SAHMs- Who has 'help' in the house? [Archive] - Baby Bargains & Baby 411 Community

nofeea

10-11-2005, 02:03 PM

The other SAHM thread had me wondering... Are all of you other SAHMs really SuperMoms? Cooking? Cleaning? Running after a couple of toddlers AND putting on lipstick?????? I'm impressed. Is everyone managing all of this without any help? And if you have help, how much? (ie.- once a week cleaning/babysitting, twice a week, a couple of hours?)
I have no help at the moment but I'm doing a pretty lousy job at most of the above (except the childcare!) DH seems to think that SAHM means you have time to cook, clean, do laundry, etc... while taking care of the kids. Are the rest of you managing this or do most SAHMs now have some kind of help?
Waiting to hear...

Thanks.

kedss

10-11-2005, 02:15 PM

I'm lucky since DH likes to do things his way, I usually get out of most of the housework :) He's more neatfreaky than I am(which doesn't say much) except for keeping the bathroom clean unfortanately....

I cook when I get the chance, and I hope that when DS gets bigger we will cook together.

I love my sweats and I wasn't a big makeup wearer pre-DS and I definitely wear less now.

I'm curious to hear how others deal with their days:)

knaidel

10-11-2005, 02:19 PM

Well, I'm a WAHM- I have babysitting help. However, most of the SAHMs in my neighborhood do have help- be it babysitting a few mornings a week or cleaning help. Some people have both. Honestly, I know very few SAHMs around here who don't have any help. A lot of people I know have a combination cleaning person/babysitter (the person is there while kid is napping and mom is running errands.)
Also, for what its worth, I live in a middle to upper middle class neighborhood of Chicago. So it's not like I'm living in an area with super rich people in mega-mansions. I think it's pretty normal.
ETA: your job is to be with your kids. If cleaning is taking away from that, and it's within your means, then you shouldn't feel bad about having help.

Marisa6826

10-11-2005, 02:19 PM

My sitter comes two times a week from 8-2pm. On one of those days, she stays home with Mia so I can take Sophie to Little Gym. My sitter does the girls' laundry when she's here and the rest of it normally gets done on Sunday by Jonathan (he likes doing it).

I do all the shopping - Target, Costco, groceries, etc. I also pay the bills.

I have a cleaning lady that comes every other week. I've not been thrilled with her for the past two months or so, but I've not had much luck in finding a new one. We have two guys come and do our lawn. In the fall, they take care of the leaves and in the winter, the snow.

As far as cooking goes, I'm starting to get a *little* better about it. I actually love to cook, but find it hard to do when I'm home alone with the kids. I don't like having them in the kitchen while I"m working with knives, hot pans, hot stove, etc. It would be fair to say that we eat an inordinate amount of pasta. ;)

I'm of the school that a SAHM's job is to be a MOM - not a MAID. There will be never a day where I will clean toilets and polish floors instead of play Legos with Sophie and read to Mia. I suggest you let your DH take a week off from work and let him do what he thinks he can with a couple kids, a dirty house, an empty fridge and a pile of dirty clothes. ;)

-m

DebbieJ

10-11-2005, 02:20 PM

I send my son to a Mother's Day Out program for three hours one day a week. Then I get three hours of silence to make phone calls (you know those annoying calls to the insurance company??). But in terms of help actually doing the household tasks like cleaning, laundry, bill paying, I do it all myself! Actually, DH has recently started doing the bathrooms and sometimes unloads the dishwasher. I am a WAHM, so naptimes are for work! I just squeeze in the rest when I can.

I see the things I do as a WAHM as a part of my expression of affection and care to DH and DS. I do laundry once a week, but it often takes a few days longer to get it folded and actually put away. I cook or plan for dinner every night of the week. I make sure ds is clothed and fed. I keep the house as clean and tidy as I can.

I'm in no ways SuperMom, but I think I'm doing okay. For me the key is getting up and getting going in the morning. No sitting around in PJs otherwise the whole day is shot.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
Breastfed for 20 months and 6 days

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

lizamann

10-11-2005, 02:26 PM

I manage the laundry and the childcare just fine.

Cleaning and lipstick, though, not so much!

I have help, and should hire more. It's a hard mental hurdle for me to jump, though, coming from a working class background where none of my ancestors ever hired help for ANYTHING. But thankfully we can afford it, so I need to get over myself and just do it.

I have a babysitter twice a week for a couple hours, during which time I do whatever needs doing, which sometimes includes reading at the coffee shop LOL. But sometimes I get more done in those hours than I did in a whole week pre-baby! I hire housekeepers on a sporadic basis, which ends up being less than once a month. I really should do it more often, though.

