Silly to be sad about this but I am

[Radosti]

I am originally from Ukraine. I have always called my parents Mama and Papa. I've called my grandparents Bubbie and Deda. Hubby is American. He's always called his parents the standard Mom and Dad. He called his grandparents MomMom and PopPop. So... the grandparents are easy for Aaron. My parents will be Bubbie and Deda and DH's parents will be MomMom and PopPop. However, I want to be called Mama and I want DH to be called Papa. He doesn't want to be called Papa and calls himself Daddy to Aaron. The thing that hurts my feelings is that he refuses to call me Mama to Aaron, instead calls me Mommie. I want to be Mama, not Mommie. I honestly don't know why this is making me so sad, it just is...

[dr mom]

Well Mama, no need to be sad. Your DS is going to call you whatever you teach him - I know I spend a LOT of time referring to myself in the third person with DS, i.e. "Mama loves Aaron," "Mama and Aaron are going to the grocery store now," "would Aaron like Mama to fix him a snack?" DS will learn from you what you like to be called - and if DH hears it often enough, maybe he'll take the hint.

I think it's pretty much up to DH to decide what he wants DS to call HIM, but there's no reason you can't also refer to him as Papa, as an affectionate nickname - kids are smart, DS will know that Daddy and Papa are the same person. :)

Of course, there's no telling what DS will eventually choose to call you. Amanda (smallestangel) just posted below that her DS calls her Kathy and her DH Bobby (his name is Dave). So I guess it could be worse, LOL!

[buddyleebaby]

You still might be mama!
My mother always referred to herself as mommy. My brother and sister call her mommy. I call her mama and have my whole life. She has no idea where I got it from. I refer to myself as mama to Abigail.
My dh refers to himself as both daddy (when he's speaking English) and Papi/Papa (when he's speaking Spanish).
Is your dh calling you mommy deliberately or is it a force of habit?

[mudder17]

Yup, I agree. Ultimately, the child decides what name they prefer (well unless you need to break them of the habit--eventually--of calling you by your first name--think Homer Simpson and Bart). I do say, "Mommy's Pen" or "Daddy's Book" and she will say, "Mommy's this" or "Daddy's that" when she's identifying objects. But when she sees me, she's say, "Mama!" But when she asks DH where I am, she'll say "Mommy?" Oh, and when she is calling for her dad from across the room or further, she says, "Paul!" because apparently, that's what I do. ;)

ETA: And yes, it could be worse. "Daddy" was "Mama!" for the longest time, although she signed "Daddy" for him and "Mommy" for me.

Eileen

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[mudder17]

Yup, I agree. Ultimately, the child decides what name they prefer (well unless you need to break them of the habit--eventually--of calling you by your first name--think Homer Simpson and Bart). I do say, "Mommy's Pen" or "Daddy's Book" and she will say, "Mommy's this" or "Daddy's that" when she's identifying objects. But when she sees me, she's say, "Mama!" But when she asks DH where I am, she'll say "Mommy?" Oh, and when she is calling for her dad from across the room or further, she says, "Paul!" because apparently, that's what I do. ;)

ETA: And yes, it could be worse. "Daddy" was "Mama!" for the longest time, although she signed "Daddy" for him and "Mommy" for me.

Eileen

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[mommy_someday]

I would ask DH if he's doing it purposely, because if he is, that's a little passive-agressive. Seems to me that if you call him "daddy" to Aaron, he should defer to your preference of name.

FWIW, I go by mama and call my own mother "mama" even though she always called herself "mom" or "mommy". Not sure why, but I think it's the non-conformist in me that likes "mama". LOL!

Sorry you're feeling sad. I hope it gets resolved soon. (hug)

[mommy_someday]

I would ask DH if he's doing it purposely, because if he is, that's a little passive-agressive. Seems to me that if you call him "daddy" to Aaron, he should defer to your preference of name.

FWIW, I go by mama and call my own mother "mama" even though she always called herself "mom" or "mommy". Not sure why, but I think it's the non-conformist in me that likes "mama". LOL!

