People sticking fingers in babies' mouths

[ADK]

Not sure if this should go here or in the B1TCHING Post...

Let me preface this by saying it's not strangers we're talking about here, but rather family/friends. The scenario might be one where someone is over the house visiting, and is holding a baby on their lap. The baby may be starting to get fussy (probably because someone else is holding them!) and to placate the baby (and probably because they don't know how else to get them to settle down) they put their finger in the babies' mouth.

My concern isn't primarily germs, although that is at least a fractional worry. The main problem is one of boundaries, and the fact that we just don't want other peoples' fingers in our babies' mouths.

What would you say and/or do?

TIA!

[bunnisa]

Ick, ick, ick! What got me was that it's happening not just with one person, but with multiple.

I would be appalled!

Maybe someone else can translate, "Get your yucky finger out of my precious child's mouth RIGHT NOW" into the kinder, gentler version.

Bethany
mom to one and one on the way!
http://lilypie.com/days/060226/0/8/1/-6/.png
"And children are always a good thing, devoutly to be wished for and fiercely to be fought for."
-J. Torres

[sidmand]

If you come up with a good response, please let me know. Months ago people told us DS was teething because they had felt teeth (totally not true, but that's besides the point). I was thinking, "what did you stick your fingers in his mouth to tell?" and I really think that's what they did.

Okay, once in a very long while if I can't find anything else, I give DS my finger (and he's teething) but I would NEVER stick my finger in another baby's mouth. What are people thinking?

Debbie

Mom to Sawyer!
http://lilypie.com/baby1/060607/0/3/1/-5/.png (http://lilypie.com)

[ADK]

Yep, we all need to come up with a good response. In a perfect world, I'd like not to offend peoples' feelings. But I don't want to "settle" just to be nice, when it means I don't advocate for my children.

Honestly I would worry less about being rude to strangers (whose fingers I would hope would be nowhere near our babies) than people we actually like. :-)

[daisyandacorn]

Gross! I hate that. The boundary thing and the germ thing.

I'd probably try to grab my baby out of their arms if I saw them moving in with the finger (or before if I noticed that the baby was starting to fuss)...how about "Sorry, I'm not comfortable with that, please don't do it again"

I just looked at that and realized that it does come across as rude.
I'd love it if someone could come up with something polite.

Susan

[cmdunn1972]

It does seem weird, and acting appalled was my first reaction. Of course, I was assuming that it's Aunt Ida's 2nd cousin's brother-in-law that we're talking about and not my Mom or my Mom-in-law. I was also picturing my 7 month old DS and not a one-month-old newborn.

I guess my reaction would depend on 1) whether or not the person washed his or her hands, 2) how close of a relative and what the intentions were, 3) the age of the child.

Soothing sucking does calm newborns, and if my baby is fussy and there's no paci available I might offer my own (clean) finger to my own baby while we look for a clean paci. Also, feeling for new teeth is less intrusive (to baby) than prying baby's mouth open for a look, but I'm not obsessing about the teeth issue anyway.

Cleanliness is my first concern when it comes to things like that. If it bothers you, you might inquire whether or not the intruder washed his or her hands while (gently but firmly) pulling the fingers away from baby's mouth. If I think that person has no business ever sticking the fingers in, maybe making a joke about it ("I see you recently had a cavity filled. Can I feel it?") will help get the message across.

Just because your child is a baby doesn't mean that they have no right to personal space.

[jesseandgrace]

My youngest is almost two and a half and remembering this still makes me crazy! Why would someone stick their finger in a babys mouth - would they want my finger in their mouth even after I washed it? I'm sure the answer is no for most people at least :). Yuck, it is just so gross. But, I am also disgusted by people who taste from a serving spoon and then put it back, people who want to lick my ice cream, all that kind of thing. I think I am a slight germaphobe. Sadly, by the time you can comment the deed is done.