In dire need of advice and prayers

[trumansmom]

I just got a call from the director of DS' preschool/former daycare, and his best friend, Masyn, choked on a hot dog at home last night and, in spite of being Life Flighted to the hospital, is showing no brain activity whatsoever. I don't know what to do. Masyn's mom is apparently, and understandably, in complete denial and doesn't want children to know until Masyn "gets better." That most likely will not happen.

I don't know what to do for her. Should I send flowers to the hospital? Just send a card? Go visit him? I have no idea. We aren't close, but obviously are friendly since our kids are so close.

And how do I tell Truman? I won't tell him anything until I know what preschool will be saying, but he's a super sensitive kid, and I want to be prepared.

I'm just heartbroken. He's only 4.

ETA: Please keep Masyn, his mom Angie, and his dad in your prayers.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[kdeunc]

I have no advice for you. Your post made my stomach sink. What a horrible tragedy. Their family and yours will be in my prayers.

[psophia17]

Oh my god. I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could say something more than that.

Big hugs to everyone - how horrible.

[lizajane]

i just keeping saying, "oh, oh, oh" over and over again. i am so sad.

i think all you can do is follow your gut. it is not your job to end her denial, so i would keep remarks to "i am praying for masyn" or "i am so sorry this happened" instead of anything that suggests you are already mourning him.

i would tell truman that masyn is sick or that he is hurt if you need to tell him anything right now.

i am so very, very sorry for his family and for truman. my son's friends are so important to him and i can imagine how special masyn is to truman.

[LD92599]

Oh my goodness. So sad :-(

Laura
mom to William

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[ellies mom]

No advice either. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. How heartbreaking.

[chlobo]

So sorry you and Truman are going through this. I'll keep you all in my thoughts.

[tarabenet]

Oh, Jeanne, what a shock. I'm so sorry. Could you manage a visit? I am sure it would be a difficult thing, but just seeing someone make such an effort can be very meaningful to a family in crisis. But of course it would mean just going along with her denial of his condition, making it even more of a strain on you.

Obvioulsy, I have nothing useful to suggest about how to tell Truman. What a heartbreak for you to have to deal with. And what a tragedy for that family to live with.

Hugs and prayers to everyone affected by this little boy's situation.

[Marisa6826]

Girlie-

I'm saddened and horrified to hear of this tragedy. As far as Angie goes, I would ask her (or her DH) what she needs. Does her dog need to be walked? Can you make calls for her? Can you go grocery shopping and fill her fridge? If nothing else, maybe send something to their house. I'd be afraid that visiting him in the hospital may be viewed as an intrusion, KWIM?

Basically anything to make her life marginally less complicated so she can not have to deal with anything. Do they have a church or synagogue they attend? Perhaps call their rabbi/chaplain/priest and fill them in on the situation.

I can't even imagine what she's going through. My biggest fear is something happening to the girls.

As far as what to tell Truman, I'd have him sit down with you and D. Tell him that Masyn's had an accident and Truman won't be able to see him for a very, very, very long time. I don't know what (if anything) you've told him about death, but I'm sure you can probably find stuff online about how to talk to him. How 'sophisticated' is he? From the brief stuff I've read, kids don't have the ability to grasp the finality of death until they're older.

If Masyn's parents choose to donate his organs, perhaps you can explain to Truman that although Masyn isn't here anymore, he's helping a lot of other little sick kids.

Is the school going to have grief counsellors on hand?

I'm so very sorry.

-m

[bcky2]

that is just horrible. i feel so bad for masyn and his family and will keep them in my thoughts.

as for what to do i would probably send a card, i dont think that i would go visit if i wasnt that close to the family. how sad :(

[jbowman]

Hugs and prayers, Jeanne. I am so sorry.

