petty problems with my neighbor: wwyd? (LONG!)

[knaidel]

In light of some of the problems that others have posted about, I recognize that this is petty. However, I would like to get advice on how to handle it.
I have a good relationship with my neighbor directly downstairs from me- I live in a building. Last Sunday morning, I was following along on an exercise tape, and the phone rang. She said in a tired voice,"Is everything okay up there because I've been hearing banging all morning."
First off, I didn't like her wording. Why don't you just come out and say, "the banging is bothering me?" I don't like the false pretense of "is everything okay up there?" Second, "All morning" was an exaggeration. DS had been playing from about 7:30-8:30, and was napping from 9 am. I began exercising at about 9:40. I recognize that maybe I shouldn't have begun the tape until 10. However, they have a baby, so I assume most people with kids are up by then. But I should have waited. I stopped the tape and didn't finish.

Just now, I called and told her, "I am planning on exercising after Ds goes to sleep at about 5:30 or 6. I just want to check that that's okay with you." She tells me, "Well, I think it will be okay, but my DH is coming home then, so if it's a problem, I will call up."

Okay, now, this kinds of ticks me off. Who is her DH? I have to stop exercising if it the jumping bothers him? it's my opinion that apartment living comes with some nusiances. One of those nusiances is that your neighbors will make noise, and you might not like it. However, if the noise is at a reasonable hour, tough. By the way, they let their baby CIO all the time...wakes up my son with her high pitched screams a few times a week....but that's part of living in an apartment. I called to make sure that she wouldn't be putting her baby to sleep at that time (or some other situation like that).

I am not really sure how to handle this. I need to exercise, and can't always get to the gym. She is a nice person, and we have been friends since she moved in this past fall, and I would hate to lose a friend (albeit not so close) in the building over this. The ideal would be for me to exercise when she's gone to work (I telecommute), but it doesn't always match up with DS's nap schedule.

ETA: she works part time, a funny schedule- different hours each day, that's why it doesn't always work out.
Any ideas?

[deenass]

Well, neither of my next door neighbors talk to me (another LONG post, but I digress)...

Anyway, I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to work out at 5:30, and at 9:30 am. Probably not so reasonable at 6 am or 11 pm. I also don't think you needed to call her to tell her you would be doing it, so the door is kind of open at this point for her to say, "look it bothers me." Do you have rugs or are you wroking out on bare floor? Maybe a rug would help the noise?

You are right, living in an apt does come with its drawbacks (namely noise from neighbors).

At this point, you may want to say "I'd like to talk to you about my working out. I would like to minimize the nusiance to you or your child when you are sleeping and am willing to be flexible with regard to your child's napping, but I do plan on working out between the hours of 9 - 7".

Maybe someone else has better advice.

[kijip]

I would feel totally ok working out after 9AM and before 8PM or so. You are right, hearing your neighbors is the price of living in a building.

I had the exact issue at the place I moved in December. They had 2 loud/crying babies downstairs that I just did not let bother me but they complained if I so much as walked in the kitchen or moved a chair in the kitchen. They loved to complain. If you don't want to hear people above you, you don't move into an apartment.

[bostonsmama]

I think the first poster had it right...don't loose the "frienship," but don't call her every time you want to exercise. People appreciate choices in life, but too many choices complicate things. I think it's perfectly reasonable to workout from 10am to 8pm. I'm not an early-riser though...so 9 seems slightly early to me (10am is about when I start accepting phone calls without being irritated, as I really value my quiet time in the mornings).

Hopefully, if you've lived over her this long without incident, she's probably just having a bad day or a random migrane where the incessant Eee-err, eee-err, eee-err was grating on her nerves. Who knows. FWIW, when I was at my DH's apartment before we married, I was so self-concious about the noise, I just stopped working out (I did step aerobics...probably even worse!), so don't let that happen. I say forgive and forget...and turn off your phone while you're sweating it up.


Larissa
***Cheers! Here's to better luck in 2006!***

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."
-James Baldwin

[pritchettzoo]

Belated holiday gift of a white noise machine? I'd be tempted to call her the next time her baby is screeching and say, "Is everything okay down there? The baby has been crying forever and I was worried something happened to you."

Definitely do not call her to ask permission to exercise during reasonable hours. As long as you're not pogo-sticking around the apartment, I think exercise is one of those noises of life she just needs to get used to. Do it when it fits into your schedule! She should have gotten an apt on the top floor if she's that sensitive to noise.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)