quick update on Natalie

[JenaW]

Natalie has had a rough weekend, and although things are currently stable, they do not seem to be improving. Right now she seems to be fighting the ventilator a lot, and is tiring out becuase of that. Her oxygen requirements are rising too, and we are not sure why. Over the weekend, they stopped her feeds because they were worried about NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis - basically a portion of the intestines becomes necrotic and dies). They THINK they have ruled that out, but her belly is still pretty distended, so they are decreasing the amount of breast milk she is getting, and as a result she is not gaining weight at all. At 5 weeks she is only at 1 pound 14 ounces (she was 1lb 12 oz at birth). I am hoping to meet with the LC tomorrow to go over my diet to see if I can change anything to help her. Both of my other kids, although 6 pounds at birth, were very slow gainers (both are only in the 5-10th percentile even now). WHile that may have been fine for them, it isn't for a preemie. They also did a full workup for infection. So far, all the cultures are negative, but SOMETHING is going on. Natalie just doesn't look right. Monday when they were taking her temp (under her arm) she desatted (dropped her oxygen percentage) down into the 50's!!! It was change of shift and both nurses were there, so the nurse who was leaving told the new one that she needed to suction her right away. Despite the fact that she kept bagging her (took her off the ventilator and hand pumped air with oxygen into her), her sats did not come up and her heart rate dropped very low - 60-70's. She was completely grey and not moving. I swear I thought we had lost her. My husband (the doctor) had to leave the room because he could not stand to see her like that. They FINALLY got her suctioned and within a few minutes she was satting back at 100%, but it was so scary to see her like that. Before Friday, she has NEVER done anything like that before. But apparently since Friday she has been doing it more frequently. I can't shake the feeling that something bad is brewing, but nobody can seem to find a cause. Her blood pressures are increasing so they did another ultrasound of her kidney's, but the results came back normal. To make things so much worse, she seems to be having more awake periods. She opens her big blue eyes and stares right at you. I swear she is begging me to take her out of there. They have not let me hold her at all since last Wednesday, and when she has one of her "episodes" they want me to leave her alone completely, and not even touch her. I understand why, but it kills me. I feel so helpless and useless as a mother. I pray that this is just another small bump in the road, and hope things start looking better soon.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.


J

EDITED to add:
I wanted to thank all of you for everything you have done, in addition to the meals (which are such a HUGE help). So many of you have emailed or mailed to our home additional words of encouragement and prayer. At times I feel bad that I come here and post such depressing news. But then I am so amazed at the responses and hope that you all give me. I hate asking people for help, but situations like this teach you how to overcome that very quickly. The help I am getting from here, in the form of moral support, is not something I could ever ask for, but is so much more beneficial than anything else right now. I know that none of you have a magic wand, and nobody knows how this is all going to play out in the end. But at least I know that I can leave here and feel better, even if it only lasts for a short time. SO thank you so much!


Jera
Mom to Carter ~ 05.13.03 & Madigan ~ 09.28.04

[DebbieJ]

Jera,

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Natalie, and your family.

Thanks for keeping us updated.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
Breastfed for 20 months and 6 days

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

[kedss]

Big hugs,Jera

[mommy_someday]

Oh, Jera... I hope things look better soon and that they figure out what is causing Natalie's belly to be distended. It must be such a scary thing for you and your DH to watch, especially that moment when you thought she was gone. My heart goes out to you each time I read your posts and Sharyn's. This time is no different. Many, many hugs to you, mama. Your strength and courage are amazing and I know that even though you can't hold Natalie, she knows her mama loves her desperately.

As always, I am keeping you and your precious family in my thoughts.

[kensjen]

Jera,

Just wanted to let you know that we will continue to pray for Natalie. You are never far from my thoughts.
Thanks for posting, I know you are busy and have your mind somewhere else. We are all here for you and want to hear all news on sweet Natalie.

((((HUGS)))) mama.

[almostamom]

Oh, Jera, how I wish I had that magic wand! What I do have are prayers, and we will continue to pray for your sweet Natalie. Thank you for taking the time to update us. I think of you and your family every day.

