Kids less than 2 yrs apart.. Pro's and Cons

[BaileyBea]

Yesterday I got the biggest surprise... I am expecting. DS is 10 months old right now and we were not going to "TRY" until summer so baby #2 could possibly use the same clothes etc... This of course is the planner/control freak in me that was trying to utilize all the stuff I already have.

I'll find out my exact due date on Tuesday but right now the estimated due date is the beginning of September. This would make the kiddos 18 months apart.

So my question is ... to those of you w/kids less than 2 years apart what are the pro's and con's and what should I expect.

Right now I am in total shock and feeling overwhelmed by the news. So any info helps.

Thanks so much,

[lmariana]

First of all...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Mine are 27 months apart, and sometimes I think it would have been easier to have them closer together. There are quite a few moms around here with little ones 18 months (or less) apart, so I'm sure you will get lots of fantastic encouragement. :)

Totally doable!

Mariana
Mom to Gabe (8/03) and Atom (10/05)
www.heinzandmariana.com
http://www.geocities.com/kellysb/images/medals/awardbar2-bronze.jpg[p]
http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style3,Gabe-spc-and-spc-Atom.png

[buddyleebaby]

No advice because I just have one but I wanted to say congratulations and wish you a healthy and peaceful pregnancy!

[jesseandgrace]

My friend had a little surprise about 20 months or so after her first son was born. We saw them on New Years day, and everything was just perfect. Their kids were so cute together, they seem to have more than enough time and energy for both even though they both work, it was really great to see, and I'm sure their two boys will love having eachother. Right now they are one and soon to be three. As a matter of fact everyone with kids close in age that I know really loves it.

[annasmom]

First of all, Congratulations! Mine are 15 months apart, and I cannot really think of any cons because this is all I know, IYKWIM??

Certainly having children maybe 3-4 years apart would be great because the older one is so much more independent, but it's not so bad.

My kids are great company for each other, and they are so close in age that we are still all at home, still napping (sometimes even at the same time!), they play with the same toys, eat the same food, etc. It's great, don't worry!

The only really hard thing I can think of is if you were to have your dc so close in age that the older one is not walking yet, that would be difficult! Your oldest should be walking by the time the new baby comes so that shouldn't be a problem though. Best of luck for a healthy and uneventful pregnancy!!

[hautemama15]

my first 2 are almost exactly 18 months apart. They are different sexes too, my oldest a girl, my 2nd a boy. If they had been the same sex it would have been alot easier for them to play together and like alot of the same things and wear the same stuff. But, with a boy and a agirl, it was a little tougher. DD didn't like DS at first and DD wouldn't play with DS once he was old enough. But, they had their moments. All in all, they love each other very much and help each other out with things. DS has some developmental delays and DD helps him as much as she can. That being said, I have found that having them close in age is hard at first, but it does get easier as #2 gets older. They will play together and entertain each other and they are at or around the same stage with toy interests once #2 gets to be about a year and a half. Baths together takes care of two at a time, DD used to "help" mommy give DS a bath even when he was in infant. I would put him in his tub in the big tub with her and a little water and she would rinse him off after I bathed him. It was really cute. At that age, #1 will be eager to help out once the initial jealousy is over, and expect jealousy at first. It lasted about 2 months for us, til DS started reacting to DD in a positive way like with smiles and coos. I can honestly say I enjoyed having them close together, but it was hard work for awhile.

[lizajane]

schuyler and dylan are 22 months apart. i almost wish i did it earlier rather than later. schuyler hit the run away, run away, run away stage right when i was big ol' pregnant and VERY uncomfortable. once dylan came, he was always sweet to dylan, had very few jealousy issues and the only big problem that i had was that they were both ALWAYS sick. dylan was born right in the thick of cold/flu season and he was sick by 3 weeks old. and it lasted for 6 straight weeks. we got NO rest. so sept was a much better month than jan!!! a good thing!!

dylan was not a great sleeper, so we were VERY tired and that was hard with two small kids. but now, schuyler has hit the age where he will get up on his own, pop in a video and let me sleep another hour!

