Nervous about Baby #2' s arrival

[fate]

Would love to get some advice from experienced mamas about:

What you did that worked to get sib ready for new baby?
What really worked well with sib once baby arrived?

DS is 2 and has a wonderful personality. He has gone to every appt. with me and has become enthralled with the babies heartbeat. It is hard to tell how much he gets what is going on, I am sure more than he lets on. He has been clingier and wants to be carried a lot these last 3 months.

I am so nervous about the unknown factor with him (about how he will act) I just want to have some idea so I can prepare.

[bcky2]

we read alot of books about being a big brother and every time we saw a new baby i would tell my ds that we would be bringing home a baby that size soon. once the baby was born he was a little put off at the hospital about it all. at home he would rub his head and keep telling me there is the baby and look at tyty mom. he loved to help out alot, like help with feedings any way he could and help by getting him a diaper or the wipes. the whole jealousy thing didnt kick in untill #2 was more mobile, say around 6 months or so when he could sit up and play with things :)

[ykc]

We read a couple of big sister books, and we talked about the baby coming. She was older than your son will be, so I'm sure that helped us. We talked about how it's daddy's birthday now (May), then it will be the baby's birthday, then her birthday, then mama's birthday. Once the baby arrived, she got to help out if she wanted and occasionally to "hold" the baby. We tried to give her one-on-one time, so she didn't feel abandoned. (She did much better then than she does now!)

Not to be a downer (really!!), but there's very little you can do to prepare. You can talk until you're blue in the face, and your child may seem excited or sad or angry or whatever. But the reality will be what it is, and you can't really predict how it will play out--better or worse than you'd expected. I think most moms find that the older child behaves better or as well as they'd hoped, but that they have more trouble dealing with two than they anticipated. Or maybe I'm just projecting. :)

Congratulations, and good luck!!

[barbarhow]

Kate-I actually thing there are some great steps you can take to prepare your DS. It sounds like you are already doing alot of them.
Someone here made some recommendations once that we found really helpful. When your DS comes to the hospital to visit you and the baby for the first time have your DH call ahead so that you can put the baby in the bassinet across the room so that when he walks in the room he sees you. The reasoning being that if he sees you holding the new baby he may feel that there is no longer room for him. Jack climbed up into my bed with me-we cuddled and hugged and then we asked him if he wanted to meet the new baby. It was love at first sight for him and I think that even though he is gentle and loving by nature this approach had alot to do with it.
The other thing we did was have a present there for him to open that was for him from Anna. It was a little baseball mitt-He loved it and carried it everywhere for days. Yup. A bit of a bribe but it worked.
He still is pretty adoring of her. Good luck.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[brigmaman]

Barbara, those are two great ideas. :)
I also went shopping with ds (27 months when #2 was born) and we bought a little soft toy/rattle for him to give to his sister when she was born. It was a cow jumping over the moon because Brig loved the nursery rhyme at the time. We also used a name (Lulu) for the baby when we referred to her so that he realized that we would be bringing a new person into the house. Well, I don't think he really "realized" but that was my intention.
I think that the hardest part was once the baby actually got here. It wasn't easy to take the time with Brig once Cadie was actually here. I wish I had had more strategies for that time as well.

[barbarhow]

I was so lucky because DH took 5 weeks off-1 week before I was due and then 4 weeks after Anna arrived. I had a complicated delivery and PP period so I really needed him. I think it really helped alot to have the extra hands. Jack got alot of Daddy time and as much of me as I could give, too.
My DH has been amazing with standing up for himself at work and taking FMLA. He took the full 6 weeks off when Jack was born and 5 weeks with Anna. He was the first person at his job to ever do so and not everyone was supportive of him doing so.
What a gift he gave himself, me and our children. It was such a wonderful time and he would have missed so much if he had not done it. I know that we both cherish that time that we got to fall into our family roles.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[RwnMayfair]

We pretty much just read books and Taran came to most of my appointments with me. He loved hearing Elowen's heartbeat when she was in-utero as well. I think it was "What Baby Needs" by the Sears that did the most with him. I also referred to the baby a lot while I was still pregnant and pointed out that she was growing in my belly. (We didn't decide on a name for her until a bit after she was born, plus I'm really weird about calling my children by their name until after they're born anyway.) Of course, the last one did mean that for a few weeks afterwards, he would still pat my belly and say "Baby!" but at that point I always pointed out that Elowen was the baby and that there wasn't another one in there right now. ;)

-Melissa

Taran, November 20, 2003
Elowen, August 20, 2005

http://lilypie.com/pic/051031/edeJ.jpg http://b2.lilypie.com/jn4Ym4/.png
http://lilypie.com/pic/051031/bvVl.jpg http://b1.lilypie.com/9Ogqm5/.png

[Sarah1]

We did the typical stuff--read books, talked about the baby, played w/dolls, etc etc etc.

Despite all that, it was a tough transition! I found that Audrey was always great with the baby--but she displayed some major attention-seeking behavior/acting out with me. It was clear that she was upset to no longer be the center of our universe. But now, almost 3 months after Oscar was born, it's like she's forgotten what life was like before he came along.

So my feeling is, a rough patch is probably unavoidable, no matter how much you try and prepare your older one for a baby bro/sis!

HTH :)

Oh--one other thing--in answer to your question, what were things that worked once the baby arrived. The best piece of advice I got was to say things to the BABY like, "Oscar, you have to sit in your chair now because I need to read a story with Audrey" or "Oscar, I'm busy playing with Audrey, so you need to lie in your gymini" or whatever. It seems kind of dumb, but I really think it helped Audrey feel like she was important and that I was making time for her...and that it wasn't always that I was saying stuff to Audrey like "Audrey, I have to change Oscar's diaper now" or "Audrey, I have to feed Oscar now"....KWIM??

[marinkitty]

Oh--one other thing--in answer to your question, what were things that worked once the baby arrived. The best piece of advice I got was to say things to the BABY like, "Oscar, you have to sit in your chair now because I need to read a story with Audrey" or "Oscar, I'm busy playing with Audrey, so you need to lie in your gymini" or whatever. It seems kind of dumb, but I really think it helped Audrey feel like she was important and that I was making time for her...and that it wasn't always that I was saying stuff to Audrey like "Audrey, I have to change Oscar's diaper now" or "Audrey, I have to feed Oscar now"....KWIM??

Yes - Sarah!! ITA! I do this still with Mia and Jack. Tell Jack he needs to wait because it is Mia's turn now. It totally helps when I tell her she has to wait. And when we do things just the two of us I also make a big deal about how Jack is too little to do what we are doing - like Jack is too little for errands or Jack is too little to go out to lunch with us today, that kind of thing.

Holly
Mom to Mia (3.17.03) and baby brother Jack (3.23.05)