I am cooking more and more, but we still order delivery or eat out several times per week. For us, that is part of the fun, and a reason for, living in the city.

We just moved into our first non-rental. I am realizing that there is a TON of work involved in keeping a home orderly, decorated, and functional. So even if I don't scrub the toilets, I am working really hard rubbing out fingerprints on the appliances and keeping drawers and closets organized. Just last night I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the scope of this job we have of just living and keeping things and ourselves maintained. Egads. So I realize I will be happier subcontracting out the less pleasant bits.

cmdunn1972

10-11-2005, 02:36 PM

I'm happy to report that DH helps out with the housework as much as he can, considering he works long hours and is gone on business trips 30% of the time. That said, we have learned that we don't have to have a pristine house. Meals are low-maintenance around here. I have been known to leave the house *gasp* without makeup. Laundry gets done on weekends (usually by DH), dishes get washed, the lawn gets mowed, and bottles get made, but weeding, vaccuuming and dusting take a backseat and are done more seldom. It also helps that we have one child rather than several, though DS is so active that it sometimes feels like we have more than one. ;)

In our household we have learned to accept that we are merely human and can't do it all! What we do accomplish is tag-teamed when possible.

Calmegja2

10-11-2005, 02:39 PM

I have help, periodically.

Last year I had a regular college age sitter who came a few days a week to give me a break, and that worked wonders for me.

Recently, DH has been staying home in the mornings so I can go to the gym and run errands in the morning without little people with me. He gets the kids ready for school and out the door, and then usually hangs out with Josh until I get back.

This has helped tremendously.

For cleaning help, I've had help a few times, but no one could keep up to my standards (totally my issue), so that's a non-starter.

I think the whole gig can be overwhelming, and as wonderful as DH can be, I still do not think, after 11 years of marriage, that he understands all that I do in the course of a week. He works hard, and I'm grateful for it, but I swear, he just doesn't get it sometimes.

But, I am a lipstick kind of girl.

I'm relatively sure I was born with my hair done and lipstick on. It's just how I am. Take that however you want to. LOL!

amp

10-11-2005, 02:45 PM

Not a lick of help around here. Well, DH is great at helping, but I don't have extra help outside of us. We have no babysitting, no MDO, no preschool yet, no cleaner, etc. Nothing. Nada.

And my house isn't very clean. I may pick up the clutter, but don't swipe a finger across any surface, or look too closely at the cat-hair coating on the counter, or check the floor to closely!

Dinner is not always made by me. I'd say I cook about half the time, and the other half we eat out or have fast food.

DH knows I'm a SAH MOM not Maid! So if stuff doesn't get done, oh well. My baby is growing up very quickly. He's curious and active and will wear out any normal human being. DH has experienced this and rarely makes any comments about stuff not getting done around here!

ETA: Lipstick? What's that? But then again, this is because I have a husband who once said "You wear mascara?" I haven't worn it since! And I love it! I also wore a pair of jeans a month or so ago and he said, "I forgot how you looked in jeans!" I only wear knit pants baby! Fashionable, aren't I?

jamsmu

10-11-2005, 02:49 PM

I hear you on your DH's thoughts. It is SUCH an issue for us. And I had a lot of trouble with determining how to schedule my life and get things done. Its just SO hard!

We just had our first cleaning lady session since I stopped working over 2 years ago. It was heaven! She is scheduled to come everyother week.

I also have a 5th grade girl who comes one afternoon a week for $5 an hour to play with DS1. For her, she's earning money and getting experience baby sitting. DS ADORES her (he loved her before we started this, so I knew it was a good match). And I spend time with DS2, make dinner, take care of the house, work... this summer, while pregnant, I even slept! The one thing I am careful of, I really take advantage of the time and don't even talk to them. Joanne (the 5th grader) thinks she's babysitting, so I want her to feel like it. And it is a truly relaxing and productive hour for me.

Perhaps that would be a good place to start for you. Is there a neighbor that can help you out like that? At only $5 per week, its a great deal that really helps out!

Smiles81

10-11-2005, 03:01 PM

When I started school this fall, (I'm going to law school with DH at night) I had to decide whether to use my babysitter from last year (when I went to school during the day) for two mornings a week, or to hire a cleaning lady. I chose the cleaning lady. She comes once a week for four hours and it is awesome.