because they are so close in age, they enjoy the same kind of stuff. schuyler likes to go to the park and dylan likes to eat mulch while schuyler plays on the jungle gym. i don't have to shuffle schuyler to this event and that class and this practice, etc. dylan comes along to whatever i am doing with schuyler and tends to be able to participate in some way. the only thing is going to friends' houses who only have 3 year olds. there are LOTS of choking hazards all over their houses and i have to watch dylan very closely.

i mean to be positive, but maybe that isn't coming across? let me be more clear!!!

schuyler and dylan LOVE LOVE LOVE each other. i can hear them in the bath together upstairs right now, hollering and laughing as daddy bathes them. schuyler wants to help dylan, he wants to play with dylan, he wants to amuse dylan... dylan looks at schuyler the same way he looks at ME. it is pretty incredible, the love they share. seeing the two of them together is so amazing. there is NOTHING like sibling love!!
dylan is about 3 or 4 months old here.
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/31797.jpg

[CiderLogan]

I don't have any particular advice, but I wanted to say Congratulations!!

Jenny
Mom to Julia, 8/03
...and another GIRL due 5/29/06!

[jamsmu]

Congrats and best wishes!! My 2 are 2 years and 20 hours apart. They love each other so much!! And even though they are obviously the same season, DS2 is so much bigger than DS1 was that he outgrows DS1s clothes easily!!

[TaChapm]

Congratulations!

I'm not there yet but will be in a similar situation with Tyler and baby #3 being 14 1/2 months apart. I am freaked out as well because if Tyler is awake he is usually crying. I can't imagine adding another to the mix but hopefully it will go like everyone says. We need Bonnie (sbjf) to check in here. Two in one year and another following soon is just amazing to me. She must be super mom!

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler William 6-9-05
OMG!!! Baby #3 Due September 5, 2006!

http://b4.lilypie.com/gzWfm8.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/kLMem8.png

http://bd.lilypie.com/UEZ3m8.png

[BaileyBea]

Congratulations Tara! WOW! I think we are both in similar situations. Well maybe we can freak out to each other a bit. So many of my friends had problems conceiving and they are all so thrilled for me. They are happy and excited and I on the other hand am scared and want to cry.

I'll be so excited when i see the little bean on the ultrasound next week. It will all seem more real by then. Right now I feel like I am dreaming and someone should pinch me.

Hey.... don't you live in Austin. If not I am confusing you w/someone else.

[kboyle]

Congrats, congrats, congrats!!!

My 2 are 26 mos apart and I too wish that I had done it sooner. DS1 was hitting the running, jumping, screaming, fun Two's stage when I was at the end of my pregnancy and I think it would've been easier if he was just a tad younger. We were convinced that 2 was enough, but we're suddenly thinking that a #3 would be kinda nice. And if we decide that it's a go, I'm thinking about trying real soon. Might as well get all the diapers out of the way at once, all the smushy baby food out of the way, and all the hard core baby-proofing out of the way too. No one wants to have to do all that baby-proofing more than once in a life time anyway (I just hate those outlet covers, ugh)

My only advice is to try and cater to DS1 first, he'll remember, or respond if #2 always gets HIS mommy first. #2 won't remember crying for a minute or two while you get the other one his juice or grab his blankie that he forcefully shoved under the couch with his plastic golf club, that you actually had to move the extremely heavy couch to get to the now dusty blankie. Sorry, this just recently happened :)

Like another pp, DS2 LOVES, absolutely LOVES his big bro. He stares at him like he stares at me, amazement, wonder & awe! We don't need toys for the little one, he just watches his brother jump around like a maniac and smiles and laughs like he's the coolest thing since Baby Orajel (we are having pre-teething issues)

Good luck and Congrats!

[brittone2]

No advice, but congratulations to you!!

[BaileyBea]

Yeah I can see how it's going to be hard work. I am super organized and yet since DS has been born I let a lot of things go. So I am on a mission to get it all organized again and find an affordable babysitter to help me.

