OT: What is the Scariest Thing...

[Judegirl]

This is not at all the scariest thing that happened to me, and it's not at all comparable, but your story reminded me of my honeymoon in Ireland, when I was chased all the way back to my car, flailing my arms like a madwoman and screaming for help from my new husband.....by a sheep.

What can I say? I'm fron NYC. I was petrified. And my husband didn't lift a finger to save me, btw. He just laughed and laughed and told me to stop running away.

I was mugged at gunpoint when I was 18. I had my little brother with me, and they had the gun pointed at this chest the entire time. That's somewhere at the top of the list. :)

Jude

[tarabenet]

When I was 4, we were visiting the lakeside A-frame cabin of some family friends. All us kids were upstairs playing games -- "upstairs" being an unrailed loft in the top third of the cabin. I played chase with another kid, grabbed the upright beam that ran floor-to-ceiling to support the stairway, and swung around. I made it the first time, and half of the second time. And then I woke up on a sofa, with all the grown-ups fussing over me. That may have been scarier for my parents than for me, seeing as I was unconscious!

In high school, I was training my horse. She took a run for a fence, and I panicked and tried to bail. That just made her buck, so I went off, fortunately well short of the 4-foot picket fence she was headed for! I crawled the 100-some-odd yards back to the barn, crying. Didn't walk without a limp for a couple of months!

In spite of all that, I went to college on a full National Merit Scholarship, and later competed in swing, ballroom and C&W dance on the semi-pro circuits (yes, there really is such a thing!) so apparently those events weren't as serious as they seemed at the time! But if I'd ever been mugged, like Jude just described, I think I'd have just gone into cardiac arrest on the spot! Now *that* sounds terrifying!

[kijip]

Well, it goes without saying that being the victim of sexual assaults as a child is the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. There were other frightening things in my childhood as well. Needless to say I consider my childhood to basically be a bad dream.

However the thing that popped into my head when I read the post is this: when I was a brand spanking new mother (like 2 weeks old) I took Toby for a stroller ride. I was wandering around downtown Ballard (a neighborhood in Seattle) and I saw that the walk light was "green" so I crossed the street. I thought it was odd that no one else was crossing (it was busy on the streets). I guess my hearing was rendered useless post partum because I CROSSED RIGHT IN FRONT OF A FIRE TRUCK with it's sirens and horns going full stop. Tey had to steer the truck around me to miss me and this point I was in the middle of the road and RUNNING pushing the carriage for dear life. Needless to say I got a lot of stares and thankfully I was not hit and the fire truck did not topple or hit something else from the sharp turn. I felt so panicked, stupid and incompentant after that!

[Marisa6826]

Probably the scariest thing was the whole adventure after Mia was born. I couldn't breathe, had to call 911 the night I came HOME from the hospital from delivering Mia. Ended up spending a couple days in ICU. They were pretty certain I had a pulmonary embolism. They called Jonathan and told him he better come to see me b/c it was touch and go. My Brother has asthma and I could never understand the whole 'not breathing' thing until all this happened. It is absolutely terrifying. I remember one particular day when I was already ON oxygen and couldn't breathe. The respiratory team happened to be in my room and they couldn't help me. Although they took the opportunity to go after my wrist for a blood gas draw. That is one of THE most excruciating experiences I've ever had. That's when they transferred me to ICU. Thankfully, it turned out to be pneumonia. But, boy, was that a horrible time.

The only other really scary incident was when I was thrown from a horse when I was seven or eight. They thought I had ruptured my spleen. Another instance of not being able to breathe, covered in dirt, and my helmet had flown off my head. I never really rode after that.

Hey Petra - I have a barnyard story for ya. I was collecting eggs for my aunt when I was about 12. There was the most nasty rooster in the hen house. That little ****er came after me, attached himself to the top of my Wellies and attacked my knee. He actually tore my jeans. I beat the hell out of him with a feed bucket and then found myself chasing HIM around the room. Have I ever mentioned that coq au vin is one of my fave meals? ;) :P

-m

[himom]

My friends and I were driving down the 101 toward Monterey in a particularly curvy area. We were coming down a pretty steep hill and winding around all the curves in a light rain. It was also pretty wet from a heavy rain we'd had that morning.

There we were, talking and bopping to They Might Be Giants, when suddenly the car in front of us hit a slick spot in the road and lost control. It went into a spin, hit the center rail, then bounced off of that across three lanes of traffic to hit the guard rail on the other side of the street. My friend's DH had to do some fast defensive driving, and we ended up agains the guard rail too. We ran out to help the woman in the car, as she was slightly hurt.