Hugs,
~Linda~
DS 11/04

[NEVE three BUGS and a BEE]

Jera I wish I was there to give you the biggest hug ever!!!!
I am so glad that you come to update us...we are all eager for updates and look to the relationship with you as you look to it from us...so please know we all want to know, we all want to be there for you and your family...and we all care deeply about Natalie!!!!!

I am so sorry for this "bump in the road", and I hate that you say you feel useless, there is no doubt that Natalie is hanging in there due to the enormous love she is feeling to create that fight she has in her.

Big hugs to you!!!
We are all here for you!!!!

[toomanystrollers]

Jera,
We continue to pray for your little girl. Thank you for the update.

[Calmegja2]

Jera...

We all have your collective back, so you come and tell us whatever you need to tell us, and you've got hundreds of pairs of ears and arms waiting for you.

So many hugs to you and yours. Holding every positive thought in the world for your little darling. And for you.

[deenass]

Jera,

We are here for you, even if it is just to unload. I know, when DH was sick I had a desperate need to tell the details to people who aksed about him, as if saying the words would make it better and I don't think everyone really cared about the minutia. I will admit to you, I read every word of your updates, b/c even though I don't know you, I do care about your beautiful little girl. If mama's hearts and thoughts could heal her, know that there are so many of us who would like to do just that.

Hang in there, and please know that we are all thinking about you and your little girl.

[C99]

Oh Jera.

Thanks for the update. I hope Natalie rallies again for you soon. I have faith that you being close by is your contribution as Natalie's mother right now; you are a great mother to all of your children, even if you can't do the normal mom of a newborn things right now.

[alkagift]

How frightening for you and your husband. You and Natalie continue to be in our prayers. I hope they discover the difficulty and it is resolved soon. I wish we could do something to make it all stop.

Allison
Mommy to Matthew, who is TWO!

Are you TTC and want to share with BBB friends? Join us! http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/BBB_TTC/

[jbowman]

Jera,

I will continue to pray for Natalie and your family. Know that you are a wonderful mother to Natalie and your other children. Big hugs!

[tarabenet]

Jera,
I have not posted a reply to your previous notes here. But I do think about you and your family, and send you my prayers. I'm sure that there are more like me. Just wanted you to know you are thought of more than you can know. We are all praying for that darling little fighter!

Benet

[phirey]

Thank you for the update. You and your precious Natalie are in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong.

[pritchettzoo]

We will continue to keep your family in our thoughts.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[MarisaSF]

Jera-
You possess amazing strength. For being there for Natalie, for allowing the hospital staff to do their thing without interfering, for posting here so eloquently. You also seem to possess amazing calmness. You are a heroine to mamas everywhere. Listen to your heart -- know that you are not useless as a mother. There are other ways to show Natalie how much you love her -- the major thing is that you are there for her.
xoxo

[RwnMayfair]

Jera, I've been reading the posts from the beginning and even though I haven't posted anything until now, you and your family are in my thoughts. Lots and lots of hugs for you all, and especially for Natalie! Thank you for taking the time to update us!

-Melissa

Taran, November 20, 2003
Elowen, August 20, 2005

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif - Eighteen months!
http://b2.lilypie.com/jn4Ym4/.png
http://b1.lilypie.com/slsgm4/.png

[pb&j]

Jera -

Hugs to you. Please don't feel useless as a mother - your love means everything to her, and it's something no one but you can provide. I think of you and Natalie often, and hope for the best.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, edd 01/15/06 - it's a HEALTHY BOY!

http://lilypie.com/days/060115/3/25/1/-5/.png[/img] ([img)

[murpheyblue]

Huge hugs to you sweetie! I think of you and Natalie and your family every day.

[lmintzer]

Jera,
How awful this weekend must have felt for you, especially after things had been looking up. I'm glad that it feels good to come here to update us. If we are providing you helpful support and comfort, I am so glad--I know it must be hard to come by when all is so rough. Please don't feel you have to come and post only good news. It must be a little strange to have so much attention here and have people hanging on your every word. But if I may speak for the community, it is just a reflection of how much we can empathize--as mothers, we all hurt when another mother is hurting and all celebrate at her child's gains, either small or big. It must be hard to not be able to do more for Natalie, but you are doing a lot just by being by her, talking to her, etc. She knows you are there. And although she is awake more now, the docs will keep her comfortable--do not despair.