I do like the idea that these two kids will be very close and I hope the jealousy thing doesn't last too long. I can also see how the different sexes brings has it's own set of challenges. I never really thought about that before, so I am glad you helped fill me in. I really hope they can share a room when the baby is a little older even if they are different sexes. We'll see....

[RwnMayfair]

Mine are 21 months apart (exactly!), and I was a bit overwhelmed and shocked when I found out I was pregnant with Elowen, myself. But so far, the main advantage I can think of is that Taran doesn't even seem to remember when it was just him. He hasn't gone through a jealous period with her, though there are days every now and then where he'll act up because she can "get away" with things he can't, but in general it's nothing major. (More that he just gets whiney.) So you may not have to deal with much of a jealous period. We do try to make sure Taran gets plenty of time with each of us every day, and that's worked out well so far. He thinks she's extremely neat though and gives her all sorts of hugs and kisses, and she seems to think he's the greatest thing since nursing. ;) (She currently creels at him excitedly and beams at him without him doing a thing.)

Taran frequently wants to hold Elowen, play with Elowen, and generally just do things with her and to help her, so I'm hoping at least some of that continues as she gets older. It's not all wonderful, as he does sometimes act two (which he obviously is) and do the make a break for it thing, or whatever, which is harder to deal with when you've got a baby at the same time. But many people say that it's great when they get older too, because then you've got the "baby stage" out of the way sooner. (Of course, we want to have at least one more, so that's probably not going to apply to us.)

Obviously some of these things are possible with children farther apart too. But congratulations to you, and just remember, it really is a lot of fun to watch them together. :)

-Melissa

Taran, November 20, 2003
Elowen, August 20, 2005

http://lilypie.com/pic/060111/6Pw6.jpg http://b3.lilypie.com/11Vom5/.png
http://lilypie.com/pic/060111/3Max.jpg http://b1.lilypie.com/4h2Km5/.png

[spanannie]

WOW, Nancy! CONGRATULATIONS!

I think it will be better than 2 years apart actually. I don't think Curtis will be as jealous. We had a pretty rough time with them being 24 mos apart, but Zach was very jealous. If he had been younger, I don't think that it would have been so hard.

Although it is tough having them close in age, I think it's great in the long run. I'm glad they are close together, and I think it will be great as they grow up. It's just hard in the beginning. That becomes a fleeting thought, though, since Grace is now 19 mos, and I can hardly remember the first year, which I though was going to kill me...I'm actually contemplating another now!

I highly recommend hirealonghorn.org for great help! You can get an affordable college student to help ease the transition. We had someone help us out for a year, and it made all the difference.

Congratulations, again!

[peasprout]

I was in the same boat, only DD was 8 months old at the time. I posted here also because I was in shock and in tears since it wasn't planned.
Yikes! I look back at that now and I can't believe I was able to handle a newborn and a 17 month old at the same time! But my survival instints kicked in and they will for you too.

Since you're already pregnant, there's no reason to get into the "cons" of having siblings close in age. So here are some pros that I've discovered:
*changing diapers- you get it over with in a shorter span of time (of course you have to change TWO for a while. oh, make sure to keep a chart of which child's diaper was changed at what time. with mommy brain and the constant pooping and changing, it was hard for me to remember when I last changed each one!)
*they have similar interests because of their age and can play with similar toys
*they entertain each other. I can do the dishes and make dinner without interruption. they love to play together.
*they're best friends- no one makes my DS laugh like his sister, and no one adores my DD more than her brother.
*my baby gear for #2 was relatively new
*people think you're either brave or crazy! ;)

Congratulations! You're going to love it, really!!
JP

[jerseygirl07067]

Congratulations to you! That is so exciting to hear! :)

Mine are 16 months apart and Sammy was NOT walking yet when Julia was born. Actually she did not walk until 19 months, which is late. I must admit, I was lifting her way more than I should have...and I had a C-section!

