Neighborhood Bedtimes

[tarynsmum]

I know it's still early to be thinking of a set bedtime for DD (she just turned 2 months) but I'm trying to get prepared. There are two couples that we socialize with frequently (at least 2 weekends a month, sometimes more in the summers). We all live within 4 blocks of each other and are kids are all pretty close in age (oldest is turning 3, youngest is due in August).

Here's the problem: In both families, the DHs get home from work later and leave late in the morning. My DH is a contractor and usually wakes up at about 5:00 in the morning. However, on weekend nights we all get together and the kids play and we all hang out. We usually get together at about 9:00 and it lasts until the early morning hours. The girls in both families (we're all girl here) usually are awake the ENTIRE time and just go to sleep at 1 or 2 in the morning and sleep until the afternoon the next day. This is generally the routine in both households during the week too.

I guess my "problem" is this: I hate to miss out seeing our friends, but I would hate to throw DD completely off her schedule (whatever it might be) by keeping her up so late. I also have NO desire to keep the same routine as them (bedtime at midnight or later, sleeping most the morning). I don't want to back away from our friends (they're pretty much the only people we see).

I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired. Sorry if this post makes no sense.

[nfowife]

You could probably just bring your pack 'n play with you and put it in a quiet room at whoever's house and see if that works. Sorry to say, some kids are late to sleep-late to rise and others are early to sleep-early to rise. If you're really lucky you might get a early to sleep-late to rise but I think that's an urban myth!! I would like my DD to go to sleep at 7 and wake up around 7. However, my DD prefers to be asleepy by about 6 or 6:15 p.m. every night. Don't even try to keep her up later, because you'll be very sorry!! I'd just play it by ear since you're daughter is still pretty young. My DD didn't go to bed before 9:30 or 10:00 until she was 4 months old, and it gradually moved forward over the course of about a month to where it is now.

[brittone2]

I've got a 2 year old that is late to bed, late to rise (10-11pm bedtime, and sleeps until 9-10 am, 2 hour nap in the afternoon as well). I've tried all sorts of things over 2 years to try to alter his schedule, but it is what it is. He sleeps best that way and is happiest on that schedule. They have their own rhythms just as we have ours.

I think your options include: just being flexible and dealing w/ your child being off schedule from time to time (some kids handle this fine, others don't), trying the PNP type approach as the PP mentioned (or using something like a sling in the coming months where baby can sleep as you enjoy your visit), hosting visits at your house and going about your normal schedule with your child, or hiring a sitter so your child can stay on schedule if that is really important to you.

Your child is still soooo young. Try not to sweat it too much yet...a million things can change between now and then, and her sleep patterns will likely change quite a bit in the coming months and years as well. It is almost impossible to figure out what the future holds at this point. I wish I had better suggestions!!

[kedss]

I wouldn't worry about it right now, my DS was a late night owl, usually going to sleep around 12 and sleeping til 6 until he was almost 18 months. Kids are all different, try to relax a bit, and if talking to your friends would help, just have a conversation with them.

Big hugs!

[Melanie]

I wouldn't worry about it for a while, since your baby is only 2 months (unless you've got some miracle born-scheduled baby. LOL). However, I think your concerns are valid as he gets older. We started sticking to a schedule past age one, though it would have been better earlier, in retrospect. A dependable bedtime routine was key for our son to start sleeping more predictably. For us, 9 pm is PAST bedtime, so I don't really know what to suggest. Perhaps you could meet up with the family earlier, or have a pot-luck/picnic? I, personally, would not keep my child out that late on a regular basis and expect him to sleep predictably (& to a different schedule) the other 5 days of the week. Once his body is used to the rythm of a sleep time, he wakes up then, regardless of when he goes to sleep.

[jhrabosk]

Don't know if this helps, but could you just host all the time?

Our best friends around the corner don't have kids and don't plan to. DD goes down by 7:30 and I don't want to mess with it just yet (she's 4.5 months). We used to alternate between the two houses, but now they just come to us. Sometimes we cook, sometimes they bring stuff and cook in our kitchen, sometimes we order out, etc.

HTH,
Jessica

[jhrabosk]

Don't know if this helps, but could you just host all the time?