Then a pickup truck hit the exact same spot, did the exact same bouncing spin, and came to rest about 30 feet in front of us. Holy crap, at that point we were completely freaked out and just wanted to get the heck out of there. My friend's DH stayed with the lady, and my friend and I grabbed some flares and ran up the hill toward the spot where everyone seemed to be having problems.

Here's the scary part -- I still have nightmares about it. One of those huge semis came barrelling down the hill, hit the same stupid spot, and lost control. The driver tried to compensate by pulling toward the shoulder, which was of course where we were walking. I literally froze. I always thought of myself as a pro-active person, where if a truck was coming toward me I would jump out of the way. Nope. Deer in headlights. Thank God the guy got control of the truck, thankfully missing both us and the damaged cars on the shoulder. After that we lit the flares right above "the spot" and got the heck out of there the minute the ambulance arrived.

Monterey was gorgeous, but all I really remember from that trip is that horrible road and accident.

[westgre]

The night I graduated from college. My sister and her friend and my nephew were in town for graduation, staying at my mom's house. So, there was me, my mom, her boyfriend, my sister and nephew , and her friend all in the house. For some reason it was very cold that night in May, so we turned the heat on before going to bed. When I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of sleep, I fell about three times before getting to the bathroom. Luckily my mom was in there getting ready for work. Apparently, each time I fell I was having seizures. I was vaguely aware of what was going on. I remember thinking I was having a stroke because that's what my dad looked like when he had a stroke. (And he and my grandma have a blood disorder that is hereditary.) I had a few more episodes before the ambulance got there. Then, my mom and my sister said their chests were hurting. My mom's boyfriend woke up staggering like a drunk person and told us to get out of the house. Apparently, it was carbon monoxide poisoning. I spent about 7 hours in the hispital on oxygen, getting blood gases taken every hour to be monitored. The fire department told us the carbon monoxide in the house measured at 800 ppm, and a detector goes off at about 30 ppm, if I remember correctly. They said if we had been in there more than 30 minutes more, we'd have all been dead. Very scary.
The wierd thing is, I never wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of sleep. My dad had served me a cup of green tea the night before, saying it would bring me good luck. To this day, I always drink a cup of green tea, if offered. It sure gave me good luck that morning. If I had continued sleeping, my mom may have gotten ready and left for work, with the rest of us in the house sleeping...

[hez]

Two lane road-- 45mph zone-- no shoulders-- a steep upward slope to one side, and downward to the other (some of which was protected by a guardrail).

I was headed north, and three cars were headed south. The first of the southbound cars was about to turn left in front of me and stopped short. The second car barely stopped in time to avoid rearending the first. The third car wasn't paying attention and instead of rearending the third or crashing into the upward slope on his side, crossed the double yellow and came into my lane.

Talk about your life flashing before your eyes. We were going at least 40mph each, and his truck was a lot bigger than my car. I was sure I wasn't going to live through it.

Somehow our reflexes worked and I got right and he stayed in the middle-- no cars hit each other. I bumped the guardrail just slightly and managed not to roll down the slope on my side.

I still can't go northbound on that road without having flashbacks-- and that was in '99. Oh, and of course, he got the ticket ;)

[Toba]

I was driving down the Garden State Parkway on my way to work in our relatively new Ford Thunderbird (with a 5.0 liter engine, so full of power). I was following behind this person in the fast lane and we were coming upon an entrance ramp to the parkway from the rest area. Normally, people use the *very* long entrance ramp to gain speed, since everyone is travelling at least 70 mph (never understood why you would have an entrance ramp into the fast lane). Someone apparently didn't understand that concept and pulled out doing about 15 mph in front of the person in front of me. I swerved (without looking, bad of me) HARD to the right and went sideways down the parkway. Luckily, no one was in the two lanes next to me (but there were many cars coming) and since I had the T-bird, I was able to accelerate very quickly and get out of the way of oncoming traffic.

The day after we got home from our honeymoon, I was walking down the carpeted stairs in our then condo. I slipped, went up in the air and landed flat on my back HARD. I couldn't breathe and was sure I had broken my back and had only minutes to live (obviously a drama queen). Turns out that I only had the wind knocked out of me really bad, but it took me a good five minutes to be able to catch my breath.

