feeling alone in my worry

[mamato1]

Let me try this again without all of the drama. On Tuesday my DS is going to have some allergy testing done to determine if he has a peanut allergy. I have been relatively calm about this until this past weekend. My in-laws were in town (more about that in the b!tching post) and we were all around town and eating out alot. I guess the enormity of it all set in. My husband is half Japanese. We eat a ton of ethnic food which is a peanut nightmare. I am worried about when he goes to school and how we will handle that. I spent over an hour last night researching med-alert bracelets. I have printed out restaurant warning cards to give to the chef.

Of course all of this worry is premature and my DH takes great pains to point this out to me. I know that logically this is seriously overkill. But it's how I cope. I need to prepare and plan. Any thoughts or ideas on how to spend my mental energy more wisely or am I not so strange in my worry.

Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


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[cdlamis]

I am sorry that you are going through this. You are not strange at all to worry so much- most of us moms do the same. Sometimes, I lie awake at night worrying about similar stuff.

What kind of tests does he have to have? Hope it turns out ok for you and him!

PS- I don't have any real advice on how not to worry so much. Sometimes I tell myself that my worrying isn't doing any good and that it can't change the future or the outcome. Sometimes that way of thinking helps me just relax.

Keep us updated!
Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
and Isabella 12-18-04

[lilycat88]

No real advice. I'm sort of in a similar situation and I'm also a HUGE planner so not knowing something is difficult. We're not dealing with a peanut allergy but the potential enormity of my DDs "environmental" allergies hit home yesterday. We took her to an Easter egg hunt at our church where they had a couple of live rabbits that some friends of ours brought in. DD never got closer than 18 inches to them and never touched them but immediately started with wattering eyes, runny nose (to the point she was actually choking on the drainage), sneezing, and a rash pretty much all over her body. We knew we were likely dealing with allergies with her but the sudden onset of her reaction startled me. My mom almost died from an allergic reaction causing an asthma attack when she had never previously been diagnosed with asthma so I know how serious allergies can be. Now, I'm wondering what else is DD allergic to. We had hoped to do the zoo and petting zoos, etc. this summer and unless we get some answers, I'm always going to be on edge wondering what might set her off and it be worse than this time.

I'd say to try not to worry about it but that's not really something I'd appreciate hearing if I were you, so, I won't say it. But, think about how much better off you will be with the knowledge. The unknown stinks for planning people...and planning people who are moms. You aren't strange in your worry. Think positively until Tuesday.

Jamelin
DD Susanna 6/29/04

[bcky2]

ok, take a deep breath and dont freak out yet(easier said then done). my ds was allergic to milk protien when he was born. i was ok with it at first when i was thinking oh he will just outgrow it like the ped says. well when i started to look into it more i was so overwhelmed. i freaked every time he had blood in his stool, every time he had a hard time breathing, etc. when he started solids it was so hard to think of everything he was about to try and to make sure there was no sort of milk product in it at all. so many baby foods have milk in it! i spent alot of time worried about how i would handle it when he got older let alone the other issues they say normally go along with it(asthma is a big issue as are other things). when he turned one we took him off the formula that was running us around $250.00 a month and tried milk. it was alot of back and forth with docs and trying different things but he is now fine and can have milk.

i know you are now thinking that a peanut allergy is soooo different and can be much more serious and that is true. i just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your stressing about this, i was a mess. but maybe like me you will have a good outcome and can look back and say wow, im glad that is over :)

sorry that i dont have any peanut been there done that advice.

[mudder17]

Okay, I have not been in this situation, but I do tend to worry more than I probably should, so I may have some idea of what you're going through. DH is always telling me not to worry so much--I think I get it from my mom, actually. In any case, once I realized that I tend to be overly worried about things, I did start monitoring my behavior in the sense that if I worried about something, I would think about whether it was really worth all the worry. What I figured out was that I should not spend so much time worrying about "what ifs" but instead concentrate on the the things that I already know. It's not to say that worrying about "what ifs" is something I shouldn't do at all. But I shouldn't spend all my time and energy worrying about something I don't know. Does that make any sense? This is not to say that I worry doesn't tend to keep me up at night at times, but if I realize that I'm being overly worried about something, I try to pull back and focus my attention on other, more important things (like spending quality time with my DD or taking care of other immediate needs).

