firstbaby
01-30-2006, 12:33 PM
I don't know if I am mad or upset right now and I guess I am hoping to hear that I did the right thing...
We are in a fairly new neighborhood and everyone moved in around the same time as each other. From the moment we met our next door neighbors, we knew we would never be best friends with them but we place a lot of value on good neighbor relationships so we were very friendly, would stop to talk, etc. He is extremely overbearing and she is very apologetic (profusely apologizes for things that are not her fault). I don't think he is abusive, but he does have a strong personality and always talks over women in conversations. Our other neighbors had an early miscarriage and the husband told the other husband he knew "exactly" how he felt because they had been trying for a few months to get pregnant. Um, not the same thing...
So over the summer, there were three separate occasions he cut me off while driving on the road. Twice, it was within a few feet of our houses so he knew WHO he was cutting off. I am not a slow driver, but the posted speed limit is the typical residential and there are TONS of kids on our street. The third time it was a couple of miles away from our house and he really swerved in front of me and I had to hit my brakes. As we pulled in our neighborhood, he almost hit a deer and just kept on going. He probably pulled in his driveway a minute before me so why the excessive speed is necessary has never been understood by me.
Also over the summer, they asked us if we wanted to go in on a fence with them. We politely explained that at that point, we weren't interested but may do so in the future. They went ahead with the fence and to prevent us and the other neighbor from ever tying in to their fence, they moved it in two inches. We would have split the cost of our side with them if we ever did put up a fence but by moving it in, there would have to be two separate fences. The wife made some comment to me that we would get the benefit of the extra space and I replied that it was still their property, they would be responsible to maintain it, etc. Well, you guessed it, they have never trimmed around the fence and my husband had to start doing it because it really was making our yard look awful.
Over the summer, he worked a TON of hours and she became very reclusive. She has turned and walked away when other neighbors walk towards her on the bike path, etc. When we heard that they were expecting, we dropped off a small gift for them with a nice card. We knew we were expecting as well but didn't want to share with anyone at that point as it was early. I was very frustrated about the fence and driving but I figure he is who he is with his driving and the fence though annoying wasn't worth making a big deal about which we would have had to do since she avoided everyone and he was never around so we would have to go out of our way to bring it up. They also asked us once over the summer to walk their dog at the very last minute even though we've never spent any time with their dog.
One day, she sends me an email to my work email with a question even though she is right next door and my car is in the driveway. Work has been CRAZY and I totally forgot about the email.
So today, we get home and they are having some work done on their house and one of the workers is blocking a big part of our driveway. DH goes over to ask them to move. He rings the doorbell and knocks for a few minutes with no answer. I go over there then and ring the doorbell, wait, knock, wait, ring the doorbell and wait. Finally, she answers the door. I ask her if they have workers in the house and if it is their car, could they please move it? She then asks if she can talk to me and says her husband said I haven't said hello back to him a couple of times (which is not true) and they are nice people and they know there is "a list" of people that don't like them and she just wants to know what they've done to upset us. I explain that we don't dislike them, don't really know them but again don't dislike them. I tell her that with her husband's aggressive driving it is hard for me to be on the road with someone that drives like that when I have DS in the car and then get out and be overly friendly. She says it's a free road, etc and that we should have discussed this with them. I replied that he is going to drive how he is going to drive and as a neighbor you learn to pick your battles and it wasn't worth discussing as he knows he is cutting me off yet does nothing about it. To make a very very LONG story shorter, it goes back and forth for a few minutes. I end up telling her that it is not that we dislike them, we didn't appreciate the fence thing but it isn't a personal dislike but we also never see them and I didn't know what she wanted from us that she wasn't extending to us herself. She tells me that her husband travelled a lot this summer and she was pregnant so that was why the trimming couldn't be done around the fence. She tells me I was kurt when she answered the door and I explained that I assumed she was in the middle of something since it took her so long to answer and she replies that she's on bed rest. Um, how would I know that? I literally haven't seen her since September or October. She also never acknowledged that I was pg even though it's pretty obvious. So, finally I tell her that it is not that we dislike them, the other things weren't worth making a big deal about etc and that I'm sorry she's on bedrest - I am home a lot so if there's anything she needs, just let us know. She asks why I never responded to her email and I tell her that it is my work account (which I've never known how she got the address) and really can't track my personal emails on that account.
As I read through this it sounds like I was rude but really I wasn't! I just don't understand if she wants us to beat their door down to be friendly but they always have a good reason to not be nice, etc. They also never changed their tags to our state so they don't have to pay personal property tax, they extended their back fence into the common area I guess to get a bigger yard, etc. All of that I don't *care* about but I also am not going to try to be your best friends. Neighbors can co-exist without being buddies. So she comes over two minutes later to get back a tupperware that they sent food in back in May! So she's upset, I don't know if I'm mad or upset...Part of me thought I shouldn't say anything but I also didn't think it was nice to complain about his driving and the fence to my DH but not say anything directly to her.
As an interesting note, even though they think there is a "list" of neighbors that don't like them, they included every single one (including people they have literaly talked to for 10 minutes before) to their baby shower...
