How do you GO ANYWHERE with a stubborn child?

[lynettefrancois]

Or do you have your child in mother's morning out more than once a week?
We moved, so I haven't checked in here for a LONG while, but I tried to take DD to Lowe's this morning (after finding that the YMCA was closed today, so no workout break for me) and she was AWFUL. She won't sit in a cart, in the "older kid" cart seats, a stroller, or a carrier. She goes everywhere and gets into everything, even if I try distracting her with toys/food/books/songs. I've basically given up going anywhere except the grocery store (and that's only for 45 minutes in the "car" cart) and Wal-Mart (She either roams and makes a mess, or I have to bribe her with food to stay in the main section of the cart (lasts 10 minutes), and make her sit when I am pushing the cart so she doesn't fall out; needless to say I've had SEVERAL people express their concern about her safety and I've had to tell them that she has fantastic balance and she won't sit in the small part or with a seat belt and it's either this or we don't eat). Should this have been in the bitching post??? I can't even drive the car for more than 4 minutes without having to put a video on the dvd. AAAAGH! I checked 1/2 day daycare and it's too expensive here. She's just started Mom's morning out friday mornings, but one morning is not enough to get everything done and keep my sanity (that's all the Y offers). I think I've tried on 2 pieces of clothing since she was born- and I am hard to fit. I'm still wearing maternity bras. Honestly, what do you do with a child like this? It's been over 2 years, so I think I deserve to get out of the house now. Does anyone send their child to a parent's morning out at a church they don't attend? We don't know anyone here yet with kids this young, and don't have any family here either. DH is not often home. I'm going NUTSO!!! Please help. Thanks! Lynette

[DebbieJ]

My ds is just getting into this stage. It sucks.

Here's what I've worked out so far:
--I send him to MDO once a week at a church we don't attend. I run lots of errands during that time--the quick in and out ones that would take forever with ds--p/u drycleaning, make returns, etc. I would love to do two days a week, but they are full. Maybe next year.
--I have not tried on clothes at the store in a LONG time.
--I went grocery shopping last week at 9 p.m. after DH got home and he put ds to bed.
--I got to a woman's Bible study 1x/wk at my church. He's in the nursery with other kids his age, I get to talk to adults!

Someone suggested the book 1-2-3 Magic in another thread.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
2 year check up: 25 lbs with clothes on and 35 inches!
BFARed for 20 months and 6 days
(Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org)

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

[lynettefrancois]

Deb, thanks for your post! I've been in this "stage" since DD was born and still had no solution- I'm so glad to hear he goes to MDO at a church you don't attend! Tomorrow I am going to stop by the church that has supposedly has an opening. Twice or 3 times I have been able to go somewhere after DH is home. DH left at 5 am this morning and won't be home for 4 days (this is somewhat typical- he's an on call pilot).
Does anyone else have suggestions? I need all I can get in case the MDO at that church doesn't work out... Thanks!! Lynette

[hautemama15]

I don't remember having any of those problems going out with my kids, but I wanted to say I am sure it will pass. Sounds like she is testing her boundaries. It must be hard not having much of a support system in place in your new neighborhood. I will be in your place soon as we are moving very close to my due date. I don't know how I am going to cope! Hang in there, it has to get better. Maybe your DH could pick up the slack and take on a couple extra errands during his lunch or on the way home from work?? Just to take a little off you on your one morning a week being out alone. It would help a little.

[ErinMC]

I find it's best to do errands right after DS gets up - either in the morning or after his nap. He's calmer and much more content then. He's also resisting shopping carts, although about 30% of the time he will sit in one, and he loves the car carts at the grocery store. The other day, I had to carry him through Target while pushing the cart :-( Otherwise, I tend to do errands either on the weekends/evenings while DH is watching him, or one at a time.

Erin

Mom to Chase Feb. 04
... and another little guy coming in June :-)

[lizajane]

you don't happen to live near raleigh, do ya? i would SO trade you hours/hours so our two active kids could chase each other around in circles while we went to the store alone...

ideas:
my kids go to preschool/mother's morning out twice per week. it is our church, but there are very few church members' kids in their classes. definitely look around at churches' programs. very very good idea.

see if there is a 13ish year old in your neigborhood who could come for an hour during the day to babysit while you go out. where we live, our 13 year old friend only charges $5/hour and she LOVES to babysit. we know her well, so we leave her alone with schuyler (and dylan, too, if he has gone to bed for the night) but you could always hire someone as a mother's helper a few times until you got to know her.

stickers. i let schuyler put stickers all over the shopping cart and it keeps him distracted for a little while.

my friend had a thing she called "the bracelet." it was one of those things that velcros to mom's wrist and kid's wrist. if her kids acted up, she threatened "the bracelet." she has offered to loan it to me, but we keep missing each other when she has it with her.

shop at super walmart that has a mc'ds in the store and give her a happy meal. we have such a nice quiet shopping experience when schuyler is working his way through a whole happy meal and the accompanying toy.

finally, last resort, shop at night after bedtime when DH is home. that is what my friend does. sadly, she is in for QUITE a shock if she does have to shop while her DD is awake during the day after her SECOND DD comes along... shopping with TWO active kids is a true experience. lemme just tell ya...

