Moms With High Energy/Spirited DCs...Help!!!!!!

[randomkid]

My DD is 10 months old and goes like lightening non-stop. I knew she would be active because she moved constantly when I was pregnant with her. Here's the thing...it's much worse than I could have ever anticipated!

She just never stops and some days (like today), it's like she is on sugar, caffeine and speed. It gets so bad, that I cannot do anything else other than watch her and pull her off of/away from things. I'm afraid she is going to get hurt. I also worry that she will never settle down and will be a behavior problem in school/anywhere.

I'm 40 years old and really don't have the energy for this. When I found out she was a girl, I thought that I would have this sweet, calm, gentle child. Well, she is sweet, but definitely not calm and gentle. I found out that DH was like this as a baby. My Mom says she is definitely not like me. I was apparently so quiet, that my Mom would sometimes have to search the house for me.

DD will not stay still to eat, take a bottle, have her diaper changed, get dressed or even to play. I don't think I have ever seen her sit and play with anything. She plays, but is on the move while she is playing. She is the squirmiest baby I have ever seen. A little calm cuddling every now and then would be nice, KWIM?

Will she ever settle down or will I have problems with her forever? I used to see those books in the store on "raising your spirited child" and I foolishly thought that I wouldn't need one of those. Of course, I was assuming my DC would be more like me.

Just looking for some reassurance or maybe insight into my future with her. Should I have put this in the Bitching Post? I know it sounds that way, but she is the love of my life, just not what I expected in a girl and some days I just don't know what to do!

TIA,

[saschalicks]

Kim,
I don't know what to tell you. My DS is like that too. We did find that as he got older he'd play with some toys for longer then others. At 10 mo old nothing held his attention. At close to 17 mo old Legos sometimes work. I find complicated toys that need some putting together or have lots of moving parts sometimes get him to sit. The one thing I can say is that I get a 30 minute reprieve when he sees the "Signing Times" videos. He loves them. Maybe try some videos like that.

In all I am so sympathetic and am glad sometimes that I am a WOHM otherwise I'd be exhausted. (FWIW I'm 29 so age my not be the only reason you feel you can't keep up)

[Judegirl]

Well...girls will be girls, yanno. ;)

I remember asking on the board whether my dd would ever cuddle with me...she was the same way. Dh and I frequently look at each other with raised eyebrows and wonder whether we should be calling someone about this behavior.

At 18 months, our dd is able to sit queitly and do things on her own, and she is very cuddly. :) But if she is not in a cuddle or sitting place, then watch out - she's a tornado on the loose.

You may want to watch what she's eating and see if there is a reaction. Do a search for "food allergies Gina" (I forget her user name) and you will find lots of info that might be helpful. I am convinced that dd gets even more wound up after eating peas and wheat.

Also, is she sleeping enough? Dd is almost never sleeping enough, and it's a feedback loop...it took us awhile to figure out what overtired looked like, because she was never cranky, but it was indeed overtired. It didn't matter really - we still can't get her to sleep more than she wants to sleep - but it helped me to stop worrying about it. :)

Good luck!
Jude

[omgrown]

DH and I would consider our DS to be "spirited" and I know how exhausting it can be to have a little one constantly on the go. I will say that I feel like he really changed when he turned 1 (he's 13 months now). It was like all of a sudden he matured just enough to be able to sit still for 30 seconds, and will occasionally sit on my lap and watch a minute or 2 of TV (something he would never, ever do before his 1st birthday). Not that I'm trying to turn him into a couch potato, but it is nice to see him calm and focused for a second. He still won't stay still for a diaper change though and screams bloody murder for poopy diaper changes especially. In fact it takes both of us to hold him in place and not have poop from one end of the house to the other, we call it tag team diaper changing :-)
I've found that the best thing I can do is corral him into a baby-safe area with his toys and let him go to town. As the PP said, I find that he likes things that are slightly complicated such as stacking toys and things like blocks that he'll put in and take out of a box or something like that. There's a great book called "Indigo Children" that I read before DS was born (we had a feeling we might have a spirited child). Its pretty new-agey, but really has some great ideas about dealing with kids like ours.
Good luck with your DD and know that chances are that she may calm down a little with age.

[lizajane]

i FINALLY got my safe play room set up today! dylan is a speed demon crawler and he has been crawling for 3 months. i would recommend doing some major baby proofing and get a few gates to fence her in. we let dylan just crawl around the house! he loves it!

