Dr. Phil and Oprah really hit home yesterday

[VenusElon]

I rarely get to watch these shows, but DS napped from 3-5 yesterday so I did paperwork and watched TV. Dr. Phil was about spoiling your children and Oprah was about letting yourself go. My 3 year old doesn't have as much as the TV mom, but I know it is way too much. It's all my fault because I love a bargain and I can't stopped buying stuff because it is such a good deal. 90% of his stash is from yard sales and consignment sales, and I know he has too much, but I just bought more this weekend (Discovery Toys for $1 each at a yard sale). He has a speech delay, so he has never even asked for a single thing-it is all my doing. And Oprah is starting a whole "movement" mainly for moms who have gained weight and/or lost their sense of self after having kids. That is totally me-I do everything for DS and nothing for me-unless you count shopping for DS. My weight/looks/style (what is that?)/me activities all need a major overhaul. Anyone else watching TV and saying "That is me?"

Venus, Mom to JT 10/02 and expecting baby girl

[missiethegal]

Didn't get a chance to see them, but saw the previews and I sure wanted to!! I know that I fit the "let your self go" group, although I think I was a lot worse after my first than I am now, but I've still got ALOT of room for improvement!!! (And I am not saying that lightly by any means!)

I too have an issue with garage sale bargains for the kids and have a toy room too full because of it!! My DH was just talking to me about it last night as a matter of fact. I agree with your estimates, I am sure my DDs' toy stash is easily 90+% yard sales and the rest are gifts are good clearance, (but mostly gifts).

But I would love to talk about this issue more! Good idea in posting it!!

[saschalicks]

I work so I didn't watch, but I am so both of those and more. I hate it. EVERYTIME I go shopping I come home with something for DS. Whether it's clothes or toys or books I just can't stop. As for me well, pregnancy gave the *excuse* to not give a sh!t about myself. I swore to myself and DH that after this one I am going to be a size 10 again if it kills me. Let's see how long that takes. Oh and I started buying make-up again b/c it makes me feel pretty. It really has worked. People at work comment on my eyes or lipstick whenever I do it. It makes me feel like it was totally worth it. Great topics for shows.

[s_gosney]

I didn't see it either, but I definitely fit the bill as well. I was never big on primping so I'm about the same there, although I didn't wear much makeup the first year PP. I find that makeup does help me feel better for some reason. The main part that I don't like about myself right now is that I don't feel like I have a life of my own, like no activities, hobbies, even friends really. But, at this point I'm a full-time employee, 3/4 time grad student, as well as wife, mommy, daughter, and sister, so I've just had to be okay with no leisure interests at this point. As soon as I graduate (may cannot get here fast enough at this point), I'm definitely going to make a point of developing at least one hobby. I always disliked that quality in my mother--that her life was all about us and she didn't have anything that was hers--and when I realized I'd fallen into that pattern too, it did not make me happy. But at the same time, our kiddos are only little once, so that has to factor in too.
Oh and on the bargain hunter stuff...a big ME TOO on that one. I'm terrible about hitting Ross/Tuesday Morning/TJ Max for all the deals. We have SO many books it's crazy! I'm getting better about the toys because I'm tired of picking them up, but a bargain is always SO tempting!

[BethS]

I could have been one of Oprah's guests. I've totally let myself go and I need to get me back, the problem is I'm not sure who I am besides a wife and mom.

I'll be 29 in Mar and have made a goal to actually look like a fit, hip twenty something mom rather than frumpy and fat. I want to finish up this decade at my best. Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time focusing and getting to it.

I'd love to hear ideas on what people are doing to jump start their comeback.

[marit]

Well, since you asked...

After 2 pregnancies, I am about 30 lbs more than I was when I first got pregnant. And since I don't plan any more pregnancies in the near future, I really felt it's about time to do something. After the first pregnancy I knew I would get pregnant again soon, so why bother...

I started weight watchers when baby #2 was 3 months old. I am loosing really slowly, but I don't care. I really feel good that I am doing something. So far I lost 10lbs (in about 2-3 months - that IS slow). I also joined Curves about 3 weeks ago. I am actually taking a babysitter twice a week to do that, and go on Saturday too (then DH watches the kids).

It feels so much better to be in this process then be where I was before. I really recommend WW and Curves.

