Megasaucer and my arms could finally rest. ;) I might suggest going over to the carrier section to check out slings/carriers. Kayla didn't like them by the time we tried them, but if we have future children, they are coming home in a sling so they will be used to it from the start!

She's not spoiled, she just wants to be held. You are doing everything right...though I would definitely check out the sling section...and just a few more weeks until you can break out the megasaucer!

HTH!

[SuenosDelMar]

I am not sure that is such unusual behavior for a 3 month old. I would suggest getting a sling or baby carrier. Check out that forum on the boards for more info.

We got a pouch from mom and me creations and loved it for when DD was in her clingy phase. It allows the child to be held while you move around and get some chores done.

[kimbe]

LOL --- the mega saucer is put together and waiting!!!! I agree with slinging the next kid...he or she is going from womb to sling!

Thanks for the support!

[kijip]

I would look into getting a sling for the 3 month old and not wait for the second baby. It can make a huge difference- lightens your load and gives you your hands free.

[kijip]

Sounds typical to me. No worries you have not spoiled her at all- some babies need to held a lot.

CIO is not an option until she is a bit older- 4-6 months minimum.

This is a period that will pass so big hugs to you while you are in the thick of it and know that it will come to an end!

[Rachels]

Babies need to be held. It's not something you did wrong, and it's not something she's doing wrong. She's very new at life in the world, and it will take her a while to figure it out. She's too little to soothe herself really, and she needs you to do it for her. That's not to say it's not exhausting, but exhausting and problematic are not the same thing.

Try a sling or pouch! It might help you both.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
New baby coming in October!
(Holy smokes, it's a boy!!!)


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif
Nursed for three years!

[stillplayswithbarbies]

> but it really seems
>like she knows what she wants and will cry until she gets it.
>
>

No, she knows what she needs. Babies need to be held and to be close to their caregivers. She is crying because she has a need, and as the caregiver it is up to you to provide for her needs.

It won't last forever, enjoy the closeness now.

...Karen
DS Jake Feb 91, DD Logan Mar 03
http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/superpower.gif http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/borntobebreastfed2.gif

[kimbe]

Thank you! Sometimes I just need some reassurance that I am doing the right things and not ruining my kid and that she is normal and there is nothing wrong with her. :) (Although I think she has a fever all the time, really annoys DH!) Sometimes, "advice" from MILs and Aunts etc, HAUNTS me and makes me second guess myself. I have turned into a champion worry-wart. Phew, I can feel the ulcers developing! I am so glad that I have all you guys to bring me back to reality!

[nov04]

I remember this stage well. It was very tiring but well worth making dd comfortable and feeling safe. I held her whenever she wanted for months and gained her trust . Now my little girl is very independant!!!! She knows I'll respond to her right away and meets new ppl, plays all the time and crawls/cruises everywhere. I know it seems like forever now, but this stage lasts such a short time.

[lisaE]

Connor wanted to be held all the time too! I just want to cast another vote for the sling idea. DS is 20 months and he still loves the sling. We were all out of town this weekend and he spent a LOT of time in the Maya Wrap!

Hang in there Mama. Don't feel bad for giving your DD what she needs.

[MarisaSF]

I'll throw in some more support and suggestion to get a baby carrier of some sort. Also wanted to add that, in this stage, you really want to watch out for your back. Get fitted with a good carrier and get some tips for carrying safely. The kid's not gonna get lighter. I've known several parents who threw out their backs at this stage.

Good luck!

[lisams]

Only things left on the shelf too long spoil ;-) Seriously though, she is behaving like a normal three month old! It will get better, and holding your DD will not make it worse.

Do you have a sling? It would help with your arms getting tired, and you can do more things too since your arms will be free. DD was also a big baby so I totally know that feeling of needing to give your arms a rest!

Hang in there, it'll get better soon!

[brittone2]

Nothing new to add other than chiming in yet again with the fact that this is very normal :) I also fourth, fifth, sixth...whatever we're up to...the recommendation for a sling. My DS is 19 months and still likes to be held a lot...we use our slings quite a bit. They can be absolute life savers :)

Your presence and physical closeness are comforting to her and that can help her teething pain (if that is what it is), tummy bubbles, whatever... any chance of reflux? That can also lead to her desiring to be more upright (although it can be totally normal no matter what).

I'm not a fan of CIO in general but even if you decide to go that route, she's much too young IMHO to consider it a this point. It is hard but before long this too will pass :) Follow your instincts as a mama and you'll all be fine :)

[Rachels]

Trust your instincts! My daughter is creeping up on three and a half, and I'm seeing the tremendous benefits of having really focused on her needs and her own development and timetable in her first years. It's amazing to watch and makes me so glad that I honored her. I don't regret a minute of that holding time while she needed it. Hang in there!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
New baby coming in October!
(Holy smokes, it's a boy!!!)


