photo on top of casket with DS

[stefani]

Hi all,

DH's grandmother is dying, and so the family is preparing for her death and funeral. For the photo on top of the casket, MIL & FIL decided to put a photo of Grandma and DS.

I did not say anything, but now I start feeling funny. Isn't the photo supposed to represent the person in the casket? Is it common in the US to have a photo of the deceased with someone else?

Thanks.

[mommy_someday]

DH and I haven't been to very many funerals, so take this with a grain of salt, but neither of us thought it to be a common thing to have more than the deceased person in the photo. I think I would feel a bit strange if it were my DS in the picture. I'm sure they don't mean anything by it, so I probably wouldn't say anything unless it *really* bothered me a lot.

FWIW, at my grandpa's memorial service (he was creamated) there was a main photo of just him and then lots of him with other people.

HTH!

[DDowning]

When my grandmother passed away in July, the most recent photo anyone had of her was the one that I took at Easter of her holding Chloe. It was a very happy photo and she had a wonderful backlight on her. For the funeral, instead of using the whole picture, my Aunt had a photo edited to just show her face and had that enlarged to place in an 8x10 frame. Maybe you could suggest the same thing to your family.

[Toba]

This isn't the same exact thing, but related ...

My SIL died last year in a bad crash (actually she survived the crash, but died three days later after never waking up). When my ILs (my MIL & FIL paid for most of the funeral expenses for their DIL) were planning the funeral, someone decided to include a picture of my SIL with my niece in the obituary photo in the newspaper and the same photo on the handout at church. There were several people that thought my niece had also been killed in the crash because of the photo in the paper. Only after that did they realize it wasn't a good idea to include a living person with a deceased person in the photo, but their heart was in the right place. My 9-year-old niece was EXTREMELY close to her mom, and it just seemed like the natural thing to do.

How about this ... when my grandmother passed a few years back, my older sister included a flower pillow that had a small picture of her two sons in the center. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the flower pillow (I don't even know if I'm calling it the right thing), but it's a bunch of real flowers that are shaped into a pillow, and then the pillow is laid next to the deceased in the casket. I've seen numerous funerals that had flower pillows, but never one with a picture in the center and thought it was very sweet. It wasn't one of my grandmother with my nephews, but just of my nephews, so I'm sure there was no mistaking.

I'm so sorry that your family is having to deal with the death of your DH's grandmother. It doesn't make it any easier knowing it's coming.


~Kimberly Anne~
Noah Nevan, March 12, 2004
*the light of my life*

[JBaxter]

I have seen several funerals where there was a picture of the deceased on top of the casket. All the cases were that the family had a private viewing and the actual funeral is where the picture was displayed. I see nothing wrong with a picture of "grandma" with DS. If that is what gave her joy in life then every one should be able to see that.

[CiderLogan]

I've been to viewings where there is one main picture of the deceased person, and then there are scattered pictures around of them with others. I thought that was a nice touch - personally I would be honored to be included (or have my child included) in one of those. But I can see why you are uncomfortable with the picture on the casket.

Jenny
Mom to Julia, 8/03
...and another one due 5/29/06!

[stefani]

Thank you so much for all of your replies, I appreciate it.

I took the negative to a photo lab, and they cropped Grandma's photo. Then I mentioned it to DH and he agreed with me (it also bothered him if DS is in the picture on top of the casket). So, for the photo on top of the casket, it will just be Grandma by herself, and the photo of Grandma and DS will be on the "memory table" - lots of pictures of Grandma with other people. I have no problem with that at all, in fact I am honored that as MIL put it "He is the love of her life" (since he was born, Grandpa passed away many years ago). DS is her only grandchild so far, too.

So, I think this is working out well. Good point by PP about having a living person in the picture for the obituaries, definitely we do not want anyone to think that DS died with Grandma.

Thanks.

[cmdunn1972]

Good idea. When my brother-in-law (DH's brother) passed away in August, they cropped a photo that originally included both his siblings. In the back of the church, they had made a collage of photos which featured my BIL with his relatives.

It would give me the willies to have anyone other than the deceased in the "official" funeral photo. I'm not generally superstitious, but it would seem tacky at best, or a bad omen at worst.