Need advice from other moms...

[Radosti]

So... the time quickly approaches for me to go back to work as planned. Aaron is signed up for daycare and all is set. However, now I am starting to freak out. Merck will guarantee me a job for 18 months post-partum. My actual job for 6 months. Thus, the deadline of six months that I've given myself. Never, in a million years, did I think that I would want to stay home longer.

However, here we are. During pregnancy, I have carefully planned our finances and put away a bunch of money for my 6 months out of work. I only got paid for 6 weeks of that time. However, our annual bonuses came in during that time and so did our tax return. In all this time, we didn't save anything, but we also did not touch our savings at all. Nor do I anticipate us touching the savings in the next month before I go back to work.

As the time gets closer, I am really craving at least spending the summer home with him. Like going back to work in October instead of June. I want to nurse him through the summer, I want to continue going on daily walks to the park, I want to take him swimming. I want him to be mobile by the time he goes to daycare. But mainly, I just want to hold him and never let go.

So, there are a lot of positives to me staying home. And we can afford it, and I am guaranteed a job still.

Now the negatives...
What if the job I get upon returning to work will be something like a third shift supervisor??? I couldn't handle that.
Am I really ever going to feel less pain at sending him to daycare? I'm assuming that soon I will feel like he needs to go spend time with other kids his age and develop his own personality aside from mine... will that make me feel better about going back to work?

[annasmom]

Ugh, what a tough decision! I can definitely relate to your desire to spend the Summer with your ds and go back to work in October. Maybe it will be easier to go back then, maybe it won't. It is never *easy,* but if you give yourself a few more months to get used to the idea, and are able to enjoy the nice weather with your ds, maybe it will be a bit easier for you.

Have you thought about going back part-time? If so, are your chances of getting a part-time position with your current employer diminished if you do not go back to work now? Do you know whether your employer is going to need to fill your position before October, thus potentially guaranteeing a new position for you in October?? I know there are no guarantees, but sometimes you have a feeling for something like that, iykwim? I wouldn't worry about the socialization aspect of daycare right now, your ds is still a little baby.

I think if I were in your position, and I knew I was definitely going back full-time (either now, or in October), AND (most importantly) I could afford it, I would take the Summer off. Best of luck with your decision!!

[ribbit1019]

I doubt it will get any easier. It is hard no matter when you go back. I know the feeling so well.

Were it me in your shoes in your situation, I would stay home with him until the last possible moment where I had to go back to work. That is really awesome that Merck will guarantee your return after 18 months.

Third shift sounds good to me, you would get to spend more time with him during the day. Maybe you could hire a PT babysitter for a few hours so you could finish up sleeping and then spend the day at the park and such. I'm looking to work out something similar right now.

Anyway, good luck in whatever decision you make. I know it can't be an easy one, especially if you like your current position.


Christy
My Waterbabies
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[ShayleighCarsensMom]

Big hugs mama!
How about seeing if your employer will let you work part time through the summer that way you can keep your position AND still be home with Aaron?

[Radosti]

Not in my actual job. I need to be there all five days to run 3 assays a week. Plant cells on Mon-Wed, wait two day for them to grow a layer, then infect Wed-Friday, wait 7 days for the virus to grow, then stain and dry the plates.

I didn't even get to do summer hours like everyone else last year. Summer hours allow someone to work 4 ten hour days and stay home on Fridays. I still worked 10 hour days, but didn't get Fridays off.

I could look for a job share position, that would be nice. But those are hard to come by.

I called the executive secretary in my department to have her find out what my options are as to staying home until October. I think that going to daycare in october will probably be good as he will be playing by that time and he'll have so many other kids to play with. As it gets colder out, we won't be able to spend as much time outside, going to the playground and such. So, having daycare would be better at that time. Of course, I may just be kidding myself that october will be easier. Who know, but at least he'd nurse until 10 months old and then I'd just pump for a couple more months until he's a year. It sounds like it's such a great plan to me right now...

We'll see what my director says about holding my job or whatever other options I might have.

[megs4413]

You should also consider that sending him to daycare in october will mean sending him as cold and flu season gets under way. You may miss work cause he's sick and I don't know how your employer will feel about that. Personally, I don't think it's ever going to get any easier for you. But, if you stay home over the summer you may find that you're ready for a change. Staying at home isn't easy and it's not for everyone. So maybe you can use the summer as a trial kind of thing....? I know i hit a point where I wanted something else to do...I called it baby prison for a while. I have adjusted now, though. Good luck!

[Radosti]

Yeah, I thought of that as well. But, colds and flus are a part of life. We'll get him and ourselves vaccinated for flu at the first available chance. This year, I got vaccinated in January because everyone was out of vaccines. Merck got some in to vaccinate employees and I went in while hubby hung out with the baby in the car. Then, after I got the baby back, hubby went in and got vaccinated right before work. Other than that, I am assuming that nursing is probably still boosting his immune system with my antibodies.

