kijip
01-12-2006, 06:03 PM
As I am sure most of you know, my husband (J) and I are legally separated. A couple of issues have come up that I am not sure how to handle.
-An old friend from our parenting group who moved to Oregon called and said that she would be in town this weekend and would I like to take Toby to meet them at a model train show (heaven for our 2 and 1/2 year old sons). I said sure. We met when the boys (who are four days apart) were brand new newborns in a parenting group for couples (PEPS). We swapped sitting and playdates for about a year and then they moved away. We have exchanged Christmas cards since that time and the occasional email. My last communication to them was a Christmas card sent right before I left J. I just don't feel close enough to even go there with them and I don't want talk of that to dominate the whole outing IYKWIM. I am not likely to ever see them more than once every 2 years or so. I think I am going to go to the train show and just not mention it. How weird is that? My thinking is that we may or may not reconcile but that if we do or don't, I can tell them later on a need to know basis. ETC: I would be going alone with Toby. J works that day anyway.
-I have been invited to attend a family function with J that Toby should go to (see aging great grandfather who was a real support to J and who is the only sane one on Js side of the family). I don't want to not see J Great Grandfather (maternal side) who I respect and have grown fond of but at the same time, I have about as much of a desire to see the rest of Js family as I have to yank out my own teeth. I am thinking that I should bring Toby for the first night of the weekend (staying in my own hotel room rather than with J and his family) and then come back the next day alone, letting Toby stay an extra day with J. I would just let J take Toby alone but I miss Toby when he is even gone a night right now and I don't want to let him go for the whole weekend without me-I am selfish. Also, I would personally like to see Js Grandfather who I hold in high esteem. Am not sure how to proceed here. I know that I don't want to go for the entire weekend as invited.
-I have put my wedding set away but my hand feels a little bare. While not a big jewelry person, I just don't want to not wear some sort of band. I have a white gold band. I am thinking of just wearing that when I am out and about. I know it really makes no real difference but am having an unexpected emotional response to not wearing any band at all. I have thought about maybe having it engraved with something about Toby. What have other mamas here done when they were considering a divorce while separated?
Thanks for reading my relatively silly concerns. TIA for any advice or thoughts you may have.
-An old friend from our parenting group who moved to Oregon called and said that she would be in town this weekend and would I like to take Toby to meet them at a model train show (heaven for our 2 and 1/2 year old sons). I said sure. We met when the boys (who are four days apart) were brand new newborns in a parenting group for couples (PEPS). We swapped sitting and playdates for about a year and then they moved away. We have exchanged Christmas cards since that time and the occasional email. My last communication to them was a Christmas card sent right before I left J. I just don't feel close enough to even go there with them and I don't want talk of that to dominate the whole outing IYKWIM. I am not likely to ever see them more than once every 2 years or so. I think I am going to go to the train show and just not mention it. How weird is that? My thinking is that we may or may not reconcile but that if we do or don't, I can tell them later on a need to know basis. ETC: I would be going alone with Toby. J works that day anyway.
-I have been invited to attend a family function with J that Toby should go to (see aging great grandfather who was a real support to J and who is the only sane one on Js side of the family). I don't want to not see J Great Grandfather (maternal side) who I respect and have grown fond of but at the same time, I have about as much of a desire to see the rest of Js family as I have to yank out my own teeth. I am thinking that I should bring Toby for the first night of the weekend (staying in my own hotel room rather than with J and his family) and then come back the next day alone, letting Toby stay an extra day with J. I would just let J take Toby alone but I miss Toby when he is even gone a night right now and I don't want to let him go for the whole weekend without me-I am selfish. Also, I would personally like to see Js Grandfather who I hold in high esteem. Am not sure how to proceed here. I know that I don't want to go for the entire weekend as invited.
-I have put my wedding set away but my hand feels a little bare. While not a big jewelry person, I just don't want to not wear some sort of band. I have a white gold band. I am thinking of just wearing that when I am out and about. I know it really makes no real difference but am having an unexpected emotional response to not wearing any band at all. I have thought about maybe having it engraved with something about Toby. What have other mamas here done when they were considering a divorce while separated?
Thanks for reading my relatively silly concerns. TIA for any advice or thoughts you may have.