When I was a teenager, my mom and I were on the way to my grandmother's bar. We were stopped at a light about a block from the bar and a severely drunk man pulled up next to us and started hitting on me. My mom freaked out and told him I was only 15. The light turned green and he floored it and as we turned into the parking lot at my grandmother's bar, he swerved into the parking lot too. He hit the side of the bar (cement wall no less) head on doing at least 35 mph. He was pretty hurt, and the wall he hit inside the bar was filled floor to ceiling with hard liquor, so a huge mess.

I grew up being physically and emotionally abused by my alcoholic parents, in fact I was removed from my home five times by the state, so obviously that in itself was scary. When I was very young (probably only 5 or 6), my parents were at a local bar late at night (they were always at last call) and left me locked in the car (which they routinely did). These two drunk men came up to the car next to ours and noticed me in the car. They tried to get in our car (which was locked) and were about to smash the window when other patrons came out and they got in their car and left. God knows what they would have done to me. Did it stop my parents from leaving me in the car so they could get drunk? Nope, I was in the same parking lot the next night. I remember crying and pleading for my mom not to leave me there, but she did anyway.


~Kimberly Anne~
Noah Nevan, March 12, 2004
*the light of my life*

[ribbit1019]

I was a passenger in a vehicle that the driver wasn't paying attention and sideswiped a semi truck. Impact was at about 40 mph. I thought for sure I was dead because I knew we tore off the step to the cab (saw it flying through the air) and the gas tank is right underneath that. I was waiting for the car and the semi to explode, they didn't. Though there were some gashes in the tank so probably a half inch more and all three of us (driver, me and the semi truck driver) would have been dead. The whole side of the car, bumper to bumper was torn off. I now have an acute phobia of semi-trucks now. Especially on the highway. This happened 10 years ago and I am just now getting to the point where I can be between two semi's and not have an anxiety attack.

Christy
"My Mommy" to Maddy born 06/09/04
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and soon to Little Man due 03/02/06
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Join the BBB Preggo Pals!!
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[bostonsmama]

I think the scariest thing that ever happened to me was the night I found out I had a tubal pregnancy. I was in so much pain in my abdomen that I was hallucinating about car seats and small-headed babies. I was cold sweating and moaning in my bed. I got up to go to the bathroom (because I had been bleeding nonstop for 2 weeks) and I fainted. My husband freaked out and helped me get over to and sit up on the toilet, where I passed out again. After 3 more times of doing this (and me just crying wondering when I was going to die b/c I had no idea what was going on), my DH called 911 and about 7 burly firemen helped carry me down the stairs and onto the stretcher. It took the ER 3 hours to get to me, despite the fact that I was screaming in pain. By the time they figured out I was pregnant, I had lost so much blood that they thought I was going to need a blood transfusion and starting asking my mom and DH if they'd do a profile. Two days later I was admitted to the hospital to watch my hcg numbers double and then after an unsuccessful surgery I got the methotrexate and did intensive red-blood cell count anemia building therapy (folic acid, vit C, and Fe) for about a week, getting my blood drawn every 4 hours day and night, so much so that every single vein in my arms collapsed by the time they discharged me. Until my levels zeroed out a month and a half later I was terrified it wouldn't work and resolve, but thank God it did. To this day I have some very mild "post-traumatic stress" issues when it comes to this event b/c we never knew the extent of the damage to my tubes and whether or not there's a fissure and extensive scarring b/c I wouldn't consent to open exploratory surgery.

Anyways, I'm so glad that's in the past.

L

[jd11365]

Kimberly, I can't get over what you wrote about being locked in the car. That must have been terrifying! I'm so sorry you had to go through that as a child.

[papal]

Hug to you Kimberly.. I cannot imagine how terrified you must have been in that car as a child. :(

[kijip]

Kimberly- I know how scary the car thing is! I am so sorry. My parnets left us in the car for a coupld of things as a child and once my brother and I were menaced and harassed and threatened by a group of racist kids/young adults in the racist town that we lived in. I really thought they were going to lynch us- one of my brothers is African American and needless to say the town did not like an interracial family living there. I never understood why my parents would leave us in a car either! We would have been safer home alone even! As stated in my first response, fort this and many other things I basically feel like my childhood was a terrible dream.

[brittone2]

No child should ever have to experience that kind of fear. I'm so sorry.

[kath68]

I was held with a gun to my head .... by a cop!