Sorry you're feeling sad. I hope it gets resolved soon. (hug)

[jd11365]

Hey, it's your name, you get to pick it! Just like if DH wants to be Daddy instead of Papa. I'd stand my ground. My dad was supposed to be Grandpa, but is now Pepaw. Dad is from the Bronx, we are not southern. Kayla just started calling him Pepaw. So, you still might be Mama! As for Papa, my DH did not want to be called anything but Daddy.

[jd11365]

Hey, it's your name, you get to pick it! Just like if DH wants to be Daddy instead of Papa. I'd stand my ground. My dad was supposed to be Grandpa, but is now Pepaw. Dad is from the Bronx, we are not southern. Kayla just started calling him Pepaw. So, you still might be Mama! As for Papa, my DH did not want to be called anything but Daddy.

[mommyj_2]

>I would ask DH if he's doing it purposely, because if he is,
>that's a little passive-agressive. Seems to me that if you
>call him "daddy" to Aaron, he should defer to your preference
>of name.
>
>FWIW, I go by mama and call my own mother "mama" even though
>she always called herself "mom" or "mommy". Not sure why, but
>I think it's the non-conformist in me that likes "mama".
>LOL!
>
>Sorry you're feeling sad. I hope it gets resolved soon.
>(hug)


ITA.
It's not silly to be sad about that. Your DH should respect your wishes.
Your DS might end up calling you whatever his friends call their moms. I was "Mama" until DS heard his friends calling their moms "Mommy." He switched right away, so I'm mommy now. It grew on me :)

[mommyj_2]

>I would ask DH if he's doing it purposely, because if he is,
>that's a little passive-agressive. Seems to me that if you
>call him "daddy" to Aaron, he should defer to your preference
>of name.
>
>FWIW, I go by mama and call my own mother "mama" even though
>she always called herself "mom" or "mommy". Not sure why, but
>I think it's the non-conformist in me that likes "mama".
>LOL!
>
>Sorry you're feeling sad. I hope it gets resolved soon.
>(hug)


ITA.
It's not silly to be sad about that. Your DH should respect your wishes.
Your DS might end up calling you whatever his friends call their moms. I was "Mama" until DS heard his friends calling their moms "Mommy." He switched right away, so I'm mommy now. It grew on me :)

[Elena]

In our family it depends on the language used. I try to speak only Russian to DS, so I say Mama and Papa. DH is American, so he says Mommy and Daddy. I just asked him what he thinks of your situation. He said, "Obviously, it's important to her. She should look inside of herself and her relationship with her husband to understand why it is such an issue to her." Not sure if it's of any help, I just wanted to share my situation with you.

[Elena]

In our family it depends on the language used. I try to speak only Russian to DS, so I say Mama and Papa. DH is American, so he says Mommy and Daddy. I just asked him what he thinks of your situation. He said, "Obviously, it's important to her. She should look inside of herself and her relationship with her husband to understand why it is such an issue to her." Not sure if it's of any help, I just wanted to share my situation with you.

[Piglet]

DH grew up calling his parents Abba and Imma (Hebrew) and I grew up calling my parents Mom and Daddy (yes, I am daddy's girl). When I was PG with DS1, I asked DH what he wanted to be called and after much deliberation he settled on Daddy. To be honest, I am a bit relieved because I am Mommy and I wanted him to be Daddy, but I also knew that it was his choice and I would call him Abba if that is what he preferred. I think that your DH might just be a bit new at the name game and is defaulting to what he grew up with. If he is doing it on purpose then I agree with the PP - very passive agressive! I would tell him how you feel and really express that it makes you sad. I would hope he would respect your choice. In any event, you still have some time before your DS will start identifying your name so you can work out these issues with DH. Plus, even if you decide you like one name more than the other, there is no gaurantee that DS will use it. I started out out with Mama and Papa when we were in Russia and then quickly switched to Mommy and Daddy when we moved to Canada and then to Mom and Daddy as I grew older. I also know a few friends that have many names (Maman and Mommy, Daddy and Abba, Mommy and Imma, etc.).

Oh, and you have every right to be sad - I would be too, if I always dreamed of being a Mommy and couldn't realize that dream.