[cmdunn1972]

Kim,

My DS, Sean, is only 6 months old, so I don't have any advice. However, I totally relate! He's a sweetheart, but has had countless moments when he's totally quirmy. Admittedly, I was freaking out thinking that I was going to have one of **those** children, too. (I joke that I'll have to keep my running shoes on once he starts walking because I'll be running a marathon keeping up with him. ;)) However, reading some of the posts from Moms who have BTDT, I'm suddenly much calmer knowing that the ability to focus is a learned skill that develops over time. :)

[almostamom]

My DS is a squirmer too! DH and I were just talking tonight about "remember when we could cuddle with him?" Diaper changes have been a challenge for months. I received wonderful advice from the mamas here, but the bottom line is: my son HATES to be on his back - EVER! We switched to pull ups! We have also found that walks or just being outside is very calming for him. I think they are just really excited about what's in the world around them and very curious (at least, I hope that's what it is!)

Good luck,
~Linda~
DS 11/9/04

[Vajrastorm]

Well behaved women rarely make history. I love that quote. I find it a good reminder to cherish my dd's spunk even when it drives me up the wall.

I have a spirited dd. I too thought she'd be mellower - my husband is very mellow. Rumor has it I was a spirited kind of kid myself. ;) I thought she'd end up somewhere in the middle. Nope, she looks like him and acts like me. Me at 2, that is.

Will she settle down? Probably not. But she will settle differently, if that makes sense. Dd is now 2, and will sit and play with toys that require imagination. She didn't care much for toys until she was past 18 months.

She is still full of energy, but things are easier. She is also a lot more fun. She makes me laugh. Her spirit is infectious, if I let it be. We have our mommy/toddler meltdown moments, but on the whole we have a blast together.

This is in stark contrast to the first year, which I will bluntly say I endured rather than enjoyed.

Last winter, I lived at our local park. I'd bundle her up and let her run/crawl ragged for a few hours. The weather may make that impossible for you, but I strongly suggest finding places to let your dd get some of her energy out. If for no other reason than your sanity.

And pick up "Raising your spirited child." Awesome book, and reassuring.

[jesseandgrace]

My five year old NEVER stops moving or talking, seriously. It is a challenge because we get so frustrated with him, but in reality he isn't doing anything mean - it is just hard to have someone in constant motion all the time and not feel a little crazy. Surprisingly, he is perfect in school, so don't worry about that kind of thing. My second child probably would seem (and does to others) high energy to me if ds hadn't come first, but she will sit and do things like watch tv, but she certainly won't stand by me in line at Starbucks, she is racing around the store. The hardest thing is that parents of more quiet children can be really judgmental, they think that you aren't in control of your child, but SERIOUSLY, my kids baseline is different, and unless I yell at them 24 hours a day, they are not going to be sitting still like some other kids. I'm happy for those that have quiet kids and think it is all because of good parenting, but that is sooo not reality!

When my son was born they put him on my chest, and he picked his head up and looked around the room. From that moment he was on the go. He crawled before 5 months, and would race into the kitchen, grab the dog food bowl and tip out the water. At 5 months. If it wasn't bolted down he would grab and pull. We did not do much baby proofing, because there was no way to really keep up with him, and we knew what he was interested in and what he wasn't, so we supplied tons of stuff he would want at eye level. He never slept like other babies, he never had to have his neck supported, he wouldn't lie down....... Seriously high energy. The upside is that he is smart, seriously smart, and I think many high energy babies are, that is why they are so curious. Also, when they get older, they can get out their energy without you having to be on top of them all the time. For instance, my 5 year old and I walked 7 miles for a fundraiser, and I came home and sat down while he went in the yard and played on his scooter for another hour, LOL. Or, I will take him to a big park, let him bike in circles, and I will sit on a bench.

Here are some things to do if you can:

Make a room in your place really baby friendly, but it must include some things that she thinks aren't baby toys (spoons, pots, pans) and put up gates and let her loose while you do other stuff.

Go to restaraunts where the food comes quickly, or there is a playspace, bring some toys she hasn't seen to keep her occupied.

It is easier to shop in a place that has carts (target) than a place where you just have a stroller - the stroller seems particularly offensive to the high energy kid. But, as far as strollers go, I seriously recommend one like the Peg Perego p3, where the child has room to move around on the seat, NOT a stroller with a soft bucket seat or a sling seat. The p3 has a harness where the child can be strapped in, but also be able to totally move around. It unhooks off the back of the stroller seat, but stays on the shoulders.