Our best friends around the corner don't have kids and don't plan to. DD goes down by 7:30 and I don't want to mess with it just yet (she's 4.5 months). We used to alternate between the two houses, but now they just come to us. Sometimes we cook, sometimes they bring stuff and cook in our kitchen, sometimes we order out, etc.

HTH,
Jessica

[tarynsmum]

I think 9pm is past bedtime too (I would like sometime between 6:30 and 8:00, not that I get to decide).

Another thing I should add: when we all get together, it's usually at my dad's house (which is across the street from my house). This sounds weird (and it kind of is) but my dad and I have mostly all the same friends (i.e. we all hang out together). I guess you could say my dad doesn't really "act his age". I didn't live with him growing up, and we never had that "father-daughter" relationship: it was more like friends. But that's a different post altogether.

Since we usually get together at his house, it's not crazy to move her Pack N Play over there once we stop using it in our bedroom. I'm just not sure if she'll sleep in there once she's older, especially since she'll be able to hear people downstairs.

Can your kid(s) sleep in places other than his/her bed/crib? I know a lot of babies can basically sleep anywhere/anytime up to a point. I guess I'm hoping for that.

[tarynsmum]

I think 9pm is past bedtime too (I would like sometime between 6:30 and 8:00, not that I get to decide).

Another thing I should add: when we all get together, it's usually at my dad's house (which is across the street from my house). This sounds weird (and it kind of is) but my dad and I have mostly all the same friends (i.e. we all hang out together). I guess you could say my dad doesn't really "act his age". I didn't live with him growing up, and we never had that "father-daughter" relationship: it was more like friends. But that's a different post altogether.

Since we usually get together at his house, it's not crazy to move her Pack N Play over there once we stop using it in our bedroom. I'm just not sure if she'll sleep in there once she's older, especially since she'll be able to hear people downstairs.

Can your kid(s) sleep in places other than his/her bed/crib? I know a lot of babies can basically sleep anywhere/anytime up to a point. I guess I'm hoping for that.

[nfowife]

My DD does not sleep well in her carseat or stroller (when I say not well, I mean not at all!). But on vacation, she sleeps fine in the pack 'n play.

[nfowife]

My DD does not sleep well in her carseat or stroller (when I say not well, I mean not at all!). But on vacation, she sleeps fine in the pack 'n play.

[jeminaal]

>Don't know if this helps, but could you just host all the
>time?

This was my suggestion as well.

My children are also in bed by 7:00-7:30 PM so we've often missed out on a lot of evening events, unless we get babysitting. :) My kids are older (ages 3 and 5) so this has been a way of life for us for a while now, but we're okay with it. We usually keep this schedule even if we are out of town vacationing.

When they were infants, we'd bring a pack a play to place in a bedroom so they'd be able to sleep, but unfortunately, my children were never the best sleepers outside of their rooms.

Jeanette
(formerly known as jeanmick, member since Feb 2003)

DD Born Christmas Eve
DS Born Valentine's Day

[jeniferrlynne]

This would also be my suggestion. My little man is still not on a perfect schedule at 4.5 months, but we are trying to have him in bed by 8ish everynight. So it is just easier if folks come over here.
I can sympathize with the situation. We used to meet our friends for coffee at least 2x a week until late in the night(morning). Sadly not anymore. We have a baby now, they don't. I guess things change, now we are up in the wee hours of the morning at times for other things:)...

[mommy_someday]

My situation with DH's family is the same. SILs' kids all have late bedtimes (11 or 12) and my DS goes to bed usually before 8. It's frustrating (for everyone!) trying to plan get-togethers. We have been hosting more often, which means DS can go to bed like usual and the rest of us can still socialize. Our house is not big (and DH has a LOT of family), so it's not the perfect situation, but it's working for the time being.

I totally understand your concerns - I have similar ones with my DS. We get together with DH's family a lot and I hate constantly disrupting DS's schedule. I always notice the effects the next day if I keep him up later than normal. This isn't to say that your DD would necessarily be bothered by it, though. Every kiddo is different. I would say, talk to your friends and explain your dilemma. Enlist their help in coming up with a compromise that works for everyone.

GL/HTH! :)