It was a wrong place wrong time kind of thing; we were caught in the middle of a high speed chase, and pulled over on the side of the freeway. The person who they were chasing somehow managed to escape by foot, and she ended up climbing onto my lap in the car (I was too bewildered to lock the door, and she didn't look like a criminal). The cops grabbed her and layed her out on the gravel at the side of the freeway, and then dragged DH and I out of the car, patted us down at gunpoint, and quickly realized we were total dorks that had no clue what was going on. Their advice: when it is all over, go to a bar and get a couple of drinks before you get back on the road. Seriously, that is what they said.

Other than that, I was in a very serious car accident (broken back, among other things), and remember being really freaked as they cut up my car with the jaws of life, cut me out of the seatbelt, strapped be onto the board, cut me out of my clothes, hooked me up to iv's and loaded me up onto the ambulance. I remember being really worried about passing out as the shock set in. But in that circumstance, there was literally nothing I could do, and you just hand yourself over to a higher power, both human (docs) and spiritual. That's what got me through -- trusting that others would take care of the situation. And they did.

In some ways the car accident was a good thing -- it was a great lesson in the amazing kindness of strangers. My dogs were in the car with DH and me, and needed medical care, too. A total stranger/passerby took them to the emergency vet for me; if she had not done that, one of my dogs would have lost an eye for sure (and who knows what would have happened? Perhaps the cops would have taken them to a shelter?). And my nurses and docs and physical therapists were some of the most amazingly kind and generous people I have ever met.

[Moneypenny]

DH went into emergency surgery for an appendectomy. He was in surgery for much longer than they said he would be, and when I asked for information they wouldn't tell me anything. The surgeon finally came out and said it wasn't his appendix, it was Crohn's disease, his bowel was diseased and they had to remove some of it. I nearly fainted. I had no idea what Crohn's disease was (it can be awful but isn't a terminal illness), but since DH's father and several uncles died of cancer I thought for sure the doc was going to say DH was dying. Then to see DH lying in that hospital bed all doped on demerol and hallucinating was just awful. It was a couple of days before I could leave him long enough to research Crohn's and figure out that he wasn't going to die from it, but those couple of days were awful when I thought I was going to lose him. We'd only been married 3 months.
Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]
We made it to a year!

[aliceinwonderland]

Attempted rape at 14. But this left no long term effects.

I was in perpetual fear of my father growing up. I love him to death too. This affects me to this day, more at some times than others. Nothing can screw up a person more than one's family can :)

[psophia17]

Roosters can be scary - but delicious :9

[Toba]

Katie, I feel the same way. An abused child never really has a childhood, because it's robbed from us. But I have to tell you, as much as it was a terrible thing for me to have bruises and welts and a fractured arm and countless sprains over the years, I wasn't sexually abused. I still have horrible nightmares about my childhood and they flare up from time to time something fierce (like right now ... I have been sleeping with a Maglight in my hands for the past two weeks, just to make sure the shadowed figure that looms over me every night is really not there), I can't imagine the violation you feel. I'm so utterly sorry that you were abused that way and it's just not fair. I just can't imagine.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. At my grandmother's bar one night, while locked in the car again, I remember a drunk man coming out and sitting on a car a few feet away, just staring at me. He sat there for fifteen minutes or more, and I laid on the horn. No one ever came and he eventually left. One other time, at another local bar, a police car was doing a drive through of the parking lot and noticed me sitting in the car. They knocked on the window, but I wouldn't open up until they reassured and pleaded with me for several minutes. They asked why I was sitting there, and I actually LIED for my parents ... I think I told them that they ran in to get a friend or something. In actuality, I had been there for at least three or four hours already and it was well after midnight (and COLD ... I was wrapped up in blankets). They dragged my parents out and off we went ... and I got a beating when we got home. I can't imagine this would happen in this day and age. I'm sure the parents would be in serious trouble for abandoning a child in a locked car. I'm sure lots of things are different. For instance, why was I brought back home after being removed FIVE times? It just doesn't make sense. The abuse could have been stopped, but people just chose to ignore it.



~Kimberly Anne~
Noah Nevan, March 12, 2004
*the light of my life*

[Toba]

I'm terrified of roosters!! My BIL had one that would chase me around the yard. It was eventually killed after it attacked one of my nephews. Guess what they had for dinner that night?? LOL


~Kimberly Anne~
Noah Nevan, March 12, 2004
*the light of my life*

[aliceinwonderland]

Do you remember your childhood? It seems I have surpressed most of mine...At one time this fact bothered me (esp. when one of my sisters would say "I can't believe you don't remember that!!"), but now I think it's all for the better...