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif
Nursed for three years!

[juliasmom05]

Hi Kim,

I could have written your post. Julia was just like that, and still is a little bit. She would cry if she wasn't being carried facing out. We would try to sit down for a break, and the minute we would sit down, the crying would start. As soon as we stood up, she was quiet. I know how tiring it gets. Sometimes we would put her in the stroller in the house and just push her back and forth in the living room to quiet her. I ended up getting a hip carrier and it has worked wonders. Try her in the excersaucer. We just put Julia in hers and she loves it. I wish we had tried it sooner.

I am not sure what time of the day you guys have to walk her around but we mostly had to walk her around in the early evening. At first we didn't want to put her to bed too early, because we thought she wouldn't sleep at night. But then we read Weissbluth's book and decided that she was just tired and that an earlier bed time would be better. We then started to get her ready for bed around 6:00 and asleep by 7:00. This really worked for us to cut down having to carry her just to quiet her down.

It does get better. Probably around 4 months, she didn't need to be carried as much but even now she still wants our attention all the time. I don't think we have had to walk her around for over a month now.

Hang in there, Kim.

Marci

Mom to Julia 4/12/05

[proggoddess]

I also agree to check and see if there is something physically bothering her. My DD needed to be held all the time and was up every hour at night until we discovered that she was intolerant to the dairy in my diet. A few days after I stopped eating dairy, she slept through the night (well, 6 hours) and was a much happier/less clingy baby.

[randomkid]

Just to chime in since I haven't seen your question about having to stand with her addressed. My DD also needed to be held a lot, esp. at nap time. I would get her to sleep (I had to be standing) and when I thought she was almost out, I would sit down with her to rest. She would immediately start screaming! I would think "WTH? How does she know that I sat down? I'm soooo tired!" I still haven't figured that one out and even now sometimes she wants me to be standing. Maybe it has to do with the movement since you do still sway a little even when standing still?

She is now 8 months and still likes to be held, but is crawling all over the place and I definitely don't hold her as much. Now she even fusses to be put down! ITA with the sling - I wish I would have gotten one sooner. I have had a pouch for a few months and sling DD on my hip. It's great and she took to it after only a couple of tries. Don't be suprised if your DD squirms and fusses at first, but keep trying it - it will usually work out. When I first used it, I took DD to the store and she was so interested in everything around her, she would forget about the sling. I did have to take her out the first couple of times, but I just kept working with her and now she will fall asleep in it when we are in the grocery store!

As for CIO...doesn't work for us. I've tried a little since I don't really like it, but wanted to see if it would work. Seems DD just gets herself more and more upset and then it is almost impossible to settle her down. Then, she doesn't sleep well and wakes up every hour crying. She is getting better at going to bed, but I think it will take a little longer than those that can CIO. My mom said that I had to be rocked to sleep for a very long time. Like mother, like daughter, I suppose. Do what feels right to you.

Look at it this way. There will come a day when she doesn't want to be held at all and/or she is just too big. A friend of mine has a DD the same age as mine and she doesn't want to be held much, period. When they try to pick her up, she screams! Enjoy it while you can even though you are tired because this will end someday and you will probably miss it. Be grateful for a loving, affectionate little girl!

HTH,

[KrisM]

She's not spoiled. She just needs to be held! For us, that lasted until 4 months or so. I remember my mom telling me that I shouldn't hold him for all naps or he'd never sleep in a crib. Well, sure enough at about 4 months, he wanted the crib and now won't sleep anywhere else. In a year, you'll be wishing she'd let you just hold her, lol.

Check out the carrier forum and figure out what would work. It'll save your arms!

[hobey]

ITA w/ all the previous posters. DS needed to be held for the first 5-6 months of his life for naps, etc. so we spent the majority of time with him in a pouch or the Baby Bjorn or just cuddling on the couch. Savor these moments. He's now going on two and is a highly independent toddler. :)

Raquel
Nathan's Mom 12/19/03

[JacksMommy]

3 months old is definitely not too late for a sling. I didn't get my KKAFP until DS was six months (we used the bjorn before then) but it was still a huge arm saver and he liked it right away. Also, a mei tei allows you to put baby on your back (it's trickier but still do-able with a little one) so you can save your arms and still get things done around the house.

Laurel
WOHM to Jack, 6/4/02
Baby Madeline 12/14/04

[JacksMommy]

Dp -don't understand how that happened.