Reena
Mom to Dovi 3/16/04

jennifer_r

10-11-2005, 03:02 PM

Until my DD was born, I did all the cleaning plus the regular day to day stuff of running a household (with the exception of hired help for lawn care and a dry cleaning service that picks up and delivers my husbands shirts (ironing is definitely not my strength) and misc. dry cleaning. Once DD arrived, it was my DH's suggestion to get a cleaning service because he wanted me to concentrate on taking care of her. Now that I am just about to have another baby and I'll be running after a 14 month old, we hired a "mother's helper" for a few hours a day, a couple days a week. Right now, it's primarily so DD gets used to her before the infant comes along. Once the infant is here, she'll be here 4 days a week for about 4-5 hours a day. It's primarily so I can, most importantly, make sure one or the other baby is not feeling neglected while attending to the other one. But I am also going to use her so I can do errands with just the newborn (I'll be BFding again so she'll go wherever I go) and take a nap if I need to, and just overall help around the house (like doing the dishes if they pile up too much). I was always of the mindset that I wanted to do everything myself, but I am realistic and realized that I can't take care of two babies under 1.5 years and manage everything else, including a teenager as well. Even though I'm going to get alot of help, DH and I both agree that taking care of two very young children will keep me very busy.

I do all the cooking with the occasional takeout (but I love to cook) and DH helps out alot (empties the dishwasher, takes care of garbage, and a few other tasks). I DO NOT wear any makeup or do my hair, unless I am going out somewhere special but I do try to dress neatly/nicely if I am going out anywhere (sweats are reserved for around the house).

I would never have called myself a SuperMom. And I agree with alot of the PPs that the most important task for a SAHM mom is to raise the children.

Jennifer

Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
And another DD arriving end of October!

cvharris

10-11-2005, 03:16 PM

We have a cleaning service that comes every other week. They are a godsend! I still feel that we have a lot to do around the house - cooking, laundry, dishes, picking up, but they help keep the house maintained and the bathrooms cleaned. ;)

As for help with the kids, my husband's work hours are now late afternoons to evenings and that helps a lot. I'm only alone at those times. If I had a full day alone, I'd probably look for a student to help out twice a week or so once the new baby comes.

Carolee
Mama to Ben (6/03)
It's a BOY! Baby brother due 12/18/05

Moneypenny

10-11-2005, 03:25 PM

DH is the SAHP in our family, but we don't have any outside help. He does the childcare while I'm at work; I take over when I get home or else we have family time. He does DD's laundry; I do the rest. He dusts, swiffers and mops floors; I do the kitchen and bathroom. I meal plan and write the grocery list; he does the grocery shopping. We both cook. We split the errands - if it's something I can give up control over, he and DD do it during the week or else I go at night after DD is in bed. I pay the bills; he manages the retirement accounts. He has yet to greet me at the door in heels and lipstick, but I suppose it could happen.

It works out very well for us. If we had two kids, I wouldn't be surprised or upset if all he did was child care.

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]
We made it to a year!

HGraceMom

10-11-2005, 03:28 PM

I'm not a SuperMom and DH is the one who accepts that and insists on help.

So, I have a housekeeper every Monday - she scrubs the house top to bottom, and I couldn't get by without her. Our Chessie sheds terribly, and it's hard enough keeping up with the "puppies" that sprout under the chairs each morning, let alone the rest of the house. I have a gardener to do the "big" jobs and am able to keep up with the little stuff on my own.

MWF mornings from 9-1, DD goes to a late 5 kindergarden program. Llast year it was MWFam preschool, and the year before T/Th preschool. That's when I: go to the gym, grocery shop, run all misc. errands, and complete various volunteer projects & meetings.

4 out of 5 days a week I have some sort of home cooked meal on the table (varying from a pot of chili to stuffed pork chops.) One day a week DH brings home carryout, usually on a night where one of us has committee meetings to rush off to.

As for lipstick et. al., DH made a comment a few years back asking if I had "given up." That's when I realized I was living in yoga pants & a ponytail. If it was bad enough for him to notice, it must've gotten pretty bad... So I gave up loungewear & instead try to live in Old Navy cords / trendy jeans & sweaters, with at least cover-up & chapstick everyday, and a little more "polished" if I'm heading out for meetings. Definitely not June Cleaver with the pearl necklace, but not Roseanne in the XXL t-shirt, either.

The older DD has gotten, the more I'm able to get things done while she's home b/c she's able to entertain herself for more than 5 minutes at a time. Still, I don't know what I'd do if she refused her quiet hour every afternoon...

jenmcadams

10-11-2005, 03:30 PM

I have a cleaning lady once per week, my DD goes to preschool 2AMs per week, I have a babysitter for 6 hours one day a week (for my DD) and we have a lawn service come to our house. Having said all that, we downsized our mortgage in our recent move to be able to afford all of that help. It makes life much less stressful for us and allows us to enjoy our down time. I know we're so fortunate to be able to do all of this...and I'm also lucky my DH buys into the notion that my job is to raise the kids, not keep house.

crayonblue

10-11-2005, 03:39 PM

I have a housecleaner who comes twice a month. Having the major cleaning done is a HUGE help to me.

