Should I switch pediatricians? (Really, really long.)

[sarahsthreads]

OK, here's the necessary backstory. Carrie had a cold two weeks ago that ended around last Wednesday. On Sunday, she started having a lot of drainage and coughing again. Last night she seemed a lot worse even though we were running a humidifier and I had put some baby Vicks on her chest, and when I took her temperature it was a little over 100. So I gave her Tylenol, and she slept pretty well for about 2 1/2 hours but then woke up screaming. I struggled for the next hour and a half trying to get her back to sleep and finally ended up giving her infant Motrin. She spent the next half hour in my bed because I really just had to be horizontal at that point even if I wasn't sleeping, and every time she laid down she started screaming, but was fine sitting up. Eventually the Motrin seemed to kick in and she wanted to play so I put her down, awake, in her crib and she fell asleep within minutes and slept until 9:30.

As soon as she woke up I checked her temperature, and since it was still hovering around 100 I called the nurses line at the pediatrician's office. The nurse said that I should definitely bring Carrie in to have her ears checked. The only available appointments were not with our regular doctor, so I just picked the earliest time slot and brought her in.

The nurse took Carrie's temperature and it was normal. Then we proceeded to wait in the exam room for over a half hour, and when the doctor came in he hardly said a word to me or to Carrie, and just started listening to her chest - which totally freaked Carrie out and I had to explain to her what he was doing before she would calm down. Then he looked in her ears, pronounced them perfectly normal, and said "Well, I would say last night was just a behavioral issue. She was just ringing your bell." Riiight. OK. This is the child who goes to sleep on her own, sleeps 11-12 hours straight, and plays happily in her crib for up to 45 minutes in the morning until I go in and get her. Plus, she's slept through this cold for several nights now, and while it hasn't been all unbroken nights of sleep, we haven't had a 90 minute scream-fest either. And I guess she held that thermometer up to a light bulb when I wasn't looking so it would be higher than normal? That's a behavioral issue we should definitely look into...

Then he proceeds to lecture me about giving her Tylenol and Motrin at the same time - though if he had listened he would have heard me say that it was 4 hours apart, and that I always try the Tylenol first for fevers because I'm more comfortable with it. The he suggested that we not even bother with Tylenol because Motrin works better and longer. And the total amount of time he spent in that room with us? Less than three minutes. In fact, he was walking out the door before I could even ask him if there was something I could do for Carrie's cough besides the humidifier since it is preventing her from napping well. (Oh, and as he walked out of the room he said, "She's a really busy baby. Good luck with that." Like it's a *bad* thing that my child is curious about the world she live in?)

I've had reservations about our regular doctor at this office as well, as he dispenses very old-fashioned advice about nursing, feeding and discipline, but so far I've generally just taken everything he said with a grain of salt and done my own research instead. I kind of figured it was my fault for not knowing what questions to ask when we interviewed doctors in the first place. And I do love the nurses there, they are very sweet and good with Carrie. But I just feel like I can't bring Carrie in for a sick-baby appointment without getting this attitude that I'm wasting their time - an appointment that their nurse suggested I make. This isn't the first time I've brought her in and gotten that attitude, but it's definitely the worst time.

If you've made it this far, am I just overreacting? Are all pediatrician's offices like this? I don't even know where to begin to look if we do switch, because most people I know bring their kids to this place and have no issues with them - which is why I'm feeling like I might be overreacting. Please reassure me that a) I did the right thing to bring her in and b) the doctor's attitude was way over the top!

Sarah

[brittone2]

I'd switch if you can find someone better. IMO there are lots of docs like this out there, but there are also lots of good docs. It is your money, your insurance, and they work for YOU, so being treated in such a fashion is just not acceptable. I don't think you are overreacting at all...I would have been livid. Those comments are condescending and downright rude.

There is a certain amount of "agree to disagree" I'm willing to accept with healthcare providers, but since you don't agree with a lot of the fundamental advice your regular ped gives, and you also dislike this other doc, that's certainly IMO more than enough reason to switch. The decision would be trickier if you loved your regular ped but disliked some of the others in the practice.

I also think failing to *LISTEN* to a parent means a ped is not getting the full picture of what is going on. *You* know your child. I ran into a situation w/ our first ped when DS got a horrific rash from switching shampoos at 2-3 months of age. I told her what had happened, and she insisted up and down that it was eczema, and just coincidental timing. The rash cleared up (I had obviously stopped the shampoo immediately when it happened) within a few days, and Logan has barely had so much as a diaper rash in the following 2 years. It wasn't so much that it was a matter of life or death over the cause of the rash, but the ped's attitude that she knew, and I didn't, in a very condescending fashion, was part of the reason we switched peds. I had eo explain to the new ped, and then our new ped once we moved out of state mulitple times that DS does NOT have eczema as it is in his chart now. Sigh.