[COElizabeth]

Jera, thank you for the update. I am so sorry to hear that Natalie has been doing worse and hope and pray that things turn around for her soon. You are a wonderful mother, and Natalie, Carter and Madigan are very blessed to be your children.

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02
and Charlotte, 11-04-04

[mamalou]

Jera, I continue to think of you and Natalie often. You are so strong and genuine, that's a supermom in my book any day.

[amp]

I've been waiting to hear more news and I'm sorry it isn't better news. DH even asks if there have been updates, as I update him everytime I hear more news. We think of you daily! You are a wonderful mom and and a strong, amazing woman. I'm just sorry that you have to deal with all of this, instead of taking your little baby girl home w/ you and loving her up as you'd hoped! This must be so incredibly difficult for you and your family! You're doing a great job. Always know that you can come here for support and prayers.

[wimama]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Natalie and your family!

[marinkitty]

Oh Jera. Hang in there - you and Natalie both. She does sound like such a fighter and I pray that she will start to improve again. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for your family but your strength shows in your posts and your love comes through in your words - you are doing an amazing job. Thinking of your sweet little girl tonight.

Holly
Mom to Mia (3.17.03) and baby brother Jack (3.23.05)

[mudder17]

Oh, Jera, big, big hugs! I continue to keep all of you in my prayers!


Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif for Leah
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/catcatcvi20040222_4_Kaya+is.png
Kaya's a cousin! 10/1/05, 5lb13oz

[nov04]

Thank you for updating us. I'll continue thinking of you and dear Natalie. What a little fighter!!!!

[bostonsmama]

Isn't it so alarming when you have an intuition that something is going to happen. I cannot imagine the frustration and hope and fear you must be vascillating between. I just pray you have a peace about it all and that Natalie will thrive in the face of adversity and overcome all her obstacles to be a witness to the love, kindness and prayers of all these mamas and ladies who have your back.

Biggest hugs and prayers as you sojurn on
Larissa
who is taking it easy during her 2ww

http://tt.lilypie.com/LwUIm4/.png (http://lilypie.com)

[Roleysmom]

Jera, I'm so sorry Natalie has had such a tough time recently. You are absolutely positively providing Natalie with exactly what she needs, which is your fierce love for her. I believe that she can feel that. I continue to think of you and your family every day.

Paula -- mom to Roley Julia, January '02

[ribbit1019]

As always you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Hugs Jera!
Christy
"My Mommy" to Maddy born 06/09/04
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png
and soon to Little Man due 03/02/06
http://bd.lilypie.com/cKLom4/.png

[jec2]

Jera, I am truly sending you the biggest warmest hug that I can. I hope beyond hope that your little Natalie keeps fighting.

[smomom]

Jera, I think of you guys so often. I am amazed at how strong you are. I'll keep the good, healing thoughts going for Natalie. Bless her little baby heart.

[trumansmom]

Jera - Please don't think twice about asking for help! I know that I for one am grateful to know that I can do *something* for you! If that means prayer, then prayers are headed your way! If that means letting you know how amazed I am by your strength, courage and will, then let me tell you how inspiring you are.

It's an honor to be a part your and your family's lives. Thank you for letting us in and keeping up updated.

(((((Hugs)))))

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04
Independent Consultant, Do-Re-Me & You!

[abigailsmom]

You and yours are in my prayers!!!

Robyn
Mama to my precious Pooper, Abigail

[mamamayi]

>At times I feel bad that I come
>here and post such depressing news. But then I am so amazed
>at the responses and hope that you all give me. I hate asking
>people for help, but situations like this teach you how to
>overcome that very quickly. The help I am getting from here,
>in the form of moral support, is not something I could ever
>ask for, but is so much more beneficial than anything else
>right now. I know that none of you have a magic wand, and
>nobody knows how this is all going to play out in the end.
>But at least I know that I can leave here and feel better,
>even if it only lasts for a short time. SO thank you so
>much!

I think I speak for everyone when I say we are glad to be here for you! I will continue to pray for Natalie, you and your family.

[ykc]

Keeping you, Natalie and your family in my thoughts.

[tarahsolazy]

Hang in there, Natalie!

