What is your definition of a "spoiled child"

[tina-t]

The recent comment from a DCP that my child is spoiled (talked about this in a recent post), got me thinking as to what is a "spoiled child". Is there a black and white definition for it?

I discussed this with dh last night. He thinks that I am spoilng ds because I keep on buying him toys. He just focused on how much toys ds has. He also thinks that whenever ds asks for something, I give it to him immediately, which is not true. I can't even count the number of times that ds had a whining fit or tantrum just because I did not give him a cookie or buy him that toy (as an example).

My thoughts of a "spoiled child" is a little bit more extreme though. This would be a child that does not listen to his parents or elders consistently, and does whatever he/she wants even though it can hurt (emotionally or physically) another person.

I think that you cannot spoil a baby or toddler. Their development is still limited. They cannot understand certain things and cannot communicate all their wants and needs. A sceaming toddler can just be a frustrated little child who does not know how to express that frustration otherwise. However, I do think that how you interact with that toddler can set the stage as to whether he/she will be spoiled when he/she gets older.

Now, these are just my thoughts, and I do not want to spark a debate. I am simply interested to hear what other people's opinions are in this matter. It does not look like this can be spelled out in black and white. There are shades of grey to this.

Just curious as to what others think about this subject.

[lizamann]

I think a child is spoiled when they have been set up to believe their needs/wants are more important than other people's.

Strong-willed does not equal spoiled, unless it's always catered too.

I agree that you can't spoil a baby, but I think you can set up bad habits with toddlers. My dh, too, has said I give dd everything she wants, which also isn't true at all. But I will, for example, give her THIS bite of food over THAT bite if she requests it, whereas dh won't put up with that kind of toddler caprice. They get into arguments routinely over that kind of stuff, and then I have 2 angry people to deal with.

It's partly about personal boundaries, too. If someone is feeling put-upon or used, then they are probably spoiling and being too permissive, putting dc's wants over theirs, which needs to stop. But if one doesn't care one way or the other (like which bite of food she eats first) then I don't see it as spoiling.