What's the deal with people deleting their entire posts?

[kath68]

I am not familiar with codes of behavior for boards like this, and I am interested in when people think it is appropriate to delete posts. I have seen this happen here more and more lately, and I am wondering what people's feelings on this are.

I can see why in a very select few circumstances (personally offending someone inadvertently or posting some personal info that you don't want on the internet, for example) when this would be appropriate. But honestly, deleting a post after the fact, or worse, when you are in the midst of a debate, seems really drastic, even manipulative. It certanily doesn't promote open discourse.

If a person misspeaks or needs to clarify, or needs to add something (or take something away), aren't there more appropriate ways to do it?

Thoughts?

[MarisaSF]

I'm not sure which post(s) you're referring to (haven't been around much), but I think I've seen this happen when people are proven wrong, but don't want to fess up that they're wrong. You like debate. See, me, not so much. I'd rather helpful and "right" posts stay on the board and those proven wrong (or whatever) go.

I'm sorry if you are feeling hurt, Kathy. Hugs!

ETA: I once saw something very mean posted and then deleted minutes later. I was glad to see it go, but still can't believe it was written in the first place.

[kath68]

That makes sense to me. I understand that not everyone wants debate, and heck, debate isn't even the purpose of the board. Sometimes debate helps clarify and inform. Sometimes it can get mean and detracts from the important stuff. I am with you. I don't like the mean posts. I really like the helpful posts.

I'm not feeling particularly hurt. Confused, more like it. I think the kind of deleting that really confuses me is when someone engages in debate and then decides to delete their posts. Do they want everyone else to delete their posts, too? I think I am looking for some honest understanding of why someone deletes, because it would never cross my mind.

[Marisa6826]

I think that it adds lots of confusion - both with Members and the Mods/Fields. More often than not, it ends up causing the remaining posts to be taken out of context. Which, as we all know, is a recipe for disaster.

I think that the only time it may be appropriate is if something is truly rude or mean, or if it happens to be in the wrong forum.

-m

[dr mom]

I am saying this without any specific posts or users in mind...not trying to single anyone out.

Often, when we hit upon a hot-button issue, it's easy to get whipped into a frenzy and post words in haste that probably would never have been spoken if 1) they had to be said out loud face-to-face and 2) the post had been written and then the writer thought about it for an hour or two before posting it. The BBB format allows a degree of anonymity that encourages people to say things here they probably wouldn't blurt out in real life.

I imagine many of us have posted words in anger or haste that we later wished we could take back. I have personally stuck my foot in my mouth more than once, and found myself backpedaling and trying to clarify or apologize.

I don't like to see entire posts deleted, I don't know that I can put my finger on why exactly, it just bothers me. Like the writer felt that they were being censored or couldn't share their opinion. And I may not agree with everyone's opinion, but I darn sure believe in the right to free speech. Obviously if something that is written could be hurtful or misinterpreted, the post ought to be edited or clarified - but I wouldn't delete an entire post.

Plus, if I'm being completely honest, it offends the voyeur in me to watch a thread build up to an intense debate and then find that an hour later, half the thread has been deleted or locked. I know, I know...I'm not proud...I guess that's the same impulse that keeps Jerry Springer's ratings up. ;)

[KBecks]

Have I missed some board drama? Maybe I haven't been reading the right posts.

I find that deleted posts don't happen very often. Sometimes the deletions are for duplicate posts.

As for debates, they don't happen as much as they used to, and I think that's generally a good thing. I think it's great for posters to make their points of view, but once they're out there... to go back and forth and back and forth, etc...... it just doesn't seem to accomplish anything. But, some folks have a difficult time disengaging, I suspect. It happens.

And one post I deleted once was something that I realized after posting would stir up lot of negative reaction/drama, and I realized I just didn't want to go there.

Lastly, people sometimes delete if the post has personal info, etc. and they have a change of heart about putting it out there in cyberspace.

That's the ramble...

[Rachels]

I don't tend to delete and I have sometimes felt exasperated when people do, but I don't see how we can possibly put forth rules about when that's okay. Posting isn't equivalent to signing in blood. If someone decides on reflection that she doesn't want what she's written to remain available to everybody in the world with an internet connection forever and ever, that's her prerogative.