Anyway, I'll start with the cons since I totally think there are more pros to having them close! :) It is challenging having two "babies" at the same time. To me Sammy at 16 months was still a baby. They are both in that high needs stage at the same time which is very tiring. I feel like when I get up in the morning it's nonstop, Julia must be fed, changed, clothed, then onto Sammy. I must allow enough time for all the prep since getting out of the house with two takes time. Juggling feedings for me was challenging after Julia turned four months or so, since the smallest amount of noise distracted her and it was impossible to keep Sammy quiet for more than 10 seconds. And then there's the sleep issue. It's harder to catch those zzzz's during the day when you still have to take care of the toddler. I often tried to keep Julia awake so she would crash right around Sammy's naptime (she dropped her second nap right at a year) and that worked well for a while. Bedtime routines are very physically demanding too, but in all honesty, if DH and I both work on getting one child ready for bed, it's so much easier.

Now onto the pros!! They are now at the age where they interact with each other and the little things they do make the other one laugh. It is so amazing and fun to watch. It was way easier to prepare for the second baby because all the baby gear from Sammy was never really put away. And mind you, I was in the minority, we did not find out what we were having. I figured we would just re-use Sammy's clothes and if we had a boy we still had some gender neutral clothes on hand. The safety thing is easy because I still don't let Sammy play with anything too small that is a choking hazard, so that way I don't have to worry about her giving something to Julia. (My friends that have kids 3 and over, this is a nightmare for them because their kids are playing with such small toys. I guess the only exception in this case is food, so I make sure Sammy eats at the table strapped in, and I don't let her walk around the house with food) Diapers...you get used to buying them at the same time, and crazy as it seems they're catching up in sizes. On occasion, I've run out of Sammy's size 5's or Julia's size 3's and to be honest, in a pinch the sizes are totally interchangeable. Regarding jealousy, Sammy was too young to really grasp what was going on for the first two months. She did not appear jealous. I do think that if she was a bit older it might have been more of an issue. But like I previously mentioned, I totally LOVE watching them interact with each other!

I know I am probably leaving out a lot, but congratulations. On days when it is hard, I am reminded by what many of my friends with two under two have told me...as they get older it gets waaay easier, and they will grow up to be the best of buddies.

I remember a woman from a wedding I was at recently. She has four kids, ages 8,7,6,and 5. I asked her how she managed this and she said now that her kids can all play together, she finds herself with more free time than her friends with only one child! Interesting point of view, though I don't aspire for four...maybe three...who knows?

One more thing...Yes, it's a lot of hard work for sure. And if your DH is the helpful type it will make things so much easier. But you do get used to having two, to the point where you look back and say to yourself, "what did I do with my time when I had just one?". And when I had one I said to myself, "what did I do with all my time before I had kids?". I just have to laugh when my single friends, or friends with no kids say they are just "so busy". It's totally all relative!!

Again, congratulations!! Enjoy your pregnancy!

Marcy

[hautemama15]

Mine shared a room til DD was 8 and DS was almost 7. So, it is doable. By then, she wanted her own space so we got a bigger place.

[TaChapm]

Yes, We are in Lockhart just South Austin but we do everything in Austin. My OB is there as well as the boys doctors. It takes us about 45 min. to get there.

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler William 6-9-05
OMG!!! Baby #3 Due September 5, 2006!

http://b4.lilypie.com/gzWfm8.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/kLMem8.png

http://bd.lilypie.com/UEZ3m8.png

[SewSarahSew]

Congratultions!

Mine are 20 months apart and I joking to tell people when they ask about them being so close, 'I wouldn't recommend it!', LOL! It's sooo much work. But two kids are more work that one, so I don't know that it's so much about their ages. You "do" diapers at one stage, you "do" sippy cups, etc., and then you're done with them. If your kids are 3 yrs apart, you just get one out of diapers and then there's another one IN diapers! So this is kind of a more streamlined approach. ;)

One of the biggest advantage having them close together is that the eldest totally doesn't remember a time before the younger was there, part of the family. Daniel a had a hard time adjusting when Amelia was born, but I think that would have happened regardless of his age at the time. There will always be some jealousy and period of adjustment, right?