Other than the housecleaning, I don't have much help. DH is great playing with Lauren when he is home, but he is not one to cook or do other "household" duties. Not that he would refuse, just that he doesn't notice. I took over the bills the moment we got married (actually, I started working on his debt issues before we got married!). I do most of the errands and grocery shopping and everything else. (DH does sometimes run errands and grocery shop if I cannot.) We have very, very rare childcare. I do go to MOPS and church on Wednesday and Sunday, all of which give me a few hours break.

I make sure to shower and put on makeup everyday, but that's just me. I would do that even if I was just staying home all day and knew I wouldn't be seeing a soul.

I am no supermom. My house, while clean, is a disorganized mess (very difficult for this former obsessive-compulsive organizer!). I don't worry too much about it. I've made a promise to myself that I am not going to regret not spending enouch time with my kids and that someday I can have a clean, neat, organized house again!

g-mama

10-11-2005, 04:14 PM

I have help. It took me a while to get "okay" with the idea of having help even though dh told me to get what I felt I needed.

I have a cleaning lady come every other week. Wonderful. It's so much harder to clean my house as a SAHM to two kids than it was pre-kids when dh and I both did it together. Now we feel that our time as a family is too precious to spend cleaning and too difficult to do with the kids around.

As of last week, we hired a babysitter to come two full days a week in anticipation of the third baby being born in December. I really don't need her now with just the two (and the older one being at preschool in the mornings), but know I will need help when the baby is born and wanted the boys to get comfortable with her and wanted her to learn our routines, etc. Because I've never had help for more than a week after each of our children was born, I really struggled and suffered PPD. I can't say for sure if that was a cause, but I know how overwhelmed and exhausted I felt with no help and hope to head that off this time. I would've preferred someone to work just afternoons rather than the whole day, but couldn't find anyone interested in that kind of situation.

Oh, and getting a PT sitter was part of my and dh's "negotiations" when we were deciding upon a third baby. We have no family around who is willing/able to help and he works long hours so that was my one criteria, which he struggled with for awhile but he really wanted another baby, so he gave in!

I have friends who have help and some who don't. It seems that those who don't have husbands with 9-5 hours or lots of family around that they can rely on for support. Most SAHMs I know do have housecleaners.

ETA: I do put on makeup and do my hair each day. I am a person who just has to in order to wake up and feel alive and ready to face the day. I don't get dressed up, but I put on nice jeans, khakis or cords, a sweater or fitted tee, that sort of thing. I know dh is a guy who appreciates this sort of thing and though he'd probably never say anything, I think he'd be a little disappointed if I didn't try to look put together because that is how he knew me pre-kids.

Kristen
Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
and a *THIRD BOY* coming in December '05

bluej

10-11-2005, 04:15 PM

Sure I have help...my 12 yo DD and 7 yo DS1 :) Seriously, it gets easier as the kids get older. My kids pick up after themselves (with prodding), do some light housework and help watch my youngest so I can cook and do serious cleaning.

I do most of the cooking, but I usually try to cook extra so we have leftovers to either freeze for a future meal or to eat the next night. One night a week DH will bring food home and on that night he also cleans the kitchen (I know, not much to clean when there are no prep dishes, but hey, it's something).

When we lived in MN I had groceries delivered and I so miss that! I hate grocery shopping! I'm thinking of taking advantage of a local store's program of emailing in your grocery order and then picking it up later. I'd still have to drive to get it and unload it once I got home, but it's a start.

I do put on a bit of make-up and style my hair somewhat each day, but to be honest, it's more for me than it is for DH.

I am by no means Super Mom. My house is either clean but cluttered, or picked up but not yet clean. The time period of the house actually being picked up AND clean is a very short half a day. And unfortunately that only happens about twice a week (and that's on a good week).

mtrattner

10-11-2005, 04:29 PM

Oh my! This is so great! Although I have only been doing this for 1 1/2 years (DD is now 1 yr).

I have no help. DH does the dishes after dinner and will do a chore if I ask him but I hate to ask because I like him to have time with DD when he gets home.

I have been debating a MDO program or a housekeeper. I have a hard time justifying it because I am a SAHM with only one kid. So now I do feel a little better that there are so many others that are getting help.

Still don't know if it is in the budget to get help but I don't feel as much of a failure that things are lacking in my house.

:) Melanie

mama2galpals

10-11-2005, 04:40 PM

i've had help on and off depending upon age of kids whether i'm working freelance from home etc. right now i'm not working but i just had my friend's cleaning lady come to give me an estimate and i found a childcare place that does babysitting so i can call them a day or two ahead. i felt guilty until before about taking emma there tomorrow but now after this crazy day not so much!

rita
mommy to
olivia '97
stella '00
emma '03

the truth can hurt your feelings, but lies can break your heart.

http://lilypie.com/baby3/030123/3/4/1/+10/.png

Karenn

10-11-2005, 05:18 PM

These responses are so interesting!