[aliceinwonderland]

sorry

[kijip]

Yes and no! I remember distinct things and events but not much from the general day to day after about age 7. From preschool age to 7 I recall a lot of mundane things- buying shirts, new shoes, going to Grandma's for Christmas, a game I played with my siblings, most of my school life (like learning to spell the word friend!), church etc. That period is rather idealised in my mind. From ages 6/7 we lived in the racist town and a lot of bad things happened, both outside the home (the racist things that the other families did) and inside the home (the neglect of my parent's as their marriage shattered, my father leaving and returning) and after that I kind of retreated into a world of imagination and I remember very little except for what I imagined and later (I started reading late) what I had read. After age 11, when the rapes occured, I basically became a zombie and encased myself in books and church and imagination. I mean, looking at my yearbook photos from that year I really look dead...as in a very good Halloween costume sort of dead. I still can't remeber the picture being taken at all. I don't recall the names of any friends, teachers, the name of the school I attended (we lived out of WA state for that hell of a year), or many day-to-day specifics. Exactly like you said- my siblings will say "I can't believe you don't remember that" from time to time. I was sort in this haze till about age 14 or so. In fact I refused to attend the entire 7th and 8th grades altogether and stayed home, reading. I literally picked up the "homeschooling" forms, brought them to my parents and made them sign them, turned them in and then did not go back to school. My memory picks up in high school. I did not tell a soul about the rapes until I was about done with high school. I graduated at 17 and moved out the next month- I got a job as a pt nanny and lived in their MIL apartment while I worked other jobs and started college. My memory kicks into high gear at 17 and becomes very detailed as I shed the anger about the rapes (ages 17-NOW). So I would say that parts of my childhood memory are very detailed and parts are gone entirely! I have always had an excellent book and study memory- well, until right after Toby arrived! Luckily that is now coming back.

[aliceinwonderland]

I have gone through nothing as painful as you have, but I find it interesting that my memory also picks up in high school and is pretty good from then on to now, but before then, almost nothing.

[ykc]

I was driving southbound on a 4-lane highway, separated by a grassy median. I was in the left lane, passing on an on-ramp. All of a sudden, it looked like this car that had just gotten on the highway was about to land in my passenger seat. I swerved, hit the shoulder, lost control, then basically did a U-turn in the median, flew onto the northbound lanes, where I hit the back wheels of a semi, then gradually came to a stop on the southbound shoulder, facing the correct direction. I was 32 weeks pregnant.

My car, needless to say, was totalled, but I walked away without a scratch. I'm sure I took several years of the life of the truck driver and the people behind him, as well as off of my own. Ironically, my greatest injury came from going to the hospital to be monitored. I didn't think to bring something to read, so I watched TV for nearly 4 hrs, with my head turned to the left. The next day, my neck was so sore that at first I thought that I had hurt myself in the accident, after all. Then, I figured out that I strained it in the hospital.

I still wonder whether I just totally overreacted. But someone who had been following me stopped when the accident happened, and he agreed with me that the other driver just zoomed through all the lanes and didn't look like he was going to stop. The driver who basically caused the accident just drove on and never stopped. There was a cop on the scene within seconds (he was responding to a domestic violence call--I've always hoped that it was nothing too serious), and he stayed until more police showed up. There were these very kind women who stopped and hugged me and gave me some water to drink. The paramedics were very nice, even when I refused to go to the hospital with them. The truck driver wasn't all that enthusiastic about me, but I can hardly blame him!

[crayonblue]

A few months ago, in-laws' dog jumped on Lauren. She fell over backwards and landed on her head on a very thin carpet on top of concrete. I picked her up and she was crying. She then went totally rigid and froze in a crying expression. MIL grabbed her from me and realized she wasn't breathing. Lauren had gone from rigid to completely limp. Lauren's eyes were closed and she looked like she had died. SIL came in to help and Lauren was turning blue. MIL called 911 and then Lauren started shallow breathing. My life flashed before my eyes in the minute or so this all happened and I really didn't react. Just stood there, watching. I know CPR. I've taken first aid. I am sorry to say that I am one of those people who just couldn't react. I hope to do better if I am in this situation again, but I hope to never be.

That was very, very scary.