[Piglet]

DH grew up calling his parents Abba and Imma (Hebrew) and I grew up calling my parents Mom and Daddy (yes, I am daddy's girl). When I was PG with DS1, I asked DH what he wanted to be called and after much deliberation he settled on Daddy. To be honest, I am a bit relieved because I am Mommy and I wanted him to be Daddy, but I also knew that it was his choice and I would call him Abba if that is what he preferred. I think that your DH might just be a bit new at the name game and is defaulting to what he grew up with. If he is doing it on purpose then I agree with the PP - very passive agressive! I would tell him how you feel and really express that it makes you sad. I would hope he would respect your choice. In any event, you still have some time before your DS will start identifying your name so you can work out these issues with DH. Plus, even if you decide you like one name more than the other, there is no gaurantee that DS will use it. I started out out with Mama and Papa when we were in Russia and then quickly switched to Mommy and Daddy when we moved to Canada and then to Mom and Daddy as I grew older. I also know a few friends that have many names (Maman and Mommy, Daddy and Abba, Mommy and Imma, etc.).

Oh, and you have every right to be sad - I would be too, if I always dreamed of being a Mommy and couldn't realize that dream.

[stefani]

I would suggest talking with your DH, and you can keep referring to yourself as Mama to Aaron.

DS calls me "Mami" since that is what I taught him, granted that sounds like Mommy a lot anyway.

Good luck and congratulations Mama! :-)

[hez]

Sounds like a conversation is in order with DH. Maybe a compromise is for him to be "Daddy" and you to be "Mama?" My parents were "Mommy" and "Daddy" when I was little, and now I call them "Mom" and "Papa." My siblings call my dad "Dad." I don't know why I'm different on that.

On a related note, I am "Mommy," "Mama," "Mom," and "Need You" on different occasions, sometimes all within the same 5 minutes. The "Mom" thing started the last couple days and I'm not sure where Payton picked it up (the sitter's daughter?). He generally calls me what I call myself ("Mommy") but DH calls me "Mama" on occasion, so I think that's where that started. I happen not to mind a bit, but if I did, you better believe DH would know about it. And knowing us, he'd agree to do it my way ;)

On an even less related note, one of my girlfriend's 21 month old twins is now calling all her adult female friends "Mommy." Threw me for a loop tonight when I saw them, 'cause their older son calls me "Hez" and that's what I expected the girls to call me :)

[kaylinsmommy2]

I agree that you should talk to DH. Maybe he's doing it on purpose, or maybe it just accidentally comes out (I say the wrong name for many things quite often by accident!).

But maybe this will help. I call myself mommy, and so does DH. But DD learned to say "mama" first - "ma mee" is harder for babies to say. I had to actually teach her to say mommy - she usually defaults to mama. Does that make sense? So even if your DH accidentally calls you mommy, Aaron might still call you mama (especially if you use it, too). (((Hugs)))

Caroline
"ma meee" to Kaylin 6/5/04

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[asha]

I totally hear you here. In my native tongue, it is amma and appa. Mama, papa is fine too. DH thinks mommie and daddy is better, but he is fine with other names too, so he will not try to coax DS.

So, DS started off with amma and appa. Then, he picked up other names from daycare. Now, he calls me mama, DH is daddy or dad. Its funny, DS actually called me "my mama" most of the times. He will say something like "My mama, I want to go outside. "

Anyways, in our case, DS picked what he wants to call us. One of my best friends son who is now 3+ years old actually told my son that he used to his mom "amma" when he was a baby. Now that he is a big boy, he calls her mom. I can not stop laughing, everytime I remember that.

[Tori_s mom]

Hey, if it makes you sad, it's okay to be sad. Especially since you're in that rough first month period. As PP said, Aaron will eventually call you whatever he wants. My grandmother wanted to be Mother. Only one of her four children calls her that. The other boys call her Mom, and my mother calls her Mama. She also wanted to be Grandmother, but I've always called her Grandmommy. The other grandchildren do call her Grandmother.

I would just refer to yourself as Mama when you talk to him. You have plenty of time to work with him before he starts to talk...:) Tori said Mama first, and then she began to say Mommy (what I call myself).

Hugs,
Tasha

[annasmom]

I think you have every right to be sad. I wonder if your dh is just not used to calling you "Mama?"