That said, let's talk a little about the peanut allergy your DS may have. If he actually has it, then it would make sense that until you know for sure that you keep all peanut products away from him. Yes, I know it's not easy already, as you have pointed out, but that is common sense and that's not being overly cautious or anything. I do think you might be in overkill mode, right now though. Until you know for sure that your DS has a peanut allergy, all the stuff you are looking up and researching sounds like it is just making you crazy. Maybe you can take a break away from it all until Tuesday when you know for sure? Yes, if you find out for sure that he has the peanut allergy, then all those preparations will be exactly what you need. With peanut allergies being potentially life-threatening, I don't think there's not much you can do to prepare that would be considered overkill (well, unless it means locking up your DS in his room and giving him only specific foods, lol). But until you know for sure, maybe you can take a break?

And yes, I know a lot of Asian food (especially Chinese cooking) contains peanut and peanut products, but there are always alternatives when you're out. Again, if it turns out that he has peanut allergies, then you can figure out alternatives--with your thoroughness and research mind, I know you'll come up with something! :) But until then, try to relax (I know that's not easy!).

Find some other things you can spend your time doing, like playing with your DS or maybe reading a good book or heck, doing Sodoku puzzles. :P

Good luck and hugs!

Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif for Leah
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Kaya will be a sister, ~11/14/06!

[almostamom]

Chris, yep, you're worrying prematurely. ;) If it turns out to be a peanut allergy you will learn to deal with it. I completely understand your feelings though. We learned a few months ago that our DS has a peanut allergy (among other food allergies). We've learned to adjust. We read every label. If I can't read the label (ex. a friend brought crackers in a baggie for the kids when we went to the zoo) he doesn't eat it. We bring a homemade muffin or other treat for DS with us when we go to a birthday party. I tend to bring his food with us when we eat out (although the few times we've needed to order something for him, the staff at the restaurants have been quite accommodating.) I've learned that one of the preschools near us is "peanut free". I've learned which bakeries around us use peanut oil. We've only known for about 3 months and now it's just part of what we do.

Here's a link to my post when we originally found out. http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=37&topic_id=294862&mesg_id=294862&listing_type=search

You'll see that there are other parents here dealing with this as well. There are also some good sites suggested to check out.

Hang in there. I really do understand your feelings. Take it one day at a time. You will do whatever you need to whenever you need to do it and you will get through this.

Hugs,
~Linda~
DS 11/9/04

[writermama]

Take a deep breath. And another. One more. Keep going. ;)

From what you write about your preparations so far, you will definitely be able to cope with a potentially scary food allergy. You're ready. You're educated and you're thinking proactively. You WILL be able to do it if you have to.

For now, you could try to focus on hoping that you won't have to.

(FWIW, my friends who have school-age kids say that the schools are really on top of the peanut allergy problem -- parents know that they are not allowed to send anything to school with peanuts to reduce the chance of allergic child coming into contact with them. Heck, you can even take a peanut allergic child to Disney World and if you give restaurants advance notice they will prepare meals for the child making sure that there is no contact with peanuts.)

It may help you to pick up a copy of something written for people dealing with food allergies. There may be books about peanut allergy, but the thing that comes to my mind is the magazine "Living Without" because I see it in the checkout line at my local health food store. I've only glanced at it, but it seems to focus on the positive -- getting the most out of what you CAN eat, instead of wishing for the things you can't. And it also includes other problems like dairy, gluten and celiac, which can be even more difficult to avoid than peanuts. On the other hand, it may give you more to worry about. Only you can guess if it will help or hurt.

Hugs to you, hang in there, and let us know how the test turns out,

[justlearning]

My son does have a peanut allergy and it really hasn't been as big of a deal as I had thought it would be--at least so far. You just get used to checking labels and keeping peanuts from him. Some kids can have a peanut allergy but still doing OK eating things fried in peanut oil, which is the case with my son (e.g., he can eat food at Chick-Fil-A, which does use peanut oil).