Second scary time: my brother took some Haldol (my dad's prescription). His body went completely rigid. He was screaming and screaming and it was awful. My mom and I drove him to the hospital. My mom, who doesn't go over 55mph, was flying down the streets like a maniac! The doctor took one look at him and said, "So, you took some Haldol." My brother said, "No, I didn't." Doctor said, "Yes, you did" and gave him a shot and his body relaxed. Very strange.

Petra- I have an animal story for you. My dad took me to the zoo when I was about 6 or so. We were eating tunafish sandwiches by the lake and a big, ugly goose walked up and grabbed my tuna sandwich and ran off! I was so upset!

[american_mama]

Wow, people have some very scary stories of either terrible accidents or terrible human tragedies. At first, I didn't think I had anything to share, but then I remembered that a few years ago, I was playing with my nephew who was about 5. I suggested we do back flips and I would spot him, even putting some sofa cushions on the floor for padding. Well, I didn't realize how heavy he was, how he had no idea how to do a back flip and I had no idea how to spot him. I dropped him on his head, missing the cushion entirely.

At first, he cried, but after a few seconds, he stopped. His eyes went blank, his head flopped back at an angle, and he started wheezing like his neck was broken. I am normally a huge under-reactor and non-worrier, but this time I screamed "Call 911!" while thinking he is dying, there is no way he can keep breathing until paramedics get here. His father ran across the living room, yelling "Oh no, oh no, oh God..."

Well, a few seconds after that, he kind of woke up and started crying again and in general seeming normal. The 911 people offered to send someone out anyway, but we all agreed no. (See, my whole family doesn't worry.) Then again, I just told my sister this complete story a few months ago, and she apparently never realized that his eyes went blank and his breathing changed, so maybe that's why she was so casual about the whole thing. My nephew was entirely fine, although he was ticked off at me the whole day.

The one thing this story reassures me is that if it's really an emergency, I will recognize it and not hesitate about calling 911.

[kijip]

Kimberly-

I feel the same way as you- as bad as the rapes were, I can't fathom the physical violence that was thankfully free from my home. I really have symapathy for your situation. I sleep with a baseball bat by my bed and have carefully "rehearsed" my reaction if I was ever sexually attacked again. I have mended things with my parents who were neglectful and clueless (however not involved or responsible for the rapes- that would be another family member) but it's almost like they are people I know and pity and not my parents since they did not protect me very well!

Children being returned to abusive situations is one of my main concerns and what angers me more than just about anything. I just don't get it and while it may be better than it was, it is plain awful sometimes. The government and individuals must do a better job of protecting children. The lack of funding/resources and "not my business" excuses get used WAY too often!

[Toba]

Katie, I just want to reach through the screen and hug you.

I only took two psych classes in college, so I really don't have the answers ... but I wonder why my memory is so detailed and yours isn't? I remember each bruise, each time I was told I didn't deserve to breathe, etc. I remember trying to hide over two dozen welts all over my body from a beating and then lying to the school counselor about what had happened. Like those memories had happened yesterday.

I was an only child until I was eight. In the past few weeks, I have been going through an emotional roller coaster over emotions that are just spilling over. I don't know what happened all of a sudden that made the nightmares, panic attacks and ANGER (at my parents) come back, but it's here. I have two younger sisters and they are treated SOOO much better than I was/am. Even to this day. And while I'm glad that they didn't go through the abuse I went through, at 34 years of age, I'm still wondering in my child's mind why I was beat and they weren't. And it wasn't as if they stopped when my sisters came along ... after they arrived (and I was my sisters' full time caretaker while my parents partied every night, even missing school frequently because they hadn't come home yet), I was physically abused until I was about 16-1/2 years old, and the emotional abuse, well, that still happens to this day. The sad thing is I could forgive them if they would just admit that what they did was wrong and that I wasn't a bad child (their excuse) and that they're just sorry. But they won't. Ever. I have fought with myself over and over about just cutting the ties completely, but they still have that hold on me.



~Kimberly Anne~
Noah Nevan, March 12, 2004
*the light of my life*

[MarisaSF]

I'm knocking on wood big time and saying I don't have anything to write here.

However, I do want to acknowledge Kimberly and Katie for sharing their stories. I really think you two deserve standing ovations for being such wonderful parents and women. Big hugs to you both.