[Marisa6826]

Jera-

First, don't you EVER, EVER feel bad about coming here to vent, unload, or just cry a little (or a lot)!! You know that you would be here yourself if somebody else was in your situation, saying the same thing. We are here for you no matter what. To collectively hold your hand on Natalie's tough days, and to cheer her on when she's doing great.

Regardless of the outcome on this long journey you have found yourself on, please know that we ALL offer our strength, love, prayers and thoughts to you and your family.

Please let us know what we can do for you. I'm sure that if it's humanly possible, we can make it happen.

hugs

-m

[Kungjo]

Jera,

Our prayers and thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

Joyce

[HannaAddict]

Jera,
Natalie and your family are in my family's thoughts and I just so hope that she can rally. You are amazingly strong and eloquent and I am so sorry for this set back. Please take care. I wish there was something more I could do.

Kimberly

[squimp]

Jera, I wish you and Natalie the best, and I will keep your family in my thoughts.

[lisams]

Oh how I wish I could give you a big hug. I've been thinking about Natalie and am praying that things start getting better. Please know that we are here for you and thinking about you and sweet Natalie.

[egan284]

Jera,

(((((( big hugs)))))) to you. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[egan284]

Jera,

(((((( big hugs)))))) to you. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[newbelly2002]

Jera,

thinking of you and hoping that this bump in the road passes quickly and you can hold Natalie very soon again in your arms.


Paula
Mama to Dante, 8/02
And 2 sweet peas in an April pod

[newbelly2002]

Jera,

thinking of you and hoping that this bump in the road passes quickly and you can hold Natalie very soon again in your arms.


Paula
Mama to Dante, 8/02
And 2 sweet peas in an April pod

[muskiesusan]

Jera, my thoughts and prayers continue to be with Natalie and your family. I cannot imagine what you are going through.


Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

[muskiesusan]

Jera, my thoughts and prayers continue to be with Natalie and your family. I cannot imagine what you are going through.


Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

[jamsmu]

Jera,

I eish I did have that magic wand...

but please know we continue to tink of you, Natalie and your family and wish you all well.

I admire you for your strength!

[jamsmu]

Jera,

I eish I did have that magic wand...

but please know we continue to tink of you, Natalie and your family and wish you all well.

I admire you for your strength!

[brigmaman]

Jera, please don't ever feel bad for coming to post an update. We are all pulling for Natalie. Hugs to you, Mama.

[brigmaman]

Jera, please don't ever feel bad for coming to post an update. We are all pulling for Natalie. Hugs to you, Mama.

[bluej]

Jera, my prayers are with little Natalie, you and your family.

[bluej]

Jera, my prayers are with little Natalie, you and your family.

[cinrein]

Sending you huge hugs Jera. I wish more than anything there was something we could do to make Natalie well. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and Natalie every day.

Cindy and Anna February 2003

[cinrein]

Sending you huge hugs Jera. I wish more than anything there was something we could do to make Natalie well. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and Natalie every day.

Cindy and Anna February 2003

[barbarhow]

Jera-huge big hugs to you and your family. It mut be so hard for you to see her so sick and to feel that something is going on. Your description of her looking into your eyes breaks my heart for all of you. Not being able to hold her during those times is so counterintuitive to a mother.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[karolyp]

Jera,

You are not a useless mama, but an amazing woman who's inner strength is admirable. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

[jennifer_r]

Jera,

You and your family are in my thoughts and I hope that Natalie soon regains her strength and they find out what is wrong.


Jennifer

Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
And another DD arriving end of October!

[mharling]

Prayers and hugs, Jera. We will continue to think of you, precious Natalie and the rest of your family.

Mary - Some days work. Some days don't.
Lane - April 2003
Faye - March 2005

[juliasmom05]

Big Hugs to you and your family. Although I haven't responded previously, you are always in my thoughts.

Marci

Mom to Julia 4/05

[ismommy]

Jera,

I wish there was more we could do. Natalie and your family are in out thoughts and prayers, Hugs to her and you.
Helene
mommy to Isabella
and Gunner
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif

[Jeanne]

Oh Jera. You are so strong. I'm heartbroken that you are all on this roller coaster. My continued prayers for Natalie. Hang in there.

