Is this normal toddler behavior or should my mama radar go up?

[firstbaby]

The last month or so, DS, who is 2, has been very uncooperative with diaper changes - especially with #2 (sorry if TMI). He will deny he has it even when it is very obvious and will not only run around the house to delay being changed but will also fight the entire time we change him. He used to go get his own diaper, lay down for us, etc and it was not this kind of experience. We've tried distracting him with toys he likes to get him to cooperate all to no avail.

This next part is very unsettling to me but I have to add it to give a total picture. This morning we were getting ready to walk out the door and I noticed he had gone #2. When I finally got him (he ran away) he started crying and he kept saying "no" and "promise, mommy, promise". Now, promise is a new word for us and we've been using it lighly around the house - "Okay, after dinner you can ride you're bike - Mommy promises". But this really unsettled me. When I think he has gone #2 and I'm wrong I will ask to check him and he will happily come over and let me check him. But, when he has #2 and I ask to check him is when he starts running.

He goes to a babysitter's 2 days a week and we've often wondered how often he really gets changed there and sometimes his bottom is a little red at night after he's been there like maybe they were a little delayed in changing his diaper. But, he is always very happy to go there and not once in 1 1/2 years has he ever been upset when I've left him there.

Is this normal toddler behavior or something I should be concerned about?

[denna]

...

[amp]

My DS, who doesn't go to daycare and who has been watched only a handful of times, ever, by anyone other than me or DH, sometimes denies he's pooped too. He doesn't want to take time out to change the diaper. And he knows with poop there's no delaying it, like there might if he was just a bit wet. And sometimes he reverts to crying or a tantrum also. I think, at least in our case, that it's just a little toddler independence asserting itself.

[jesseandgrace]

What you described sounds very normal, but only you were there, so you need to use your instincts. In my experience very active toddlers HATE changing poop because they are stopped from moving, basically held down, and cleaned for what must seem like a long time to them. Using the word promise just shows cleverness, he's not lying. He doesn't have the maturity to lie. He is just coming up with what he thinks is the best way to get you to not change him. I think maybe just telling him something like "we don't say we promise we don't have poop if we really have poop" will help him to understand. I started changing dd standing up every time once she turned 2, and on a rare occasion I will offer some incentive like a TV show during the change or something. The stand up position really helped, and I think it will be even easier on a boy. Once they get to the 2s they come up with tons of behavior that we wouldn't tollerate with older kids or adults, but it is normal for them to be going through.

[firstbaby]

I wasn't concerned at all about if he was being honest or not. I was concerned about him feeling scared to have his diaper changed. Sorry if I didn't explain that well in my original post! Thanks for the suggestion about changing him while he's standing. With #2 it might be a little tricky but if it makes him more comfortable I will try it!

[smallestangel]

I understand what you're saying. You're wondering if something is going on at the sitter's. Like, he was being hurt so he was afraid of having his diaper changed. Right?

Well, my son COMPLETELY FREAKS OUT when we change his diaper. Really, you'd think he was scarred for life the way he screams, cries, and looks. The only other person who has ever watched Jacob besided me and DH is my mom. He's just a toddler, like the pp have said. We're pt'ing now but there are still diaper changes. I've found switching to pull ups have helped since he can stand. When we have to lay him down, we just try to make it as quick as possible and distract him the best we can. Often if his #2 is more solid, (I peek in the back before I start) I'll go on one knee and let him sort of hang over my leg and wipe him that way.

I'd say it's totally normal, but listen to yourself. Even if I didn't think anything inappropriate was going on I'd still ask how often he gets changed. They may need to step it up if his botton is getting red.

Amanda

[BillK]

I dunno - our #2 diaper changes are a challenge also and it's only been me, my wife or my mother in law changing him - so the fussing seems to be a common thread. The "promise" thing would freak me out just a 'lil bit though and may be worth investigating further like the PP said.

