How do you write 'no gifts'

[lfp2n]

I know I'm obsessing but on DDs B'day invitation (very informal party 4-5 3yr olds at my house), I want to write 'No gifts', somehow it kind of looks rude without a please. 'No gifts please' looks weird. How do you say it in a nice way without it looking like you were presuming they'd bring a gift in the first place, am I being stupid here? Also as her other friends did have gifts, I don't want to look like I am commenting on their choices IYKWIM.
Whats the normal way I've never done this before?

Lucy DD 3/03

[Sarah1]

I've seen "No gifts please!" and "Absolutely no gifts!". I didn't think either looked weird or rude or presumptious. :)

[mariza]

I once recieved a gift for a graduation party that I thought put it in a nice way:
"your prescence is a present" or something to that effect. HTH!

[s7714]

I usually see "No gifts please!" I don't think it's rude to presume people would bring gifts if you don't specify otherwise. That's pretty much the social standard for birthday parties.

Jennifer
Mommy to
DD 3/03
DD 6/05

Calling fellow BBB SoCal moms...we'd love to meet you!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/babybargainssocal/

[kedss]

maybe you could do it as a bring a book party? then donate them to a library or school or something like that?

[Melanie]

I think I would put something like:
Your Presence is Gift Enough
Your Friendship is our Gift
In Lieu of Gifts, please bring (yourself, your smile, hugs, kisses, books, toy to donate, your camera, yaddayaddayadda)

[crl]

I did "No gift please." And reaffirmed it verbally when some people asked, "did you really mean that?" No one brought a present so it worked!

[Sillygirl]

I personally don't like the "No gifts please" because I don't like to dictate that to my guests. Is it possible to do the invitation for a generic party without specifying it's a birthday? Then you can announce the birthday when they get there, they can murmur "I wish I'd known - I'd have got you something" and you can say "Oh no, not at all, don't worry."

[barbarhow]

I just did the invitations for Jack's 3rd birthday and wrote "No gifts please". Short and to the point. No room for misinterpretation. We have received many invites with the same written on it. I think it is different than writing it on an adults birthday invite, wedding invite or something similar. I think it has been the standard in years past to make kids birthday parties filled with presents.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[KBecks]

I went to a party that said "no gifts are necessary" on the invite, but I brought a small gift anyway (one of Alek's favorite children's books)

I noticed later that they underlined the no gifts twice, but I interpreted it --- of course gifts are not necessary, but I wanted to bring something, so I used it as a loophole.

[kochh2]

I now someone who has a family tradition of taking any gifts they do get and donating them to the local children's hospital that essentially saved their son's life... they make it a special event with their son and other kids as well to take the toys to the kids... they put a note in their invitations describign their family tradition, and offering that anyone who wants to participate can do so for the donation, but that DC is blessed by their presence, not their presents...

[jadamom]

I've written "No gifts please", but everyone brought a gift anyway. Oh well!

[Roleysmom]

We said on her invitation, "please no presents and we mean it...really." We also reminded people gently when they called or emailed to RSVP, saying she would love a card if they pressed about bringing something. It worked. She got some beautiful handmade cards from her friends but no presents. It was worth the effort, in my opinion.

Paula
Mom to Roley Julia, January '02

[caheinz]

I just included this on a note with ours:

"Your presence is requested, but presents are up to you"

Honestly, there are people invited who I know will bring a gift no matter what. So I wanted to make not bringing one an option as gently as possible.

[lizajane]

last year, i wrote, "no gifts necessary. really!" on my email invite (dylan was 2 months old, i wasn't up to printing invitations) and everyone but one person brought gifts. i felt bad that the one person didn't bring anything and she might have felt weird. (i didn't care AT ALL!)

this year, i wrote, "No gifts, please." on the invitation. as i handed them out at preschool, i told the moms i really meant no gifts- schuyler is blessed to have plenty and he would open things from his parents. so far, at least two people have said, "but we have to do SOMETHING!" sigh. so i don't know what will happen.

hyjack question-

what do you do if half of the people bring gifts? can we NOT open them? is that rude? we have SO MANY TOYS. i wanted to do a book party, but felt weird about dictating the specific gift they had to bring my kid. i can communicate with my best friends (one got him a pair of seersucker shorts from talbots with her employee discount- sp precious and much appreciate for easter!) but i don't know the moms from preschool well enough to say, "please don't give schuyler an obnoxious toy!"