[daisyandacorn]

Oh, how awful.
I'm so sorry.
I don't have any advice but wanted to let you know that you're all in my prayers. Give Truman a big hug.
Susan

[mudder17]

Oh, Jeanne, my stomach is just sinking and my brain is saying over and over, "No, no, no, no..." I am so sorry you are all going through this right now. I agree that anything you can do to make life easier for her may be the way to go. If it's not too stressful for you, I would also pay her a visit and let her know you're praying for Masyn and for them.

I will be praying for Masyn and his family, and for you and Truman as you go through this.

Big big Hugs! :(

Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif for Leah
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Kaya's a cousin! 10/1/05, 5lb13oz

[Jo..]

Oh, I just want to bawl. Marisa had some awesome suggestions.
I'll be praying that his mom's prayers come true and he really does get better. :(

[barbarhow]

>As far as what to tell Truman, I'd have him sit down with you
>and D. Tell him that Masyn's had an accident and Truman won't
>be able to see him for a very, very, very long time. I don't
>know what (if anything) you've told him about death, but I'm
>sure you can probably find stuff online about how to talk to
>him. How 'sophisticated' is he? From the brief stuff I've
>read, kids don't have the ability to grasp the finality of
>death until they're older.

Kids don't typically grasp the concept and finality of death until at the very least, age 7. I am so sorry for your friend and little Masyn. One of the things that might be nice for Truman is to make Masyn a get well card-whether it is given to Masyn or not. It will help Truman feel like he is helping his friend.
I would also inquire as to whether there is a center for grieving children near you. They are so skilled in helping with loss.
In the mean time-a million big hugs to you Jeanne. I am so sorry that you are facing this.

Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[kristenk]

I don't have any words. Prayers for Masyn and his family and for guidance for you with telling Truman when the time comes (whenever that is).

In addition to asking Masyn's mom what she needs, I'd try hard not to take no for an answer. If there's anything you can take off her plate, try to do it. Walking the dog. Dropping food off for her family. Is Masyn their only child? If not, taking the kids somewhere to run around, whatever. (((hugs))) to everyone.

[ismommy]

How scary and horrible. Wee will be thinking good thoughts for all of you.
Helene
mommy to Isabella
and Gunner

[lmintzer]

I'm so sorry to hear about your son's friend. Gosh, that's just every parent's worst nightmare!

In response to what to tell Truman: althought it is true that kids don't understand the finality of death at this age, it is not a good idea to hide it from them (to tell them, for example, that their friend is sick or on a long trip, etc.). A child needs a chance to say goodbye in his/her own way as well as grieve. Kids this age can do this -- with help. There will be a lot of questions and some confusion, yes, but they should be told. It's tricky in this situation, as your friend's son is still here in some capacity. You may want to hold off on the death part but talk about the fact that he had an accident and being in the hospital. But definitely do not give false hope. You may want to talk more with the preschool director about what's planned for school. A classroom intervention (from a counselor) would be warranted under the circumstances, as well as some parent-guidance in how to talk to preschoolers about the death of a friend. The school really should take charge and set this up, but please ask and express a wish and a need for this.

My son Jack had to deal with two deaths, one at 3 1/2 (my nanny had a still-birth), and the other at a little over 4 (the death of his great-grandfather). We worked through both with him, and he was able to cry, express his sadness, his fears, and say goodbye. Though he was confused about WHERE exactly the person goes (who isn't a little confused about this?) he was able to understand that they were no longer in this world and we couldn't see them. We told him that they live on in our hearts--we still can love them, talk about them, etc. but are sad that they can't talk with us, eat with us, hug us, etc. Jack (with our help) made cards for my nanny and for my grandmother. Those were very comforting to the recipients and helpful for Jack. At some point, you may want to help Truman make a goodbye card for his friend (or for his friend's mom). But hold off--talk to the school--she what the plan is. Hopefully, they will approach this in an age-appropriate, sensitive manner.

Please let me know if you need more assistance or guidance. You probably can locate a grief center, as Barbara mentioned. But if you have trouble, post, and one of us can help you find the right resources.