They are great friends now and play together so well. The first one to wake up in the morning always goes to the others room first thing. I caught Amelia this morning and told her to let Daniel sleep. She was SO upset! She wanted Daniel, she wanted to play with him! So sweet. :)

My biggest advice is to get a sling! I tried to give Daniel as much attention as possible, because he was just learning about getting his feelings hurt and he would tell me that. I could see that he was sad being left out. So I tried to let him do his regular things. We would play outside every morning in the summer, since that's what he loved to do. I didn't make him come inside because it was time for Amelia's nap, I just put her in the sling to sleep so we could stay outside and do what he wanted. Whenever possible I tried to do this, not disrupt his routines or his preferences just because there was a new baby. Obviously you can't do that all the time, but whenever possible makes a big difference!

Try not to use the baby for an excuse or reason for saying "no" to anything (even when your pregnant). Don't say 'I can't because I'm holding the baby', say 'My hands are full right now, just a minute'. Blame yourself, not the baby, KWIM?

And try to let your DS be a helper and take pride in being a big brother. Then he won't feel left out AND he feels useful and important. 'What would baby Amelia do without her big brother? You are SO helpful bringing the burp cloth and playing with her!'. I played that up a lot.

Oh, and get books about being a big brother! One really good book that made a HUGE difference: "I'm a Big Brother" by Joanna Cole. It's common enough that I got it at TJ Maxx and I've seen it at Target.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0688145078/qid=1137597147/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-1836745-0293724?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

[spanannie]

Tara and Nancy, who are your OB's? I go to Seeker.

[TaChapm]

I am with Dr. Collins at Renaissance Womens Group. I really like everyone in the practice. We will deliver at North Austin Medical Center.

Who is your pediatrician? We were with Dr. Ellis at North Austin Pediatrics but they dropped our insuarnce so we are shopping around. I haven't found anyone I really like yet but need to get on the ball.

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler William 6-9-05
OMG!!! Baby #3 Due September 5, 2006!

http://b4.lilypie.com/gzWfm8.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/kLMem8.png

http://bd.lilypie.com/UEZ3m8.png

[spanannie]

Our pediatrician is Dan Terwelp, and we couldn't be happier! I especially love his nursing staff; they are always there for me, whenever I have a problem or question, even if it is less medical, and more about raising kids. He's at the corner of Far West and Mopac.

So, how far is it (how long does it take) from Lockhart to North Austin Medical Center?

[TaChapm]

Right at an hour. We have to drive everywhere we go so it doesn't seem too bad but I know some people think it is crazy. With my pregnancies being high risk I didn't want to risk going to San Marcos or the local doctor here in Lockhart. I also hate the San Marcos hospital so I would never want to deliver there.

At least it is an easy drive with no traffic. I went to a doctor down by Bailey's Square and hated deaing with all the lights. I vowed I would never go back.

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler William 6-9-05
OMG!!! Baby #3 Due September 5, 2006!

http://b4.lilypie.com/gzWfm8.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/kLMem8.png

http://bd.lilypie.com/UEZ3m8.png

[sbirmantaz]

My two girls are about 14 months apart and it was hard in the beginning, mostly because #2 was a bit colicky. Now they are 2 and 3 and it is GREAT! they play with each other all of the time (and fight too of course). The only "negtive" for us is family planning. I wanted 4 originally, but now I think we are done with 2. I need a break from the baby demands, but I do not want a third child to be the lone child out since he or she would be at least 3 to 4 years apart. I also wonder if I would always "hurry" up the 3rd child so that we could do more older age things together. I'm not sure I would be feeling this way if my 2 daughters were spread in age a bit further. So, not really a negative, just a side effect. Day to day thought, the first year was demanding, but well worth it. I see my friends who now have 2 and there is a 2.5 year age difference and they struggle with other issues, like jealousy etc. So, I think no matter what the age difference there are always challenges, but you will do great.
Sharon
dd #1 09/24/02
dd #2 11/19/03

[spanannie]

An hour is a bit of a drive, but I completely understand where you're coming from, wanting the best doctors, etc. I hate the hospital my doctor uses, but I love him. His practice is also way too busy. I guess I'll take that, though, since I'm happy with him. His practice is actually across from Bailey Sq., LOL.

