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View Full Version : How many baby showers?



egfmba
01-29-2006, 01:15 PM
I'm already admitting: really petty.

Okay, I was under the impression that it's inappropriate to have more than one baby shower except under certain, special circumstances. Exceptions might be: you have a 10 year old and are now having your second; you have a boy and now you're having a girl; you just have a diaper shower. Things like that.

There's a woman I know (who, by the way, told me just how inappropriate and tacky she thought it was when people had more than one baby shower) who recently announced she is due shortly. A week ago, I got a baby shower invitation for her 3rd baby. Her first is a 6 y.o. boy, second a 4 y.o. girl. She is registered for her baby shower for bottles, blankets, clothes, you name it. My DS is also 4. I still have all that stuff.

I already don't want to go b/c she's one of several in-laws who made a group effort to let me know just how much "the family" resents my presence. But I really don't even want to have to buy the obligatory gift. Would I be really petty and out-of-line to avoid the whole thing? What should I say if asked (my in-laws tend to be careful here b/c they're never sure if I've been invited anyway)?

Sorry so long and petty. I tread the in-law relationships pretty carefully for DH's sake.

CiderLogan
01-29-2006, 01:59 PM
If I were you, I'd say I wasn't available that day and decline. The part that would bother me was them saying how much they resent my presence! Wow, that's pretty bad!

FWIW, if she were a normal, likable person, the reason for the shower could be that #3 was a surprise so they didn't have any of that stuff any more. Or (as in my family) someone wants to do a shower for every baby as a celebration (even when the mom doesn't need a whole lot of stuff, which is the situation I'm in). But I wouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt since it sounds like she's not very nice. :(

It's not that petty -- in-law relationships can be so complicated!

Jenny
Mom to Julia, 8/03
...and another GIRL due 5/29/06!

egfmba
01-29-2006, 02:31 PM
Thanks for your point of view. I really don't know that much about etiquette, and usually, when kids are involved, we do give the benefit of the doubt, but here, there's not much (if any) of a relationship, so it's a bit harder.

I can see having a party to celebrate the arrival of a baby, and people bring gifts to parties. But I wasn't sure about the propriety of registering for gifts. But, I didn't think that she would have given all her stuff away already. Limited mindset, I know. Just because I have all that stuff still doesn't mean everyone does.

Thanks again for responding!

eva

jamsmu
01-29-2006, 02:40 PM
You could skip it altogether, but when the baby is born, give a gift that's a *tad* nicer than usual.

new_mommy25
01-29-2006, 02:50 PM
I would skip it if it's something that you're uncomfortable. If you like you could always just send a small gift from you and DH to ease the IL relationship a little bit. Otherwise I would just send a nice card after the baby is born.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with having more than one shower. My son is only 2 and I don't have any bottles, blankets, clothes etc. from when he was born. We did a big move when my DS was 7 months so we purged almost everything, plus I have a small house so I don't like things hanging around in storage. Her last child is 4 so it's certainly reasonable for her to have gotten rid of all of that stuff. If someone wants to throw her a shower, so be it. I will probably be embaressed yet secretly grateful if someone throws me a shower this time around.

CiderLogan
01-29-2006, 03:35 PM
FYI, I will be having another shower this time around, and we also registered (I figured if people want to make the effort to buy something and would prefer to know what we need, then I should give them that information). So I guess I am sort of sympathetic to that idea. But only if the relationship is a good one! Otherwise, I think a card or small gift when the baby arrives would be plenty.

Jenny
Mom to Julia, 8/03
...and another GIRL due 5/29/06!

daniele_ut
01-29-2006, 08:09 PM
This is one of the things that perplexes me about where I currently live. People see no issue with throwing multiple baby showers for a person for the same baby. And when I say multiple, I mean many. One of my best friends had FIVE showers for her 1st. You get all kinds of stuff you'll never use, since no one even looks at a registry here. If you bring up a shower for a subsequent baby, people look at you as though you just spoke pure blasphemy. Of course, people here tend to have large families.

Where I grew up in NJ, it was standard practice to have a shower for each kid. My sisters each had 2, one for each kid.

egfmba
01-29-2006, 10:23 PM
See? Did not know all this!

I knew nothing about shower etiquette (baby or bridal) until I was an adult. We didn't do those kinds of things in my family because usually the baby came before the wedding and it was just a reminder of that. So, I only started attending showers when I met DH, and it was the ILs who told me just how "tacky" it was to have more than your first baby shower. I guess the presumption is that you'll be having all your babies in short order so won't need anything after that first one.

I honestly did not know that the practice varies. I figured the ladies on this board would enlighten me, and you have. Thank you! :)

I appreciate the feedback. It helps put things in perspective.

eva