[aliceinwonderland]

My son has been in daycare since 3 months old, has never had the flu vaccine (and neither have I), and he has never had the flu...Just to provide a bit of peace of mind that daycare does not equal condemnation to a season of suffering, at least in terms of physical ailments...:)

[almostamom]

Wow, this is tough. I've said before, some of us are better parents because we work, some of us are better parents because we stay home. My son was born in November and I initially thought I would take the remainder of that school year off which would allow me to stay home until he was 9 mos. When the time came, I couldn't do it. I know if I HAD to go back to work I could have, but somehow we've managed to make it work without my salary. We've changed a lot about our lifestyle, but I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything. There's nothing we've "given up" that's worth not being home with DS every day.

I hear a lot of myself in your post. I'm not sure you're ever going to find a time when you feel better about going back to work. If you have to do it, you will and you will make it work. On the other hand, if staying home is what you really want, it sounds like you can find a way to make that work as well. What if you end up with a third shirt supervisor position? Well, what if you don't? I know, that's really easy for me to say and much harder to deal with in reality.

I have 5 years of unpaid childcare leave left. (Yes, I do realize how very lucky I am to have that ;) ) I will not have my same position available. I am guaranteed an elementary teaching position in the district but not at MY school (where I taught for 13 years). Last month I was given the opportunity to go back to my old school, 2 days a week, teaching only reading to intermediate grade students. Honestly, an ideal situation in so many ways except one. I wouldn't be home with DS those 2 days. I've chosen to roll the dice. In 5 years if I need to/want to go back, I'll take my chances on what positions are open to me. I'm not going to worry about it until then (and I'm a worrier, believe me!)

I've rambled on far longer than I intended to. I wanted you to know that I understand how you feel. I just hear in your voice how much you want to stay with your little one. I hope you find a way to make it work.

Hugs,
~Linda~
DS 11/9/04

[karolyp]

To put it bluntly, going back to work totally sucked. At least for me, it did. However, I was very fortunate that my job let me come back on a part time basis and DH and I were able to work it out so that DD would stay home with either me, DH, or my SIL. And we did this for a year until my job wanted me to come back full time and my SIL stated she didn't want to watch her anymore. However, I was fortunate again that my neighbor offered to watch her as I feel much more comfortable with her in a home setting. Anyhow, I cried and cried my first day back. And it's funny bc when I first told my co-workers I was expecting they asked if I would be coming back and I exclaimed, "Of course! I'll probably WANT to come back afterwards!" And they just smiled at me knowing all to well how I would eat my words later on. I kept telling my self that it would get easier, but to be honest, it hasn't. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy getting a little alone time and adult interaction, but my heart is still heavy when I'm away....I guess the best way I can explain it is with a quote I got from a favorite e-mail of mine about being a mother:

"I felt I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child-care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is alright."


Anyhow, I'm sorry to keep rambling on, but I just wanted share my personal experience. Can you take another job that allows you to go on a part time basis or work from home?

If you can afford to stay at home, I would as you'll never get the time back. Good luck to you and keep us updated.

[pb&j]

First, big hugs.

I went back to work when DS was eight weeks old, and the day before, I really thought that I couldn't do it. If it weren't for the fact that our health insurance is through my job, I'm sure I would have tried not to go back. However, I am really, really delighted that I went back to work. I enjoy my job, but best of all I work with a lot of other WOTH moms, so it's a very understanding workplace.

Before I went on leave, I arranged to come back at half time for a few weeks, and then at 80% (the minimum required to maintain full benefits) for a few more. Once DS was born, I asked to stay at 80% indefinitely. It's been working out really well so far.

I was really apprehensive about sending a small baby to day care, but it's been wonderful. He gets tons of attention, and usually spends most of his day there napping and eating. I get a chance to be with grownups, and to do things for myself, like go to the gym, or run some errands without DS in tow. I am much saner and much happier to be with him when we're together.

I wouldn't be nearly as happy with this arrangement if I didn't like my job so much. If I were *just* doing this to pay the bills, I'd be totally miserable. But since I'm happy in my work, and happy with my coworkers, it's worth it. And since I'm not full time, I have lots of opportunity to do daytime things with him.

Perhaps it might be worth delaying your return to work for the purpose of looking for another job that might be more flexible. Easier said than done, I know, but it could pay off.

It's a tough choice, and you're going to have negative feelings about whatever decision you make. It's all about finding the right set of compromises for you.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

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[shishamo]

That's a really hard question. I also planned to go back to work when my 1st born was 6 months old. Put down desposit for the daycare, etc., etc.

In the end, I really really wanted to stay home with him, so we sat down and redid our finances, cut corners, and I stayed home (and yes, I'm still a SAHM). To me, it was the best dicision that I ever made.

[Moneypenny]

I don't really have any advice, but just want to say that, for me, the ANTICIPATION of going back to work was really about 100 times worse than actually going back to work. It certainly wasn't fun to be going back, but it was surprisingly tolerable. With that said, I know I wouldn't be happy being a full-time SAHM, so take my words with a grain of salt, LOL.

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
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[mamato1]

This is tough isn't it? I was able to stay home until DS was 7 months old. I think in some ways that was harder that going back around 8-12 weeks. I think when you go back to work that early you are still in a fog and it makes the transition another one of the million transitions you are already in the middle of. When I went back at 7 months I had the routine down and the motherhood thing was not so new. That made it a real challenge. That being said I would not have done it any other way even knowing what I know now. I second the recommendation to go part-time. I was able to find a job-share position and it has been great. Good luck, this will be hard either way. But, it will be OK!
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


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