At what age would you leave your DC for a week?

[rupptopia]

DH and I both need a break! He travels Mon-Thurs every week & is on "partner track" so he is working very hard, long days on the road. I'm by myself all week with one year old DS, which can be pretty tough depending on what's going on. Not to mention lonely - but I do OK with playgroups, gymboree, hanging out with my SIL, etc. Bit of an adjustment staying home v. working with the lack of adult contact.

But after a year now, I really need some time off and some time with the husband. I'm sure DH does too.

So what age would you leave your DC for a full week?

DS would be staying with my folks who he is very comfortable with, naps fine for them & has a great time with the constant attention. We have already planned a mini getaway next weekend for a couple nights & we will only be a couple hours away. That should be a good trial run to see how he does.

Michelle
Mom to Alex born 9/28/04

[bunnisa]

Honestly, if you have a good situation to place him in (as you do) then it's probably just whatever you're comfortable with.

That said, I couldn't leave DS for a week (he's 2 1/2). We'd miss him too much! DH and I have gone on a few overnight trips sans DS and we miss him just in that short span of time.

I think the trial run is a great idea, just to see how everyone feels!

Bethany
mom to one and one on the way!
http://lilypie.com/days/060226/0/8/1/-6/.png
"And children are always a good thing, devoutly to be wished for and fiercely to be fought for."
-J. Torres

[jbowman]

DH and I went away for about 4 days when DD was about 4 months old. Then I went to Italy for two weeks (I took a group of students overseas for a class I was teaching) when DD was 17 months old (DH stayed home, and my parents and ILs both watched her during that time).

IMHO it's a very personal decision. It wasn't easy for me to leave DD, but I was (and still am) comfortable with the decisions that I made. If you want to go away with your DH on vacation, I say: go for it! Sounds as if your DS (and your parents) would enjoy the time. JMHO, of course!

[erosenst]

We left Abby for four full days last month - she was 20 months. We didn't have a need/reason to do it earlier, but likely would have. I'm hedging my answer a little, as I was nursing. I stopped pumping at 12 months, and wouldn't have wanted to start again to keep up my supply while gone for a week! So - I'd have to balance off my desire to be gone for a week with my dislike of pumping...

[JBaxter]

I think my oldest 2 were 8 & 5 when I left them for 5 days. I have never left Nathan ( 23months) and I dont think I could anytime soon.

[Melanie]

I have not yet and he is almost 4. I've not left him for an overnight either.

[TraciG]

Definitely a personal decision, if u are comfortable with it then go & have a GREAT time, you'll see how you feel on the " trial weekend "

I myself couldn't leave Sydney who is almost 2 but that's me ! Sometimes I WISH I could feel ok about leaving her but I just can't.

if u choose to go have a great time :)

[Sarah1]

We left Audrey for two long weekends (like 3 nights) when she was 8 months old.

Then, a couple of months before her 2nd birthday, we were gone for almost a week (5 nights).

She did fine. :) It was really great to have some couple time.

[cmdunn1972]

I would think it would depend on your DS's level of development and what you and DH are comfortable with. If you think DS wouldn't be confused or miss you too much, and if you and DH wouldn't miss your DS too much, then go ahead!

[colleenfs]

It totally depends on your child. I didn't feel comfortable being away from Julia for a long time because of her severe sleep issues.
We finally left her with my parents for about 10 days last summer when she was 2.5 while DH and I went to Italy. I did miss her, but by the 2nd day, we knew she was fine. Thank goodnes for Interet kiosks! She still talks about going to Grammy's "all by myself. You and Daddy stay home!" She wants to do it again!

~Colleen
Mama to Julia, 1-10-02
and Emma Marie, born 7-27-05

[jk3]

It sounds as if you have the ideal situation for leaving him when you are away. We left our DS for one night when he was 9 months old, one night when he was 15 months old and one night when he was 21 months old. I was nervous initially but we enjoyed each of our mini-trips. I would definitely go with the trial run and then for the longer trip if it's a success.

