separation anxiety in 11 mth old..would day care help or hurt?

[Hippoharbor]

I am a SAHM of my wonderful 11 month old DS. Our day-to-day activities go very smoothly b/c he is a creature of habit and likes having the same routine every day (nap/meals/bedtime near same time each day). The problem is that he does not want anyone else to take care of him (sometimes daddy is okay). This creates a problem if we wanted to go on date night prior to his bedtime. THe last time I tried to have a babysitter during a wake period he cried the entire time, so I returned home early.

I was thinking of enrolling him in part-time day care so that he gets used to other caretakers and with being away from mommy temporarily. I also think it would be good for him socially, too.

My concern with daycare is that it would be too traumatic given that he is already 11 months old. THe place that I called does have a nap room, but DS is a light sleeper and also gets rocked to near-sleep by me. Would he adapt to taking naps in different environment and with added distractions?

If anyone has experience enrolling child in daycare in later infancy, please let me know how your child handled the transition.

Thanks,
Michelle

[mamalia]

I'm curious about later-start daycare too.

For now we've decided not to do daycare. Instead my DD (almost 11mos) and I attend some mommy-me type classes through our community college. I think of it as a way to ease her Separation Anxiety. During the 2.5 hour class there are some "free" play times which encourages independence. DD is also exposed to other caregivers - moms and the two teachers. I've noticed that she is much more likely to crawl away from me and approach the other moms/children since we started the program.

Something else that works for us is to have her babysitter (usually Grandma and Grandpa) come over early while we are still there. Then while she is playing and distracted we say a quick goodbye and leave.

Malia

[stcelia]

I'd also like to hear some btdt advice. I'm going to work soon, and DS, who is 11 months will have to go to all day daycare 4-5 days a week. I'd love to know some ways to ease that transition.

[miscelster]

My DC started daycare at 12 months ( I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home a year before returning to work!). He was extremely attached to me and I was dreading the trauma he (and I) would have to endure. He never seemed to sleep well unless I or DH put him down, so I didn't see how he'd nap at daycare either.

When DS started daycare, it took about a week before he no longer cried when he got dropped off. He now goes in quite happily, as long as the daycare provider gives him some initial attention (hold him, hug him, etc). When I pick him up, he always smiles happily at me and comes to me. In terms of naptime, it was not a problem. It was difficult that first week, but then he really took to it. So many people said this to me, but I didn't believe them - "When he sees the other kids doing it, he'll do it too" Oddly enough, he'll sleep pretty well there, even if other kids wake near him - but at home, one little creak on our floor and he's up instantly.

But, DS has also gotten more clingy outside of daycare - so in one sense, it helped with the separation anxiety, but only once he got used to the new environment and people. He doesn't separate well in other places.


Let me know if you have any other questions!

[lizajane]

schuyler started mother's morning out at 17 months. he cried the first few times i dropped him off, but quickly fell in love with it!
and he only cried for a few minutes before he began to play.

dylan started mother's morning out at 7 months. he LOVED it from the start. he still loves it at 11 months and goes right to his caregivers.

i think at 11 months, i would start with a program or a class where you can stay. let him trust you that you aren't going to disappear! see how he does with the other kids and adults before dropping him off somewhere.

also, my ped suggested when schuyler went through the sep. anxiety phase leaving the room and coming back to teach him that if you walk away and say, "i'll be right back!" you really mean it! you will show up again!