Good luck,

[niccig]

I watched Oprah late last night on Tivo, and it was so me. For years I've been trying to find out who I am and what I want to be. I make a little progress, but then I let daily life get in the way. As soon as I finished watching the show, I looked at Oprah's site and I emailed a friend. We talked today and we're going to be buddies on this to motivate each other to become the person we want and to achieve what we want. Otherwise I'll be 60 and like my mother.

My friend is coming over later this week to watch the show and we're going to have a long chat about how we can help motivate each other. I don't know what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to find the answers. I too don't know who I am besides wife, mum, daughter, sister etc. I'm going to start with the journal as suggested on the site, and give myself time everyday to work through some things. My friend will keep on me, as I will with her.

It's time for a permanent life change.

Nicci

[marit]

You are very lucky to have a buddy to do this together, it's so much easier to do together. I didn't know if I want to laugh or cry when you said you'll turn into your mom when you're 60...

[DebbieJ]

I TiVo Oprah every day and started watching yesterday's show last night. But boy can I relate! I don't want to spend money on a gym membership or a nice haircut for myself because I think of the other things I could get for ds with that money.

It's tough, being a mom. I think we need to set higher standards for ourselves. No more track suits!!!!

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
Breastfed for 20 months and 6 days

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

[DebbieJ]

>You are very lucky to have a buddy to do this together, it's
>so much easier to do together.

Maybe we need yet another BBB Yahoo Group?!?!?

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
Breastfed for 20 months and 6 days

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

[saschalicks]

I totally agree. My DH says as soon as I'm cleared he's going to get me a membership to Curves which is, I am not kidding, 1/2 a block away from our house. I know my parents would watch my kids after day care for me to go work out if I needed. I've never been motivated. Diets always scare me. I think I'll be doing South Beach Diet with Curves.

LMK and I'd be happy to start a group even though I'm still pregnant. I don't have a "friend" to do this with either.

[HeatherW]

Just a quick amen to all of the above. I am there, too. Looks like I need to go find a re run of the show.

H

[nupe]

I missed Oprah yesterday--tivo was not working. Sounds like an excellend episode. Anyone seen Oprah episodes online? Last year I caught a few desperate housewives episodes online...
nupe

[BethS]

I'd love to help with a group. I just can't commit to doing it all myself.

Also, I wanted to add that for me it's not just physical. In fact, my appearance is a reflection of my mind set (I guess that's probably true for most peole). I have a hard time taking time for myself when we can be having family time. I don't want to spend money on clothes, hair, etc as we can use that for the kids. My whole life is about caring for everyone elseand I don't take time to care for myself. The thing is, I can't properly care for them if I'm not in a good place.

[kath68]

Sign me up! This is my issue right now -- I am trying to slowly get some control back in my life, but it is sooooo hard. I feel like I am barely treading water.

I have a personal trainer and gym membership. If I get there once a week I am lucky. I have gained significant weight since DS was born. Last night I went through all of my business suits, desperately looking for something I could wear to court today. I am sitting here now in my last resort fat suit. That makes me feel like crapola. But did it stop me from eating Halloween candy at my desk? Nope. Discipline takes mental energy, and I just don't have any.

I went onto Amazon this past weekend to update my Christmas wish list, and I couldn't think of a single thing to put on it. I don't read anymore, cook anymore, play softball anymore, work in my yard anymore -- all of the things I used to do for fun I no longer do. I ended up putting together a wish list for DS instead. That is so sad.

Something needs to change.

[niccig]

I'll help with a group. Maybe if we divy it up between a few of us it won't be too much on anyone person. Otherwise, I'll just use it as another reason to not work on myself..."oh too busy coordinating the group to do anything for me".

How could it run?

We would have something like a weekly roll call where we check-in and talk about what we're doing just for ourselves? Like in the mommy-fit board.

Post when need encouragement and advice?

Maybe something like FLY-lady where regular emails as reminders? But not as many, my inbox got inundated with fly-lady messages and it was overwhelming - I could only read one.

Oprah's site had some suggestions for further reading/resources and a section for online journals. I used a gift card to buy some of the books and the Soul Catcher journal today. Maybe we could remind people to explore some of these, or share what we discover. Of course citing sources at all times. Intellectualy Property and all that.

We could find out when yesterday's episode will be re-run for those that missed it first time around.