So, this may sound silly, but what do you do about being in labor with the hour drive? I wouldn't have made it! I could barely make it from Far West to 38th street!

[BaileyBea]

Hey ladies I am back online. I go to Dr. Seeker too Annie. And my Ped. is Dr. Treybig. They are close to Seton Medical on 38th.

I know what you mean about Dr. Seekers practice being too busy. He runs a business in there and I have seen a change in the practice since i started going several years ago. I stay there because I know the nurses very well. One of them is a very very good friend of mine and I know how to work the system there. I do like Dr. Seeker a lot and Dr. Binford was the Dr. on call when I had Curt. She was AWESOME! She was the perfect fit for me since i wanted a Drug-free delivery. She helped make it happen.

Tara, the drive from Lockhart is long but I am sure you are used to it. I've been to Lockhart a few times and thought it was a cute town. I loved all the decorated gas pumps.

Hey Annie -- did you wave at me driving down the street the other day? I could have sworn that was you. I was on my way to pick up my car at Lambs.

Okay we should all try to get together sometime....

[TaChapm]

With Jackson I was induced at 37 weeks because I had preeclampsia. With Tyler I was induced at 37 weeks because I had polyhydramnos (too much amniotic fluid) and we couldn't risk my water breaking on my own. I actually don't know what it would be like to be rushing to the hospital in heavy labor. My labors tend to be long and slow so hopefully that is something I won't have to worry about.

We also don't have any babysitters or family close by so I need to be in labor for at least 5 hours so my mom has time to get here and watch the boys.

It's too much to think about. I do worry but what can I do. :)

We should all try to get together.
I really do want to meet some other moms in the area.

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler William 6-9-05
OMG!!! Baby #3 Due September 5, 2006!

http://b4.lilypie.com/gzWfm8.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/kLMem8.png

http://bd.lilypie.com/UEZ3m8.png

[spanannie]

Wow, you've had a hard time (with your pregnancies)...hopefully you'll have no problems this time. When is your next progesterone test? I'm crossing my fingers that it goes way up!

Nancy and I live close to each other...and fairly close to your doctor...we should meet up sometime!

[TaChapm]

Well, none of them have been too easy but the final result is awesome and so worth it. The nurse wasn't wanting to retest until Monday but I am going to call in the morning and try to get tested tomorrow because the bleeding isn't letting up like I would have hoped it would. It is still light and I have had this with my other pregnancies but with the very low progesterone it has me on edge.

I would love to get together sometime! I will let you all know when I am up in the area.

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler William 6-9-05
OMG!!! Baby #3 Due September 5, 2006!

http://b4.lilypie.com/gzWfm8.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/kLMem8.png

http://bd.lilypie.com/UEZ3m8.png

[mudder17]

Wow! No advice, since we're still at one, but huge congratulations!!!

Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif for Leah
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/catcatcvi20040222_4_Kaya+is.png
Kaya's a cousin! 10/1/05, 5lb13oz

[ribbit1019]

Congratulations!! It is a bit of a shock to the system isn't it?
I don't have any advice really, but I wish you all the best, hopefully I can chime in with some experience once he arrives, lol!
Mine will be about 21 months apart.

I do miss having the toddler excitement about the pregnancy. My friend's 4 yr old was sooo excited to have the new baby arrive and that seemed so fun for them. DD is so little still, she has no clue that her life is about to be drastically changed in a few short weeks.

Christy
Maddy born 6/09/04
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png

Little Man due 3/02/06
http://bd.lilypie.com/cKLom4/.png
Co-Owner Ribbit Baby

"I did then what I knew how to do. When you know better, you do better." ~ Maya Angelou