? from a chicken mama - sex, after pg how long till um normal?

[bashful]

I know, it's a bit pathetic I'm not on my own user name, but . . . some things are just to embarressing to speak plainly on - and I'm trying to save face (don't all of you have fabulous sex, right?). I had my baby eight weeks ago, and um things in the bedroom are fine, until the deed - then it kinda sucks. I'm tight and it's actually so uncomfortable/slightly painful that it turns me off, sad isn't it. Anyway how long did it take till sex was "normal" feeling again. I'm bfing so I know that makes you tight too, but I'm not about to stop just for sex. I have no bellow stitches, so no problems with that. I'm just wondering how long I have till I feel normal. Thanks **blush**

[barbarhow]

It definattely takes a while. So many things play into the equation. Anticipatory anxiety is one-you know your vagina has been stretched to smithereens, tgorn or episied-how can you not think about it. Plus bfing hormones change normal lubrication. Make sure you use some kind of lubricant. I would also recommend a glass of wine before hand to relax you a little bit. You are still pretty early postpartum. I also think it is pretty normal to be "turned off" at this point in the game. How tired are you? I think that tends to add to it, too.
It gets better-I think as long as you are breastfeeding it is less the length of time than the number of times done to sort of "get things back in shape" IYKWIM. Good luck.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[Momof3Labs]

Yes, try a lubricant. Or your OB can give you some estrogen cream to help (since lack of estrogen during bf'ing is what causes the dryness).

I know that you had no stitches, but I'm going to say this too for everyone reading this who hasn't asked. I had a lot of stitches (3rd degree tear) and they didn't heal properly. Around that time, someone else posted about feeling like there was "broken glass on their hoo-ha" - yes, that's it!! Actually, I found out that it was granulation tissue that had to be removed by my OB (don't ask me how painful THAT was), and then I was able to finish healing and return to normal. So don't assume that pain is normal, however minor or strong. Talk to your OB and get some help!! You still have a right to a pleasurable sex life!

[DebbieJ]

Just take it slow and use LOTS of lubrication.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
BFARed for 20 months and 6 days
(Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org)

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

[HHCs Mom]

I had 2nd degree tears and stitching due to that. I was still having pain when we WEREN'T having sex for about 7 months post partum (sex was very painful, too!). I went to the doctor and she said it was from dryness due to BF. I'd get some Astro Glide or whatever you want to use and just use LOTS and LOTS of it. We still do that and it really helps. Also, really taking your time beforehand helps, too! :)

Kim
~ mama to a sweet boy named Harrison ~ 4.6.04

[kijip]

I just want to say that it's time when you are ready, not on a set schedule. I suppose this is a few weeks for some and many months for others.

I have no hesitation in saying that my husband and I went 6 months before trying and almost a year before getting back into the swing of things. That was what worked for BOTH of us. In addition to delivery recovery, there is the detail of being brand new parents- tired, overwhelmed and tired! We still spent time together but actual intercourse took a lot of time.

Talk to your OB about estrogen creme and check out the super lubes. KY Jelly and even Astroglide don't cut it for many of the mamas I have talked to. A brand I reccommend is Eros. It is much better than Astroglide for super dryness IME and based on the reviews of many folks I have talked to. You can find it at a sex positive women owned sex toy shop like Toys in Babeland (now Babeland) online if you can't find it IRL.

Good luck! Even though we had a VERY slow start my husband and I are both very happy now- so don't worry it just takes time.

[C99]

>I know, it's a bit pathetic I'm not on my own user name, but
>. . . some things are just to embarressing to speak plainly on
>- and I'm trying to save face (don't all of you have fabulous
>sex, right?). I had my baby eight weeks ago, and um things in
>the bedroom are fine, until the deed - then it kinda sucks.
>I'm tight and it's actually so uncomfortable/slightly painful
>that it turns me off, sad isn't it. Anyway how long did it
>take till sex was "normal" feeling again.

It's not sad; it's completely NORMAL. It takes awhile for it to feel better or even good again, I'm afraid. Give yourself some time, and use lots and lots of lube in the meantime.

[phirey]

Definitely go for the estrogen cream. Otherwise I'd guess that these issues might continue on and off until at least when you start solids and AF returns, if not until after you wean. I was stupid and didn't use the cream last time, but should have. I had similar discomfort until after we weaned. And by that time I'd forgotten that sex could be enjoyable, so I continued to avoid it for quite some time... This time I'll be using the cream!

[spanannie]

I had DD exactly 2 years after DS. DD is now 17 mos old, and just last month did sex become "normal" again. This was about the time I finally got AF back. It never became "normal" again after DS, but I did become pregnant after my first PP period. I hope it gets better for you sooner than it did for me. I got pregnant with my first in Sept 2001, and it took until Oct 2005. DH is thrilled. (PS: I have been breastfeeding this whole time, if it has anything to do with it)

[kozachka]

Don't feel bad about it. For some of us it takes a long time to start enjoying intercourse again. I can't even remember how long it was for me, certainly at least a year after giving birth. Hope that does not scare you. This is first that I've heard of the estrogen cream, my OB did not mention it, and Astro Glide did not help that much. I did have pinched tissue that was discovered and removed at 3.5 months post-partum, no wonder we had intercourse only twice before that. And I was so happy that we could not do it for a month after that :(.

Thinking back, things improved dramatically after DS stopped nursing at night, maybe because of hormons, maybe I was more rested. Still, even now that DS is two, I can't say that things are as they were before. We are just not having sex as often as before, not even close. DH says I am b!tching all the time and I say he is not helping me enough with the kid so we don't feel like it. In all fairness things did improve quite a bit since I had to leave DH with DS for a week recently. Maybe we need to take a vacation some place romantic, just the two of us, to get back into the swing of things. Paris sounds like a perfect place, good food, good wine, romantic atmosphere. Girl can dream, can't she?

