How did you decide on guardian for DC?

[firstbaby]

I'm uncomfortable / embarrassed to share that we do not have a guardian in place for DS if something should happen to us. It is not that we have not thought about it or discussed it at length. Rather, it is a source of constant disagreement. DH feels extremely strong about it being someone in the family. We both agree that I do not have a sibling that is an appropriate choice - I have two single younger siblings and one younger married sibling who is overwhelmed with his own children. OTOH, he has a brother that he is very close to but we are both very uncomfortable with the brother's wife as a guardian - she is very manipulative and has very poor judgement. We have a married couple that is a friend of both of ours who have fantastic parenting skills, have the morals / ethics as ours and financially are responsible. But, because they are not family, DH will not consider them.

Now, w/ DC #2 on the way, I am totally freaking out about our situation. Have any of you faced struggles in deciding on a guardian? How did you resolve your differences?

[jhaud]

i'm in similar situation. except we're ttc, not expecting #2. i want it to be my brother, but he won't agree. dh will take it as a slight if we do not choose his brother. he gets annoyed that my family spends more time with dd... because they come to us (we live 5-6 from his family and 14 hours from mine) he always feels slighted if i send pictures (snapshots) to my family and not his (he knows where the mailbox is)... he is always trying to defend (pretty up) his family. mine are more dependable, more stable, more financially secure, and do not hold grudges. i fear that his family would find some reason to be mad at mine and not be willing to accomodate visits, etc.

anyways, sorry to ramble. i understand your dilemma, but we haven't resolved ours. i say go with the friends. also look at cousins, if it he wants it to be family. (i know my guardians would have been my mom's cousin)

good luck

[MommyAllison]

DH and I have also discussed, but not come to a conclusion about a guardian. Our problem is that we don't have anyone other than our parents to seriously consider! All of our siblings are still very much single, and DH wants younger guardians than our parents - plus, I would pick my parents while DH (though he admits they are the best option) would prefer stricter guardians. I am very interested to watch this thread for who/how others have chosen.

Allison
http://b1.lilypie.com/XvRAm8/.png (http://lilypie.com)

[Babywhite]

I almost fell in the floor when I saw this message!!

I need to bring up this topic AGAIN to my DH, but it always creates problems!! I want some close friends of ours, and he wants family. (I feel our parents are too old/poor health, and his sister has 3 kids of her own. I have no siblings.) I live in fear everyday that we haven't made this decision -- and put it on paper!

Thanks for posting this...while I didn't help you at all -- you have helped me by letting me know that I'm not alone with this problem! :)

R.W.

[kelly ann]

We don't have any papers drawn up, but right now it would be my parents. At first it was to be my SIL, but I have some doubts about her husband. Ever since DS was born, it was to be my SIL, but over the last couple of years I have seen some odd parenting decisions and dynamics in their family that I just can't agree with. I thought DH would fight me on this, but he totally agreed with it after laying out my reservations about his BIL. I think the final straw was when the BIL let his parents move in and take over a bedroom each (one for each parent). Now the children (8 and 10) share a room with BIL & SIL. Isn't that odd? Where the heck would our children sleep???

Thus, we have decided on my parents...at least for the next few years. If something happens health-wise in the next few years to them, then we may look toward the godmother/cousin who is currently in grad school.

Just remember that you can always shift the guardian around as the years go by. The needs of your children change as they get older and some people get more capable or less capable of being a good guardian.

Good luck with your decision.