I am so sorry for your (and your son's) huge loss--and this terrible tragedy.

[kedss]

Oh, Jeanne, I'm so sorry! I will keep you and Truman and his friend's family in my thoughts.

[SummerBaby]

I am just so sorry for everyone here. I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking. They will be in my prayers.

Val
Mom to Madeline
7/28/04

[Roleysmom]

This is so awful. I'll be keeping Masyn, Angie and his dad in my thoughts. I'm sending you my warmest wishes as you help Truman through this.

Paula
Mom to Roley Julia, January '02

[stella]

Oh My Gosh! I am so sorry!

What can you do? I guess I would walk their dog, pick up their newspapers, shovel their snow (if that's necessary), take them Starbucks at the hospital, babysit any other children they might have, take a casserole to their house to feed them or any relatives who might be staying, sit with them at the hospital.

My brother and sil just lost their first baby at 11 weeks - he spent his whole life in the NICU. They didn't really seem to "get it" either about his condition. So I think what she is experiencing is pretty natural.

You might talk to Masyn's dad and offer to go sit with mom if he needs to go anywhere so she doesn't have to be alone.

I am so sorry.

ETA: if I'm understanding correctly, Truman is not in school with Masyn anymore? Do they see each other much? If not, I might not mention it right away. If Truman is going to ask questions tomorrow, for examle, then I would tell him that Masyn was badly hurt, but otherwise, I might just give myself some time to think it over.
And I also wanted to say that it will probably mean a lot to Angie if you come to "see" Masyn while he is in the hospital instead of treating him (possibly - in her mind) as if he had already died.

[zuzu]

Oh Jeanne, I am so sorry. That's terrible.

The only suggestion I can offer about explaining the loss of someone to Truman is to tell him that they are gone, and though we can talk about and remember and still love them, now we can only see them in pictures (and dreams, if he has ever spoken about his dreams). Though I know Sarah doesn't grasp the concept of death, she does understand "only in pictures and dreams" and does not to ask when she will see/meet people and pets that have passed away.

I'll be thinking about all of you. Hugs.

[bostonsmama]

That is just heartbreaking. I will keep Masyn and his parents (and his sweet little classmates) in our prayers. That is just so tragic. :(

Larissa

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
~Elizabeth Stone

[C99]

I'm so sorry, Jeanne. No advice here.

[g-mama]

Jeanne, I am so sorry. What a horrible nightmare for the family. I will keep them in my prayers.


~Kristen

Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
Marco 12-05

[icunurse]

Oh, my. You've received some great advice already. All I can recommend is to definitely try and call before visiting - some families prefer to be only with family and many units limit who can be there. Additionally, flowers are not allowed in a lot of ICU's. Besides offering to help them in any way, maybe find out if there is some way to send them some food if they are not coming home a lot. Prayers for all of them.
Traci
~Connor's Mom 02/2004~
Agency paperwork completed - waiting (and waiting) for another baby!

[Mamma2004]

Jeanne, what utterly heartbreaking news. I am so truly sorry!

Of course we'll pray for Masyn and his parents, as well as for your sweet Truman who just won't understand.

I agree with PPs - anything at all that would make their lives less complicated right now would be great. Dog walking, meal provisions, etc.

Hugs to you!
Stephanie

[brittone2]

Oh my. I'm so, so sorry :( I can't even imagine what they are going through...

I think I would deliver some meals, offer to help run errands, etc. as a few other posters suggested. Ask her what would give them more time to spend with Masyn right now.

I have no advice on how to help Truman.

Big hugs to all of you. How absolutely tragic.

[aliceinwonderland]

OMG. I have no words. This is horrible...