A pre-school or play based daycare has been very important for us as well.

If you can afford and find a babysitter, get one regularly just to replenish your energy.

Switch off with your husband, and both of you spend some time with her while the other has quiet time.

I was high energy, so I sort of get it, but my dh was not, so it is a little harder for him. But, as you can see this is something that they just have in them, not something you are doing as a parent. The main thing is variety to keep them busy and interested, but there will be a time where they will want to watch some tv, and for really high energy kids I think TV is a great thing. It really wasn't until about 2 that ds would watch anything, but now he likes to, and it helps. You will also have a great time watching her be adventurous and do stuff, and people will marvel at her brave and inquisitive personality, I promise.

And I know this is long, but one more thing. Last weekend I was at a party and I was holding someone elses 7 month old baby. The baby was perfect, adorable, and so quiet - happy to just sit on my lap. I looked around and realized that if that were my ds at 7 months, he would have raced across the ground, whipped off the table cloths as he pulled himself up, laughed, tried to grab food, and on and on... and I realized that I prefered the excitement, wonder, and joy that came watching him a million times over to a baby that just sits and smiles. Even though it is tiring...:).

[jbowman]

My DD is very spirited, just like her mother ;)! Seriously, I never stop, so I understand her. I am not saying that it isn't frustrating sometimes. She's been this way since the very beginning (in her hospital pic, taken when she was just 48 hours old, she looks completely alert, LOL) and I see no sign of her slowing down.

I think the PP have some great ideas--select restaurants carefully (we went out for pizza last night and ordered the pizza over the phone so it would be ready when we got there--and DD still made it into ladies' room before we could catch her, LOL) and plan a lot of activities (even if they are as mundane as going grocery shopping--my DD loves to get of the house and "go," as she says).

The biggest thing that has helped us is having a completely childproofed home. DD has the run of the house, so I don't worry about her getting into too many things. We also converted our dining room into a playroom so she can have a room of her own ;)! That said, she doesn't play with any toys for an extended period of time. She'll sketch on her magnadoodle, flip through a book, play with some blocks, and move on, LOL!

I've also relaxed my standards about messes/things being out of place. This simply happens all of the time and I accept it.

We usually take nightly walks so DD can run around--of course daylight savings time is working against us now.

Just some ideas! HTH!

[randomkid]

Hi Everyone:

Thanks for the encouraging words and suggestions. I will go and get *the* book, but seriously doubt that I will have the chance to read it! LOL! Just like the great books on sleeping and eating/feeding that I have yet to crack open.

I really would love a room dedicated to her, but we really don't have a place to do that. We have a back porch that I would love to enclose as a play room for her, but working part-time is more important to me right now. I thought of the porch idea around the time she started to crawl which, BTW, was pretty early. As soon as she was able to move her body across the floor, she started pulling up to stand. She was standing long before she was crawling well. She actually used to push on my sides with her feet when I was pregnant and has always pushed with her legs since she was born. She was standing on my belly at 2 weeks! She also smiled for the first time at 2 1/2 weeks and started laughing shortly after that. She is very happy! :)

Some of the posts really made me laugh. I worked today and put clothes out for DH to put on DD. I called around 10:00 and he told me that he had to change her clothes because she had dumped the dog's water all over her already! When DD was born, DH says she came out with her eyes wide open and was looking around before she was even completely out! We have a picture of her with DH when she was 10 minutes old and she is looking right at him. She also is not a good napper and still doesn't sleep through the night.

We do think she is very smart as well. Even people who don't know her will comment on how alert she is. They will say "You can tell she's smart." They've been saying that about her since she was just a few weeks old! I have to say that DH is very intelligent.

I do agree that she is so much fun and makes life interesting. Some days it's just harder than others and I have noticed that it's worse when she is tired. That may not mean sleepy, just tired from playing so much all day.

Yes, I'm worried that people will judge and think that I'm a terrible parent. DH is more laid back about it because he was high energy. He just told me that when he was in school, he would stand on top of his desk with his hand raised! LOL!!

DD is definitely more interested in things other than toys which is why we have to watch her so closely. She will watch TV for a few minutes at a time and actually started doing that around 4 months. I just had the TV on one day and had her in the bouncy seat and noticed she was watching it. There are only a few things she will watch, but it does give me a slight break at times.

Thanks again for all the tips and reassurance. And, as DH told me, I was given this child for a reason!