Is this an unreasonable request for Baby #2? (MIL rant)-LONG

[mum1day]

This probably belongs in the Bitching post, but I want to ask here anyway.

I have some serious issues with my MIL, too many to even list, IYKWIM! I've started to notice a trend in the things she tells my 2yo DD when she comes to visit. Her thinking is very old fashioned and not in line with my parenting style and I get increasingly frustrated with her. I am continuously correcting the poison she's feeding my DD--to her face and once she's left.

Anyway...

I'm expecting #2 in early April and MIL lives 4 hours away. She thinks she's coming down as soon as the baby is born to take care of my 2 year old DD and my DH. I'm thinking this is completely ridiculous. My DH can take care of himself and my DD and I am thinking I will be perfectly able to continue to take care of things, as I do every single day. Is this a far reach? Do I need to let go of my "super-woman" complex and let someone help me? The kicker of this all, is that my parents live 20 minutes away. Does my MIL think that my parents are unable to assist me *if* I need assistance?

My big thing is that we, as a family, have some adjusting to do. My DD is going to need to get used to having a sibling and my DH and I are going to need to get used to having two and juggling things that come with having two children. I DO NOT want to spend my first few days at home stressing about my stupid MIL and what she's saying and giving to my DD when I'm not around to correct her. I am going for a stress free post-partum period and I think having her here, breathing down my neck about how you should never wake a sleeping baby to nurse, will send me in a downward spiral of PPD!

Am I being totally unreasonable about this? I know she has a "right" to see her grandchild, but when do my needs come first?

I just want to get some feedback from others with two children and other women who won't necessarily think I'm being unreasonable.

Thanks! I appreciate your honest feedback!

[kedss]

I don't think its unreasonable at all that you want some time to adjust to being a mom of two, stick to your guns and do what you need for your family and your peace of mind.

[starrynight]

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to not want her there and to have a few days alone to adjust to a new little person in the family.

Can you compromise and ask her to come when the baby is a week or so old? And with the understanding she will not stay too long?

[annasmom]

Natasha, frankly this is about you and your family and you have every right to spend the first weeks together. Tell her thank you but you want some alone time at first, that everything is taken care of, and you will let her know if you need any help. It is obvious that this woman is going to stress you out, and while I have no doubt that you and your dh can handle another baby, throwing her into the mix during that time might be too much!

Good luck!

[juliekost]

Hi!

We went through this with my MIL when our daughter was born. DH asked if it was possible for the inlaws to come 2 weeks after she was born. DH said we would be better adjusted and on a schedule and would really enjoy their visit if they came later. (When the inlaws come in all DH siblings use our house as home, coming and going at all hours--not how I want to enjoy the 1st week of a new baby in the house.)

MIL came 2 weeks later and ended up being a big help because we had already bonded as a family and were ready to get back to the real world. We all ended up enjoying the visit.


Julie

[redhookmom]

She most likely just wants to feel needed when she makes her visit. I would have dh tell her that you would like to recover from childbirth and bond with your baby as a family.

Plan a time for a short visit during the first couple of weeks and a longer one later on.

[HeatherW]

I don't have 2 children, but view my MIL as a form of birth control, seriously. It is well known in my family (and DH's) that I plan to move to my parent's beach vacation house for 2 months after my DC#2, if there is one. Alone, or with DH. After what happened in the hospital with DD, and for the next several months (well, past 2 years, really) I refuse to be that miserable again. I know i shouldn't let her or other IL family members bug me, but they do. We did not have children ONLY for you.

So, there, that's my take. Just helps knowing someone else is in my shoes.

I struggle EVERY day with feelings of being unreasonable when it comes to ILs...I plan to flag this thread for info on how to handle it.

Thanks

h