-Rachel
Mama to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif
Nursed for three years!

and Ethan James
10/19/05
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bf.jpg


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya

[pritchettzoo]

Maybe we should post a poll and get everyone's opinions on this subject. ;)

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[tarahsolazy]

Well, I think if you don't like debate and drama, don't engage in them! Deleting entire posts just makes the threads really hard to understand for a person happening on them later. Maybe that doesn't matter, since these threads aren't usually too informative, more of a difference of personal opinion type thing. But I'm a big meanie.

[RwnMayfair]

What Tarah said!

Sorry, can't really say it much better than she did, myself. ;)

-Melissa

Taran, November 20, 2003
Elowen, August 20, 2005

http://lilypie.com/pic/060202/ib28.jpg http://b3.lilypie.com/11Vom5/.png
http://lilypie.com/pic/060202/383s.jpg http://b1.lilypie.com/4h2Km5/.png

[Saartje]

LOL, Anna.

[MarisaSF]

> I think I am looking for some honest understanding of why
>someone deletes, because it would never cross my mind.
I see what you're getting at. For sensitive info, I understand why one might want to share for a short time and not want it around forever. For clarification, I can see why you (generic you) would want to move things around or rephrase. But to post an opinion on a subject and then totally delete it, imo, means you don't have much faith in your opinion in the first place. So why post?

FWIW, I still don't know which post(s) we're (not) discussing. I don't see any thread titles off-hand that should warrant hurt feelings. Don't tell me it's about sippy cups or high chairs. :P Sounds like it was a debate and not a "fight" or "mean" or "drama" (can we stop using that word? ick). My earlier posts should have said that I don't like fights, but cordial debate can be educational.

>Do they want everyone else to delete their posts, too?
This is an interesting question. I'd love to know etiquette-wise. Who's got the book?

[kath68]

LOL!!

[Vajrastorm]

I suspect this is about me. :)

I deleted because I felt I had gone about trying to make my point poorly, and (more importantly) I felt like the debate over what I had said/meant was detracting from the OP's question. In short, I was making a mess in someone else's post and I felt it better to sweep the floor so to speak.

I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone, I was simply realizing I'd opened my mouth when I should have kept it shut. It wasn't my battle to fight, and in fact *I* was creating a battle when I had not meant to.

If it matters, I deleted after a poster took personal offense at something I said and took it out of context. I'm not blaming the other poster, but it was getting personal and that is when I realized I wasn't a helpful presence in that thread.

[MarisaSF]

Nice post, Andrie. Clap. Clap.

So, since you had one of the deleted posts, perhaps you wouldn't mind answering the etiquette question for going forward: "Are original responders to the deleted posts expected to go back and edit?" I will throw out the suggestion that if a response to a deleted post is offensive or hurtful or confusing, the deleter should contact the responder off-line. Or perhaps the deleter could post something like what you posted here?

[Vajrastorm]

Etiquette? I'm the wrong person to ask, it seems! I didn't even know it was bad etiquette to delete. I thought I was erring on the side of politeness by withdrawing from an inflammatory situation. I'm not doing too well today, am I? LOL.

I can't imagine expecting another poster to delete something because it offended me. I deleted my own post because it was unskillful, not because I'm mad at anyone. What other people do with their own posts is their business, as far as I'm concerned.

[mommyj_2]

Post deleted.

[mommyj_2]

Sorry. I couldn't resist.

[Jenn98]

hee hee. very funny! ;)

[kath68]

I love it!

[kath68]

Thank you for explaining. Your motivation makes sense to me.

[Saccade]

LOL!

To address the topic, I'll say that before I ever posted here, I lurked enough to see that some people went back and edited posts but seemed to be careful to note that they had done so. I figured I'd stick to the convention of adding any changes or corrections as a separate line with "ET" preceding it. That way people don't read something, come back, and find it changed and go "Huh? What happened?". I don't know if this is official etiquette or not; it's just what I decided to do based on observing other posters.

ET remove maniacal cursing <-- not really, just an example.