[mamamayi]

The scariest thing for me was when someone tried to break into my house and I was alone. My DH and I had not gotten married yet, so he was at his house which was thankfully only 5 minutes away. It was about 1:30 a.m. and I was awakened by someone turning the doorknob of the door that led into my house from the kitchen. It was an old door with a deadbolt and no lock on the doorknob, so the doorknob was just turning and turning. I had just moved into the house only two weeks earlier and didn't have everything unpacked yet. I didn't know where anything was and had nothing to protect myself. I called 911 and kept thinking "what am I going to do if this person comes into my bedroom??? Throw the phone at him???" My DH is a police officer and he got there before the 911 dispatched officer arrived. They didn't catch the guy, but at least he didn't get inside. I can't ever remember being so scared in my entire life. It felt like I couldn't move and my hands were shaking so bad!

[HannaAddict]

The episode with Lauren is terifying. I assume she was okay? That is so scary. Hope Lauren is okay.

Kimberly

[ellies mom]

Fortunately, mine was a really quick scary. I was crossing the street on night and a drunk guy in a big truck came squealing around the corner and into the lane I was just stepping into. I couldn't get out of the way in time and he hit me going about 30 mph, and sent me bouncing at least 50 feet. I was really lucky because first it was a big truck so instead of going up over the windshield and onto the ground from up high like I would have if it was a small car, I was just pushed forward. Second, I was sent far enough forward that he was able to stop before actually running over me. So the scariest part was realizing I was going to get hit and there was nothing I could do about it, followed by not being able to stop myself from bouncing down the road. Once I stopped and realized that I had amazingly came through it okay (granted I was in bit of shock), I was no longer scared. I learned how absolutely incredible our bodies are. People would say that it must of hurt and I could honestly say that getting hit did not hurt at all. It hurt like mad the next day but actually getting hit and bouncing down the street did not hurt. I ended up with post concussion syndrome and a bit of a lower back hip issue but it could have been so much worse.

Katie and Wolfsong- Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of strength to do that and to break the cycle. My heart goes out to you both.

[jennifer_r]

I would say the scariest thing that happened to me really happened to my husband. He worked on the 83rd floor of the WTC, in the first building that was hit. I couldn't get ahold of him for hours and no one (well besides his coworkers who were in the same situation as he was) knew what happened to him. He went through alot that day - he just got out of the building and was a block away when the other building started leaning toward him and went down. He got covered in debris but was O.K. Saw lots of gruesome stuff that day (like bodies falling, his floor on fire, etc.) . Anyway, it wasn't until hours later that I had heard from another co-worker who ran out of the building with him that he got out (even though at that point he didn't know where he was) that I felt some relief. I actually didn't speak to him until about 3:30 that afternoon. I was an absolute wreck that day and thought he was dead. I was actually making plans in my head about how I would have to sell the house, go back to work, etc.

Also, not only my husband worked on that floor but since it was my DH's business, I knew practically everyone at the company, some of them our friends going back several years. Infact, my brother also worked there (I didn't know at the time that he was on Jury duty that week) so I was also extremely worried about him. I never look down at Jury duty anymore after that!

We were both really messed up for months afterwards. I lost a ton of weight (got too skinny, but gained it back within a few months), couldn't sleep or if we did had nightmares, etc. And the whole thing still haunts us to this day. It probaly made us stronger as a couple and appreciate the very little things in life. Even though the whole incident was extremely ugly for us, in the end, we have to look back and say we were lucky. We know many people who were not so fortunate.

Jennifer

Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
And another DD arriving end of October!

[crayonblue]

Yes, Lauren was/is fine. The ER doctors didn't have a clue but a doctor at her follow-up was helpful. He said that when children are terribly, terribly frightened, they often hold their breath. He thinks that Lauren held her breath which made her freeze and then pass out. He said that some children do this repeatedly but do grow out of it. I hope to never repeat that!

I think Debbie (ddmarsh) also experienced this with one of her children.

[kijip]

Abuse of 1 child, especially the older child is really common. My father is the oldest of 9 and his father used to hit him. My aunts and uncles that are quite a bit younger all remember my grandfather as the nice old man dad he became. When my father was about 13 or 14 he threw a chair back at his dad and his dad never hit another child. Since my father "knew" the abuse, I think his dad felt shame around him and favored the other kids as adults. Also my grandfather tried to overcompensate with my dad by being very nice to me and my siblings.