Jenn
DS 6/3/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[JElaineB]

Maybe I'm weird but I couldn't leave DS without either DH or I for a week yet. I would probably be fine leaving him 3 or 4 days at this point, but that is probably the most. In reality we have only left him once overnight (one night) without us at MIL's this past June. Otherwise DH or I have been with him every night. But we were never big vacationers before we had DS, so it isn't any hardship on us to not leave him, it is just the way we are I guess.

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[aliceinwonderland]

with my parents and sisters in January. He spent half the summer with his father while I was in another city for work. We have left for overnight trips before, but nothing more only because we haven't had the chance.

He has adjusted fine and is the happiest kid ever :) I just wanted to post my experience to hopefully illustrate that there is huge variation and that there is no "right answer" and you need to do what you feel comfy with :)

Edited to add my DS is almost 18 months now.

[kath68]

Have a wonderful trip! Sounds like you have a great setup.

Just wanted to add my "happy medium" experience -- about a month ago I had a business trip that DH & I morphed into a week vacation. We took DS. But my parents were nearby and he stayed with them, while we had a hotel room. I got to put DS to bed every night, except one when I had to go out to dinner with my business companions. DS spent his days with his grandparents, which he loved.

So I got the benefit of a hotel room away from DS, someone else tending to his morning routine (which I find to be the most gruelling part of parenting, since there is no sleeping in), and I got to put him to bed -- which is great since I am still nursing. It also meant that DS's routine wasn't all that messed up.

You know your kid and your family's needs. A little time away can make a huge difference to a family's collective sanity, and if you think you are ready, you are ready. Enjoy!

[TahliasMom]

Sounds like you have a good setup, with the trial run and someone you trust watching your DS. we all need a break and it only makes us better parents! I wish DH and I could get away but we just don't have anyone we can leave dd overnight with!

[ett]

DS is 26 months and I have never been away from him overnight. Probably won't anytime soon either. I'd miss him too much!

[brigmaman]

I think in the very beginning I had a hard time even going to the grocery store. But it wasn't long before a week away sounded nice. Dh still has trouble being away even one night, though.
It's fine to put yourelf and your relationship w/dh first for a little vaca. :) I can't remember exactly when I would have been comfortable leaving but I'd say it was sooner with my second. If it feels right to you, then go for it! I'd feel wonderful knowing that my baby was with my parents and it sounds as though you are comfortable with yours as well. Enjoy next weekend and then you can get to planning!

[sntm]

I still couldn't leave Jack without one of us with him. When he was almost two, I finally left him home when going to a conference, which involved 4 1/2 days away from him, but he was with DH the whole time. DH has been away for a few trips of at most 10 days (that was a military one.). It was strange to be myself -- in some ways good, but in other ways like a weird flashback to what it was like before marriage/kids.

It may be different for us, though, since we both work and already don't have enough time with Jack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif[/img][/url]
Breastfeeding 2 years & counting

[brigmaman]

Shannon, that's a good point re: working and feeling as though you don't have time enough already. On days that I work, I don't want to do anything at night. I try not to plan visits to grandparents, etc. on those days because I don't want to miss any more time with my dc's than I have to. ;)

[alexsmommy]

I agree with everyone - it's such a personal decision - there is no right or wrong, and it has nothing to do with one's "attachment" to their child. If you haven't left him more than overnight though, I would maybe consider a trial run for both your parents and your son. My mother (and father when he gets home from work) keep my DS three days a week when I work. He has duplicates of just about every type of paraphanalia made at their home and tons and tons of toys. Still, I struggled leaving him overnight there when he was 10 months old - and I was in town! Once I (note - me, not DS, he was fine) got used to it though, it made it much easier when we had late night events such as weddings and he probably has spent the night once every two or three months since then. I say all this b/c we recently went away for what was supposed to be five nights (we we're getting in too late to get DS the day we came back). By day five we were missing DS terribly and were very ready to come home. We lucked out and managed to get on an earlier flight - and I have to say, my parents looked relieved when we showed up at 8pm a day early. They were wiped out. DS did great though and I would definately do it again. We all agreed (the adults) that three nights, four days seemed to be the best length of time for now, so we'll limit our trips to that until DS is past the run, run, run, run, run stage. Whatever you decide, I hope you have a wonderful, rejuvenating trip.
Alaina
Alex 2-4-03

[crayonblue]

I think it depends on the child.

