Crazy things you find yourself saying as a parent

[Saartje]

(I hope this isn't a repeat — I've seen one not too long ago, but I can't recall if it was here or elsewhere.)

What nutty things have you found yourself saying, that would not make sense in any context except that of a parent?

My most recent one is, "Don't eat the computer!"

And a close second is, "No biting Mommy's butt."

(Can you tell he's got a molar almost through? :P )

[drsweetie]

Most recently for me it's been:

"Muffins aren't hats."

Ellen

[dowlinal]

I bought Madeline the fisher price nativity set to try and start teaching her about the real reason we celebrate Christmas. She loved playing with the set but I found myself repetedly saying

"Please don't throw baby Jesus!"

[bcky2]

no playing with the poopies x(

please get your head out of my butt :)

[kboyle]

i've also found myself saying things like "don't pinch (bite, hit, slap, poke) my butt" i guess since that's the level they are at, it's not entirely their fault.

"don't lick your brother" was a recent one

sadly to say i caught myself bribing ds with, "brush your teeth and i'll give you candy"

OT, but when we give the baby tons of kisses DS1 screams, "don't eat my brother mommy/daddy"

[mommy_someday]

>sadly to say i caught myself bribing ds with, "brush your
>teeth and i'll give you candy"

Oh my gosh, that is hysterical! LMBO!

I was on the phone with DH a couple of weeks ago, in mid-sentence, when I blurted, "Luke! Don't eat the couch!" DH nearly wet himself, he was laughing so hard. :) Luke has been using our new leather sofa and loveseat to practice cruising and he's recently discovered that he like's to bite the seam on the edge of the cushions. Not cool. But definitely funny.

[MarisaSF]

"The red triangle is NOT pizza." Over... and over... and over...

"No. That's not Santa. That man's name is Joseph."

(Not sure why the artist had to give Joseph a red coat and a white beard in a children's Christmas book.)

[Saartje]

So, Marisa, what IS the red triangle?

[mudder17]

Man, these are funny. Sadly, my memory is so bad these days, I can't think of anything, but I'm sure I've had some real doozies come out of my mouth! :P


Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif for Leah
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/catcatcvi20040222_4_Kaya+is.png
Kaya's a cousin! 10/1/05, 5lb13oz

[dowlinal]

LOL - Madeline thinks any guy with a white beard is Santa.

[MarisaSF]

>So, Marisa, what IS the red triangle?

Oh, you want the whole Mama Marisa speech? Okay... ahem...

"THAT is a red triangle. No, please don't put it in your mouth. I know it is shaped like pizza. The drawing on the puzzle is of a pizza. The red triangle is not pizza. It is a triangle just like a slice of pizza. Remember when you had pizza for dinner? You like pizza. We can have it again sometime. Okay, please take that out of your mouth. Let's put it back into the puzzle.... THAT is a red triangle. No, please don't put it in your mouth. I know it is shaped like pizza. The drawing on the puzzle is of a pizza. The red triangle is not pizza..."

The DARN PUZZLE! Now she puts the red triangle from the shape sorter into her mouth too. The shape sorter piece doesn't bother me, but the puzzle piece looks like it could get splintery. ick.

[tny915]

"We don't eat the stairs."

Said it during a stage a few months ago when DD en route downstairs would pause to rest her mouth against the steps. DD can now sometimes be heard reminding herself, "We don't eat the stairs."

[psophia17]

I didn't say this, but my friend did to her 3yo.

While eating lunch:
3yo: Mama, I am playing with my foreskin.
Mama: Not at the table, please.
3yo: When?
Mama: When you have privacy.
3yo: Now, Mama?
Mama: No, not at the table.

This went on for a while - I was dying, trying to keep a straight face.

[Judegirl]

I love these! Thanks for sharing.

[MrsZaz]

We (actually I ) am a big Harry Potter fan. My oldest DS watched it recently and I found myself having to say " we don't cast spells on our brother!".

Colleen

[nohomama]

When asked by my four year old why "we" (meaning girls and women) wipe from front to back I replied, "Because poop in the vagina is NOT a good thing."

[Puddy73]

In addition to the popular "No biting Mommy's butt" . . .
"Don't poke your brother with a light saber." (DH is a huge Star Wars fan and we have all the toys!)

"Stop dunking your broccoli in your milk glass."

"Your toes are attached to your feet. You can't pull them off."

Jennifer
Mommy to Annabelle 9/08/03 & Finn 10/31/05

"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson

[octmom]

Chiming in late, but I have found myself saying, "No hugging the TV," more times than I can count lately.

Petra-- the foreskin one had me howling. :)

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
expecting #2! EDD April 1, 2006, but anticipating a C/S in March: IT'S A GIRL!!! :)

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[JBaxter]

One of my fav's is "No, mommy doesnt have a penis"

[Jen841]

DH said that one yesterday after the win. I had a good laugh.

[Metermaid]

I sometimes find myself saying "no, you can not have more tomatos. have some candy instead". DC loves tomatos, but they give her diaper rash. Unfortunately, the candy diversion doesn't usually work.

[graciebellesmomma]

STOP licking your shoes!

Please get your baby out of the tree.

That plate is NOT a hat!

Don't lick that rock!

Stop licking the sand!

Pleaaaaaaaasssssssseeeee, Gracie! Stop licking my bottom!
(If my bathing suit is wet she licks it, she's nuts)

We are in Hawaii on vacation and she has started licking everything.
It's bizarre, but she thinks it's funny.

[sallysmith]

I think this is a sign that i am finally insane. because i'm reading this thread and so many of these things sound like perfectly normal things for a person to say. I didn't realize i was so sunk into the zaniness of parenting.

[californiagirl]

I, too have said "That's enough tomatoes. Would you like a cookie?" And I too have gotten "Noooo! No cookie! Mato! Mato!" Not that she normally turns down cookies, mind you -- only when she has her heart set on eating her body weight in cherry tomatoes.

"You may not pick anybody else's nose."

[JulieL]

>LOL - Madeline thinks any guy with a white beard is Santa.


.................................................. .............

Anthony kept calling Santa a clown all Christmas season. I even watched Ruddoff with him and he didn't quite put it together, or didn't want do. And to make it even funnier our neighbor had a santa out in our apartment hallway and he would go over and touch it and call it the clown. As in "Mommy that clown's candle is bright!" (and it was...bright btw but THAT is another story ;) )