[KrisM]

Sounds pretty normal to me. DS is 22 months and isn't in daycare and often tells me he hasn't had a BM when he has. He even says no as I am cleaning him up.

What helps to get him to co-operate is to ask where he wants his diaper changed, let him pick the diaper (we do cloth, so more options), and he really enjoys saying bye-bye to the mess when we flush it down the toilet. Maybe you can get him more involved so it's not being "done to him"?

[kath68]

>What helps to get him to co-operate is to ask where he wants
>his diaper changed, let him pick the diaper (we do cloth, so
>more options), and he really enjoys saying bye-bye to the mess
>when we flush it down the toilet. Maybe you can get him more
>involved so it's not being "done to him"?

This has helped us a lot, too. Charlie hates to get changed, but now he is a little more compliant with #2 diapers because he gets to put "poopies in the potty". He can hardly wait to watch the poop get flushed. But he really hates being forcibly being taken away from whatever it is he is doing just for a diaper change.

To OP: I wouldn't worry about it. I think these things go in phases; next week your DS might decide that he likes getting a clean diaper. It is just a sign that his understanding about how his world works is getting more complex.

[o_mom]

Totally normal - they are just figuring out that they have control of some things in their life, and stopping to be held down and changed is putting them back out of control. He knows that if he pooped, he is going to have to stop and get changed, so by denying is he is just trying to avoid it. They also have no concept that it will take less time if they just cooperate. :-)

My latest tactic is to give DS1 the diaper and ask him where he wants to be changed. This usually results in a tour of the downstairs before he settle on a spot (usually the dog's bed?). If he seems to be taking too long, I tell him I will count to five. I start counting and that usually motivates him to pick a spot. If I get to five, we stop wherever we are and do it there.

[JacksMommy]

I'm trained in this area and this is not sending any warning signals to me. Language doesn't have the same meaning to him as it would to an older child so even though I can see having mommy radar go up with the use of the word "promise," it sounds like a normal use of it given that it's a word you have used at home. He is not showing other signs of mistreatment (not wanting to go to the sitter, not wanting to be touched in that area ever, etc) so I don't think there is much to be concerned about.

If you are concerned about the number of times he is changed at the sitter's, I'd definitely bring it up with them.

HTH,
Laurel
WOHM to Jack, 6/4/02
Baby Madeline 12/14/04

[dhano923]

My DS is 28 months old and he hates to have his diaper changed when he goes #2. When we realize he is grunting or starting to smell, we'll tell him "let's go upstairs, it's time to change your diaper" and he'll run to the other side of the room and say "no up, no diaper". I usually have to carry him up the stairs.

We do use the pull up type of diapers because I've found they are easier. He started wearing them when he was about 23 months old and they work well for us. We call them his "underwear". So sometimes we tell him he has poopoo in his underwear and we can to go get clean underwear. That works for us sometimes because we tell him big boys wear clean underwear (we are beginning to potty train him too).

Re: the redness on his bottom, my DS tends to get red after eating acidic foods. If he goes #2 a few hours after eating tomatoes, oranges, drinking lemonade, etc he has a red bottom, but diaper rash cream clears it up. His ped said some kids have more acidic poop than others and it gets worse depending on what they eat.

(Edited to correct DS's age)

[jesseandgrace]

As for the stand up change, it is easier than it sounds. Just get them to hold onto something, like a chair and go from there. You can put a diaper pad under them too.

[o_mom]

>My DS is 2 months old and he hates to have his diaper changed
^^^^^^^^^^^^

>when he goes #2. When we realize he is grunting or starting to
>smell, we'll tell him "let's go upstairs, it's time to change
>your diaper" and he'll run to the other side of the room and
>say "no up, no diaper". I usually have to carry him up the
>stairs.
>

Just laughing at the mental image of a 2 month old running across the room ! LOL! :-)

[dhano923]

oops meant to say 28 month old! I didn't even catch that -- I'll edit my OP. :)