When my dd was born (or even before) my dh told me that in his culture the father's mother is called "Mama." I was really upset by this, as it is a bit too close to "Mommy" for me. Anyway, my MIL thankfully chose an entirely different name. But what happened was my dh never called my MIL by her chosen name, and I called her Grandma because that was what came naturally for me (definitely not out of spite). Anyway, very long story short, my dd has chosen her own name for both her Grandmas -- "Mom" -- which she must have just decided to use after hearing us calling them Mom.

[mamicka]

Don't have time for all the responses but I agree with the first couple I read - Aaron will ultimately call you different things at different times - but it will be what *he* wants to call you.

But I wanted to say that I totally get where you're coming from about wanting to be called Mama because of what it means to you. I was born & raised in the US but from a very different cultural background than DH (I'm Eastern European - he's totally white-bread American). So I get how you feel & I would be sad about it too. My parents are Babicka (Baba) & Dedecko (Dedo) & it took a while for DH's family to be comfortable calling them that, when talking about them. I think they felt silly because those weren't ever part of their vocabulary until now. Maybe your DH feels the same? Anyway, I'd be hurt if DH didn't call me what I wanted him to if he knew how much it meant to me.

{{HUGS}}
Allison

[Radosti]

Thanks for all the replies. I feel a lot better. Plus, my mama reminded me that I went through a period of time when I called her Mutri. I've tried to teach DH russian and he knows several words. He will use them in front of me ONLY. He won't even say Spasibo (Thank You) to my mom when it's appropriate. He uses the english words because he's embarrased. He'll say Spasibo to me without issues. So, I think he just feels silly/embarrased to call me Mama to Aaron.

[Piglet]

Your post totally reminded me of the struggle I had with my ILs when I first married DH. They wanted to be called Imma and Abba (mom and dad in Hebrew), but not being a Hebrew speaker, it felt totally unnatural to call them that plus I already had a mom and dad, so I didn't feel right calling them mom and dad. I also didn't want to go against their wishes by calling them ther first names or the like, so I didn't call them anything until DS1 was born (insert blushing icon here). Once he was born, they became Savta and Saba (grandma and grandpa in Hebrew) and that felt right. I have been calling them that ever since... which is a big relief! Somehow DH dind't have the same problem with my parents - they somehow were Mommy and Papa Eugene until DS was born.

[Piglet]

That is funny because *I* am embarrassed to speak Russian to my parents, because I know that my accent is HORRIBLE! I decided it wasn't cool to be the weird kid that didn't speak English when I was in grade 1 and started speaking only English at school, at home, etc. After so many years of not speaking it, I understand fluently, but am SO embarrassed to say anything. DH actually finds it quaint to speak any Russian he can muster and uses it more than I do, which amounts to the occasional spasibo and a few silly songs that my parents sing to the grandkids... not sure if you are familira with "chizjik pizjik" (let's just say the main character ends up drinking vodka and gets a bit woozy - a great childrens song!).

[swampus]

Maybe it feels silly to him, since he's used to "mommy?" It could feel a little too babyish to him, being American... who knows. I know my mom grew up always calling her Mom, "Mama," but most children go from Mama to Mommy to Mom in this culture.

I'm not saying that because I don't think you should be Mama to your child--I'm just trying to see if that's what your dh is thinking subconsciously... ??

I felt so silly writing "Daddy" in my firstborn's baby book-- I wrote "dad" all over the place when writing about her birth and hospital stay... once I got used to actually having a baby, it came more naturally... but for some reason it made me feel juvenile to do that. Who knows!

I do think that your child will call you whatever you want him to call you--and you don't have to refer to yourself in the 3rd person all the time, either, Bob Dole. ;) As a speech-language pathologist, it's a pet peeve of mine. I think some of that is good and helps them understand who's doing what in the house... but overboard is overkill. ;)

Good luck, Mama! And don't be sad-- if you're mama, you're mama!

[tarahsolazy]

I prefer Mama, as well. My DH is Daddy, all the way, no Papa for him. But, DS is a slow speaker, and just learned Mama in the last couple of weeks. He started with MAMA, but its already MOM! Whatever, its just so perfect to hear him say my name after 22 months. He can call me whatever he wants, I love it when he does.

