Struggling to get toddler dressed

[KBecks]

Dressing Alek is becoming more of a fight. Sometimes he is OK, but sometimes it's WWIII. I don't like forcing him to put on pants and shoes, but sometimes I have to, like today when I needed to go to a doctor appointment.

It is very diffuclt for me to have to grab the squirming, crying guy and try and re-try, and re-try to get the legs in the pants and the shoes on the feet (shirts and socks are going OK, thank goodness). The coat is another battle.

I feel bad when doing it. I'm losing patience and almost want to yell, although that will accomplish nothing. I also try to be firm but gentle, but it sometimes takes real force to accomplish the task, and frankly if I were more forceful, I might get done faster.

Any suggestions or empathy? I try to tell him that we are putting the pants and coat and shoes on, and he understands because he tries to get away! Maybe I should give a reward or more positive feedback for getting dressed? Is this a phase?

ETA: What's even more frustrating is that DH thinks it's my fault that DS struggles because I haven't been more forceful with him. Aaaaragh! Even if I'm a little responsible for this, I don't want it handed back at me! *blech*

[JBaxter]

EMPATHY -- I get Nathan dressed and he undresses while Im dressing. The only way I can get him to stay dressed is to promise to go bye byes. Most days if you come to our house you see a naked toddler.

[linsei]

You can get lots of empathy from me :) Ds does the same thing. Last Friday, we missed a play date because he wanted to put his pants on by himself and screamed when I tried to help in the most insignificant of ways, such as trying to guide his legs into the proper openings while he put them on. 45 minutes later, he gave up and let me put them on.

We also have similar battles with diaper changes, putting on the coat, and getting into the carseat (see my post from a few days ago). I try to make these tasks into a game - sometimes it works, and often it backfires miserably. It totally wears me out.

I really hope that it's a short phase. I could really use a little more cooperation sometimes.

Linda

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[crl]

Ummm, my 2 1/2 year old is sleeping in his t-shirt from today and his diaper (this is the first time I've actually failed to get pjs on him--except for traveling/illness).

He hit and kicked me for the diaper change and I put him in time out. When his time out was over I said, "come get ready for bed." He said "no." I said, "no Mary" (Mary Had a Little Lamb is his usual bedtime song.) and walked away.

So I don't think I'm in any position to give advice on this topic. If you figure it out, please share!

[MarisaSF]

-Count to ten. This works for us for carseats and diaper changes. It seems to hypnotize DD and she settles by four. I slow down or speed up to always end at 10.

-Rewards. Stickers? Promise to go outdoors or do other things DC likes.

-DD is really into doing things herself. She'll grap the shirt and twist it around and say "self! self!" and not let me help her. It works sometimes for me to guide her hand but *tell* her she's doing a great job of it herself. :P

This phase is aggravating. Today she wore only a diaper until it was time to go. I said, "We're going outside. You need to put on clothes. Clothes will keep you warm." She responded by grabbing her blanket, wrapping it around herself, and exclaiming "Warm!"

Cute, clever, but arrrrrrrgggggghhhhh

[caheinz]

We've had some success with letting DS have more say about the clothes he wears. When this started, he had some shirts with pictures on them -- now that's almost all he wears (so we did have to buy some more!). But, letting him pick which shirt he wants to wear (planes? no planes.... cars? no cars.... Thomas! no Thomas.... until we get one that he wants!) makes the whole process go a bit easier.

Nowadays, the fight is over pants. He wears sweatpants to bed, and "regular" pants in the daytime, but he often wants to switch that around. Some days, I let him... others, I coax a better choice out.

The one thing I fear is the day that he figures out that there's not really anything stopping him from pulling a dirty shirt out of the hamper... (for now, that it's "dirty" seems to be enough...)

Good luck!

[SummerBaby]

I have tons of empathy! We went through the same battle. I realized that what DD hated about getting dressed was having to stop what she was doing and sit still. She also is not a fan of the changing table. So now what I do is close the door to her room and essentially chase her around while dressing her. I'll get the shirt over her head, let her go, then get the arms in, let her go, and then sit her on my lap while she holds a toy or book and pull the pants on, put her down and finish pulling her pants up. It can be rather exhausting, but it has eliminated the crying and whining. We both get what we want- she gets to keep playing and I get her dressed. As for the coat, my DD really likes to go out, so I just tell her we can't go in Mommy's car until she puts her coat and shoes on. That usually works.


Val
Mom to Madeline
7/28/04

[Saartje]

I like to make things a game. One of our favorite games is for Isaac to run away from me once he's undressed; he plays for a few minutes, then runs back past me, so I can grab him, tickle him, and dress him.

Then, while I'm dressing him, we sing the Hokey Pokey. "You put your right foot in (put his right foot in his pants)..."

[MarisaSF]

Great advice, Cheryl! I don't know why I hadn't thought of letting her choose her clothes before (I guess because the dresser drawer with the shirts is too high for her to see.) I gave her choices today and she chose the third. You're a genius. :)

[chlobo]

One thing that sometimes works for me is to say to her (after she refuses to get dressed), "Well I'm going downstairs to get ready to do xyz. Are you going to stay home or come with me?" She usually says she wants to come and then I tell her she has to get dressed. Seems to work on occassion.