DH is my only 'help.' Colin is in preschool 3x per week, but I still have Claire, so I don't really consider that a "break." However my house is rarely clean and I'm several loads behind with the laundry. I did just started wearing makeup again in the last month or so. That makes me happy. :)

muskiesusan

10-11-2005, 05:57 PM

Until 5 months ago, I did not have any help, a DH who travels 3-4 days a week, and no relatives around. I was going crazy!!! So, I now have a college girl who comes in once a week for 4 hours (sometimes more depending on her schedule). I love it! I wish I would have done it years ago, but I really thought I should be doing it all since I am a SAHM. DS1 also started preschool this year (5 days, 3 hours) and that has also been a huge help.

I am still thinking about getting a housekeeper b/c I still can't get it all done. DH is a good help with the kids, but with his travelling, that is obviously not a lot and he doesn't really do a lot around the house either except mow the lawn.

Oh, and I JUST showered for the first time since Sunday, so makeup is obviously the last thing on my list.

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

daisymommy

10-11-2005, 07:31 PM

I'm not Supermom, but no, I don't have any help. Not even a babysitter. DH works 12 hour days and doesn't get home until 7/7:30pm when Joshua is getting ready to go to bed.

By then I have cleaned, cooked 3 meals, run errands, done the shopping, paid bills, and done church/community volunteer work.

Yes, he greats me at the door often with me in my sweats by then and no lipstick ;) (some nights I try to make an effort and clean myself up before he walks in the door though). I am often frazzeled, exhausted, and in need of a break. I live for the weekends when DH basically takes over with the house and Joshua, and lets me just do my own thing, more or less.

It's hard, but I love my life :) I would rather have it this way than to go to work outside the home, and then have to juggle things at home as well. BUT, I dream of winning the lottery and hiring a housecleaner and cook. I will however never pay anyone for the priviledge of raising my babies. Thats my one perk :)

KBecks

10-11-2005, 08:17 PM

I'm an 80% SAHM and don't have help. I'm not great at housekeeping, but frankly I haven't been applying myself as fully as I could. I do hang out on BBB often during nap times when I could/should be getting some chores done.

starrynight

10-11-2005, 08:41 PM

3 kids, no help so if you stop by don't look at my floors ok? LOL Paying for help isn't in the budget and dh works too much to help much so what gets done is done and that's it! I don't wear makeup but never did much pre-kids either so I'm not missing much.

Now that ds is in school I can keep on top of things a bit more, one less kid to pick up after for most of the day.

pittsburghgirl

10-11-2005, 08:42 PM

I have a suspicion that most of the moms I encounter at DS's activities have cleaning help, but I haven't done an actual poll. And based on overhearing conversations at the pool this summer, most people seem to have at least some regular babysitting help. We live in a nice suburb of Pittsburgh.

I don't have any help, other than occasionally my IL's babysit if I have dr's appointments or the like.

My house is usually quite cluttered and not nearly as clean as DH would like. However, he realizes that if he wants it cleaner, he has to be willing to pay for a cleaning service (which he has not yet been willing to do, even though we could afford it.) I keep my kitchen clean (although I wouldn't eat off the floors :)) and the bathrooms are usually acceptable but the rest of it, well.... DS is just starting to be able to help pick up his toys, so hopefully soon those will be put away every day before dinner.

I do cook something for dinner almost every night. I am miserable at planning so DS and I end up going to the store almost every day. Not very efficient and certainly not the cheapest way to shop, but I don't mind cooking and DH doesn't mind simple recipes.

I do manage to shower most days but I don't bother with much makeup, and my hair usually ends up pulled back.

If DH expected the house to be spotless and a gourmet meal every night, we would have to have both a cleaning service and a regular babysitter. My DS needs too much of my attention for me to deal with that stuff during the day and by evening I'm too tired to be willing to do it then. We both agree that the most important word in SAHM is "mom".

Marilee
mommy to James
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040120/1/1/1/-5/.png

wagner36

10-11-2005, 08:48 PM

My DH is a SAHD and I work 50+ hours a week (75/week or so during certain times of the year). So, that means my DH is sometimes in charge of Charlie for all of his waking hours. Those are very hard days!