Who knows what they could miss that is truly of importance if they aren't trusting you as a parent and listening to what you are saying? Rushing out the door before you can get your questions answered isn't appropriate, and those little negative comments about your kiddo being "busy" aren't appropriate either. (I know as moms we tend to be very very sensitive to such things, but at the same time, your doc doesn't need to say anything like that, especially unsolicited from you).

Start hunting for a doc and interviewing now before you *need* a new one. That will give you time to gauge if there is anyone better in the area before you jump ship. It is your money, your child, and I think you have every right to be irritated.

[nd93]

Yes you were right to bring her in. Yes you are right to feel so uncomfortable with this office. Go with your mommy gut and find a practice you like. Oftentimes they will do "meet the doctor" interviews for free, so start visiting and asking questions. Good luck, and I hope your DD feels better soon.

[jamsmu]

Sounds like you already know what you want to do. But I'd really research it. Ask EVERYONE you know about their pediatrician. And figure out what you would like in a ped. Then schedule a consultation.

Some things you may (or may not) want to look for and things to think about whether or not you want:

-easy to talk to/bedside manner
-how does the doctor interact with the child vs the parent
-someone who talks about more than health (like behavioral issues)
-what the ped does during a well visit (is it just a medical check or social, etc.)
-hours
-affiliated with which hospital
-sick hours
-after hours call (who will you talk to? how long will it take to get in touch with a doctor--do you call the ped directly or is there a middle man?)
-sick line--how long till the avg. call back?
-typical wait for a visit
-sick/well rooms at office
-number of doctors at office (Our former had a lot and I thought that was really important. Our new office has only 3 and I'm so much happier now.)
-guidelines they follow (for immunizations, bfing, etc.)

There'are so many more... One of my doctors told me that its hard to really get a feel until you are a patient, but I found that in asking this type of question to other parents I found what I was really looking for.

Good luck!

[annasmom]

Ugh, what a jerk. No, not all pediatricians are like that, not at all. I posted recently about my own ped woes, so I know where you are coming from. I would definitely look around. A good pediatrician is worth her/his weight in gold. Good luck!!

Also, how old is your baby? I had a night with Kieran like this recently, or maybe 1-2 months ago. I was up all night with him. I was certain it was an ear infection, but his ears were fine when we went to the ped the next day. I guess it was just teething because he was fine the next night. I have brought Anna into the doctor's before though and she was fine one day and had a raging ear infection the next day. If Carrie is still cranky tonight, I would bring her back to the pediatrician tomorrow. You definitely did the right thing by bringing her into the pediatrician today, he was just a big jerk.

[annasmom]

DP!

[KBecks]

Complain and start getting recommendations for a new pedi.

I might even refuse to pay for that kind of service.

Good luck!

[SweetTooth]

Hi Sarah,
I'm sorry you had such a negative experience. I think you were totally right in bringing your DD in & that the doctor was inappropriate. I'll share my pediatrician experience. We started with a wonderful, highly recommended pediatrician that was about a 40-min drive from our home. She was wonderful & so was most of the staff, but I questioned having to drive that distance for what seemed like frequent well child checks and particularly when DS wasn't feeling well. So I found another very highly recommended pediatrician that was about 10 mins from our house. He was obviously skilled & highly intelligent, but his bedside manner was lacking, particularly with DS. It took a lot to get in to see him as he was not accepting new patients, but we ended up going back to our original pediatrician. She is not only skilled & knowledgable, but has a wonderful interaction style & although very busy, listens to all my questions & concerns. That was especially important for me, being a first-time mom. She is also very sweet with DS. I think the relationship with your pediatician is such an important one and I really appreciate physicians that take a team approach with the philosophy that although they have the medical knowledge, you know your child the best.

I know you said that most people you know go to that practice. Could you keep asking around to see who else might be an option? Are you willing to consider doctors that are a bit further distance? Are you open to family medicine doctors? Could you call the local hospital and ask them for a list of pediatricians in your area? Just some ideas.
HTH,

[starrynight]

I would switch, I saw a doc like that *once* and only once. I complained and found out I wasn't the only one to complain. He was a jerk with a god complex.

No not all ped offices are like that, I have had wonderful experiences with other docs and even good with a few others. (we move often so switch docs often)

[sarahsthreads]

Julie,

Thanks for this list, it's a great place to start to figure out what we want! If we do switch I want it to be to the doc I would have picked in the first place if I had known what to ask back then.

Sarah :)

[sarahsthreads]

Going by how easily she went to bed tonight, I'm going to guess last night was a combination of having awful congestion and teething pain on top of it. Then again, midnight hasn't struck yet...hopefully I'm not jinxing myself!