[ilovetivo]

It's sooo not pathetic! If lube and time doesn't take care of it, there's things you can do...

Sex has always been painful for me. Since I just found out there's something that can be done, I'm finally doing something about it. W/ delivery, I had a teeny tiny tear and 1 stitch. We tried the 1st time at 15 weeks I think, then again a couple months later. It hurt soooooo *&^%$! much! I cried and cried. I was literally terrified for time #3. DH was so wonderful and supportive and we used almost a whole bottle of lube I think. I see a PT that specializes in women's pelvic/urinary etc issues for my pelvic instability (that i still had 6 months pp....and even now). I discussed it with her and she said we could try specific therapy for intercourse pain. I got an rx from my ob and see my pt weekly now for it (should take 12 weeks or less)

Talk about TMI -- W/ pt, she tested the "tone" of the pelvic floor (kinda like an ekg) to see if I was overly tight or fatigued (w/ pelvic floor fatigue, it's hard to relax the muscles), and she also "mapped" out where my pain was by touching (like a gyne exam). We also did a lot of talking about my pelvic history. Turns out having ovarian cysts, delivery, stitches, yeast infections etc, can all cause scar tissue that can make it sex painful. I was aware, however, that it might be just all in my head w/ my own issues. However, we were able to determine it was physical, not emotional.

For each appt, she does ultrasound (strange, but you get used to it)...the kind you do on muscles, not w/ seeing your baby in utero, At home I use a dilator. I started w/ the smallest size and go to the next size up (in width) every couple weeks when I'm ready. There's 4 things w/ that "exercise". Gentle massage at the opening, using kegals to get it in (lubricated of course), leave it in for 10 min w/o doing anything, stretching side to side/up down etc with it, and kegals w/ it in. Basically all things help to stretch the pelvic area.

I'm happy to say, DH and I have tried 2 more times and it's getting better. :)

[bashful]

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad to know 1. I'm not alone, and 2. it does eventually get better.

Ok so I don't sound like a moron talking to my OBGYN, what exactly um do you use the estorgen cream for? Is it a lube or something you inject (like creams for yeast infections) to help the area create a normal ph? I'm confused what this is for.

Thanks **double blush**

Second question: don't you have to pump the bm with the alcohol in it so your baby doesn't get it in it's system. I had a friend who drank a glass of wine and her daughter got a huge upset stomach with her next feeding. To bad things are so complicated when your bfing (what to eat/not to eat, what not to drink, no dieting and so forth)

I appreciate everyone coming forward with such sensitive info.

[o_mom]

Q1 - not sure, and I'm sure someone else will chime in, but I believe you use it externally every day to replace the estrogen drop from BF. The idea is that the estrogen is delivered only to the place you need it, since an oral/systemic estrogen can affect milk supply.

Q2 - Alcohol level in breastmilk follows your blood alcohol level, so as your blood alcohol level drops, the level in your breastmilk drops. In general, you don't need to pump except for comfort, just wait until the alcohol is out of your system - roughly 1-2 hours for each drink. Pumping will not remove the alcohol any faster. Your friend's experience was probably either coincidence or a reaction to something else. If I'm going to drink at all, I usually wait until right after a feeding or right after baby has gone to bed to give the max time for the alcohol to leave. Generally, a half glass of wine is plenty as I have become a "cheap date" LOL!

It's not usually complicated when BF. I have had to avoid milk (but not cheese or yogurt) for 4-5 mos with each baby but most people don't have to. Dieting is OK, you just have to make sure you are adjusting for BF - for example Weight Watchers has a different point scale for BF moms.

[calebsmama03]

The cream isn't really a lube. My OB told me just to use a small amt so the estrogen wouldn't mess with my milk supply. I just put a pea size amt spread thinly onto the painful areas. It's supposed to help thicken the tissue back up since low estrogen (BFing, menopause, etc.) thins out the tissues down there. Fr menopause I think they do "inject" the cream but for PP my ob suggested just a small amt a few tiems a day.

Re: the alcohol the general rule of thumb is that it's OK to BF with just one drink but more than that you should pump and dump. SOunds like your friend's baby is just sensitive :( FWIW, alcohol is not "stored" in your milk. It works on osmosis so the level in the milk stays in line with the amount in your blood stream. As your body excretes the alcohol from your blood, it is drawn out of the milk to be excreted through your bloodstream. Does that make sense? IE: If you BF, then have a drink, then baby isn't due to nurse again for another 4 hours it's unlikely there is much left in your milk.
Lynne
Mommy to C 3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
And Miss Purple, 5/05

[Piglet]

I can not help with Q1, but as for Q2, my DS2 was really sensitive to alcohol and caffeine (my 2 favourite vices, LOL). I had to time my drink to be immediately after BFing and limit myself to 1 drink. He would get very gassy and would have explosive diarrhea-like poops if I did it any other way. What I often did was the reverse of pump and dump. I would pump the day I wanted to have wine and feed DS as usual, but then give him a bottle of EBM at the feeding after the wine. By the time the next feeding rolled around, the alcohol was out of my system. The good news is that he grew out of it by about 4 months. Definitely by 6 months, I could have a beer or a cup of coffee and not have any negative repercussions.

Good luck! The sex does get better once you are getting more sleep. I wsan't even able to go to my OBGYN for my PP check up until I was 10 weeks PP, and I was in a much better mood for sex at that point. 8 weeks is pretty early. With DS1, we got the go-ahead at the usual 6 weeks, but it was really uncomfortable. Heck, if sex was that horrible PP, we wouldn't have more than 1! My good friend was ready to "go" within a week of delivery, if you can imagine! I liked waiting until 10 weeks this time. Whatever works...