[dr mom]

I agree with Traci, I'd call the ICU beforehand - ask to speak to his nurse, s/he is spending several hours a day with the family and will probably have a sense about whether they would want visitors. If they don't want visitors other than family, it's less awkward for them to have the nurse tell you than if you called them directly and asked, KWIM? Flowers were not allowed in any ICU I've worked in (infection risk) but a card would be a nice gesture, and maybe a mylar balloon.

If the family does want visitors, you may or may not be allowed into the ICU itself depending on hospital policy, but there will be a waiting area where you could spend a few minutes visiting with the family. Gift cards for carry-out/delivery restaurants near the hospital might be a thoughtful gift, they probably aren't leaving the hospital much if at all, and hospital food loses its appeal quickly.

I am so sorry this happened, that little boy and his family will be in my prayers. I hope they get their miracle.

[tarynsmum]

Jeanne,

My heart goes out to everyone involved. This is such a difficult time for everybody. That's the scariest thing I can think of happening. I'm tearing up at the thought of it...

I know right now it's too early to say anything (and may not be appropriate if you don't feel you're close enough to the family) but my family has been involved in an organization that helps family members through death and grieving. It's basically a support system that's been around for years (my family's been involved for the past 17 years). I'm not sure the area you live in, but there may be a chapter near you. There are some really great people there and they might be abl to help Angie with her feelings and through her grief. It's called The Compassionate Friends. I'll be praying for your family, Masyn's family, and everyone involved.

www.compassionatefriends.org

[elliput]

I wish I had advice to give. This situation is every mother's nightmare, and so I think we would all like to be in denial about it happening at all.

My heart goes out to Masyn and his family, along with you and yours.

[mmaimp]

Jeanne,
You are all in my prayers.

[hez]

Jeanne, I'm so, so sorry.

My prayers go out to all of you, Masyn and his family especially.

[RJPO]

Jeanne,

My God. What a horrible thing to have happen. We'll certainly keep Truman's friend and his family in our thoughts & prayers.

I'm also going to sign up for infant CPR/First Aid classes immediately. I wouldn't even begin to know what to do if this ever happened to us.

Rachel
mom to
Mary India 6/21/98
James Jolyon 3/23/05
Baby 3 due 8/29/06

[buddyleebaby]

Another reminder of how precious and fragile life is.
No advice, but I will keep them in my prayers.
How horrible.

[jamsmu]

OMG Jeanne, I'm crying. Masyn and family are definitely in my thoughts, as are Truman and your family and friends. I have no idea what I'd do. This is just heartbreaking.

[mamaturk]

Jeanne,
I am so sorry to hear about this! It's just so sad! You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Mommy_Again]

I don't think I will sleep much tonight, I am just sick. Big prayers going out to Masyn and family. And ditto on retaking a CPR class- choking is my absolute worst nightmare and I am completely ill-equiped to handle it.

[kaylinsmommy2]

I am so so sorry, Jeanne. I have no advice but will be thinking of you and Masyn's family. Hugs to you and Truman.

Caroline
mommy to Kaylin 6/5/04

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/bunbunadb20040605_-9_Kaylin+is+now.png[/img][/url]

[Sarah1]

This is so awful, Jeanne. Just awful. I am so sorry.

[caheinz]

Oh my goodness.

Others have had great advice about your questions. I can't imagine what they or you are going through right now.

Hugs to you, and I'll be keeping the little guy and his family in my thoughts.

[Saartje]

>Basically anything to make her life marginally less
>complicated so she can not have to deal with anything. Do
>they have a church or synagogue they attend? Perhaps call
>their rabbi/chaplain/priest and fill them in on the
>situation.

<snip>

>As far as what to tell Truman, I'd have him sit down with you
>and D. Tell him that Masyn's had an accident and Truman won't
>be able to see him for a very, very, very long time.

I think Marisa's hit the nail on the head as far as what to do.

I have nothing to add except my sincere sympathy. I'll be thinking of their family and of yours. I'll light a candle tonight.

[phirey]

Jeanne,

I cannot imagine...