[JacksMommy]

Triple post. ARgh!

[amp]

Very, very normal for a baby of this age. You can't spoil her this young. She is clinging because she realizes that you represent safety, comfort, etc and she doesn't want to leave that. And while her crying is a way to get you to respond, she doesn't have any malicious intent or any desire to "manipulate you". She just doesn't have any other way of communicating or demanding what she needs, which is comfort and physical closeness. It's normal! As trying as it is, try to enjoy it. There will come a time when she'll want to do her own thing and will hardly want to be held. It all goes so quickly! You're teaching her a valuable lesson by responding to her cries....that you will protect her, love her, respond to her. That's not a bad message to send really. It's part of what will make her more confident and independent later on.

[BillK]

Our son wasn't happy the first few months unless you were holding him and bouncing up and down (even if just slightly). I wouldn't be too worried - it will pass soon enough and then you'll wonder why all they want to do is squirm and be out and about scooting around grabbing stuff and want nothing to do with ya! :)

In fact - it's funny - to watch our baptism video now - my poor wife stood through the whole thing holding him and bouncing up and down. It's pretty hilarious.

[saschalicks]

Sarah,
There must be something about the date your DD was born b/c it was the same day DS was born a year before. LOL

But really I want to tell you the same thing happened to me and suddenly he liked the swing more, then he loved his exersaucer. Your DD will eventually grow out of it and you'll long for the days of holding her. My DS won't even let me hug him now b/c he's too busy playing/getting into trouble. I can't believe he's the same kid who had to be held ALL OF THE TIME.

HTH

[kimbe]

Funny about your baptism, we have to "sit" in the back of church now because one of us has to stand with DD the whole time! (We feel bad blocking the view so we hang in the back.)

We LOVE holding her....we just wish she'd let us SIT and hold her! :)

[Tondi G]

SOOO so normal. my 2nd DS is about to turn 5 months and in the last month we have seen major changes in him. He will let us sit.... and he loves to sit himself! Now that he is much sturdier as far as sitting up goes he is finally sitting in the stroller for longer than 2 minutes as well as the swing..... he just wanted to be upright! Your little one will give you a break in about a month or two.... hang in there! The Baby Bjorn was our savior for the first few months... now he is loving the backpack! Oh and we put him in the saucer at about 3 or 3.5 months.... proped a blanket up behind him and he was so pleased..... now he is jumping up and down and really exploring the toys etc.! His Big brother was the exact same way... actually worse... and now he is a fabulous, independant, loving 4 year old!!!

~Tondi
Mommy to Mason 7/8/01 and Aidan 5/4/05

[lizamann]

Is it bouncing or standing that she wants you to do? If she likes bouncing, I've heard that some parents buy those exercise ball chairs and bounce up and down on those. The chairs are really expensive, so you can just put the ball in a box or crate and get the same effect.

Sling and bounce while surfing the web!

Just a thought - it may not work at all for you. I hope you find something that does!

[molly]

I read this post yesterday I think and have been thinking of it and wanted to respond. My DS (who is now 2 1/2) was similar to this, for a period of time I held him ALL the time, through naps etc. I agree with what everyone else has said, you are not spoiling your DD by holding her, and she will "grow" out of it as she gets a little older and a little more interested in the world around her, however, I will say that if you are unhappy with the way things are, there is nothing wrong with trying to change things so that you are happy too. There were times when I know I felt unhappy with always (we are talking all day long) holding him. I never had time to clean/cook/shower - everything was a rush because I knew that he needed me. If you are feeling like this, what I would do, is just take it really slow and try almost weaning her from all of the physical attachment. (maybe weaning isn't the right word) Like for her wake time, try holding her while sitting, I think distracting with a toy or even a book maybe would help, then if you get to a point where she's content with that, then try laying her on the floor next to you, always being right there even with physical contact, then maybe you can gradually get to a time when you are able to put her down, she'll be content with a toy or two for a minute and you can get a little break. This may take days or maybe it's totally out in left field and makes no sense, but I just wanted to give you some support if you are unhappy with the way things are going. I will say this, you'll probably never get to hold another baby as much as you do this one! After having my second, I look back on that time when I was kind of going crazy with constantly having him in my arms and I'm so grateful for being able to do it! Hope this makes some sense and maybe is a little helpful too...

molly
mom to william and emma

[JTsMom]

Someone mentioned bouncing on a ball- I swear, the $25 I spent on an exercise ball at Target has been my best baby investment! DS was the same way- had to be held standing up for hours at a time. But then, I pulled out the magical ball! I put on jazz or ocean waves, bounce, and he's generally out in 5 minutes. :)