DS 7/05

Be bold in what you stand for and careful in what you fall for * If you
don't like the news, go make some * If you're not confused, you're not
paying attention * join the discussion at bbbprogs at yahoo dot com

[jennifer_r]

Very Clever!!! Wish I had thought of it!

Jennifer

Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
Bronwyn 11/9/05

[aliceinwonderland]

I do it all the time!! Because I let my mouth run with stuff that, upon second (or even first!) thought ended up being irrelevant or not at all useful to the poster.

Though I do not think I have ever deleted anything because I offended somebody, I generally mean what I say if I word it correctly---The one time I should have done that(edited/deleted), I went back and the thread was rightfully locked, so I never got a chance.

[aliceinwonderland]

LOL

Edited to clarify :)

[Dcclerk]

You almost had me ;) But to really give it authenticity, you needed to edit it so you got the snazzy little red date at the top. :)

ETA: I just wanted that snazzy little red date up there.

[boogiemom]

I'm not sure what you mean. Is that supposed to be a shot at me?

[tarabenet]

Tani, I can't speak for the person you are asking, but I didn't read it that way. Just a lighthearted "suggestion" I think, not a poke at anyone in particular.

[aliceinwonderland]

Well, if it *is* a shot at you (which I doubt, look at the times of your poll and Anna's post) maybe we can post another Poll "Take 2: If you have a problem with a poster..." :)


(sorry, I really cannot resist. I plan to come back and edit, though :))

[pritchettzoo]

I don't think so. I have no idea who you are.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[boogiemom]

Hi Benet-

I honestly wasn't sure how it was intended so just thought I'd ask. Thought maybe I was missing something and it wasn't considered appropriate to create a poll and get everyone's opinions.
I just like to know these things.

Thanks!

[boogiemom]

Okay. I was just wondering as I just posted a poll recently to get everyone's opinions on a subject. Is it considered a faux pas? Maybe I'm missing something. Honestly I enjoy hearing everyone's opinions and usually learn a little something too. I guess someone should let me know if it's not considered appropriate for some reason.

Thanks!

[boogiemom]

:P

ETA: Why aren't my smilies working right? Hmmmm.......

[kath68]

Personally, I like polls. I see nothing wrong with posting them, and they are particularly appropriate when you are interested in a sensitive topic. That way anonymity can be protected.

I don't think they are particularly accurate, because people may opt out for lots of reasons or interpret the questions in a different way than the poster intended. But they can be very interesting nonetheless.

I took the joke about polls to be a gentle suggestion that I was taking the issue of deleting posts a little too seriously. Fair 'nuff.

[boogiemom]

Thanks Kathy! I like polls too. I think sometimes people feel more open to being honest due to the anonymity of them. I know there are certain issues on which I would rather not disclose my true opinion as I've seen the backlash that can occur if it's in opposition to that of the majority.

I'm glad you posted about this because it is frustrating to come upon a thread late and have no idea why some responses seem to make no sense because they are in response to a deleted post. It was interesting to me to read some of the responses as to why people have deleted their posts. Honestly, it's just never occurred to me to do so.




P.S. I smile each and every time I read your signature!:)
We proudly have one of those households too!

[lmintzer]

I don't know if this has been mentioned, but sometimes I've seen people delete their posts when, upon reflection, they feel like what they had written was too personal to be on the internet. I can see this happening--you feel like you want to talk/write something out, you push the send button, and then later, you wonder if you want it out there.

It would be easy to delete the post without confusing anyone--just say "post deleted--material felt too personal" or something of the like.

ETA: I must be tired or not reading carefully enough. The OP had this in parantheses as one "good" reason to delete. Sorry to be redundant. I won't delete, though. : )

[tarabenet]

Lisa, bravo! That is the way it should be done! Thank you.

[tarabenet]

You really didn't mean it the way it sounds, right?

Benet

[pritchettzoo]

Huh?

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I was just making a joke Kathy; no suggestions to you here. It's the Lounge. You can post anything in the Lounge! Sex, dental floss, what to get your dog for Easter... I always think it's funny when someone says "OT--" before the post. Everything is off topic! That's life! :)

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)