You've gotten great advice so far. I do think calling the ICU ahead and asking the nurse about visitors might be a good idea. Be sure to stress the closeness of your sons. My DH is an ICU nurse and tends to go on the defensive for families when it seems like everyone wants to come and visit. But with the connection being the two 4-year-olds themselves, I think the nurse might be more honest about whether your presence would be appreciated.

(((Hugs))))

[Eloise36]

I am so sorry :( I am going to say a prayer for Masyn and his family.

[SweetTooth]

Jeanne,
How tragic. I am so sorry. My thoughts are with Masyn & all those that care for him.

[HannaAddict]

Jeanne,
I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am for Masyn, his family, Truman and your family. This is truly heartbreaking. I think Marisa's suggestions were very good. I am just so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family and Masyn and his family.

Kimberly

[denna]

I don't really know what to say. I just wanted to let you know that your's and Masyns family are in my thoughts. This is such a shock, it really makes you think of how quickly things can change.
I wish there was more I could say or do to help you.

((HUGS))

Denna

[muskiesusan]

Oh, Jeanne, I will be keeping the family in my thoughts. I can't even imagine what they are gong through.


Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Goosebumps and tears here, I am so, so sorry!

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 ETA 05-22-06

[JBaxter]

Jeanne
Hugs to you Truman and Masyn's family. I dont know what to say it is such a tragic thing.

My grandmother passed away when Logan was 4. It was hard but he excepted her passing better than I expected. He would dream about her and tell me his grandma was an angel and she checked on him when he was asleep.

Could you send some type of food tray to the house?

[spu]

How sad. I feel sad for your family too. I can't imagine what they're going through. Doing something for the family is a great idea, but maybe not ask, since they'll probably say no... You could call in the afternoon and bring a over dinner for the freezer and one ready to eat. Stay in touch, even long after today... as support always dwindles in the later months, when we still need a warm friend.

As for Truman, does he know about choking yet? Charlotte and Else (3.5 yo) have seen stories on the news about choking, and we've talked about calling 911... in fact, they came with us to our CPR and First Aid recertification class since we couldn't find a sitter, and I explained to them what was going on. So the more honest you can be, I think the better. Kids are smart and they're going to wonder, or come up with their own conclusions, so best to be honest and answer up to the amount of questions they ask. The library might have 'book packs' on similar topics too.

The girls also know that DH's mama and daddy live in heaven (even though they don't truly understand what that means...) but it gives a sense of understanding. Have you shared with Truman your beliefs about where "grandpa joe" is, for example? Though, since it's one of Truman's friends and classmates that he sees often, the concept may be a little harder.

Maybe the school will have counselors on hand available for the parents to help their own children, and to offer advice on how to help Masyn's family.. I'm sure the teachers will be advised on how to handle this too.

Prayers are with all of you!

susan

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nursed for 3 years!
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charlotte + else

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[spu]

How sad. I feel sad for your family too. I can't imagine what they're going through. Doing something for the family is a great idea, but maybe not ask, since they'll probably say no... You could call in the afternoon and bring a over dinner for the freezer and one ready to eat. Stay in touch, even long after today... as support always dwindles in the later months, when we still need a warm friend.

As for Truman, does he know about choking yet? Charlotte and Else (3.5 yo) have seen stories on the news about choking, and we've talked about calling 911... in fact, they came with us to our CPR and First Aid recertification class since we couldn't find a sitter, and I explained to them what was going on. So the more honest you can be, I think the better. Kids are smart and they're going to wonder, or come up with their own conclusions, so best to be honest and answer up to the amount of questions they ask. The library might have 'book packs' on similar topics too.

The girls also know that DH's mama and daddy live in heaven (even though they don't truly understand what that means...) but it gives a sense of understanding. Have you shared with Truman your beliefs about where "grandpa joe" is, for example? Though, since it's one of Truman's friends and classmates that he sees often, the concept may be a little harder.

