Unfashionable mama needs advice... longish...

[abigailsmom]

The background:
I am a 26 year old divorced/single-mom/college student. I looklike a person who never turns on the light while getting dressed.

Oh, but the light is on!!!

I have no desire to dress like the other 18-21 year old female students as I have decided that NO ONE needs to see that much of me as I walk around campus, but I have no idea what is fashionable right now.

I want to look attractive, but not slutty!

I want to be fashionable, but I don't have to be 'trendy'

I just want to feel pretty again!!!

I am really just looking for some clothing suggestions that won't break the bank, won't make me look too young, and won't make me look too old.

I would attempt to look through some mags, but I do not have time to read the stuff for my homework (much less reading for fashion advice.) :(

If you have made it this far (THANK YOU) and have any advice... please send it to this unfashionable mama who just wants to feel pretty again.

Thanks in advance,

[mariza]

I feel your pain, I live in business casual all day and sweats and oversized t-shirts at night with nothing fun or cute for in between. Of course being 4 months pg isn't helping me right now.
You can definately be sexy without showing skin, nice form fitting tops (not tight, just form flattering) work well for me when I'm not pg. I always feel good in a pair of jeans and a simple v-neck fitted t-shirt.
I would suggest going to TJ Maxx, Marshall's, Ross, etc. for name brands on a budjet. I also like H&M for cute trendy inexpensive things (though there isn't one near me where I live now), even Target has really cute stuff and you can get the best things on clearance. I've gotten tops for as little as $3 and pants for under $10.
Also, I always feel better about myself after a new haircut. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle (one easy to maintain) and then go shopping immediately after. I know it's not easy but it's worth investing some time in yourself. I also recommend going alone so your DC isn't demanding your attention, also so that you can determine your own sense of style without someone steering you into clothing you may look great in, but aren't comfortable wearing. HTH and have fun!!!

[karolyp]

I sooooo hear you on this. I went to the mall today to return something in jeans and a T-shirt and I felt very out of place. Everyone was so trendy and made up and I just had my hair back in a pony tail...no style at all!!! Plus, I don't like alot of the new clothing styles anyhow, they all seem so revealing to me and I have so many issues with my body that I just can't see myself wearing them.

Anyhow, there has been a recent thread about jeans and I saw a link to clothing with style that I really like (comfy, trendy, and not to revealing). The only thing is that it's not really cheap. But I may just go ahead an splurge. Anyhow, here's the link: www.layersclothing.com

HTH and good luck in your quest! But know that you are not alone in this one!!

[jenjenfirenjen]

I think it's important to dress for your body type, not for trends. For example, if you have short legs, capri pants are only going to make them look shorter (actually, feel free to disagree but I don't think capri pants flatter most people.) If you have larger hips, you don't want to wear a shirt that ends right at your largest point, drawing a line across you midsection and drawing attention to it.

Some things that flatter most people...
-A-line skirts that end just below the knee or just above it
-Bootcut pants (or pants that flow in a line from hip to floor...just please, no high waisted Mom jeans)

I really like the book "What Not to Wear" for suggestions on ways to accent your body type (and things to avoid.) If you have time to pick it up at the library or just flip through it at the bookstore, it has some really good ideas. Wouldn't take 5 minutes to read about your body type.

Also, I second PP's suggestions of Target and H&M for good, cheap, fashionable clothing.

[LD92599]

I feel such a difference in myself when i'm wearing boots vs sneakers w/ jeans.

Just one suggestion!

Laura
mom to William

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[bcky2]

dont you feel so much more "dressy". i know i do :)

[abigailsmom]

Thank you so much for replying! I have always tried to do dress to flatter my body, but I am in a strange place with my body...

I am about 5'7"
very short torso
longish legs
smallish chest
an unfortunately large rib cage
love handles that are not going away very quickly at all
kinda wide hips

I say that I am in a strange place because before I had my dd I was a size 6 twig. I really did not have very many curves to speak of and it made it almost idiot-proof to dress.

Since dd, I really didn't care what I looked like until I finally got out of the really bad marriage I was in. He was kinda bad about always thinking that I was either inappropriately dressed to be out with him and his family or just gave me the overall impression that I didn't look attractive.

I have since been working on finding myself again and the inside of a gym. :)

All of this has left me with a confused perception of what looks good on me. I am now one of those people who can go shopping and try on a thousand things... and talk myself out of everything b/c I do not trust myself to pick out clothes for myself anymore.

UGH!!!! I need a large amount of money to hire a personal shopper to deal with my fashion issues!! :P

[abigailsmom]

Thanks for taking the time to commiserate with me.

My usual look is workout clothes (oh yes even outside of the gym) or jeans with a simple tee.

I really do not feel comfortable in form fitting shirts... I do not feel that they are very flattering on me in the current shape that I am in.

As for shopping options... the town I live in has zero so I will be travelling to find some places to shop that do not cater to the 'under 21' set. I know what most of the places you listed are, but what is H&M?