[mudder17]

Yay, that's so wonderful! I know you've been waiting for it! :)

When Kaya calls Daddy "Paul!" I just tell people she's calling him "Pa!" ;)


Eileen

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[TraciG]

Tarah Sydney first said momma then mom now mommy, so maybe your DS will eventually say mommmy or momma.

[TraciG]

Tarah Sydney first said momma then mom now mommy, so maybe your DS will eventually say mommmy or momma.

[pittsburghgirl]

We are Mama and Papa, but DS has his own ideas depending on his mood. He has just started with the "Mommy" thing, when he cries, etc. And he has stood at the bottom of the stairs and called "Steve, come down!" to DH on occasion.

But I would definitely talk to your DH about why he won't use your prefrerred name. That seems odd to me. If he wants to be Daddy you should roll with it but he should also respect your wishes.

Interestingly, in our family both sets of grandparents want to be "Grandma" and "Grandpa" (well, MIL keeps trying "Granddad" instead of Grandpa but that isn't catching on.) DS hasn't come up with any other names for them yet, time will tell.

Marilee
mommy to James
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[ribbit1019]

It is o.k. to be sad, but I think you will be called whatever you keep repeating to Aaron. Your DH should honor your decision, as you should his. Nothing wrong with having a mama and daddy household!
That is what we are right now and I prefer Mommy.

I am still coming to grips with IL's wanting to be called Nana and Papa. I call them Grandpa and Grandma to DD all the time. But for the most part she calls them by their preferred nicknames.

My parents don't have a preference so we call them Grampy and Grammy around DD. Right now they are PopPop and Hama

Who knows what she will settle on, but I grew up Grandma Grandpa, Mommy and Daddy.

Christy
Maddy born 6/09/04
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Little Man due 3/02/06
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Co-Owner Ribbit Baby

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[JacksMommy]

I'm glad to hear you are already feeling better after reading the PPs. I can udnerstand that your DH is a little embarassed calling you something that sounds funny to him. I know that I would find it hard to call my DH Papa if he preferred that (as a friend's DH wants). Hopefully you have been able to express to DH that this is important to you and that this is part of respecting your cultural heritage. If you feel you have done that and he has explained himself sufficiently, then I would give it time. You are both in the very early stages of parenting and a LOT will change over the coming months. DH may slowly get comfortable with calling you Mama (especially as he hears you say it often and perhaps others as well), you may find you care less or, as PP have suggested, DS will start calling you whatever he wants (and you'll be thrilled). By the time DS is even going to be comprehending anything, you guys will more than likley have this sorted out.

Good luck and enjoy your baby boy!

Laurel
WOHM to Jack, 6/4/02
Baby Madeline 12/14/04

[Dee150]

I understand why you'd feel sad....I'm originally from India, and in my home we called my parents um-ma and up-pa (yikes- trying to be phonetically correct here with the hyphens!) and that's what I wanted DS to call me. DH was used to mom-dad at home and he preferred Dad. We went to India to meet up with folks and stayed mostly with my parents. Don't know how, probably from me referring to my father as up-pa, DS started calling DH that. And from reading one of his Karen Katz books-Where is Baby's Mommy?- he decided to start calling me Mimmy! And it sounds so good to me:-)
I was pretty certain as to what I wanted to be called, and so was DH- neither got our wish be we are so not complaining! When he does start calling you by whatever name, it will sound beautiful! Before DS started speaking, DH would often refer to me as mom/mommy and though it was just what came naturally to him, I would correct him. And like the PP said, I used to refer to myself in the third person all the time. If anything, my strategy worked till Karen Katz got to him!

[Lena]

I am from Ukraine too, and in our house we speak Russian only. Our DD goes to Russian daycare, and we want her to learn as much of Russian as possible. She can always pick English up later (I actually teach it in a HS). My point is, your DC will call you whatever you want to be called, it will only take practice and repetition on your part. Here is from experience.. we have turned buhbuh into babushka and dega(not deda for some reason)into dedushka, we have mastered mama into mamochka, and papa into popochka. You will get there too soon, but you will have to talk to DH about many of your future similar issues. Begin with Do svidaniya! That word works with my American friends, and of course Spasibo! Good luck,

Lena