It sounds like you don't even know yet if he has an allergy or not, so I would agree with the others and say don't worry about it. Then, if he does end up being allergic, I would still say don't worry about it too much! I have taken my son to many church nurseries, daycares, playgroups, etc. and so far he has never been offered anything with peanuts in it. Most places today are very aware of the issue and make sure that they keep their facilities peanut-free. And, I always just double-check with them to see what snacks will be served. When he gets to be school age, schools around here at least have peanut-free tables so he won't be around other kids who might want to give him something with peanuts in it.

So, take a deep breath, relax, and realize that even though it will be a major bummer if he is allergic to peanuts, there are far worse problems he could have. I'm not saying this to minimize your concerns but just as a reminder that we have much to be thankful for... HTH :)

[mommy_someday]

Chris, I have no advice for you, but I'm a pro at worrying, so I totally get your compulsion to research the heck out of this. I think Eileen is definitely on to something with taking stock of what worrying will actually get you. DH is constantly trying to help me worry less about the things I have no control over.

I just wanted to send you some (((hugs))) and tell you that I hope this is all just a scare for you, rather than a major change in your lives. Please let us know what happens on Tuesday. I'll be thinking of you and your family. :)

[DebbieJ]

(((HUGS)))

A glass of wine, a nice hot bubble bath, and a good night's rest is what I suggest. :)

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
2 year check up: 25 lbs with clothes on and 35 inches!
BFARed for 20 months and 6 days
(Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org)

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[dhano923]

I think your cart is ahead of your horse. I used to be allergic to peanut and chocolate products growing up (imagine how fun that was as a kid!).

I never had a problem at school. Not all peanut allergies are so severe that the child gets sick from just smelling the peanuts. That's an extreme condition. I used to be able to smell the peanuts, touch a PB&J sandwich and have no problem. I could eat a meal that had been prepared on equipment shared with peanuts, as long as the dish did not have the peanuts or oil in it. It was the actual injesting part I had trouble with.

I outgrew the peanut and chocolate allergy when I was 9-10 years old. It's not the end of the world. Just don't panic and think the worst -- it's possible he doesn't have a peanut allergy at all, and even if he does, it might be very mild. Wait until the allergy test is done and then think what you would need to do with a calm head.

[thomma]

No advice...just wanted to wish you good luck tomorrow.

Kim
t&e 5/03

[Rachels]

I'd be doing the same thing. It's only natural to try to prepare for something that logistically life-changing. I know it's hard, but if you have to do it, you'll do it. You'll get used to it. Speaking as someone who went on a major elimination diet, I can tell you that the first few weeks are complicated and not so easy, and then after that it becomes second nature. And you'll find, as I did, that whatever you have to do is worth it to safeguard your child. Hugs, mama.

-Rachel
Mama to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
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Nursed for three years!

and Ethan James
10/19/05
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"When you know better, you do better."
Maya

[alexsmommy]

I'm sure you know this, but I just had to chime in - be careful with the fried in peanut oil thing. I too can eat certain foods, especially when they are cooked in peanut oil along with other oils. Other times though, I have felt my mouth start burning two bites into other foods that I was assured were cooked in a mixture of oils. I can only guess it depends on the ratio maybe? Overall, my peanut allergy has been on the mild side too, but fried foods are tricky for me.
Alaina
Alex 2-4-03

[alexsmommy]

Two things, I too worry like crazy about certain things, it's my way of taking control of the uncontrollable. Even if knowledge doesn't allow me to change things, I feel better being armed with all of the information. I totally understand your fears.
Second, like others posters said, there are varying degrees of peanut allergies. I can be around peanuts, and even prepare my stepdaugter a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich with no ill effects. One bite of a heavily peanut product immediately causes my mouth to burn and my lips to swell, but thus far (knock on wood) no anaphalitic shock. You'll manage even if your DS has the allergy because that's just what us Mama's do - we adjust to what our kiddos need. I hope you got some rest and will have answers soon.
Alaina
Alex 2-4-03

[ribbit1019]

Hugs Chris! I hope the test goes swift and painless for your little guy! It has be very scary to be faced with a food allergy. I worry too that I will be faced with something similar with one of mine. Hopegully it was a one time thing and you won't have to deal with this! I do hope however if isn't peanuts that they can figure out what he is allergic too.