Thanks in advance,

[brittone2]

I'm not a fashionista or anything, but I sympathize with it being hard to find things that are cute/mama appropriate/somewhat trendy but don't look like something a teeny bopper would wear. The stores that aren't super trendy/teeny bopper oriented are often kind of matronly.

One store I'd like to add to the list of places to check out:
Ann Taylor Loft (with sales/markdowns I've routinely found things for 10-20 dollars)

What about things like cute/trendier tank tops, but topped with a cardigan? I think that can be a cute look...fashionable (if done well) but not revealing. Good jeans. Even just a pair or two, but really good jeans. You can buy some cute accessories that will dress up a white button down shirt and jeans.

[abigailsmom]

Thanks for the link to layersclothing, but I am unsure about sizing and fit when buying online... I guess I am scared to buy and it not fit or for me to decide that I do not like it.

Any suggestions?

Thanks,

[jamsmu]

I've realized that lately, too. I can wear the same outfit that I was wearing with my pumas, but put on my heeled boots, lipstick, mascara and a necklace and I look, and feel, good!

[abigailsmom]

I always feel more dressy or even, dare I say, sexy when I have my boots on, but I haven't found a good pair of jeans that fit my body and are long enough!!!

But there is already a thread about trying to find a good pair of jeans...

[abigailsmom]

I always forget about accessories until I have left the house. x( I am trying to get better, but I think that just may be a habit I have to form again. When dd was small, I quit wearing most of my accessories b/c of a pulling/tugging child, but now I have no real excuse.

Thanks for the Ann Taylor Loft suggestion! Now I am off to see where one is in Atlanta...

[jerseygirl07067]

I went through this recently and revamped a lot of my wardrobe. You can get some good ideas looking at the websites of Ann Taylor, Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy, etc. to see what styles are out there and current.

I have also found that TJ Maxx, Marshalls, etc are pretty current these days, just takes lots of time to sift through stuff. I scored recently and found a pair of high end jeans that sell for well over 100 bucks, for 12 dollars on the clearance rack. Gotta love that.

I personally buy some cute staple items at Old Navy (fitted shirts, cute capris, shorts, etc) because they are cheap, look stylish, and if they get stained from baby stuff, I didn't spend that much on them to begin with so no big deal. Some of their items are better quality than others.

Then for the quality items, good jeans, nice summery pants, basic pieces etc. I spend a tad more and try to go for the quality. I think Ann Taylor and Banana Republic are good places to start and they often have good sales and clearance racks too. And I do think you can find better quality pieces at TJ Maxx, Marshalls too, if you have the patience, since they have the higher end stuff that has been marked down, or overstocked, etc.

HTH a bit, have fun shopping!
Marcy

[alkagift]

I would head to Old Navy, get a pair of their regular "Just Below Waist" style jeans and a couple of their pastel tops. They have skirts that I saw today that are very cute and not too short--
http://www.oldnavy.com/browse/product.do?cid=5489&pid=361149&scid=361149072

Target has some khaki's--Cherokee--that are mid-rise and cute, then with some of the cute tank/cardigan sets from Issac Mizrahi, you've got an outfit! I think long legs look good with capris, as long as they're not tight, so capris are a good look with a short sweater and a tee.


Allison
Mommy to Matthew, who is TWO!

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[ellies mom]

I totally know how you feel. I'm on a "I will not look like a frumpy mom" kick right now myself. I got a more updated hair cut, and discovered that wonderful hairbrush/blowdryer combo thing, that just does wonders. I also went and got new makeup. And even though it takes longer to get ready in the morning, I'm doing my hair and make-up every day. I feel so much better about myself that it is completely worth it.

As for clothes, I love Eddie Bauer's boot-cut jeans. They are a little spendy at the regular store but a lot more affordable at the Outlet. They are low-rise enough to look good (no more mom-jeans for me, thank you) but high enough to cover the more unsightly bits. I also agree that a pair of boots or shoes other than sneakers also goes a long way to making me feel fashionable.

Anyhow, not a lot of advice but I can completely commiserate with you. Just take it in stages. You'll get there.

[maestramommy]

Robyn, this is totally understandable. How about a new haircut? I just whacked off 12 inches because DD was pulling it and it was falling out anyway (postpartum). It made such a difference people kept commenting on how great I looked (I thought, wow, I must've looked so drab before :-). What worked for me even prepregnancy was finding a style that looked good on ME, never mind if it was trendy or not, and investing the money on well made clothes that would last. A few years ago I lucked out when dresses and skirts of a certain cut that were in fit me really well. I stuck with that style even after it died out by haunting Macy's and Petite Sophisticate, which turned to be my saving store. They had the right cut in the right (finally!)length. Bottom line, if it looks good on you, it's fashionable.

Try the Misses dept in department stores. They have nice clothing that doesn't show too much skin. Stay away from places like Express, Limited, and the like. The clothes may be cheaper, but they're also cheaply made and NOT for the postpartum woman. And I may get flamed for saying this, but they're trendy, so also a little trampy. Okay, maybe not trampy, just cheap? You know, like the clothes teenagers buy with their own money cause it looks cool?

Anyway, good luck, and have fun discovering YOUR look.