[lmintzer]

I can sympathize. DS#2 (Joshua) is nearly impossible to take on any extended errands. He recently did okay at the grocery store, though I was feeding him a bagel most of the way through. He actually does fine IN the car or in a moving stroller. It's stopping that starts incessant whining/yelling.

I really don't know what the best solution is. Some moms have a "suck it up and deal with the kids crying" philosophy. I guess this can (eventually) help them adjust to errands more. But I'm a "crying kid whimp". I really don't do well with a lot of whining and crying while I'm trying to get something done. It really unnerves me, even after 4 1/2 years of parenthood. I choose to handle this by just NOT doing much with them with me. On the weekends, we can do errands as a family. It definitely helps to have another adult along. Otherwise, I have a babysitter 2x/week, and I do what needs to be done then. Since I also am in need of "me-time," I compromise by using about half of her hours for errands.

[lisaE]

I find that Connor does a lot better if I do a lot- a LOT- of prepping him before we go anywhere. For instance, if I need to go to the grocery store, about 1/2 hour before, I tell him, "we need to go to the store. You are going to sit in the basket, yea, fun!" Then I repeat myself about a thousand times at home, in the car, and in the parking lot, until he gets it, that he is expected to sit in the basket. Then while we are there I say things like, "you are such a big boy sitting in the basket, that really helps mommy!"

This has worked pretty well for us lately, but there have been times in the past when we have left the parking lot, not even made it into the store because I knew it would just frustrate the both of us.

As far as shopping, I usually buy a bunch of things and try them on at home. Then I just return whatever did not fit. It's not the most efficient way to shop for clothes, but Connor will not sit there while I shop. It just won't happen. Sometimes I have to wait until Daddy is available.

[pittsburghgirl]

I hear you, it is so frustrating when you are in this stage.

I would gladly do MDO if I could get in, the only one I have been able to find here is full at the moment. If you can find one, go for it.

I have recently stopped grocery shopping with DS. I now go at night, after he is in bed and DH is home. It's a weird time to shop but at least it's peaceful.

I also require DH to spot me a couple of hours each weekend to do other errands/shopping. But I really have done any clothes shopping for myself in a while.

Besides that, I recently got the puppy harness and we tried it out this week; it actually worked well. DS was a little irritated with it, but most of the comments I got were good and I was able to keep him by my side instead of running away. I wouldn't try it at the grocery store but in a clothing store it would probably work.

When I do need to go to Target or Walmart, I try to hold off on snack time until we are there and then give him something that takes a long time to eat (small crackers, popcorn, etc.). I tell him he can walk until we are in the store, then he has to ride in the cart and he usually does ok since he has his snack.

Marilee
mommy to James
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040120/1/1/1/-5/.png

[lynettefrancois]

I really appreciate all of your suggestions! After reading them all, I think we are destined for a second MDO each week (or a babysitter, or trading babysitting, or something where I have more time alone). I feel so much better that I'm not the only person for whom 4 hours per week is not enough to accomplish anything. I've tried many of the suggestions already, so now I won't feel like such a failure for resorting to leaving my DC with someone else just to run errands.
I used last Friday's MDO time to go to the bookstore (aaahh!) instead of errands, since I desperately needed to do something for ME. It was my first MDO ever- we lived out in the boonies before we moved here. No family there either.
DH tries to be helpful, but he is easily stressed. The last time he took DD for 4 hours he thought he would die.
I guess I have just always felt that I "should" be able to run errands with her. Other people do it, right? They didn't have MDO a hundred years ago, right? (Then again, 100 years ago Grandma and all my siblings and cousins would have lived nearby...)
It just always seems like *mine* is the only child crawling up the portable metal stairs at Home Depot, or climbing the bags of grout, or eating the tubes of caulk, or laying on the floor in the grocery store, or climbing out of her seatbelt in the cart (yes, my little Houdini can get herself out, so I don't even try anymore!), or kicking so furiously I can't get her in the cart to begin with. Food works about 5 or 10 minutes- if I've purposefully "saved" her snack- otherwise not. I read "Raising your Spirited Child" several months ago, so I've been warning her of transitions since then (seems to help a little, but not always!). I've always done only a few things, sometimes just one thing, to reduce the number of transitions for her. I still haven't figured out how to do 123 Magic since she won't stay in the chair unless I forcefully hold her in it.
Also, at this point I *always* leave as soon as we possibly can in the morning- that's what we did today- but it still doesn't always help. I may try a harness the next time we go to Lowes or somewhere she can get lost.
It's funny- at home she is great! With other kids- great! Just don't take her shopping. :)
Most of all, I want to ***thank you all*** for letting me feel less guilty for looking for other alternatives to dragging her around! :)