There are a lot of kids with peanut allergies (my sis was/is one of them, but she isn't a kid anymore) schools are pretty sensitive to this sort of thing so you should be o.k. there. It will be hard though with all that ethnic food.

Maybe start a picaboo book with pics of your Boomer and see if that keeps you occupied. That way you can send a cutie montage book via email to family and friends for their enjoyment. It is VERY addictive. :)

I wanted to add that I read your earlier post and as I have no experience with food allergies I didn't respond. I felt from your post that you were looking for more info on that, though I could be wrong since I viewed it so late. Not that I was unwilling to offer support, because I know this has to be very scary for you, I just felt there may have been others that would be more appropriate to respond. That and it was 4 am when I viewed it and I had just finished our taxes. ;) Not much of what I would have said after all that would have made sense. :P

Christy
My Waterbabies
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and
Jarred born 3/8/06
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Co-Owner Ribbit Baby

[janeybwild]

Chris, will be thinking of you tomorrow, and hoping that the test goes well and that you get all the info you need to help ease your mind.
Janey

[g-mama]

Chris, try to just wait to worry til you have something to worry about, lol. Don't get ahead of yourself.

My nephew has a lot of allergies -- peanuts, eggs, milk, I think that's all of them. My dh's famiy is Filipino so they eat a lot of ethnic foods, too. It's not easy, but my SIL just brings her ds' food everywhere they go and he cannot eat what we eat at home or at restaurants. Yes, it's a pain, but she does it and he's fine. It's just normal for them now and egg and dairy are REALLY hard to stay away from but you just do it. Let us know.



~Kristen

Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
Marco 12-05

[starrynight]

We have been through food allergies, not peanut but dairy which is in everything so I know how you feel about going out and eating and worry etc. I hope he isn't allergic to peanuts but if he is, you will be ok. The first few weeks are the hardest as you get used to checking every single label and figuring out what brands are ok and what aren't, after that it just becomes habit. Hang in there.

[daniele_ut]

I'm so glad that you posted again! I wish that I had some advice for you but I have no experience with allergies. You've gotten a lot of great guidance from everyone here, though, so just know that I will thinking about you tomorrow and hoping the test shows no allergy!

[Tondi G]

NO Advise but wanted to say good luck with the testing tomorrow.... hopefully it isn't a peanut allergy and all your worrying will be for nothing! Keep us posted!

~Tondi
Mommy to Mason 7/8/01 and Aidan 5/4/05

[bostonsmama]

Chiming in late (but I didn't read past the headline until now). My niece (DH's brother's daughter) has a severe peanut allergy. I don't know if there are various sensativities, but she has it the worst. She keeps an epi pen and some other high-tech gadgets near her in case she comes in contact with peanuts. She also has a bracelet on 24/7. IMO, they make it harder on themselves b/c her old brother (and family) DO eat foods with peanuts, they just wash their hands, faces, etc before they prep food for her (which is done on a different counter where they use Lysol wipes instead of sponges). Her mom said it was easier when she was younger b/c Tara (my DNc) only ate the choices her mom offered. When she got older, she didn't understand that she couldn't eat X, Y, Z. But that was short lived. She's now a happy, thriving 7 year old. Like Linda said, reading ingredient labels is second nature for them. When we took care of Tara (then 4yo) and my nephew while my BIL and SIL were out of town for a week, we were scared to death of letting anything w/ peanuts come near her. But even at restaurants like pizza hut the first thing she'd say to the waiter was "I'm allergic to peanuts so I can't have anything with peanuts in it." Kids learn and adapt relatively quickly. We learned pretty quickly ourselves to check ingredients, ask questions, and when in doubt-don't give it to eat. And while we're not *there* yet, you bet your patooty it's in the forefront of my mind that when DH and I welcome a child into the world that we'll be stressing over an inherited peanut allergy...so I sympathize.

Anyways, all that aside, I wish you the best on the testing. And hugs that you have to go through this.

Larissa

We're doing it! IVF orientation & consult scheduled for May 2nd!

Proud Aunt to Jack Dorian, born to my brother and SIL on 3/06
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