Just some suggestions.
Nicci

ETA
For the record, I need to give my mum credit for supporting me. I may not feel she has achieved what she wanted, and I'm sure she will disagree with my assessment, but she supported me to follow a dream. I wanted to travel for an extended period of time, and I was talking about taking 6 months leave from a job I was unhappy with. She told me there's no parachute in life and sometimes you just have to jump. She said if I needed it I would have their support once I returned to Australia.

I took her advice, quit my job, went backpacking and enroute I met an American guy. Fast forward 3 1/2 years and we're married and have DS. I've only been back to Australia for 3 months since my mother told me to quit my job and go do what I wanted. And for those months, my old employer hired me to work on a project. I didn't need their help, but I knew it was there.

In some ways, I do hope I turn out like my mother.

[kijip]

Just wanted to point out that MamaFIT (?) section on BBB already (not separate) could serve these functions and does for the small number of regular posters over there---maybe if more people post there we would not need an extra group? JUst a thought. I should head over there myself!

[kath68]

That's a great idea. I could also use the reminder to check in there.

ETA: OK -- I am over there now. Who wants to join me?

[daisymommy]

Oh goodness, that Oprah show was me! (I didn't see Dr.Phil, but that was probably me too ;)).

I used to weigh....well, a whole lot less than I do now :) And I used to model. I would have never dreamt of leaving the house without a full "mask" of make-up, hair perfectly curled and done, and dressed to the 9's.
But now? It's grab a quick shower, pull wet hair into a ponytail, thow on a track suit, and I'm done. Sheesh. I'd be embarrased to run into anyone I knew at the grocery store. I do try harder if I'm going out with friends, but that means mascara and lipstick, a pair of jeans and a sweater.

It's obvious that once we become mamas we do gain weight, and standards are different (I hope this is the case for most people and not just me!). But I don't believe it has to go this far :)

The other thing I totally connect with is that I don't know what I like or who I am outside of being a mom. Most days I'm okay with that. I waited a long time for this stage of my life, and I do love it. But I keep thinking there has to be more to me than this.

I bought a book awhile back...but never got around to reading it thru, called "The Mom's Towne Guide to Getting It All. A Life Makeover for Stay-At-Home Moms" by Mary Goulet & Heather Reider. Now, it's not really about juggling 12 different things in your life like work and kids, house, etc. It's about finding yourself and being fullfilled, knowing who you are outside of being a mom and wife. It looked very good when I skimmed thru it. But of course, other things like dirty dishes and laundry have kept me from actually reading it.

I'm so glad someone brought up this topic! I too need help!

[lizajane]

i truly do not understand how to possibly "look good feel good" everyday when i have to watch two tiny kids. twice in the past week, i frantically showered while my two year old "babysat" for my 9 month old- both trapped in my bedroom while i was in the adjoining shower. i removed all un-safe things from my room, of course, but i still think it is a bad bad bad idea to let the baby crawl around with the 2 year old even for a 5 min shower! so where on earth is the time to pick out an outfit, match some accessories, style my hair, put on make up (i wear very little anyone, but i like some eyeliner an lipgloss!) and dress my kids and feed them breakfast and eat something myself and do 2 loads of laundry all before 9am???????

(i have been up since 4:30am and i am feeling pissy. i WANT to make a change, but HOW??? REALLY, HOW????? PLEASE TELL ME!)

[Sillygirl]

Liza, if it helps, when I met you I thought you were totally fit and gorgeous and a real role model for moms, since you have two active boys. So you may feel stressed but you look fabbo!

[lizajane]

katie- i am actually laughing. you are the second person to tell me today that she thought i had it all together when she met me. all i can say is HA!! i must need to invite you both over to see my house! i can't believe i never got any roles in college plays when i am apparently such a mightly good actress. I AM SO NOT TOGETHER!!!

but thanks thanks thanks. you are tooooooooo kind. i don't know about fit and gorgeous, but i am lucky to be super duper close to my pre-preg size. :)

[niccig]

I posted earlier that a friend and I are going to be supportive of each other to achieve our personal goals/dreams. We met yesterday and discussed how we could help each other. We made a list of 5 goals to achieve in the next 6 months. They had to be personal goals, house/family related goals weren't allowed. I had difficulty in writing 5 goals, if house goals had been allowed I would have had over 50. Very sad. I thought other posters may want to do the same. Maybe we could use Mommyfit as other PPs suggested to keep us motivated.

Nicci