Why is everything suddenly such a struggle?

[linsei]

I just got back from a trip to the store and I'm totally exhausted from fighting with ds about everything. He absolutely refused to get into the carseat. He has been doing this practically everytime recently. It took me 20 minutes to get him in the carseat last night, which I'm embarrassed to say, ended with my dad coming out to put him in the carseat (which he willingly got in for him !?!). Ds is way stronger than I am, so if he doesn't do it willingly and on his own, I am out of luck.

Also, when we got home from the store today, we played outside for a while. Our dog wanted water, so I had to go inside to get it... all while hauling a flailing, but at the same time, limp baby (how in the heck do they do both at the same time?)

Linda

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[s_gosney]

Welcome to the world of toddlers! It can be SO frustrating, I know. There are lots of good mommies here who will hopefully have other suggestions, but I wanted to throw out my two cents. Since toddlers are working so hard at being independent, it's easy for things to turn into a power struggle. What works for us:
1. Give her choices whenever possible. Okay, so it's not negotiable that dc has to sit in the car seat while we go do x, but I can let her choose which CD we listen to, or if we buckle the top buckle first or the bottom buckles first. I find that if she has some power in some parts of the decisions, she's a lot more willing to go along with the things that have to be done.
2. Make a game out of it. Sure you might feel silly at first, but I've found that this really works wonders. I've seen many a momma drag a flailing child from the park to the car when it's time go home, and I've done it a few times myself. I've discovered though that she willingly go if we race to the car (stop before the parking area, obviously)
3. Give warnings before transitions. If you know you've got to go get in the car in ten minutes, tell DS "we're about to go ... it's going to be so much fun. You'll get to sit in your seat and we can sing [or whatever]"

If you do some searches for discipline in the lounge, you'll find lots of good threads full of good ideas.
HTH some!

[tiapam]

The same thing happened to me today. She also bucks when I want to put her back in the stroller. For the carseat, a small bribe often works - a cookie or cracker. I learned this from my sister. :)

Also, my friend offered to try putting her in the stroller for me and she also went willingly. I think I am just going to ask for help (even from strangers!) for the stroller.

I felt like I wrestled a bear all day!

-Pam

DD - One year old!

[linsei]

I felt like I wrestled a bear all day!

Exactly how I feel! :)


Linda

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[hez]

It got better, I swear! It was a VERY frustrating time when Payton was trying to gain a little control over his world, and I'm amazed we made through at all... Are you looking for advice or just a shoulder (I can do either :))?

(((hugs)))

[hez]

OK-- just read this post in detail, and these are all the things that worked with Payton, too!

[s_gosney]

Doh! Until I read this post I didn't even notice that you didn't ask for advice. My bad. Feel free to ignore my unsolicited advice if you'd like. :) Either way, big hugs to you momma. Some days (some weeks for that matter) are just plain hard!

[dhano923]

I think all kids do this at that age! Mini M&Ms worked wonders for us -- I'd offer him M&Ms and give him 5 mini ones and that would be enough of a bribe to get him to sit in the seat.

[linsei]

I really didn't mind the advice - thanks! I have been trying to provide small choices, but most of the time he just looks up and laughs and continues to play with the buttons on the center console instead of climbing into the seat. I guess none of my options are as fun as pushing buttons. (I wonder if he realizes he's actually pushing *my* buttons? LOL)

Linda

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[linsei]

Good to know that it gets better (and that it's not just us!). I see other kids getting into their carseats without the big production we've been having lately, and it makes me a tad bit envious!

Thanks for the reassurance, shoulder and hugs! I needed all that. :)

Linda

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[linsei]

Funny you mention that, because I did eventually resort to bribery (and felt guilty about it). And what do you do if you already used up all the snacks to keep him busy in the store ;) ?

Linda

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[californiagirl]

For going places, we're big on animal walking. As in:
Me: Three more, and we need to go.
DD: No!
Me: One. Two. Three. We're going now. Do you want to walk or ride?
DD: No walk. No ride.
Me: OK, we're walking. Would you like to walk like an elephant or hop like a bunny?
DD: Hop like bunny!

And off we hop. It's not the most dignified way to get someplace, but she's usually content with a couple hops, and it's more dignified than carrying a howling toddler anyway.

Note that to DH's amazement, you can do 3 or 10 "more" of something she wasn't doing to start with, too. Like if she's playing with trains, you can roll a train down a hill 3 "more" times even if she was just kind of rolling them along going "tacata tacata" before, which doesn't lend itself to counting.

[marit]

We had the exact same thing happen with Maya when we came back from our vacation in Canada. She was 1 year and 8 months at the time. She refused to go into her carseat for about a month after we came back. We just spent so much time in the car during our vacation that she was really sick of it, kwim?

Going into a fight just made it worse, I couldn't win. The only times I did get her in the car was using a decoy. Making her busy thinking about something else, like singing or playing something.

It is just a phase. Take a deep breath and brace yourself x(

[denna]

Hello-

I must agree completely w/ Sherri. I personally am not the mom of a toddler (yet) but I just finished working at a day care center and I have neices and nephews (I know not quite the same). However at the day care center I worked w/ 12-24 mos. and we (myself+1 caregiver) had 10, yes TEN toddlers.
Of course they threw 'fits' and each had their days but...we did what Sherri was talking about, gave them decisions. And it really helps.

Good Luck, I know its hard you are not alone.

Take Care
Denna

[dhano923]

I usually tell him "if you're good, Mommy will give you some M&MS when we get to the car". It works most of the time. Sometimes he starts fussing again after a while so I'll give him a couple. I always have a tube of the mini M&Ms with me (in my purse or in the diaper bag) so I'll hand them to him one by one. It spreads them out and he doesn't eat as many. :)

[betsydenny]

That is COMPLETELY how DH and I feel at the end of this weekend! He just told me he is so excited to go back to work tomorrow bc he is so exhausted! Well at least for this moment, he knows how I feel at the end of EVERY day!

our charming not so little 18 month old has become a full fledged terrible two boy! Well, I am just going to hope that since the terrible twos started early, maybe they will end early.

So nice to hear that others are going through this as well. Somehow it sometimes feels so lonely when struggling with our kids!

Cheers!
Betsy