When we decided he would stay at home, I made it pretty clear that his job wasn't taking care of the house, but taking care of our child. He does a wonderful job with Charlie - they do things I would NEVER do - like visit Chinatown for fun, ride the el and bus, go to 3 parks some days, zoo at least once a week, aquarium, etc. He does cook and run the occasional errand (drycleaners, etc.), take Charlie to school, etc. but that's it. He doesn't clean, but it's usually not a disaster when I get home so he doesn't make a mess either and he definitely picks up.

We have a cleaning lady who comes every 2 weeks, so she does the deep cleaning. I do all of the laundry, gardening, bills and paperwork. To be honest, I wish he did a tiny bit more - even sorting through the junk mail, etc. What it comes down to is that I work a 12-16 hour day and then come home and am up late doing laundry, paying bills, dealing with mail, etc. My weekends are pretty full, as are his - there's just not enough time in the day. To be fair, he's also taking a pretty horrid chemistry class this fall (gearing up for grad school eventually), so that takes up any time he would have to do anything else. It meets one night a week and on Saturdays.

When we have baby #2 next year, we're going to find a babysitter a couple of days/afternoons a week. Right now my MIL comes over once a week or so to visit, but I want to give him something more steady.

mom2aidan

10-11-2005, 09:19 PM

I do have a babysitter one day a week(6 to 7 hours) and a cleaning lady who comes once a month. I do most of the cleaning in between. During the day my son is with his babysitter, I get a lot of the chores/errands done and also gives me time to have a lunch date with my DH(he works 15 minutes away from our house), which is wonderful. My DH and I hardly gets a one on one time and our lunches are one of our ways to spend quality time together.

I also cook 5 days a week and 2 days we do take out nights. I do my cooking when my son is taking a nap in the afternoon.

It has worked out really well for us since I'm able to give 100% of my attention and time to my son. We do a lot of stuff together and we just have fun! I don't drag him into every errands I have to do since I know I'll have that one day during the week to get it done.

The babysitting and cleaning service is an added cost but for us, it's been worth it. It keeps our lives balanced.

nofeea

10-11-2005, 09:30 PM

OK- I feel a lot less guilt!
DH and I have some talking to do... :)

C99

10-11-2005, 10:05 PM

Lipstick? HA! I'm lucky if I get a shower every other day.

I am so NOT a Supermom. I like Mary (mharling)'s motto: Some days work, some days don't. That's a pretty accurate descriptor of my life. I cook dinner most days and do laundry. Cleaning is another story -- I am not very organized about it, so I do it when I have time and it bothers me.

I don't have any help, but Nate goes to MDO once/week for 4 hours. However, I usually use that time for me or to run errands rather than to focus on housework. However, I "work" from the time I get up until the time I go to bed, and often use naptimes and evenings to accomplish basic household tasks.

Sarah1

10-11-2005, 10:09 PM

Beth--sounds like you bought a place!

Congrats! Hope it continues to go well. :)

Sarah1

10-11-2005, 10:15 PM

When it was just Audrey, I had a sitter one day a week. Now that we have two kids, I have a sitter two full days and one half day a week. It's a HUGE help. I also have a cleaning lady every other week.

I cook dinner pretty much every night of the week.

kijip

10-11-2005, 10:51 PM

My husband and I both work part-time. We both are home with Toby during the week as well. So not a SAHM but I have some thoughts on this. We manage to keep the house clean as in sanitary and livable but NOT clean as in sparkling and crisp and anal like we used to pre Toby. Before Toby we washed the kitchen ceiling and behind the fridge on schedule. I ironed sheets. My husband made the bed tightly every morning. Dinner had several different dishes prepared at home. I am not joking- the list of things we did regularly in terms of cleaning was pretty intense. Now the floors and surfaces are clean and the laundry is done but only shirts get ironed and the bed has a spread thrown over it and dinner has a lot of 1 dish meals or 1 dish with zapped veggies on the side. We have an inbox of bills and stuff to deal with that is pretty messy. We do things now like have a magazine basket to toss stuff into whereas before we would get the old magazines out right away. I do a quick run though of the house before we have people over whereas before we were perma prepared for dinner company. we were dorks, big dorks.

My husband and I do get things done while watching Toby but that is only because we have a pretty independant, easy going kid- he'll look at books on the couch and watch my husband vaccum for example or he'll pretend to wipe off the tables and chairs while I am washing them etc. If I had a high needs child I would not expect to get that stuff done while watching him and I would hire help without a lick of guilt.

I used to think that our standards had "slipped" now I just realize that our priorities have shifted. But I do think part of taking care of children is maintaining a clean and safe home for them so I gladly consider housework to be part of my child rearing.

s7714

10-12-2005, 12:48 AM

No help here. Well, unless you count the gardner, but we had him before we had kids. It seems to be the norm in the community I live in, that families either have maid services or nannies. Heck, the family with two kids next door to me has had a live in nanny (who also did cleaning/laundry) for the past three years! (My neighbor's DH urks me though, as he actually asked me that lovely "what do you do all day?" question when he found out I was staying at home after DD1's arrival. Ugh!)