DH was gone for 12 days this past summer and it really affected Lauren. Then, I had surgery and DH took care of her for a week and this too really affected her. Although she had a blast with DH, it was highly distressing to Lauren to not have me there. She started biting her nails and tugging at her eyelashes (definitely a sign of distress). This was over a month ago and I am still trying to break the habits. So, the answer for us is that we won't be leaving Lauren anytime soon and she is two.

I would do the mini getaway and see how your child does and then go from there.

[jesseandgrace]

My 2 cents would be that it is not bad for your child if your child is already comfortable there, so it just depends on your comfort level. If I had someone to take my kids for a week, and they felt comfortable, and I felt comfortable, I would do it in a heartbeat. In the long run I think it is good for everyone to have a happy (happier :)) mom and dad. Sadly, I don't have anyone to take my kids, I don't think they could last longer than a weekend, and I'm not there yet either :(. Last month my then 4 year old now 5 year old, and 2 year old spent their first night away from us. We've both been away a day or two by ourselves while the kids were with one parent, but it was the first time away from both of us. I think it was not long enough to see what it was really like, so your few days seem perfect. If you have the help and everyone is comfortable I think it sounds wonderful. I wish that it were easier for me and I had someone to watch my kids for me because I would love to do it. I know it isn't an attachment issue as the pp said, we all couldn't be any more attached I'm sure, I think for me it is that I am a worrier about the kids, and if I'm not there to watch them I worry more. I so wish that was not the case, and so does dh, but since we have no chance to leave them it doesn't really become an issue. I say enjoy yourself.

[muskiesusan]

The only "vacation" I have taken without Nick was when I was in the hospital delivering Alex. My kids are 4 and 17.5 months.

But, after the past few weeks, I am thinking I need to take a trip sans kids soon!

Do whatever you feel is right!

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

[octmom]

Maybe when he's going off to college? ;) Just kidding. It sounds like you have a good situation and that your trial run next month will be a good test. I agree with the PPs that it really is a very personal decision, but it sounds like you and your DH both deserve a break together!

I haven't been away from DS overnight yet and he will be two at the end of the month. DH has been away from us for about five or six nights total since DS was born and he misses him (and me) terribly when he is away. I'm already getting nervous about being away from DS when I am in the hospital having #2 this spring.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03

http://bd.lilypie.com/UB6Bm4/.png


"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[McQ]

I left Declan for a week when he was 15 months old. It was on our last adult/alone time before Meghan was born. I missed him bunches but it was wonderful for DH and I to have some time to be together. Declan did great being with my mom. I was aprehensive at first, but glad we did it.

You and your DH should do this too. You will all feel so refreshed and happy.

Allison
~ mama to Declan and Meghan

[rupptopia]

Thanks to everyone for all the responses!

I think I will know if the week will work or not after the mini getaway this coming weekend. My parents are very excited about watching DS & have already made the house baby friendly. They live 2 hours away but he has just as many toys there as at home. (First & only grandkid!) Dad has even put baby locks on the kitchen & bathroom cabinets. So I am not concerned about DS's well-being at all, except for how much he may miss me & how that will affect him of course.

My DH isn't concerned b/c he doesn't see DS for days at a time anyway, we're just adding a few extra. I did make explain that it could be tough on me though, I hope he understands. We used to travel a ton when we lived in London, just about every month we did a weekend away and other longer trips. It would be great to get a little of that romance back :)

Thanks again, I value all your opinions.

Michelle
Mom to Alex born 9/28/04

[crayonblue]

Your parents sound great! I think that what they have done (baby proofing the house) will greatly ease your mind. I hope you and your DH have a great time! I also think you are very smart to try the mini-weekend first. But, it all sounds like your DS will do just fine and you'll get that week vacation!