Maybe the school will have counselors on hand available for the parents to help their own children, and to offer advice on how to help Masyn's family.. I'm sure the teachers will be advised on how to handle this too.

Prayers are with all of you!

susan

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nursed for 3 years!
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charlotte + else

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[spu]

(I tried posting this but it got collased... sorry if it appears twice.)


How sad. I feel sad for your family too. I can't imagine what they're going through. Doing something for the family is a great idea, but maybe not ask, since they'll probably say no... You could call in the afternoon and bring a over dinner for the freezer and one ready to eat. Stay in touch, even long after today... as support always dwindles in the later months, when we still need a warm friend.

As for Truman, does he know about choking yet? Charlotte and Else (3.5 yo) have seen stories on the news about choking, and we've talked about calling 911... in fact, they came with us to our CPR and First Aid recertification class since we couldn't find a sitter, and I explained to them what was going on. So the more honest you can be, I think the better. Kids are smart and they're going to wonder, or come up with their own conclusions, so best to be honest and answer up to the amount of questions they ask. The library might have 'book packs' on similar topics too.

The girls also know that DH's mama and daddy live in heaven (even though they don't truly understand what that means...) but it gives a sense of understanding. Have you shared with Truman your beliefs about where "grandpa joe" is, for example? Though, since it's one of Truman's friends and classmates that he sees often, the concept may be a little harder.

Maybe the school will have counselors on hand available for the parents to help their own children, and to offer advice on how to help Masyn's family.. I'm sure the teachers will be advised on how to handle this too.

Prayers are with all of you!
susan

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nursed for 3 years!
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charlotte + else

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[karolyp]

How devastating. My heart aches for this family and I'm praying for Masyn, his family, and for your little boy as well.

I also encourage you to make a personal visit to this family.

I wish I could say more or do more…I am just so sorry

[lmintzer]

I'm sorry to state this again, but I really would NOT recommend telling a child that someone who has died has gone away and he/she is not going to see them for a long, long time. Even though this may seem easier than discussing what death means, not telling a child the truth (or some version of it that they can handle) usually backfires. For those who are advising this, know that this is not what is recommended by most counselors who do grief/loss work.

[juliasmom05]

Oh, Jeanne..Big (((HUGS))) to you and Truman and prayers for Masyn and his family.

Marci

Mom to Julia 4/05

[octmom]

Jeanne,

I am so sorry for Masyn and his family. They will be in my thoughts and prayers, as will your family.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[jennifer_r]

No words of advice here. I'm tearing up thinking about it. I'll keep Masyn and his family in my thoughts.


Jennifer

Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
Bronwyn 11/9/05

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_rosequartz_3m.gif[/img][/url]

[dogmom]

Masyn's Mom probably isn't in denial. Part of her knows her son is probably gone, part of her doesn't want to give in. Human beings are completely capable of holding two opposing thoughts in their head if they need to for survival. Honestly, the best advice I have for you is if he doesn't make it keep her in your thoughts for months, if not years. People usually have plenty of support after a death of a child for the initial period, but they need support for years, not weeks, when the crowd has gone.

I friend from work just had something similar to her happen last spring, it was horrible. My thoughts are with you.

Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03
& Eve
EDC 6/18/06

[alexsmommy]

I'm so sorry this has happened. I just had to chime in as another therapist trained in childhood loss and ditto what Lisa is saying. It's hard, but honest wording is so important. If it is not known if Masyn will ever come home, then that has to be stated. If he dies, then honest language about this is so important. Gone away carries the connotation of coming back for children. We "go away" to work - Grandparents who live out of state go away for a "long, long" time, but come back to visit. I'm am so heartbroken that you have to tell your son about this and I am praying for the family.
Alaina
Alex 2-4-03

[BeachBaby]

Jeanne, you've received great advice so far, but I just wanted to express my sadness and let you know that you all will be in my thoughts. How absolutely awful and tragic. :( Take care.