Please feel free to tell me I am totally out of line or tell me what I did was okay!!! I am now waiting for him to come over and want to rehash it with me because he is just that way...
We are in a fairly new neighborhood and everyone moved in around the same time as each other. From the moment we met our next door neighbors, we knew we would never be best friends with them but we place a lot of value on good neighbor relationships so we were very friendly, would stop to talk, etc. He is extremely overbearing and she is very apologetic (profusely apologizes for things that are not her fault). I don't think he is abusive, but he does have a strong personality and always talks over women in conversations. Our other neighbors had an early miscarriage and the husband told the other husband he knew "exactly" how he felt because they had been trying for a few months to get pregnant. Um, not the same thing...
So over the summer, there were three separate occasions he cut me off while driving on the road. Twice, it was within a few feet of our houses so he knew WHO he was cutting off. I am not a slow driver, but the posted speed limit is the typical residential and there are TONS of kids on our street. The third time it was a couple of miles away from our house and he really swerved in front of me and I had to hit my brakes. As we pulled in our neighborhood, he almost hit a deer and just kept on going. He probably pulled in his driveway a minute before me so why the excessive speed is necessary has never been understood by me.
Also over the summer, they asked us if we wanted to go in on a fence with them. We politely explained that at that point, we weren't interested but may do so in the future. They went ahead with the fence and to prevent us and the other neighbor from ever tying in to their fence, they moved it in two inches. We would have split the cost of our side with them if we ever did put up a fence but by moving it in, there would have to be two separate fences. The wife made some comment to me that we would get the benefit of the extra space and I replied that it was still their property, they would be responsible to maintain it, etc. Well, you guessed it, they have never trimmed around the fence and my husband had to start doing it because it really was making our yard look awful.
Over the summer, he worked a TON of hours and she became very reclusive. She has turned and walked away when other neighbors walk towards her on the bike path, etc. When we heard that they were expecting, we dropped off a small gift for them with a nice card. We knew we were expecting as well but didn't want to share with anyone at that point as it was early. I was very frustrated about the fence and driving but I figure he is who he is with his driving and the fence though annoying wasn't worth making a big deal about which we would have had to do since she avoided everyone and he was never around so we would have to go out of our way to bring it up. They also asked us once over the summer to walk their dog at the very last minute even though we've never spent any time with their dog.
One day, she sends me an email to my work email with a question even though she is right next door and my car is in the driveway. Work has been CRAZY and I totally forgot about the email.
So today, we get home and they are having some work done on their house and one of the workers is blocking a big part of our driveway. DH goes over to ask them to move. He rings the doorbell and knocks for a few minutes with no answer. I go over there then and ring the doorbell, wait, knock, wait, ring the doorbell and wait. Finally, she answers the door. I ask her if they have workers in the house and if it is their car, could they please move it? She then asks if she can talk to me and says her husband said I haven't said hello back to him a couple of times (which is not true) and they are nice people and they know there is "a list" of people that don't like them and she just wants to know what they've done to upset us. I explain that we don't dislike them, don't really know them but again don't dislike them. I tell her that with her husband's aggressive driving it is hard for me to be on the road with someone that drives like that when I have DS in the car and then get out and be overly friendly. She says it's a free road, etc and that we should have discussed this with them. I replied that he is going to drive how he is going to drive and as a neighbor you learn to pick your battles and it wasn't worth discussing as he knows he is cutting me off yet does nothing about it. To make a very very LONG story shorter, it goes back and forth for a few minutes. I end up telling her that it is not that we dislike them, we didn't appreciate the fence thing but it isn't a personal dislike but we also never see them and I didn't know what she wanted from us that she wasn't extending to us herself. She tells me that her husband travelled a lot this summer and she was pregnant so that was why the trimming couldn't be done around the fence. She tells me I was kurt when she answered the door and I explained that I assumed she was in the middle of something since it took her so long to answer and she replies that she's on bed rest. Um, how would I know that? I literally haven't seen her since September or October. She also never acknowledged that I was pg even though it's pretty obvious. So, finally I tell her that it is not that we dislike them, the other things weren't worth making a big deal about etc and that I'm sorry she's on bedrest - I am home a lot so if there's anything she needs, just let us know. She asks why I never responded to her email and I tell her that it is my work account (which I've never known how she got the address) and really can't track my personal emails on that account.
As I read through this it sounds like I was rude but really I wasn't! I just don't understand if she wants us to beat their door down to be friendly but they always have a good reason to not be nice, etc. They also never changed their tags to our state so they don't have to pay personal property tax, they extended their back fence into the common area I guess to get a bigger yard, etc. All of that I don't *care* about but I also am not going to try to be your best friends. Neighbors can co-exist without being buddies. So she comes over two minutes later to get back a tupperware that they sent food in back in May! So she's upset, I don't know if I'm mad or upset...Part of me thought I shouldn't say anything but I also didn't think it was nice to complain about his driving and the fence to my DH but not say anything directly to her.
As an interesting note, even though they think there is a "list" of neighbors that don't like them, they included every single one (including people they have literaly talked to for 10 minutes before) to their baby shower...
Please feel free to tell me I am totally out of line or tell me what I did was okay!!! I am now waiting for him to come over and want to rehash it with me because he is just that way...