[mommy111]

We tried the not telling people it was a birthday, people felt embarassed when they arrived and found the cake and the whole shebang. So this time we tried 'no gifts please,' and most people brought one anyhow. I've decided to forget it the next time and go with the flow. Like PPs said, sigh!
I love the idea of donating to the hospital, though.

[BaileyBea]

I put a simple:

"No gifts please, just come ready to play" on DS's invitations.

Everyone except for two families brought gifts but they brought small gifts of books and some clothes w/gift receipts. It turned out okay!

In a previous post, there was an idea for a book exchange. So everyone brought a book to exchange w/another kiddo. That's an idea!

[Roleysmom]

Liza, we have yet to go to a friend party where the presents were opened. It wasn't weird at all. The only person who complained at one of the parties was the Grandpa of the birthday girl. Maybe it's a generational thing.

I also think that people will bring presents unless you give them an alternative and/or are firm that you really don't want gifts. That's why we suggested a card. One mom took pictures of the party because she wanted to do something. That was incredibly generous and surprising. And she came prepared to do this without our knowing. I never in a million years would have asked that. It was so sweet and the pictures were amazing.

Would it help if you suggested to the moms who asked that they bring a dish?


Paula -- mom to Roley Julia, January '02

[Globetrotter]

Well, having gone through this three times :)

We've always asked for a donation in lieu of a gift. I find that people want to bring *something* - I'm like that, too. For dd's next party (she will be seven) she is already trying to figure out what people can donate, so it's become a tradition and something we want to encourage. I might make her write a little note explaining what she wants. DS is too young to know what's going on.

I've done a rhyme once, something about how the birthday boy has too many toys, etc... Another time I did the "Your presence is our present. No gifts please." (I like the idea of adding "really" :)) Lately I said something like (from ds's perspective) "No presents please. I have lots of toys. I just want to have fun and play with my friends on my birthday! If you want to bring something... [then talked about the donation.]"

In all three cases, most people brought a donation, and in all cases we cut down *dramatically* on the toys. This last party, only one person brought a toy, and I suspect they didn't read the invite carefully. A few people gave books, DVDs or clothes instead. We got lots of nice cards. If someone told me they were getting something anyway, I just kept quiet. DH thinks I should put my foot down, but I don't feel comfortable making a big thing of this. I'm trying to switch over to wooden toys and avoid the overly commercial junk (well, IMO, anyway) so I prefer to buy them myself (my family also gives us money for the kids). Not to mention the kids have WAY too much stuff already! I also love to see how excited dd is about choosing a charity. I think compassion is the greatest gift we can give our kids.

I also find it interesting that so many parents complain that their kids have too much stuff, yet these same people find it weird that we don't want them to bring gifts to the party.

I'm used to being the oddball, so it doesn't phase me too much.

Kris

[swampus]

If someone writes "no gifts," gifts should NOT be opened during the party.

IMO, it's rude if you DO open them. For the guests who did listen to you, it might make them feel uncomfortable to open the presents.

[emilys_mom]

>DC is blessed by their presence, not their presents...
>


I love the way that is phrased, and may borrow it in a few months. I've been going back and forth on whether or not to even have a party for DD for her 1st birthday. I want everyone together, but don't want them to bring gifts. She has so much and everyone has already been so generous to us this year.

[nov04]

we wrote "best wishes only please" on our invites. Lots of ppl brought gifts anyway but I felt much better that no one could have felt like we were throwing a gift grab instead baptism.