[s_gosney]

Oh Jeanne, I am so sorry for everyone involved. I can't imagine the pain Masyn's family must be experiencing right now.
I don't really have any advice on how to talk to Truman about this, but I think I would be as honest as possible, but in a developmentally appropriate way. If it were me, I think I'd find out when the preschool was going to tell the children and I'd talk with my dc the night before. I know it would be very hard, but I'd rather be the one to tell my child than have someone else do it.
I also think that really practical things are what the family needs right now, and likely for a long time.
All of you will be in my prayers.

[mommyj_2]

>
>Honestly, the best advice I have for you is if he doesn't make
>it keep her in your thoughts for months, if not years. People
>usually have plenty of support after a death of a child for
>the initial period, but they need support for years, not
>weeks, when the crowd has gone.
>
>

ITA. I think this is true for a lot of grief. People tend to be sympathetic for a few weeks, but the pain lasts much longer than that. I think just having someone acknowledge that it's okay to grieve longer than a few weeks will be really important, if Masyn doesn't make it.
I am keeping Masyn, his family, and all of his friends' families in my thoughts.
I also agree with the PPs that it is extremely important not to say that Masyn will be gone for a long time. They already explained why this is bad, but this was the advice I got from a therapist as well when we thought our dog was going to die. There are some books that can help explain the concept of death (I think the one someone recommended to me was called the Rainbow bridge, or something like that. I'll try to remember the exact title). It talks about the transition from life to death.
I would also be sensitive to how your DC reacts to your talk. My grandma died when I was four, and while it comforted others to hear she was in heaven, it absolutely terrified me. The concept of eternity totally freaked me out, and the notion of heaven frightened me as a child. I just thought I'd mention that, because people always assume that saying that someone is in heaven will be comforting.

[murpheyblue]

I am so sorry. No words of wisdom to offer, just prayers for that family and little Masyn.

[candybomiller]

Jeanne,

You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. Especially little Masyn.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Have been thinking of this poor family all day. I am sure there are many of you who, like me, have known that they should be taking a CPR class and have not. This mother and father are going to have to live with the "what ifs" forever. Please join me in honoring Masyn by enrolling now in a CPR class. Not sure if that would have done any good in this instance but at least it is something constructive we can feel we are doing.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 ETA 05-22-06

[BeachBaby]

Susan, I'm with you. I'm going to talk to my husband about it tonight. I've also been thinking about Masyn and his family all day.

[jenmcadams]

Great idea! I just signed up myself for an Infant/Child CPR class for April and my DH for May. This situation is so awful and really scared me into something I've been thinking about for a long time.

[Globetrotter]

Oh, this is terrible :(

Maybe you could tell Truman that his friend is very sick, in preparation for the inevitable.

Kris

[lisams]

Oh this is so heartbreaking. I'm sorry I have no advice, but my thoughts and prayers are with Masyn, his family and you. I can't even imagine the pain everyone is feeling. This is just so tragic.

[ribbit1019]

Oh Jeanne, this is so heartbreaking. I will keep Masyn and his family and your family in my prayers.

I recently found info on most common choked on items by children and have been trying to avoid or cut these items for DD. She started choking on a sunchip my sister was feeding her about a month ago and scared the daylights out of me, I thank goodness I knew what to do.

http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/2005/505_choking.html

Christy
Maddy born 6/9/04
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png

Jarred born 3/8/06
http://b1.lilypie.com/KH1pm5/.png
Co-Owner Ribbit Baby

Frogs are lucky, they eat what bugs them.

[kijip]

Oh, this is just terrible. I am so sorry for Masyn (and everyone involved).

[BaileyBea]

How awful. I"ll keep Masyn and his family in my prayers. I don't know what to say. I say go visit and just hold that Mommy's hand and hug her and cry w/her. She just needs to know she's not alone.