My husband experienced severe abuse from his father and to this day no one will admit it and they (parents, brother, grandparents) all say that my husband was just born an angry child so any physical contact (not that they admit it outright) was my husband's fault. He has found that the best way to be happy is to just stay away from his dad entirely. The only person who even intervened on his behalf is his now dead step-grandfather. It is disgusting that the others in the family just seek to placate the abuser and degrade the abused. The funny thing is that my husband is known to be one of the calmest, most gentle, most laidback kind of a guy and they persist in labelling him angry. Hello- you'd be angry too if your dad locked you in a closet!

I am so sorry that everything is so hard for you right now Kimberly. It is terrible that abuse seems to live on, re-hurting the victims for years to come.

ETA that I think that disassociation/memory loss is pretty common with rape victims. If I remember the details, I can't function so my brain locks them away as much as possible. Not in a "recovered memory" kind of a way but in a watching from above and looking away kind of a way.

[ykc]

Breathholding spells can also happen when children are in pain (I'd guess that's more likely what happened with Lauren, as opposed to holding her breath from fear), and even sometimes when they're really angry and crying hard.

Very frightening to the parent, but essentially harmless to the child (unless they get a head injury or something while passing out!).

[cmdunn1972]

I was driving my car on a busy beltway going highway speeds (about 70 mph) when my car blew a tire. I lost control of my car and spun a 180 and ended up facing the opposite way in the passing lane with the side of my car propped up on the jersey walls. It was towards the end of rush hour, but I somehow didn't cause an accident. Also, a roadside assistance vehicle saw the whole thing and stopped to help. State police and a tow truck were promptly called and I was on my way within an hour. (I was pretty freaked out and still have no idea how I managed not to cause a collision.)

[psophia17]

Jennifer - I was at the WTC changing trains shorthly before the first plane hit. I was luckily far from it by the time I heard about it, but I still can't talk about it much.

At the time, DH and I were 3000 miles apart and I couldn't contact him to say I was safe. When I finally did get to see him, a month later, it was like a dam burst. I try to focus on how NY came together afterwards, and not on the fear and anger. And I appreciate life so much more.

[lmintzer]

Wishing all of you who have suffered such terrible traumas some peace, relief, and healing. You are very brave to share your stories so openly.

Just a quick thought (I don't want to single out any one poster, but): if anyone who has gone through something traumatic currently is experiencing severe symptoms (like flashbacks, frequent nightmares, extreme fear or avoidance of things that remind you of the traumatic event, feeling numb/unable to connect with people, feeling like you are floating outside your body) please please get some help from a therapist. It is best to see someone who has experience treating trauma. There are a few different types of talk therapy that are efficacious, and in some cases, adjunct medication therapy to manage severe anxiety can be helpful. Even if you've had a succesful treatment in the past, it's very common for old trauma symptoms to rear their ugly heads years later, when you care going through major transitions or changes (like, e.g.., getting married, having children, etc). Don't feel like you've failed in some capacity if you were doing better after a previous treatment and are now feeling worse again. As we have our own children, we can't help but reflect on our own childhoods and past experiences as we imagine their futures and develop our relationships with them.

I am lucky that I haven't had experienced an extreme trauma, but even my small scary moments (like when my dad was held up at gunpoint at O'Hare airport, being stalked, and finding out I needed to have both babies semi-urgently) still stick with me.

[jennifer_r]

I know what you mean about the dam bursting. I saw my brother about a week after it happened and I just broke down as soon as I laid eyes on him.

NYC really is an amazing city and after the whole thing happened, I actually tried to get into the city more to "support" it. Also, when DH had to find new office space, he only looked in Manhattan.

Hoping nothing like that will ever happen again.

Jennifer

Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
And another DD arriving end of October!

[psophia17]

...that has ever happened to you?

Mine was when I was 13. I was in the barn, taking in the cows to be milked. I'd been doing so for my dad for three hours, and 91 was the last cow that day. She was a cow who had always had an attitude, but usually if you kept out of her way, it was no problem. In any case, I got her up, and headed in the right direction, and she spun around and charged me. I ran for it and climbed the wall of the barn (lots of rebar and I-beams just for this purpose) and screamed for my Dad to come. He came running, and got 91 almost all the way to the gate before I climbed down. As soon as she saw me, she turned around and charged me again, but this time she hit me. My Dad ran for a pitchfork, and I'm pretty sure he used the business end to get her to stop trying to gore me (she had no horns, thank goodness). When he finally got her away and into the barn, he came back to check on me and I went to the house. I was really bruised up for a couple of weeks, but no broken bones. All I was left with is a fear of cows in open spaces. I never did chores with the adult cows again - only the calves.

What have you gone through, and survived?