I guess I really consider my job to be childcare, and just like when I was WOH, I squeeze in the other things when I get the chance during my "off" hours (or should I say minutes :P ).

Jennifer
Mommy to
Annalia 3/03
Sophia 6/05

When raising kids the days are oh so long, but the years are short.--John Leguizamo

julieakc

10-12-2005, 02:36 AM

Well, I started reading all the other replies, but frankly, had to stop because I am jealous.

I am a SAHM who gave up a very well-paying management job after DS was born. DS has special needs so he has Occupational therapy once a week, physical therapy, speech therapy and developmental therapy each twice a week (total of 7 therapy sessions), plus I take him to Gymboree two evenings a week and we go toa mommy and baby yoga class once a week.

It is all me, all the time. No outside help. I do most of the housework, although hubby does help on the weekend. I do the laundry, grocery shopping and pay the bills. That being said I am behind on my vacuuming, mopping, changing sheets, etc., and there is almost always at least some "clutter" around...and let's not talk about the office (the room where I just pile everything on the desk until later). DH usually doesn't get home until 7ish and at least once a month is gone on at least one overnight business trip, not to mention several times a month he has after work events to attend.

I fix dinner a lot of the time, but I can't call it cooking. Generally it's preparing something frozen. Every couple of weeks I do actually "cook", and hubby grills burgers or chicken every couple of weeks. Sometimes we just have cereal for dinner! A couple of times when I've tried to cook a nice meal it has turned into a big mess....hubby gets home late, DS gets into something because I turn my back to watch dinner....I swear I don't know how our mothers and grandmothers did it!!

As for my appearance....most days no make-up and no bra..just some knit pants and a tee-shirt....sometimes hubby will say "didn't you wear that yesterday"....yep, and the day before too! I do put make-up when I go to Gymboree and usually change into jeans (and put a bra on). If I'm meeting friends for lunch or some other outing I do make-up better and still wear jeans, but usually a better top. I rarely do anything to my hair....never seem to have the time...luckily my hair looks ok without me curling it. I used to put make-up on just to go Target or the grocery store, but recently figured.....why? So now I just go (with DS in tow).

I am definitely not supermom...I always feel behind on the housework, but I just remind myself that DS will only be little once, but my house will be dirty until I clean it! :P

I don't even really wish for someone to help watch DS....I love that part of my job....but I would love to have someone come in and clean every couple of weeks.

LucyG

10-12-2005, 05:38 AM

I work 4 hours per day outside the home. The rest of the time, I'm at SAHM. We do not have any outside help, other than hiring a babysitter maybe once a month or so to allow DH and I to go out for dinner alone. I do the bathrooms and the kitchen, DH does the floors, and we both do yard work, windows, etc. Our house is very neat (I can't stand clutter.), but with two indoor dogs and a toddler, it is not spotlessly clean. We do most of the cleaning when DD is asleep, though I recently taught her to scrub the toilets, and she loved it! :-) My mom had a cross-stitch saying in our house when I was growing up. It said, "My house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy." That's my motto!

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif[/img][/url]
nursed for 2.5 years!
And . . . Blessing #2 due in March!

AngelaS

10-12-2005, 06:06 AM

I don't have any outside help. I have a very helpful 7yo and a 3yo who knows where her toys go tho!

I cook dinner 95% of the time, do a major cleaning on Sunday/Monday and then just tidy the rest of the week, I love to do the laundry and I homeschool. I don't watch much tv or have a lot of playdates but we get done what needs done and generally the house isn't an embarrassment if someone stops by.

Dh isn't a huge help. If I give him something specific to do, he does it, but housework is my domain, not his. I do shower, do my hair and wear jeans every day. I may be tired when I greet him at the end of the day, but I do try to save at least a little for him after the kids go to bed. :D

houseof3boys

10-12-2005, 07:36 AM

Good for you Amy. You have a great attitude!

To answer the OP: No help here. I have interviewed several babysitters, but no one has really panned out. I will be getting a housekeeper though since DH is always complaining about how frazzled and stressed I get over the house. He helps tremendously on the weekend but then we spend most of the day picking up instead of relaxing and that defeats the purpose of a weekend IMO. A cleaning lady was my bday present actually and I need to get on the stick to get some quotes so I can stop stressing. But then I would have to pick up everything on the floor so she can actually clean the house. :-)

niccig

10-12-2005, 12:49 PM

I do get help, and I still don't get everything done. And I can't blame DS who is really good. I'm a procrastinator, I've always been and I need to do something about it.