[aliceinwonderland]

I do not count myself amongs the fashonistas by any strech, but do you have any H&M near you? they have cool clothes.

I also shop in the Junior section of the major department stores sometimes. (not for the sizes, obviously, just the particular style)

[karolyp]

Well, I just went ahead and placed an order. I agree, it is hard to shop online, and so I'm crossing my fingers that I like the shirts and that they are the right size. If not, I guess I'll be out of shipping $. Anyhow, if you want, I'll let you know how it came out.

[pcha72]

I second "What Not to Wear". Their newer book, I think it's called "What You Wear Can Change Your Life" is very good also. It contains info on underwear (who knew that made a difference?!) and what colors would look good on you. And there's even a section on maternity dressing!! I've saved a ton of $$ by not buying items that don't look good on me.

~P

[JacksMommy]

You've gotten lots of great advice. One thing you might also consider is trying the personal shopping services at department stores. My husband arranged one for me at Nordstrom's - after asking me questions about my needs, the personal shopper went out into store and brought stuff into the dressing room that she thought I might like. We were there for two hours and the whole thing was free. I thought Nordstroms would be too spendy for me, but they actually have stuff that is as inexpensive as the Gap (Caslon is one brand).
This particular shopper didn't give as much input as I would have liked about what looked good and didn't, but my hubby was there giving advice and so maybe she didn't feel it was necessary.

Anyway, it was fun and I got a few pieces to revivie my wardrobe and sense of fun about clothes again.

Now if I can only lose this extra 20 lbs!

Laurel
WOHM to Jack, 6/4/02
Baby Madeline 12/14/04

[kozachka]

As a shortcut you can take a quiz on What Not to Wear site and get a list of your own 'rules'. Here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/3htbu HTH!

I also need to improve my wardrobe. My first step is to get rid of couple of articles of clothing per week (truly baby steps ;) ), you know the ones that can never possily look good on me ever again. The process of trying things on allows me to rediscover what works for me and what does not, and what I already own. Next, I'll make a list of things that I need to purchase/get tailored. Definitely more pants that fit me well.

In addition to what everybody mentioned above, I'd suggest having some things altered to fit you perfectly, it makes a huge difference. On more than one occasion, I've bought things for supercheap, paid about the same amount or more to alter them and at the end had a garment that fit me really well for more than reasonable price. Nordstrom used to alter things for free as long as they were purchased at full price.

ETA: spelling

[new_mommy25]

Try the Gap original bootcut jeans. They are awesome. You can get them in three different lengths, with or without stretch. They aren't low-waisted like many of the jeans out there so you can sit down without worry, and they look fab with boots. Gap also has a new bootcut jean for curvy people. That might work better for you.

Anyway, I have had really good luck with the Gap and Banana Republic sale rack. You can often find really great tops, jeans, and trousers there for an awesome price. I rarely pay full price for an item at Gap unless I'm buying something basic like basic jeans which rarely go on sale.

[mariza]

http://www.hm.com/corporate/do?action=viewhome

I find their website very annoying and hard to navigate, but you can at least check out the store locator. HTH!

[Sandy]

Is anyone interested in doing a layers clothing coop? Please respond in the coop forum.

Sandy mom to Alexander Thor 3/16/02
& Marisa Mia 4/23/05

[LD92599]

Definitely! And taller...and thinner :-)

Laura
mom to William

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[jenjenfirenjen]

Ok, just some quick thoughts for your body type (though I still definitely recommend picking up the WNTW book.)

Since you have a short torso but long legs, I think a tunic would look great on you (and they're trendy so double points.) I can't wear them because I have a large chest and they end up looking like a muu muu, but if you have a smallish chest, it should work for you. Plus, they're not form fitting so would hide love handles and hips. Pair that with straight leg or boot cut jeans that are on the long side and some cute beaded sandals and you've got a hip, sexy, and hopefully, flattering outfit. I'm thinking Target, H & M, Gap, Old Navy for this stuff.

I think A-line dresses would probably work well for you too and give you one clean long line, rather than drawing attention to your short torso. Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor Loft have great dresses. Target too.

Fitted (but not-too fitted) button up shirts with A-line skirts or jeans/pants would be good too. Again, Target and Ann Taylor Loft would be good for these.

I hear you on the love handles and large rib cage. In my case, I avoid anything too clingy (those Layers tees looked way too clingy for me...I really don't care to show off my rolls thank you.) If I'm wearing anything slighty clingy, I try to go for either a wrap style top or ruching (like scrunched.) The wrap makes you waist look smaller and the ruching hides rolls and bulges.

I hope that helps. And good for you for getting away from your negative ex. What a jerk! Have fun feeling sexy again!

[jesseandgrace]

Go check out the women's clothes at Boden, you can go to www.miniboden.com, and then go to Womens. The clothes are stylish but comfortable and easy to wear. It is a British Company so the sizes are different, but they have themselves set up for business in the US now. It is the perfect way to look really good without looking like a teenager. Some stuff is expensive, but you can get style ideas from their pages and recreate the look somewhere else!

[calebsmama03]

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Lynne
Mommy to C 3/03
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