[lmintzer]

Lynnette,
Glad you are feeling better. I just want to say one more time that you are DEFINITELY not alone or the only one. I have my sitter for 2 four hour block each week. One would NOT do it for me. I think I'd go totally nuts. My 2 year-old is impossible these days, and my 4 1/2 year old is spirited to begin with. So I hear you. Sometimes it feels like one small child is bigger than we are, you know?

Hang in there, and definitely take another 4 hour block for yourself!!

[lynettefrancois]

Thanks for the encouragement!! I needed it! :) I am definitely looking into my choices tomorrow. We actually moved in 3 months ago and it looks like we moved in 3 weeks ago! :o Or 3 days ago, depending on who you ask... ;) Thanks again!

[jamsmu]

have you tried it? I usually go when C is at preschool, but if I know its going to be a tough week, its a great alternative. You can sit in you pjs and make your list, schedule your delivery. Then... when they deliver they bring it right to your kitchen counter! We have Acme and Genuardi's around here who do it. I think Acme is Albertsons, which has a lot of local chains.

[momofmany]

I am so sympathetic to your situation. Please cut yourself some slack and know that none of us can effectively parent unless you have a break or ongoing support. It doesn't make you weak or ineffective as a parent - we are human and we need and deserve support. I have four children and I have a DD who was like yours at age 2. The shopping/store experience was just too much for her. She couldn't take the stimulation, the lights, the smells, the sounds......the list goes on. It was just overwhelming and no amount of warning and transition could work for her. I basically didn't shop with her for over a year - and yes, it was hard because I had other children to feed, including an infant. She is now 5 and very delightful, so maybe there is hope. I think you are wise to recognize you need a break and it sounds like you are on the right path. Good luck to you!

Becky -
Mom to lots of kids who needs a break right now!

[sallysmith]

I really sympathize with you. I have two under two and i dread going anywhere. Even just to get out of the house is a challenge. You never know when the "time bomb" is going to go off and one or both kids will stop co-operating.
If sending your child out another morning isn't an option, I agree with one of the PPs that you should schedule an "errand hour" into your day. Let it be part of the routine. That way, your child will get used to being somewhere. Even though she still won't like certain stores. My dc likes the store that has the "red wagons". Sometimes it helps if I prepare her for the trip...."we're going to go to the store. And we have to buy x, y, and z". Also, offer her options..."when we get there, do you want to sit in a wagon or stand in the back of the wagon? Do you want to buy milk or yogurt? What else do you want to buy", etc.
It doesn't always work, but it often does. I also bring along a drink and a snack.

[lmintzer]

We've done delivery with both Acme and Genuardis.com. Neither is fantastic, though Genuardis is the better of the two. Neither compares to Peapod in Chicago, but it beats going to the grocery store with two little ones!

[ErinMC]

We did grocery shopping online with Peapod when we lived in Boston a few years ago, and it was fabulous. And we didn't even have kids then! Now that we are living in the boonies, online groceries don't exist :-(

Erin

Mom to Chase Feb. 04
... and another little guy coming in June :-)

[lynettefrancois]

Thanks again for the suggestions- I have lived in the boonies so long I forgot online groceries exist! I'm pretty far out of Atlanta so I doubt they have it here, but I'm going to check around just in case. :) Today DH got a day off so I got to do errands by myself!! What a treat! The church I looked into doesn't have an opening until next school year starts- and signup is next month! I'm glad I called when I did- at least we'll be in line. Tomorrow I'm calling the mom's club I found out about in our area- I saw a mention of it in the neighborhood newsletter. I'm hoping there's someone else like me that would be willing to trade babysitting... Wish me luck! And thanks to everyone- I really appreciate all of your suggestions. :) Lynette