So thanks for everyone responding with what help they do and don't get. You've motivated me to get off my bum, have a shower, put on a pair of jeans and get something done!

Thanks,
Nicci

TraciG

10-12-2005, 02:22 PM

No help here, I have actually been telling my DH how hard it will be for me to have another baby since he doesn't help much ! ( he is a hard worker & very busy )

I live in a small apt, so not too much to clean ! I cook probably the most 3 or 4 times a week, we eat a lot of Chinese delivery here !

I shower these days at night or if i'm not cooking when Sydney's napping I'll shower then, weird to get undressed around 1:00 shower put on some make -up & get dressed AGAIN , on nice days we're outside by 9:30 -10.

Now that things are getting easier i'll be trying for another baby in the next few months, time is running out ..........................

TraciG

10-12-2005, 02:23 PM

hellosmiletoday

10-12-2005, 02:51 PM

No outside help, but definitely no supermoom. From the time DD was born to 12 mo, I rented a house, so DH helped as much as he could with the chores and cooking (he's a medical resident). However its been so crazy after an interstate move b/c I've done most of the unpacking and all the cleaning while DH concentrates on repairs and yardwork. AHHH! I dont think we could afford outside help right now, but if we could, I would pay someone to do ALL outside yardwork, cleaning of windows, etc....and eat out more (or do take out at the organic delis).

mharling

10-12-2005, 02:53 PM

Lane is not in any sort of school or MDO program. We have a sitter that comes for 4 hours on Monday, 4 hours on Thursday and every other Friday evening. Monday and Thursday are to help me; Friday's are so dh and I can have date nights.

I am, admittedly, very bad at using the time wisely. For a while it was because Faye wasn't on a predictable routine at all and she had to come with me for all the errands. Now she is predictable and takes a bottle, so I really need to plan the time better. Regardless, it's a great sanity break.

I keep the house reasonably picked up, generally stay on top of the laundry and cook dinner nearly every night. I dust and clean the bathrooms when I think of it and dh does the floors on the weekends. I am slowly working on a specific cleaning routine.

ETA: I felt much more in control when it was just Lane. The sitter started after Faye was born.

Mary - Some days work. Some days don't.
Lane - April 2003
Faye - March 2005

marinkitty

10-12-2005, 09:27 PM

Oh, I definitely have help. And even with the help no lipstick here most days!

We have a cleaning service that comes every other week to do all the heavy duty cleaning. And since I've been home I've had a sitter two days a week. Our last sitter moved at the beginning of September and I'm in the process of finding a new one. I'm upping the days to include a partial third day as well. My DH works late many nights and travels a ton - if he was a 9 to 5er I could get by with much less child help.

I look back on my first 9 months with Mia (before I returned to work) and wish I wouldn't have felt guilty getting some help. I do so much better with a break and, now that I have two kids, some significant one on one time with each child.

Holly
Mom to Mia (3.17.03) and baby brother Jack (3.23.05)

Globetrotter

10-13-2005, 02:47 AM

Lipstick? What's that? LOL

We had a housecleaner until two years ago. Dh didn't want to pay for it anymore, so our deal was that he needs to do the deep cleaning. I do most of the organizing and decluttering/daily cleaning. The deep cleaning gets done sporadically, and I don't think ALL the rooms have ever been clean at any given time since he took over. I sure do miss that sparkling clean feeling that we used to get after the housecleaner was here! We have a lawn service, and dh does a couple of things. Our yard is very simple, and we need to plant stuff, but it never happens. I cook very simple things and use ready made (Trader Joes) sauces with fresh veggies, etc... to make my life easier.

I'm trying to talk dh into hiring someone again, because I would rather have us spend time together than spend the weekends cleaning. Time is so precious!

DH works a lot, but when he's home he's good about housework and childcare. It's hard when he's working late (sometimes they work overnight for a few days, when they have critical deadlines). I do some freelance work from home, and I volunteer. Given that, plus homework and activities, our days are full!

I currently take DS (2.5 years old) to a parent-child preschool two days a week, but he just got into an awesome drop-off preschool, so he'll be there for six hours a week (2 x 3 hours, could extend to 4 hours if all goes well). I'm hoping to volunteer in my dd's class on one of those days. I was having a lot of guilt over sending him there and, heaven forbid, having some time to do errands and my work, without him tugging at me. Then I realized that noone is going to give me a medal for being a sacrifical lamb. I can't wait to get some kid-free time!! I was pregnant with #2 when my older one started preschool, so I've technically had a child with me practically every day for the past 6.5 years ;) There is a childcare at my gym, which the kids love, but I have to be in the facility so I can't do errands or go home during that time. Still, it's wonderful when dh is working late.

Kris