Need advice..newborn sleep questions!! LONG

[overcome]

I hope someone can offer some advice. My DD is 7 weeks old. She is sleeping for pretty good stretches at night but here is the problem..she won't sleep on her own and must sleep with me. Not just in the same bed with me but physically in contact with me. As soon as I put her in the bassinet she wakes and cries. I started bringing her in bed with me so I could get some sleep.

I wasn't concerned at first b/c everyone says you can't spoil a newborn. Now that she is nearing 2 months I'm getting anxious.

I'm not opposed to co sleeping but I can't get good quality sleep. That, plus I haven't been able to sleep in my own bed with DH (i'm in guest room). Between breast feeding and finding a safe comfortable position for us to sleep, sleeping with DH just won't work.

I know babies are really not ready to self soothe until around 4 mths. I guess my question is this...what do I do until 4 months? I am going to read the Feber book and Weissbuth (spelling?) but I know it is to early to expect those methods to work.

In addition, we are not on any kind of schedule. We feed on demand and she sleeps whenever. Should I be doing something to get her on a schedule, or will she eventually settle into a routine on her own? I know I have to start establishing a bedtime routine (bath, books, songs, etc) but don't I have to wait until I start implementing the sleep "training"?

I would love to hear anyone's experiences or advice. I am quite obviously a first time mom!! :-) I plan on asking my ped.'s advice next week at DD's 2 month appointment.

TIA!
Ashley

[hez]

Welcome to my world :)

Payton ended up in our bed for a good long time. We gradually got him to sleep in his bed the whole night-- this past summer! For us it was a matter of sleep-- we all got more when he was with us (bed's big enough to do it all safely).

We weren't on any schedule but Payton's. And that didn't regulate itself (I didn't try very hard, either) until he was 8-9 months old. I know other folks have been more successful at it than we were, but I seriously did not work at it, it just fell into place when he was older. We did try to have routines, but the timetable was all Payton's.

Bedtime routine-- we definitely started that fairly early-- mostly it was a book and nursing (very simple) while listening to his lullaby CD. We've kept the book(s!), subtracted nursing, added toothbrushing... And bedtime's now pretty easy. But that took a while to get to, also, 'cause we didn't do any sleep training. And believe me, we've gone back and forth on how to manage sleep, but our method (aka 'Instincts') is what we ended up agreeing upon.

I think it's right to do some reading and some soul-searching on the subject. And your ped will have advice-- we followed some of ours and some other parts we decided not to. If you do your own reading on the subject, you can come to a decision (that you can revisit 100 times-- we did!) that's right for your family on your approach.

Good luck!

[JBaxter]

Have you tried to lay her down in a swing or even infant seat? My 3rd ds would not sleep on his back at all ( for more than 20 min). I finally started to put him down in his swing and it worked great. After about 8 - 9 weeks he would sleep on his tummy for 6 - 7 hrs at a time I know its not recommended but its the only way other than the swing he would sleep.

[alexsmommy]

As a woman who slept with seven pillows strategically placed around her body with her child sleeping on her chest for four months...I've got nothing - except empathy. Our problem was DS would NOT sleep on his back. He had every risk factor for SIDS (male, preemie, black) other than no one smoked in our home so I was very paranoid about letting him sleep on his tummy for quite a while. Of course, by the time I felt comfortable with letting him sleep on his tummy (with my ped going "Of course, I cannot condone letting him sleep on his tummy but he is lifting his head great, you know not to put anything soft in his bed (wink, wink)", he refused to sleep anywhere but warm Mommy. We did co-sleep for the first year or so, but when I was first teaching him to go to sleep next to me, he did much better if I warmed up the place I was going to lay him down vs putting him on a cold spot on the sheets. If we weren't co-sleeping I probably would have used a hot water bottle or a heating pad to warm up his bedding to see if the transition went better. Be forewarned, there are a lot of "accidental co-sleepers" on this board - I am one of them. If I knew then what I know now I would have bought an Arms Reach co-sleeper instead of borrowing the beautiful, but largely unused, bassinet from my friend and buying a pack-n-play.
The feeding issue is pretty personal in my opinion. I was never a "schedule" person. He ate on demand until he weaned. I think even if I had not BF I would have done the same. I personally felt he self-regulated this pretty well and he didn't tend to comfort nurse at night, so I just went with where he led me. By six months (four adjusted, he was a preemie) he was on a pretty consistent schedule eating every four hours. Good luck.
Alaina
Alex 2-4-03

[barbarhow]

Ashley-definately know that you are not alone. My DD who is now 6 months-spent the first 7 weeks on me. She would have nothing of going into a crib on her own. At 7 weeks I started using a miracle blanket. She started sleeping 10 hours a night straight in the PNP (DS was still in the crib). Her sleep has only recently deteriorated but that is due to teething and a cold. We are now frequently cosleeping in the guest bed in her room as I don't feel comfortable doin git with both DH and me in the bed. I don't sleep well cosleeping and don't like it at all. I feel like I am stuck doin g it though as the alternative would be nursing her for hours in the rocker before she will let me put her back in the crib. (I hate cosleeping) I hope I don't get shot for that but I really do. I find it very hard to sleep soundly while a baby is nursing and sometimes chewing on me.
My first was much more predictable-however he spent the first 3 months sleeping in a car seat in his crib-he would not lie flat. Right around 3 months I started a nightly routine with him. He got a bottle, then a book and then we breastfed. I put him in the crib and off to sleep he went. I did feed him on demand through the night usually 1-2 feeds. We never had to CIO with him and don't plan on cio with DD.
I hope some of this helps. I think in my sleep depreived state I have rambled on...

Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[heidiann]

Its nice to see that other people are as sleep deprived as me LOL...
My daughter is 5 weeks old and does not sleep well at all, still up every 2 hours. What I have to do to get her to sleep in her bassinet is before I lay her in there I put a heating pad or hot water bottle in there for a few minutes just to make her sheets warm. Usually DH does this because shes sleeping on top of me. It seems if her sheets are warm, its kind of like laying on me, the transition to a cold bed I think is what she doesn't like.
my question is when will my DD be sleeping longer than 2 hours at a time, my two girlfriends that had babies both 2 weeks before my DD is sleeping 4 hours at a time and 6 hours at a time, wow.... one could only dream......


Heidi
Jillian born 10/20/05

[Karenn]

I found that if I held DD for a lot of her naps, she would sleep better, and on her own at night. I used a sling during the day to make that easier. When she was in her crib, I always swaddled her and used a pacifier. Those things helped too.

We didn't get a sleep schedule until 6 or 7 months, and then, DD was the one who set it. Until then, I tried to follow the "two hours of wakefulness rule." I tried to have her asleep within 2 hours of waking up. This usuallly meant that I started soothing her after she'd been awake for 1.5 hours She was also more likely to sleep well (and on her own) if I followed that "rule."

I haven't read Ferber's new book, but I did find Weissbluth helpful even before 4 months of age. Hang in there! It does get easier!

[overcome]

Thanks for the posts. I appreicate others opinions and experiences. I don't know what to think. I found these two articles on Good Morning America..

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WNT/story?id=1315473

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Health/story?id=1347557

I just have to keep telling myself it will not be like this forever.

Ashley

[dknees]

My ds would sleep anywhere BUT his crib. He would wake up screaming the instant we put him down. WE later figured out that he was cold and that the mattress (foam) was WAY too hard for his liking.

We bought an innerspring mattress and a fleece bedsheet and also covered him up with a blanket tucked into the mattress. We used the blanket until he started moving around. We also moved his crib into our bedroom, he slept much longer stretches when he was closer to us.

At 10 weeks, he started day care and began sleeping 8-10 hours at night. That lasted a couple of months.

Now he's 8 months old, and sleeps with us :)

It used to be that he would wake around 3-5 am to nurse, then go into the swing and sleep contentedly for another couple of hours.

Then, he'd sleep for about 5-6 hours and spend the rest of the night in our bed.

Now we don't even bother putting him in his crib, he sleeps with us. I never ever ever ever ever thought I'd have him in our bed, but we really all sleep much better. I am not constantly waking to make sure he's okay, and he fusses much less.

Also, I am noticing a difference in other ways. It used to be that when I'd pick him up from day care, he'd get a glimpse of me and start screaming and crying until I picked him up. Now, he smiles and giggles and is content to hang out while I pack up his stuff and get his coat. He also is better at drop off time. He used to put his face in his hands and cry. Now he goes on the floor with a toy and doesn't care that I'm leaving!

I read all of the sleep books, searched the net and all of those other things. I honestly thought, when I was pregnant, that I'd do CIO. But when it came down to it, I realized that babies cry for a reason. You can't spoil a baby IMO.

[HHCs Mom]

Are you swaddling the baby?? That helped us tremendously! You have to do a super tight swaddle that they can't wiggle out of. See "The Happiest Baby On the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. In his book and DVD he demonstrates how to do a really tight swaddle. Doing that really helped Harrison sleep. It kept him warm and cozy and secure and that's exactly what they need as newborns.

When we came home from the hospital, we thought we could just toss the kid in his crib and he'd sleep. WRONG! My mom came to stay with us a few days later and told us two things: he needed to be swaddled and the house was way too cold. We started swaddling and we turned up the AC and he started sleeping more and was able to sleep in his crib.

I don't think it's recommended to start a baby on a schedule until closer to 3 months. I just watched Harrison's cues and that was how his schedule formed, but it wasn't until closer to 3 months that things went smoothly. I swear if it weren't for the first 12 weeks that are so rough on new parents I'd want to have TONS of babies! :)

Keep in mind that babies and kids LOVE and thrive on routine. Just watch her cues to help you form a routine with the eating, sleeping and playing. It doesn't have to be a strict routine but you'll find yourself getting into one soon and it will be helpful for both of you to know what to expect.

Also, you cannot spoil a baby, especially a newborn! If she wants to be held, hold her. I sometimes held Harrison practically all day because he wanted me to. We just didn't get anything done that day and it was ok. My arms wanted to fall off but I just got myself comfortable in front of the tv and sometimes we sat and he slept in my arms. I didn't like it much at the time, but now that he's almost 20 months, I wish I could do it again! :)

Hope this helps you some! :)

Kim
~ mama to a sweet boy named Harrison ~ 4.6.04