[mcdonald29]

Sigh... we have the same problem, but have made some progress by getting DS dressed as soon as we get him out of the crib in the morning. I also tell him that pajamas are for night-night only. Choices are good too, but only if they're willing to make one. I've read that you should only offer them a "this one or that one" option or you'll be there all day. So far, though, it's still pretty much me making the decision if I ever want him to wear a shirt.

I must admit that on occasion I dress him in certain PJ's depending if DH or I will dress him the next morning (he doesn't seem to mind as much when Daddy dresses him). Unfortuantely he has been out in public a few times with his pajama top still on b/c Mama didn't want an all out battle.

We had the opposite coat problem- he wouldn't take it off when we came home. I just kept emphasizing that when we're home, we don't wear coats. Driving on the way home, I say we'll take our jackets off, see the kitty, have lunch, etc. -make it part of the routine. One day he just started always wanting to take it off. Must just be those toddler phases, I guess!

[mcdonald29]

Sigh... we have the same problem, but have made some progress by getting DS dressed as soon as we get him out of the crib in the morning. I also tell him that pajamas are for night-night only. Choices are good too, but only if they're willing to make one. I've read that you should only offer them a "this one or that one" option or you'll be there all day. So far, though, it's still pretty much me making the decision if I ever want him to wear a shirt.

I must admit that on occasion I dress him in certain PJ's depending if DH or I will dress him the next morning (he doesn't seem to mind as much when Daddy dresses him). Unfortuantely he has been out in public a few times with his pajama top still on b/c Mama didn't want an all out battle.

We had the opposite coat problem- he wouldn't take it off when we came home. I just kept emphasizing that when we're home, we don't wear coats. Driving on the way home, I say we'll take our jackets off, see the kitty, have lunch, etc. -make it part of the routine. One day he just started always wanting to take it off. Must just be those toddler phases, I guess!

[cilantromapuche]

It certainly isn't you, that is for sure. I live in upstate NY and I have taken him outside this winter to show him why we need pants because I don't have time to fight the pants (a losing battle on my part without his cooperation). He has also been seen without his coat frequently. As DH leaves for work before I do, and DS is still in bed it is crazy!
-He tells me what he is wearing is clean, when it is dirty.
-He will take stuff out of the dirty hamper
-I try to dress him at night for the next morning because he is more amenable to that (which appalled DH until I told him to dress him in the morning--which he did once and now endorses my method)

I can't wait until summer when it is simply shorts and a shirt!

Christine

mama to A (7/03)

[kath68]

Funny -- I just asked an IRL friend (who has two amazing girls and I think of as a very successful parent) about this yesterday, since Charlie is entering this phase. Here is what she told me:

When her youngest was in the phase where she hated putting on shoes, she asked a preschool teacher what to do. She suggested getting a stamp and a stamp pad. At the time in the morning that you need to get the little one dressed, announce "anyone who gets their clothes on/shoes on/whatever on now gets a stamp!" Apparently it worked like a charm for her. The two girls came running to get their shoes on, so they could get their stamp on their hand.

As time went on, she didn't do it every morning, just every once in a while (that actually works as a better reinforcement for a behavior), and then she didn't have to do it at all. It was just something she needed to get through the temporary phase.

Apparently the wording is very important -- it makes it less of a bribe and more of a choice for the child, yet still keeps you in control.

Sounds pretty good to me -- I am getting a stamp as soon as I can. What the heck.

[aliceinwonderland]

That's adorable, "warm!" Lol, take THAT, mom!

We do a wrestling match here too. He is surprisingly strong.

[Jen841]

We are in the same boat. Some how we have given clothing identities, that helps (red shirt=fireman shirt.)...

[hez]

This is our method, too-- allowing Payton a choice on what clothes he wears (and sometimes what I wear!). "It's dirty" still works here, too :)

I did make a conscious choice to buy VERY few shirts with any kind of character (licensed or generic!) for the spring/summer, because he has his favorite dump truck shirt that is worn once or twice a week now (depending on how often I do laundry). Second favorite is Thomas.

It's all about him wanting a little control over *something* in his life, and giving him the choice on the clothes prevents the fight on the decision to get dressed :)

[omgrown]

We (I should say I) have the exact same problem with Gavin, and he was born 1 day after Alek, must be the age I guess. No one else understands, DH and my mom both say he's perfectly fine for them. Great!
I have found that singing a counting song from our music class does help. He calms right down, although its still sometimes a challenge.
I say its like wrestling a baby bear. Its incredible how strong and willfull a 16 month old can be!
No real advice, except maybe trying to find a song to sing to him that will calm him down. Otherwise, you have my empathy!

[caheinz]

We actually redid his closet a few months ago, and one of the things we did was to put two rows of hanging bars up, plus shelves in the middle of the closet (so four hanging sections total). Only one side of the closet opens easily, so all the current shirts are hung on the bottom of that side, and all the current pants are on the bottom shelves. Voila! He can reach anything that's okay to wear now, and all the size- or season-inappropriate stuff is up out of his reach!

If you can do it, it's amazing how much easier it makes things! (And DS now loves actually doing the hanging himself -- needs help with the hangers, but he can put them on and take them off the hanging rod!)

On the amusing side, his dresser is almost all diapers (cloth). The easiest things for him to reach are low, and hardest for us during a change -- so that's where all the unused stuff is. It's fun trying to explain why a swim diaper and swim trunks really aren't a good choice....

[new_mommy25]

Cheryl, what closet system did you go with? That would be perfect for my DS's closet.