[papal]

Jera,
A big hug to you mama. I think of Natalie every single day. Sending lots of prayers your way that she gets better really really soon.. thank you for taking the time to update us on how she is doing.
Lots of hugs and love,

[missym]

Jera, you and Natalie, as well as your entire family, are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03 and Rebecca 09/05

[cvharris]

Thanks for the update and lots of hugs from our family to yours. I hope that Natalie gets over this bump in the road. {{HUGS}}

Carolee
Mama to Ben (6/03)
It's a BOY! Baby brother due 12/18/05

[tiikeri2]

Oh, Jera! How terrifying! May God wrap you in the peace and comfort of His loving arms! You, Natalie, and your family are always in our prayers. Stay strong, momma. And if it comes to that, may you have the strength to let go. Our children are such precious gifts, but they ultimately belong to the One who gave them to us, and His care is infinitely beyond ours.

We will continue to pray for the doctors and nurses caring for Natalie. I hope you are able to hold your little girl again soon.

Blessings and {{{HUGE HUGS}}},

Kay

[ErinMC]

Sending you hugs and prayers . . .

Erin

Mom to Chase
Feb. 2004

[TraciG]

Jera, I am praying to God for Natalie to pull through this, I just can't even imagine how u must feel, I look foward to reading about Natalie.

[saschalicks]

Jera,
Your ETA made me cry, not the Natalie update. Why? B/c I got some sense of relief knowing that our support helps you when you need it most. I'm glad that we are all such a wonderful support to you.

My DH & I talk about you often and pray to whatever keeps little babies safe, to put yours at the top of the list.

Much love you and your family.

[turtledove]

Jera - you and Natalie are in my prayers. I'm sorry for this bump in the road, but I am hoping for good news next time.

(((HUGS!!!)))

[aguinn]

(((BIG HUGS))) to you all, Jera! Keep fighing, Natalie! You have a fantastic family who loves you very much!

;)amy
momma to DS#1 "Big Brother" (BB) and, finally, DS#2 "Little Brother" (LB)

http://b3.lilypie.com/Eygrm4/.png[/img][/url]
http://b1.lilypie.com/ur0Am4/.png[/img][/url]

"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see." ~ Neil Postman

[KBecks]

Thank you for telling us how it's going, good or not so good. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

[jasabo]

Oh Jera, how completely terrifying this must all be. Little Natalie is definitely in my prayers.

Lisa - mom to 2 yr old twin boys

[steph2003]

We're still pulling for you Natalie!

[calebsmama03]

Praying that things start to improve for Natalie!
Lynne
Mommy to C 3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
And Miss Purple, 5/05

[darby24]

My thoughts continue to be with you and your family.

[american_mama]

Jera: I have had tears of happiness in my eyes with happy news and tears today hearing what a tough time she is having. Natalie must know your presence... your voice, your smell, your very breath.. and I'm sure that makes a difference to her, whether or not she gives an outward sign. I'm still reading all your updates and hoping for a better day.

[Lovingliv]

Praying for you daily,,,,

[jk3]

Continued thoughts for Natalie and your family.

Jenn
DS 6/3/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[hez]

(((hugs))) Jera

You continue to be in my daily thoughts and prayers.

[McQ]

Jera - I pray for you to that this is just a small bump and that things will be looking better for you all soon. Natalie is such a fighter. I hope things are better today.

Allison
~ mama to Declan and Meghan

[alexsmommy]

Natalie knows you are there - that is what you are doing. You are a wonderful, supportive, loving mother. Never, ever doubt that - even in those dark, scary, lonely moments. I know if we all know it here, those who know you IRL must feel it viscerally. Never hesitate to share what is going on with your beautiful daughter - we read this updates because we want to know - so that across the miles we can send you thoughts of support, caring and hope. Take care of yourself as well as Natalie - all of your children need you to be kind to yourself.
Alaina
Alex 2-4-03

[houseof3boys]

Jera I think of you guys often. You are one tough cookie and it sounds like Natalie is too!

Thanks for taking the time to update with all that you have going on in your life right now. We all wish your family the best.

[JLiebCamm]

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!

[SweetTooth]

Jera,
I too am keeping Natalie & you all in my thoughts.