Sarah :)

[jayali]

Sarah,

Obviously you have gotten enough sound advice. I just wanted to give you another thing to think about to really solidify the decision to look for a new ped. God forbid that your DC was ever really sick - like in the hospital. You really, really, really need to be on the same page especially in those those instances. I recently had an experience where DS was in the ER - brought in by his Godmother, who was babysitting, via ambulance. Anyway at 2:00am when the ER doctor told us he had been speaking to our ped on the phone the whole time and consulting with her I immediately felt better. I felt like I had a relationship with this woman and we were working together and on the same page, even though I wasn't the one speaking to her. She followed up with us at home the next day (Sunday) and saw him first thing in her office that Monday. I only share this because if you are ever (like I said god forbid) in that situation you really do appreciate a good relationship with your ped.

When looking for a new one I would tell people what puts you off about this office and what you like. This way you can get people to tell you the good and the bad about their experiences.

I wish you luck and hope that you find what you are looking for.

[sarahsthreads]

Thanks for all the support. I know I really need to find someone I'm more comfortable with, it's just hard. I'm not thrilled with most of the advice our pediatrician gives out, but he is very sweet with Carrie and he did see her from the day (well, the day after) she was born. So I suppose there's a little sentimental thing going on there. Plus I almost feel like it's unfair to him to switch practices just because one of his coworkers was an awful jerk.

But I know Carrie's health and well-being comes first, and if this guy was even remotely representative of the other doctors in the practice... I was just livid with how he didn't talk to her at all, like at nearly 16 months she's incapable of understanding if he tells her what he's going to do to her? She knows where her chest and her ears and her mouth are, and given a bit of explanation probably wouldn't have struggled away from him while he examined her.

I did stop one of the kids' moms after rehearsal tonight (I work as an accompanist occasionally) to ask her where she took her three little girls since I know they live in my area. She couldn't say enough good things about their doctor - I mean, she literally stood there for 10 minutes and recounted every wonderful thing the doctor had ever done for each of her girls. I can't really say anything good about our doctor except that he seems competent enough. I just looked at this other practice's website and they even have regular Saturday and evening hours, as well as well/sick waiting rooms and women doctors (our practice is all men except for one doctor who joined just recently). I think I'll schedule a consultation with them as soon as possible. No harm in looking, right?

Sarah :)

[Saartje]

If you have to ask if you should find a new pediatrician, IMO the answer is always yes. Not comfortable talking to your ped? Find one you're comfortable with. Ped gives bad advice, and you don't feel you could trust this doc with your child's health in an emergency (when you don't have time to do your own research)? Find one you trust. Don't have a choice about who to see on sick-baby visits and get one who doesn't talk to the child and spends 3 minutes in the exam room, blowing off your concerns and making disparaging remarks about your child? Unless you truly loved your ped and were willing to do what it took to make sure you never saw that particular partner again, find a new pediatrician.

You need to be able to trust your pediatrician with your child's health. That includes taking you seriously when you're concerned about something to do with your child and keeping up to date on what's recommended now. If someone can't manage that on a non-emergency basis, how would they manage it if something were seriously wrong?

[first_baby_for_me]

I will echo what's already been said...absolutely! I am actually really appalled at the treatment you received (and the nasty comments).

We love DD's ped office and would be lost without them. It's a practice of five docs and we've seen two of them in addition to DD's regular doctor. They've returned our emergency calls in the middle of the night and squeezed her in for last minute sick-baby appointments. All with a pleasant, reassuring attitude, a listening ear and kind words.

When I was in my last trimester, I asked my OB for a ped referral list. He specifically pointed to one name on the list and told me that was his DD's doctor. My husband and I believe in the "go to the doctors that the doctors go to" theory and it worked like a charm.

So that's my advice - in addition to asking other moms, ask your OB. (And ask your other doctors who cares for their kids.)

Best of luck!

[bcky2]

exactly my thoughts but you voiced them so much better then i would have :)

[cmdunn1972]

I'd think about switching, not so much because of this one experience alone, but because this experience represents a pattern of behavior that doesn't seem quite right and obviously makes you uncomfortable. I would probably complain first and see if the pattern continues. If I don't get resolution, then I would start interviewing peds at other offices and switch if I liked that office better.

[KBecks]

So glad to hear you got an enthusiastic recommendation. We have a great pedi office, and I keep hearing great things about the practice from other moms too, so you may have a great lead to check out.

See if you can cross-check with any other moms you know.

[KBecks]

My OB is very profesional / neutral and wouldn't give any bias towards which pedis he prefers.

However, I talked to the nurse who led my new parents class and she was very vocal about who on our side of town is good to work with. She knew lots of docs and gave favorable reviews of several.

Also, I was meeting with the nurse practicioner at my OB's office and she seemed knowledgeable about the pedis as well, she immediately recognized our pedi when we were talking about who would see the new baby. She also let me know that my very neutral OB does like working with one of the hospitals I've been considering, so that was a big bonus.

So, if your doc is neutral or feels it's a conflict of interest to make recommendations, try to ask one of the nurses if you get a chance. I've found them to be open and enthusiastic about making suggestions.