I don't know how you should tell Truman. Maria Shriver wrote a book on how to tell kids about death. You may want to see if that book would help.

Big hugs to you and Truman.

[Ryansmommy]

I am so, so sorry to hear about this. Everyone will be in my prayers tonight!

Dawn

[RwnMayfair]

I have no good advice, but lots of thoughts for Masyn, his family, and you all.

-Melissa

Taran, November 20, 2003
Elowen, August 20, 2005

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http://lilypie.com/pic/060313/Ufgo.jpg http://b1.lilypie.com/4h2Km5/.png

[murpheyblue]

This is a great idea. My local moms group just hosted an infant and child CPR class for serveral hundred people with the help of the red Cross and local fire departments. We learned how to administer CPR to infants and children and how to help them if they are choking. I'd been meaning to do it for a long time and I'm certainly glad I did.

[cinrein]

I'm so sorry. The family is in my thoughts and prayers.

[eb1]

I am so sorry to hear about this...the family is in my thoughts.

I think everyone has already given you good advice regarding your questions, and I hope YOU are ok.

[KrisM]

I am so sorry about Truman's friend. I will keep them all in my prayers.

[Wife_and_mommy]

What a sad, sad story.

I think you've received great advice. Just wanted to send my thoughts your way.


http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

[calebsmama03]

Hugs and prayers to all of you! How devestating :(
Lynne
Mommy to C 3/03
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And Miss Purple, 5/05

[mamicka]

I can't imagine how painful this must be. I'm just so sorry.

Hugs & prayers for you all.

Allison

[Zana]

Thats a parents worst nightmare..I'm so sorry for Masyn and his family. I'll pray for him and his family that things work out well.

At this moment especially if you dont know them well, it might be bet to write a card/note, call etc rather than visit - they may not want too many people around while dealing with this. As PPs mentioned it would probably be more important to help/remember them in some way a few weeks or months down the road.

[MamaKath]

Jeanne,

Prayers for Masyn and his family during this tragic time, and prayers for Truman, your family, and all those who have been touched by Masyn. You [all] will remain in my family's thoughts and prayers.

[mommy_someday]

Jeanne...I have no words of wisdom for you, just deep sadness for the situation. I'm keeping your family and Masyn's in my thoughts. I'm so sorry. (((HUGS)))

[Melanie]

I'm so terribly sorry.

[Melanie]

I'm so terribly sorry.

[bluej]

Oh dear, I am so very sorry. Big hugs to you, Truman, Masyn and his family. You will all be in my prayers.

[bluej]

Oh dear, I am so very sorry. Big hugs to you, Truman, Masyn and his family. You will all be in my prayers.

[spencersmommy]

Jeanne,
I am so sorry for you and Truman and Masyn and family. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say how sorry I was.

[JElaineB]

Jeanne,

I'm so sad to hear this. I really have no words. :(

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[kboyle]

I'm sooo sorry to hear this...HUGE HUGS to your little guy, and his best friend & family

[missym]

Sending prayers for strength and healing... how horrible for that family.

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03 and Rebecca 09/05

Want a penpal for your BBB kiddo? Send an email to:
[email protected]

[houseof3boys]

Jeanne I am so sorry for that family and what they are going through. I will keep them in my thoughts.

I know that you will find the words to explain this to Truman.

[betsydenny]

I am so sorry for Maysn and his family.

But PLEASE don't tell Truman that Maysn is sick. You don't want to set up a connection that sick could equal death. Kids get sick all the time. Maysn choked. Maysn couldn't breathe. Stick with facts. Sick means a cough or stomach ache to kids.

There are two kids in DD's preschool class who have lost a parent and the counselors and the remaining parents have stressed how important it is not to link "sick" with death.

My thoughts and prayers are with your and Maysn's families.
Betsy

[wimama]

I am so sorry! I will keep both your familys in my thoughts and prayers.